For Sean because he's a cutie :D oh look, I did a happy thing where nobody dies
Alternatively titled: in which I learn that first-person smut is really hard to write and I have issues with tense.

I don't really know why I did it. I was looking for something more self-sustaining, like a cat. Something that I could put food and water out for every night, and then forget about. But there he was, sitting in the kennel and wagging his tail and grinning at me like a moron. And there was the cat, with her I-know-something-you-don't-know smirk and her tail flicking back and forth contemplatively. So I picked the fucking dog.

When the woman at the desk let him out of the kennel, he jumped on me and began licking my face, which was curled in disgust. "Dude, no." I told him, pulling away and trying to ignore the disappointed look on his face.

The woman gave my his information I would need to give to the vet if he was ever sick. His name was Jake, he was a English Shepard, he was fully vaccinated and his birthday was a few days before mine. I only half-listened, more interested in finding food that he'd like and wasn't too expensive, as well as keeping him under control.

The woman helped me load everything into my car, and Jake sat happily in the passenger's seat, tail thumping against the leather. I swore right then that if he peed in my car, I'd throw him out the fucking window.

He didn't pee.

I unloaded everything out of the car before leading Jake inside. I instantly regretted it the moment I let him off his leash. He bolted around the house, sniffing at everything and exploring the new place and whining at closed doors before getting distracted by something before dashing off to find something new and why the fuck did I get a dog?

I followed him as he scampered into my bedroom, frowning at what greeted me. A huge, drooling, spastic animal sitting on my bed. "Dude, get the fuck off." I ordered.

He whined and hoped down, catching me by surprise. Since when did any animal understand and obey new masters so well? But hey, I wasn't complaining. I lay back on my bed, and he fucking jumped up again. I glared down at the idiot, but he curled up on my chest and gave me a goofy-ass dog grin.

"Dude."

He closed his eyes.

"Dude, seriously."

No response.

I rolled over and dumped him on the floor.

That got a response. And an indignant glare, but at least he was off of me now.

"You are not allowed on the bed." I told him, getting a resigned whine in return.

Why the fuck did I get a dog?

I woke up the next day to find that I was alone, and began to wonder if buying that monster had been a nightmare. I wandered through the house, checking to see how it looked. I almost passed it off as a nightmare, but then I caught sight of the bed and dog food by the door.

I double checked.

There was no fucking dog.

I was starting to think I'd done an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the deep end, when the door opened and Jesus fucking Christ, I had done more than and acrobatic fucking pirouette. I was a fucking Olympic diver, vaulting off the board, performing an entire fucking ballet mid-air before completely missing the deep end. I had just Black Swan dived my ass into the fucking cement on the other side of the god damn pool. Would've been 10/10 but the splash of my guts against the pavement was too fucking large.

So I locked myself in the bathroom and took a shower. A long one. And then I stood in the bathroom, letting the air dry me off. And then I styled my hair. And then I styled it again. And again. And then I got dressed very slowly. And then I stood there for another ten minutes. And then I opened the door.

And I shut it again.

I contemplated how bad it would be to live in my bathroom for the rest of my life, because he was standing right outside the door and he wasn't a fucking dog.

He was a human. He had large green eyes and dark brown hair and ears. Fucking dog ears poking out of the fucking top of his fucking head God fucking damnit, this was not happened.

"Um, excuse me?"

Nope. He wasn't speaking to me through the door. There was nobody out there. There was an incredibly attractive half-naked boy with the cutest fucking accent I've ever heard. There wasn't even a dog with awkward brown spots covering his fur and a bark that was way too fucking loud.

Oh Jesus Christ, I was going insane.

"Sir?"

"What?" I replied, my own voice catching me by surprise.

"Um, are you quite all right?" Jake the dog (myfuckingdogwastalkingtomewhatthehell?) asked through the door.

"Sure. My dog is just not actually a dog. I'm totally fine."

He chuckled. He fucking chuckled. Oh Jesus Christ. "Actually, I am a dog. Well, half-dog, if that's easier to understand. I'm a familiar. We choose humans to mark as our own and we are fiercely loyal to them for the remainder of our lives." He sounded a little proud at that last part.

"So, you marked me. Cool. And now I can't get rid of you." My tone was surprisingly calm for how I was feeling. Although, I wasn't quite sure what it was that I was feeling. And I was too busy marveling at my own composure and trying to sort through my mind to notice how cruel my words were.

"Well, no." He replied, a hint of a whine in his voice. "I mean, I haven't marked you yet. I guess you could return me if you wanted."

Silence. What the fuck was I supposed to say? I didn't even know what I was going to do. Or when I was ever going to leave my bathroom.

Apparently the answer to the latter problem was 'right now.' I opened the door, pushed past the half-naked dog-boy familiar and went into the living room. I sat on the couch and stared at the wall. He approached me hesitantly, but I held up a hand. "Just let me pretend my life is normal for one moment." I asked.

Who was I kidding? My life was never normal.

What I was actually doing was figuring out if I wanted a familiar or not. Someone who would follow me around for the rest of God-knows-how-long. I was not a people-person. Animal-person. Whatever. Sometimes I barely even qualified as a person. But it wasn't like I had too much to lose, right? Just my solitude for the rest of for-fucking-ever.

"Why the fuck not."

Jake looked like animal-Christmas had come early and I had presented him with a gigantic bone. Probably one of mine, taken from the pool side.

He jumped onto the couch and hugged me tightly, and I learned that he kept his tail in this form as well. It was wagging like a fucking heroin-addict suffering from withdrawal, so I grabbed it because it seemed like the thing to do. Then I felt his tongue on my cheek, and I gave his tail a tug. He yelped and gave me a wounded look and I just shook my head. He got the message.

I was asleep. Well, I was trying to sleep. Jake was curled up next to me, and my eyes were closed because maybe if I pretended hard enough that I was asleep then I would be, because my mind would not shut the fuck up.

I kept running over everything in my head and trying hard to make sense of it and wondering why the hell I'd ever gotten a dog and why the hell I'd agreed to keep it and what the hell I was doing with my life. I couldn't figure it out.

And that was when I became aware that Jake actually wasn't sleeping either, because I could feel his hand running softly over my hips and under my shirt and "What the fuck are you doing?"

Jake yelped and pulled away, promptly falling off the other side of the bed. "I... I didn't know you were awake." He admitted, sitting up and rubbing his shoulder.

"What, you were gonna jump me? 'Cause if you were, the couch is a good place for you to sleep." I sit up and glare at him.

"N-no! I was.. I mean, I was doing things but you agreed to it!" He was blushing and stuttering and trying to worm his way out of it.

"Right. Couch." I rolled over and pulled the covers over myself again, but I could feel the bed give as he climbed back on. He placed a knee on either side of me, tugging at the blankets I sure as fuck was not letting go of.

"You did!" He whined. "You said you wanted to be bound to me, and this is what the binding entails!"

I could feel his fingers curl over mine as he gave up on trying to force me to relinquish my hold on the covers. Honestly, sex sounded really nice right about then, but not with someone who has a fucking tail. I may be into some weird shit, but this just ain't up my alley. "I changed my mind."

"Dirk! Come on!" He forced my hip down and I was on my back again, still refusing to give up my covers or open my eyes. But I could feel his crotch pressing against mine and he was already a bit hard and okay, maybe I could do the tail thing.

And so I opened my eyes, but he was taking me glasses off so I closed them again. And he laughed. He leaned down and his lips were barely any distance from mine, even though the blankets were in the way, and so I just sort of gave up. Because why the fuck not?

I let go of the covers and pushed them away from my face and I could feel the smile on his lips as he pressed them against mine. He rocked his hips forward shyly, and it occurred to me that he'd probably never done this before. So I took the lead, letting my fingers trail down his bare sides and he shivered and it was really fucking hot, so I let myself start to get a boner.

Jake loved it, and I wasn't too opposed to it, so we just lay there for a while, kissing and brushing our fingers over each other's skin and rocking our hips together. But eventually, I started to get a bit bored and so I rolled over on top of Jake, and we were kissing harder and my fingers hooked under his shorts and it was getting really fucking hot so I took them off for him.

He wasn't not wearing underwear underneath. Praise the fucking gods, he was going commando. And the noises he was making as I stroked him slowly are the sexiest shit I've ever heard. And he had his hands down my pants, but they were shaking and he was nervous and Jesus fucking Christ he's adorable.

I'm not quite sure when my pants come off. Or when I started sucking him off. All I really registered were his cute God damn moans and whimpers and the way he was scratching at my back and bucking his hips and whining and oh God he really is too cute. So I kept going, until he threw his head back and let out a whining howl, coming in my mouth. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if that counts as bestiality as I crawled up to kiss him again, which he didn't want because I "just had your mouth... Down there!" But I pushed away all unwanted thoughts as he started stroking me even though he was still coming down from his high and his movements were clumsy and his hands were shaking.

I decided to give him some help, and reached around to finger myself as he jerked me off clumsily. He let me kiss him as I came.

We laid tangled together for a while before I pushed myself off and headed to the shower. Jake followed me. We showered together.

He may or may not have been in heat, and it wasn't long before he had me pushed against the wall, kissing me roughly. He told me we hadn't completed the bond yet, and his fingers were fucking everywhere and when he slipped them inside of me, I pretended those desperate noises weren't coming from me.

It was only when he bent me over that I actually realized his intentions to fuck me without lube. So I pulled away and smacked his head at, and he looks hurt for a moment, but then I told him to go get the lube from the drawer of the bedside table, as well as the condoms. He scampered off and, even though he was only gone for a few moments, I cursed myself for not thinking of it before because I was already cooling down slightly.

But before I had any time to rationalize the anger at myself, he was back and he was still naked and still dripping wet and I was all too quick to forget about what I had been thinking of before.

He had me pinned to the wall again, one of my legs hooked over his arm and his fingers inside of me again. I was a fucking mess. And then he lifts me up so I was supported on his hips, but most of my weight was on the wall, and I could feel him against my ass and ohmyfuckingodyes

I was moaning and whimpering and my nails were dragging long red marks across his back and he was thrusting up into me and ohholyshit I was going insane!

I was vaguely aware of the string of incomprehensible words falling from my lips, but I am fairly certain now that they were curses. And then he hit my prostate and I was lost, and he kept hitting it and I could feel blood running down my back from his nails and the water that bounced off his shoulders sprayed against my face and my hair stuck to the tile walls and FUCK!

Jake let me down very carefully, but my knees were shaking to badly, so he shut the water off and carried me to the bedroom. Normally, I would have protested, but considering I'd just had the best lay of my life from a virgin, I felt like I was in position to argue.

"It's because of our bond. I could tell what would make you feel good." He murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my back lightly, leaving me to wonder if I'd said that out loud. "No, you thought it."

Oh fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, he could read my thoughts. And it was too damn late to change my mind.

I could feel him frown against my skin, and couldn't help but chuckle. I could live with this.