This is an old fic, formed from feelings long ago. I thought about taking it down, but decided to let it stay for now. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Even from across the brothel I couldn't help but stare.

All these pretty, willing women around (and men) and all I wanted to look at was her.

I turned to look down at my drink as she got coy with one of the women. It was common. She had clearly explained our relationship and that she was not mine. She would never be hurt or tied down again.

I was her escape. I was a good laugh and a good tussle between the sheets.

I was her hero. I was her savior from the Qunari and all their might.

I was the only lover she actually cared about.

With that thought I smiled slightly. Recently she had actually slept with me through the entire night, something that does not come easy. I could never seem to get her to stay, the pirate always up and leaving me in the middle of the night to walk down to the Hanged Man to have a drink before going to sleep in that awful room that she had rented. Leaving me waiting for her day after day.

I wanted her to be mine. I'd never ask though. I know that she knows though. Theres just no way she doesn't.

The way I look into those dark, warm eyes.

The look in them after a long, warm kiss.

"Ready to go Hawke?"

I glanced up from my mug to stare into those warm eyes that made my heart nearly crack my ribcage. Those warm, brown, Rivani eyes...

"You're coming with me? Not staying here tonight?"

She tilted her head and turned to look at some people having an argument.

"Well Hero if you don't want to I suppose I can find someone to accommodate me for the night..."

My heart jumped into my throat and I almost lost my ale.

"No! I mean, no. I'd be more than happy to have you as a guest at the estate tonight. Shall we?"

The small smile on her face as she gently took my arm made my heart ache. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted her for myself. For only me to love. For only me to look at.

I would wait. I would wait until she was ready.

"You're a down right foul git is what you are!"

I sighed and stared at the floor of the estate.

"How dare you tell me how to live my life?! I'm an adult and I'll do what I like thank you!"

I gave the expensive carpet a hollow stare. I would not cry.

"Look at me when I'm yelling at you! For Andraste's sake!"

She grabbed my chin and I was met with those hard, angry eyes that just broke my heart.

"I will do as I wish. And you will not interfere. I can fight whoever I want. I can do anything I fancy. And you will have nothing to do with it."

She dropped my chin and waltzed out.

I didn't cry until she was gone.

"Hawke."

Her voice caused pain in my chest. Since our last argument I had not heard from her in weeks.

"I was worried sick about you Isabella."

She sighed and took a seat next to me on my bed. We were quiet for a long time before I spoke.

"How did you get in?" I asked. My friendly dwarfs were gone this evening.

She smiley a faint smile.

"Your window is unlocked."

I couldn't help the smile. It was just like her. Not that I was any better.

"You were right you know."

Her voice erased the smile from my face, small as it was and she continued.

"I'm in big trouble Hawke. I slept with a married woman. I fought her husband and he hired a bunch of assassins and now they're after my arse. Not to mention the guards are after me for a brawl I was involved in. Well, a few brawls. But I think they only know about one."

I chuckled dryly.

"So I was right? So you come back here for my help? After how you treated me?"

She was entirely silent and I sighed.

"Well the first thing we'll have to do is take care of those assassins. Then I'll go down to the barracks and speak with Aveline and see if she can do anything about cleaning off your record. Again."

Her grin was that of a sly fox and she gave me a big kiss.

"Thanks Hawke! You're a life saver!"

I sighed, exhausted emotionally.

"Come on, lets go get Varric."

"You... You're here. Good. I... Wanted to talk to you."

I gazed at the beauty across from me at the bar table.

"Don't you have a funeral to attend?"

She looked at me with disgust.

"What?! You mean Castillons? I hope the cleansing blaze of the funeral pyres reject his vile, sagging ass. Anyway, I'm glad you're here. Saves me the trouble of having to go look for you. I... Wanted to thank you. For everything you've done for me. I'm glad you walked in here all those years ago."

I almost laughed.

"I was lured in by the smell of stale piss and vomit."

She laughed.

"Now that I think about it, getting a ship doesn't seem all that important. A lot of things I've done don't. Everything I care about is here. You're here."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and she flushed, panicked and stared at the ground, squirming in her chair slightly.

"I uh... I'm sorry. I don't know whats come over me."

"Whats going through your mine? You can trust me you know that by now."

"I think I... I think I'm falling for you. Just tell me, Hawke, if I still have a chance with you."

My heart thudded hard against my armored chest. I could practically hear the metal clanging everytime it beat. I wondered if she could hear it too.

"Promise you won't run off and break my heart?"

"I won't if you don't give me a reason to."

She stood then, going over to the fire, fear in her eyes and a look like she might be sick from it on her face. I stood as well, Walking to her to try and comfort her. She kissed me hard, tears rolling down her face. It was the first time I had ever seen the Rivani beauty cry. It broke my heart. I wrapped my arms around her.

"Don't cry."

She sobbed a little more and laid her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I've hurt you sweet thing."

I bit my lip. The aches. The pains. The lonely nights, up late wondering who she was sleeping with. The time she had ran off and the time I had spent broken, wondering if I'd ever get to hold her, kiss her, or even hear that beautiful voice once again. I hadn't even gotten to say how I really felt. I hadn't even gotten to say goodbye.

I knew I should say something. Something to ease her pain, her guilt. But I couldn't think of anything. I had been saying all this time that it was okay. That I was fine. That it was fine.

But it wasn't. She knew it wasn't. It wasn't alright for her to treat me like that. It was very wrong of her to treat me like that. Especially since she knew - even if I couldn't fully express it - how I felt.

It was wrong.

But I had treated it like it was fine. Like it was alright. I had gone along letting her do whatever she wished. Whatever she wanted just in order to make her happy. To make her okay.

With a big sigh and a tighter hug I kissed her forehead.

"You should be. You hurt me. A lot."

She buried her head into my chest in order to hide. That or to snuggle my boobs, you never really could tell with her.

"But I still feel the same," I started. "I still care. I still feel. I still want you in every single way that you'll let me have you. No matter what you do or what others say or what you do or what you say. I'll always be here. I'll always... care."

She kissed me one last time and I sighed, my thoughts screaming the words but her not yet ready to hear them.

I am so madly in love with you.

R&R please.