Hey all you lovely readers! I hope you all enjoy! I've been writing this for a while now, and haven't updated in so long I decided to give the whole story a fresh start! I hope to update weekly (no promises) and I plan on actually finishing it! If the first chapter doesn't catch your attention, trust me it gets better (at least that's what I've heard) It would be oh so lovely to get reviews from you oh so lovely people. They motivate me to update, and all criticism is welcome! Well go ahead now read to your hearts desire!

Chapter 1: INSECURTIY

I stared down at my shoes, watching as I dragged them over the tile floor, and let my mind wander off.

Oh God… should I tell her? What if she judges me? Then again Lizzy never really judges anyone… but what if this is like the one thing she does judge people for? Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…

"CEIL! Are you even listening!?"

I snapped back to reality

"Don't scream like that! We're in public." I angrily whispered as I put my hand over her mouth. She licked my fingers making me pull my hand away instantly. I quickly wiped it off on a napkin.

"Well then pay attention when I'm talking. This is serious, and about you!" She stated, forcefully jabbing a finger in my direction.

"Fine Lizzy, I'm listening." I was growing more irritated every second.

"Well I asked you to come to lunch with me today because I'm worried about you!" She sighed "Something is eating you up." She looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about I'm perfectly fine." I looked down at the table as I said this. Which, as Lizzy knew, was always a give away to me lying. She knew me better than anyone, she was my best friend, and in fact, my cousin.

"Oh Ceil don't lie to me! I can read you like an open book. Now just tell me what's bothering you!" I could see frustration and worry in her big green eyes.

I took a shaky breath.

Maybe I should just tell her…

"I don't want to talk about it now, not here." I said trying to hide my red cheeks by looking at the table once again.

Lizzy practically jumped out of her chair. "Well then! Let's go back to my dorm!" She said without a moments hesitation.

Leaving money on the table, she grabbed my arm dragging me towards the exit.

"Li-Lizzy!" I stuttered. "I just said I didn't want to talk about it!"

She pushed me out the door, into the cool autumn air.

"That's just your way of saying you do. You're just uncomfortable about it." She looked back at me as she dragged me through the parking lot, with a smile on her face that practically stretched to her ears. "Your blush gave that away." .

My cheeks grew an even darker shade of red.

I guess I don't really have a choice.

I thought as she shoved me into the passenger side of her car.

The ride back to campus was completely silent. She kept giving me sideways glances making me uncomfortable.

I was dreading the moment she got me in her room, but here I was.

Lizzy made her way over to her bed, and patted the spot next to her telling me to sit down. Reluctantly I did so.

"Now then, tell mommy Lizzy what's the matter." She nuzzled up to me as she said this with a pout on her face.

I slightly scooted away from her. "Please don't refer to yourself like that." I looked into her big green eyes trying not to blush. "I can tell you anything right?"

"Ceil stop procrastinating! You know damn well you can!" She said with the pout still on her face.

I looked down at my lap feeling warmth spread through my cheek. It felt like I had a ten pound weight sitting in my stomach. "I have come to realize over time that my sexual preference is, uh, guys." I said the last part quietly hoping she couldn't actually hear me.

I tilted my head so I could peek up at her and was shocked to see she had a smug look on her face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I said, honestly confused at her reaction.

"Ceil sweetie I know you're gay. I've known." She said with a sly smile.

"Wh-what!" I stammered. "What do you mean you've known?!" I could feel the blush on my cheeks spread across my whole face. Even making my ears burn.

"I see you staring at guys all the time,"She paused and gave me another sly all knowing smile. "like you want to undress them"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said dismissively. Although I knew my red face and inability to make eye contact said otherwise.

"It's fine Ceil. You shouldn't think you have to hide it." She said while rolling her eyes at me.

"Of course I do!" I snapped, growing frustrated. "That's not the kind of thing you go flaunting!"

"You're right. You shouldn't go flaunting it, but you don't have to hide it like it is some horrible secret!" she jabbed a finger in my direction once again.

I felt my eye fill with tears, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed. "You don't understand!" I cried as I slammed my body down on to the bed giving up in frustration. "You aren't in my position."

I covered my face with my arms and let the tears flow down my cheeks. Lizzy leaned over the bed and laid her head down on my stomach.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you." She said softly "You're right, it's not like I know how you feel. If you want to keep it a secret, that's fine."

She slowly sat up and moved my arms from my face.

"When you're ready to be open about it that's great, but right now you still need to be happy." She said as she took my hand in hers and gave it a light squeeze.

I used my other hand to wipe away my tears. As I sat up I tightened my eye patch.

"I know." I said avoiding looking her in the eyes. The one thing I definitely wasn't, was happy.