DISCLAIMER: I own nothing...I wish I had Ares though...

So guys, this is the first chapter of a longer story- not too long though, since I'm still working at "In the Beginning there was War" which proved to be quite a challenge...I hope you enjoy it and if it can put a smile on your faces, that's even better:) Reviews are highly appreciated:)

Some would say it happened because Love was absent from the world...Some would blame it all on Xena's slashing absence from his life...A mediocre writer might think it was the solitude and the demeaning incapacity of facing those ironic twists of faith any longer...

The truth is that Ares was tired of it all: the cold lonely nights, the constant feeling that he didn't belong into that world, that annoying lack of superhuman strength and magical powers, the bothering, hardly controllable thirst to spill some real blood for a change-not only animal blood in the attempt to cool off his irrational agitation ( plus, he was running out of chickens terribly fast)...And to top it all he was beyond bored...he desperately needed to have some fun, a distraction of some sort-meant to completely disconnect his brain from that unnatural mess he had somehow- it was still unclear to him despite the obvious- managed to drag himself into ...

These are pretty much the reasons for which, during that hot, dusty afternoon, the former God of War, half naked and stinking of booze, was seeking spiritual refuge, in no other place than the village's flourishing Bordello...

XXX

"Gimme another one!" he briefly ordered to the super dimensional lady who was generously filling the space between the wall and the counter , a look of utter indifference for everything that was happening around her painted on her face.

In less than seconds, a huge mug of foamy ale was temptingly alluring him with it's flavory aroma.

"That'd be three dinars, Hunk...but for you, I'll make it two and a half..." the guttural voice announced, almost making Ares jump in surprise- just like he actually did the first time he heard it...

He limited his reaction at grinning widely in the direction of the human whale that was clumsily trying to establish some sort of primal, emotional connection by coquettishly batting her eyelashes at him.

The speed with which he knocked back that incredibly tasty fermented liquid took even him by surprise, let alone his newly declared number one fan...Had he heard the woman's line in advance, that beer would have most probably ended into his lungs rather than in his stomach where it belonged...

"Wow! Your lips must have been desert dry...I could help you with that you know..." she said, provokingly bending over the counter so that the Stud of her dreams could have a better look at her fat, sweaty, low hanging boobs...

Suddenly, for the completely repulsed War God, the desire to be able to vomit had never been so urgent in his entire immortal existence.

"...This is an image that will certainly haunt me for the rest of my mortal days" he mumbled beneath his breath while placing the empty mug on a nearby table.

"What's that you said, Handsome?"

A high pitched yell, disturbingly grazing his eardrums, saved him the trouble of having to provide an answer...He was forever in the debt of that irritating but totally welcomed voice...The one who owned it had secretly become his super hero:

"Calling no 27! One Thor's Hammer! T'll make you feel like the God of Thunder!"

"27! Yo'! I got 27!" he rushed to howl back, hastily leaving the premises, without daring to at least lurk back at the impressive Colossus guarding the bar , a look of unspeakable relief washing over his eyes as if he were straying away from Medusa herself, most likely aware that one brief gaze was all it took to turn him into stone...

Soon, he was skillfully making way through that degrading crowd of desperate in need for a fuck, horribly stinking losers that were waiting their turn to get...pretty much was he was after...a few minutes of pure bliss.

In a hurry as he was, it was no wonder that he almost missed the tall lady patrolling before the door leading to the chambers with a ferocity to match Cerberus' while guarding the gates of the Underworld.

" Whoa There Big Fella' ...Where do you think you're going?" she gravely inquired, pushing him back with a rough tug, thus making him stop dead in his tracks...

As if waking up from a dream , Ares unglued his eyes from the floor and looked upwards...

"Oh goody...Whale number two..." he mumbled unintelligibly, noticing the impressive size of the one standing like a column before him...She was far from being as massive and chunky as the first one but she was obviously fighting with all her mortal strength to get there..." They must have made a bet or something...who reaches the tone first..." he added into his mind while waving the ticket in the lady's face.

" I'm no criminal! I'm just trying to get laid for Zeus' sake! 27, see? ! "

"Aha...So...some details first..." came the totally unexpected line that made Ares really direct all his available attention at her now.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You know about girls...How do you like'em ?"

There were a few seconds of silence, with the impatient gorilla staring absently at the old clock ticking on the wall and with the God doing his best to understand the sense of the question.

"Time is money Hunk! So...how do you like the girls?"

"Oh!" Ares exclaimed when something inside his brain finally clicked..."Well...I've always had a thing for the dark, mysterious type...They should be independent, stubborn, definitely a bit ironic ...wild...and they should have that steely gaze that makes the blood boil you know...?"

"What are you a traveling Bard or something? I was talking about the hair! Brunettes, blonds, redheads...what should it be? "

Ares couldn't help that noisy gulp that hardly managed to find it's way down his throat...Despite having bitten his tongue hard, the phrase did leave his mouth as it was first intended:

"A raven haired one would do..."

" Hey Thadeus!" she screamed again from the top of her lungs, her wide open mouth giving the God the one in a lifetime chance to see the traces of her half rotten- half missing teeth. "Is Najera available?"

"No!" came the monosyllabic answer that proved just the amount of interest that the man had in the business.

"How 'bout Dereenis?"

"No!" the voice announced again, making sure to add this time " Leah or Kareen only "

"We only have two blonds ready to shake it, Stud! "

Ares shrugged his shoulders, unable to hide his displeasure though.

"Ok...I guess a bit of change never hurt anyone...I'll take them both..." he firmly announced, placing a couple of dinars in the woman's hand.

"Aren't you the savage one!" his interlocutor managed to state in between waves of laughter. "Well...room no 4 it is then...Just get in there and make yourself comfortable... The girls will be there shortly!"

With a visibly more agile and cocky pace, Ares entered the room, throwing himself on the bed as soon as he gave a quick scan to the place. Nothing special: just some dusty old furniture , a couple of veryyyyyy abstract paintings decorating the walls, and... his belt- which he had distractedly discarded on the wooden floor...

In the attempt to relax and enjoy the moment, partially anxious about the prospect of finally doing something worthwhile and partially slapped by the subtle remorse of cheating a certain dark haired Warrior Princess that he was stubbornly trying to put off his mind, Ares casually placed his hands beneath his head, while fighting with himself to focus his thoughts on the Kamasutra positions that he was eager to experiment with the two hot, wanton babes that were supposed to give him an unforgettable ride to the Elysian Fields and back. .

"I sure hope they're twins..." he said to himself, and instantly, a large, mischievous smile rushed to stretch the corners of his lips.

Hardly had he finished his phrase that he heard the unmistakable sound of the door cracking open...It was party time...

Without bothering to look towards the captivating silhouette standing just a few feet away from him, he simply uttered on that low sexy tone that he just knew it had a lethal impact on the ladies, anytime, anywhere:

"...So, tell me Cuties, have you ever seen Thor's hammer in action?"

There was a weird pause before the answer came. When it did come though, his heart almost jumped out of his ribcage as his features twisted in shock and shame, an expression pretty similar to the "I'm screwed" one settling on his face, in perfect accordance with his now defensive body posture.

" Yeah...I'm about to smack you in the head with it!"

"Xe...Xena?!"