I really don't know how I feel about this piece, but I just couldn't let go of the idea of Steve proposing and Tony saying no, causing a bunch of bad memories to come forward. It was hard to write parts of this because the topics brought up are very personal to me and I don't have a fairytale idea of marriage or relationships.

Anyway, I don't use a beta reader and there might be some mistakes which I apologize for, but there shouldn't be any major errors.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Marvel and I do not make any profit in writing this for any other fanfiction.

I Don't Need a Ring

Steve was a nervous wreck as he waited for Tony to finally make an appearance, dinner had arrived 20 minutes ago and the genius had been notified of that 20 minutes before hand. After dating for nearly three years and knowing each other for five Steve knew all of Tony's little (or not so little) quirks. It wasn't unusual for the smaller man to get caught up in his workshop and Steve had come to terms with that after a particular nasty fight that was nearly the end of their relationship.

Which Steve hated to admit wasn't the first time something like that had occurred, especially during the first year they were together when Tony had tried proving that the soldier would get bored of him or at least come to his senses.

"Shit Steve, I didn't mean to keep you waiting. Just let me grab a quick shower, go ahead and start without me." The blonde blinked in surprise not realizing he had been so carried away by his thoughts had he hadn't heard Tony come up. The man had the stealth of a water buffalo stampede outside of the suit, both the gold-titanium alloy ones and designer ones.

"It's just dinner Tony, there's no need to clean up for me, not after five years together." A smile broke out across the engineer's face and Steve couldn't help but return it. Even though tonight it was far more than just dinner, the small velvet box tucked in his pocket seemed to weigh several tons, Steve couldn't picture going out in suits to a five-star restaurant just to propose. It didn't suit either of them, no, this was far better. With Tony in his favorite sweatpants and a black ribbed tank, barefoot, eating pad Thai on the couch and himself in well-worn jeans and SHEILD t-shirt also barefoot, eating more than his fair share of pot stickers.

"Five years and you still haven't come to your senses." Tony chuckled standing on the tips of his toes to steal a quick kiss before going to the couch to claim his food.

"I think I came to my senses when I pulled my head out of my ass long enough to realize I had started to fall in love with you."

"You know I don't think I could ever prove to the press that you actually talk like that and are far from being America's Golden Boy."

"Just as I, for the life of me couldn't prove, that the great Tony Stark is really nothing more than a nerd with a terrible taste in movies." The man in question gave him a scandalized look and jabbed his chop sticks in Steve's direction as he leaned over set the empty container down on the table.

"Absolute lies."

"Even if it was, I still love you for it." Steve knew it was now or never and set his own meal down, catching Tony's full attention. A grin that the Cheshire cat would be jealous of crossing his partner's face.

"Oh? What else do you love me for?"

"I love that you can't form a coherent sentence before coffee in the morning, that almost every movie night that you have pick you make us watch 80's movies and then quote them. I really love that you pretend that you can't cook. I really love that if someone tells a joke or something you find really funny happens and you're caught off guard you will snort laugh." Tony was ready to argue that last statement when Steve started to drop to one knee and had pulled a small box from his pocket. "I even love the fact that you turn in to an octopus in bed and use me as a human pillow. There are a million more examples; I love everything about you. But what I would love the most is if you would be my husband."

"Steve…" Only the blonde didn't hear him and opened the box, Tony stared at the plain silver band in absolute horror.

"Anthony Edward Stark, will you marry me?"

"No."

"What? I thought…is this too soon?" Steve was crushed and was starting to panic, maybe it was too soon. After all it was Tony and that man had taken quite some time to warm up to calling what they had a relationship in the beginning.

"Any time is too soon, Steve." That's really when the solder began to panic and Tony caught him. "It's not you, it's never you. This is what I was talking about; I'm always the one to fuck up a relationship."

"I just don't understand what you mean by the any time is too soon."

"I don't want to get married, I never did." Steve was over taken by a sudden horror, several pieces falling in to place.

"You want a way out. You don't want to be tied to me; you don't think things will work out." Before Tony could respond, another thought hit the soldier like a punch to the face. "You're planning on leaving me, that's it, right?"

"What the fuck Steve? Do you hear what you're saying?" Tony began to make his way over to Steve, essentially crawling in to the blonde's lap and forcing him to look up so blue eyes met brown. "I would never leave you; my biggest fear is you leaving me."

"I'm pretty sure me proposing shows that there is no chance of that happening."

"You say that now Steve, but marriage changes people." Suddenly the brunette sounded frightened and small, perhaps a bit defeated. He dropped his head to Steve's shoulder who in return began to rub circles on his back.

"Marriage doesn't have to change anything Tony, unless there's something you're not telling me."

"I don't want a ring because I don't need a ring." The genius straightened before continuing, "I love you Steven Rogers and your star-spangled ass, and so can you please just drop it?" Steve hesitated answering the man on his lap; Tony was looking at him with impossibly wide eyes, begging for the subject to be left alone.

"Okay Tony, I'll let it go." Relief washed over the smaller man, but there was still a sense of unease that caused Steve to pull the genius in to a burning kiss and allowed his hands to run down Tony's sides to grip his hips. Normally Steve preferred to have sex in a bed, but for now, the couch would do just fine, just has he was about to pull Tony's shirt off the man pulled away.

"I'm sorry Steve, but I can't do this right now." A wave of disappoint washed over Steve and felt cold as Tony pulled away.

"What's wrong?"

"Just give me some space okay? It's too much." The emotion was overwhelming, 20 minutes ago he and Tony had been laughing and having the time of their lives together. Now he was alone, confused, and hurt. Picking up the velvet box that had fallen to the floor in his surprise brought forward a thousand questions, but the first was what had gone wrong?

Several days went by and Tony was distant as ever, not wanting to meet his eyes, and pulling even longer hours in the workshop which led to Steve getting fed up with being alone and heading down to find his partner shoulder deep in the torso of one of the armors. He waited for Tony to acknowledge his presence; he needed answers especially after asking Fury for Tony's file only to be told that it had been destroyed years ago on the man's request and that he was under no circumstance other than emergency protocols Stark-Alpha 69-07 and D-13 Delta Override to share the information it had contained.

"Oh Tony, I wish I knew what had made you so…" Unstable. Untrusting. Broken. Steve trailed off unsure of how to word it as he began to fidget growing uncomfortable.

"Devilishly handsome? Brilliant? Badass?" Warm chocolate eyes looked at him mischievously.

"Look, we need to talk." Before Steve could blink, the smaller man was on the move, already halfway across the room.

"I'm not surprised." The man shrugged keeping his distance from the blonde as he approached. "We had a good run; it was only a matter of time before you would come to your senses. Hey if you want to be fuck buddies still I'm totally cool with it, it's even how we got together any way."

"For Christ's sake Tony! I'm not breaking up with you; we need to talk about the other night." The blonde snapped pulling Tony to the couch.

"I thought no was enough of an answer, besides you promised that you would drop it!"

"I can't just drop something like that Tony! What the hell is wrong with me wanting to settle down and marry you? I'm starting to think that you really do want a way out of this relationship."

"That's the last thing I want Steve! I'm just worried about what you'll want, because marriage won't be enough for Captain fucking America!" They were glaring each other down and nearly shouting, not too much different from the time on the helicarrier during Loki's scheme to take over Earth.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I want you Tony, I want to marry you, and be with you for as long as I live and breathe. Nothing more."

"You say that now but what happens when you want kids? When you actually want to settle with someone your own age? Or when you actually realize that I'm going to die long before you because my life is almost half over."

"You're only_"

"Forty. I'm forty years old and already living on borrowed time. I can't give you the future you deserve." Then everything seemed to fall in place; Tony wanted him to have everything. Everything that he might have had with Peggy if he hadn't gone down with the plane. The genius was thoroughly convinced that Steve wanted the American Dream of the 1940s, but it was something else in Tony's confession that broke his heart and made him love the man even more. Tony wanted to give him that future, a future that contained 2.5 kids, a golden retriever, and a white picket fence.

"You know," his voice was soft as he pulled Tony's head in to his chest and put his arms around the smaller man's back. It reminded him of their first fight, when Tony broke down in front him, sobbing on his knees in a sea of empty bottles and broken glass tears running freely. I hate you! I fucking hate how fucking perfect you fucking are! You shouldn't care about any one as fucked up as me! "I don't think that was the future ever meant for me. In fact Thor talks about fate and destiny so much; I think fate always intended for me to have this future, to be the man out of time just so I could find the futurist."

"Did you ever stop to think why I prefer to look at the future?" Steve remained silent uncertain of how exactly he should answer because he never really thought about it himself. "Because it's sure as hell better than looking at the past or present, especially knowing that the present will always be the past. Dammit Steve, I want to give you the future you deserve, because I know you want it. I'm just so fucking scared." The engineer's hands clutched at Steve's shirt and a choked sob tore from Tony's chest his shoulders shaking. "I'm so scared of becoming him."

Howard. Steve had hardly heard Tony use his dad's name in positive connotation and still didn't know the reason behind it.

"Why are you so afraid of becoming him? I don't understand Tony; I want to understand, but you have to tell me." There was a long pause and for a second he thought Tony would shove him away and try to bury his emotions until their next fight, instead the genius let out a shaky breath pulling himself together.

"Okay, I'll tell you about the Howard you didn't know. He was a drunk, I hardly remember a time he was sober, and to make it better he was a mean drunk." Horror took over the soldier, he felt sick to his stomach remembering all the time their fights had gotten violent, and Tony had flinched when Steve would take a swing at the wall or throw something in frustration.

"Oh, god. Did Howard hit you?"

"Just once, I know it was an accident because he shipped me off to boarding school and nearly drank himself to death. For the most part he just threw things or dismantled my work in front of me." Tony felt small in Steve's arms as he let go, the words just pouring out of his mouth. He had never told anybody about his childhood except Bruce, even Pepper and Rhodey only had learned the little half-truths of what had happened to him.

"What about your mom?"

"She tried her best, at least when she was home. On those nights she would tell me about how she had met my dad and that he did love us he just didn't know how to show it." The tears were starting again as the memories came flooding back. "One night I asked her what happened to dad. She told me that he changed after they were married and that he got worse after I was born, but that it wasn't my fault. I never could believe her on that."

"You are so much more than your father ever was, Tony. I don't think I'll ever understand why you don't see just how good you really are and see how much you're really worth."

"I don't see how good I can be when I can't even give you what you want."

"You're what I want and the only thing I could want more is for you to prove the past wrong." Steve coaxed Tony to look at him, cupping the genius's face in his hands and using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that remained. "You've already it wrong to everyone else, but now you need to prove it to yourself."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Please."

"Okay." Steve left without protest only lingering long enough to press a kiss to Tony's lips, nothing heated just a gentle I'm sorry, please be okay. Steve had JARVIS sent a message to SHEILD and everyone else that Tony was not to be disturbed short of the world ending. It was late when Tony wordlessly slipped in to bed and Steve curved his body so he was pressed front to back against the smaller man automatically.

"Hey Steve." Tony's voice broke the silence and Steve had to remind himself to keep calm over what words could possibly leave the man's mouth.

"Yeah?"

"I don't need a ring, but I'm starting to think that I might want one." A chuckle escaped the soldier that would be just like Tony to say something that corny.

"You just have to say yes."

"Is that an offhand proposal to make up for the first one?"

"If you want it to be."

"Then yes, I'll even take your last name, hyphenated of course."

"Anthony Edward Stark-Rogers does have a good sound to it; just please tell me you're not going be a bridezilla."

"No promises, but I want our colors to be red and gold."

"I'll accept blue and gold." It was Tony's turn to chuckle, sleep beginning to set in after an emotional evening but he made sure to make a mental note of the colors. Because maybe Steve was right, marriage didn't have to change anything, and for maybe the first time, he started to believe that his mom was right and it wasn't his fault.