i.

chapter one - how could you to do this to her

/author's note/ i do not own death note or any of its characters. i only own my OC, drew (drake) keehl, and any other original characters unless stated otherwise.

:-:-: theme: my heart by paramore :-:-:

Fairytales were something that I've always loved. Every night, since I could remember, my mom would always read me a story out of a huge book I kept on the table beside my bed. It was called "Grimm's Complete Fairytales", and it almost seemed never ending. Even now, at the age of 13, I couldn't get enough of those tales.

I liked fairytales because they all had happy endings, even if some were more twisted than others. Everyone received justice in the end, and that was what I looked forward to the most. I couldn't wait to see who would become the villain, the hero, and the victim. The best part, was that no matter how scary or creepy a fairytale could be, I would never get scared because it was pure fiction.

And I wouldn't stoop so low as to be afraid of something that wasn't even real.

The problem with my love of fairytales however, was that it clouded reality a bit from me. Making me unable to acknowledge that around me was a crude, and cruel world, where happy endings weren't common. Some people would even question if they exist at all.

I became one of those people when I found myself in a meadow. It wasn't just any kind of meadow though, no. It was meadow that was divided into three parts: Daffodils, Cattails, and Monkshoods. I was currently standing in the part that held the cattails, which was moist but relaxing on my...bare feet.

The meadow was odd, yes, but it was also beautiful.

For a moment, the wonder of it all almost distracted me from how I ended up there. One minute, I was in the back seat of my sister, Helen's, car and then the next I'm in the middle of a meadow full of three different types of flowers that looked to go on and on from where I was standing.

I began to twirl around, my short, rough, and dark hair whipping around slightly with me. I took in my surroundings, breathing in the fresh air that felt so clean and pure for some unknown reason. It was as if it had yet to be tainted by the vile things that humans can be.

My observations stopped when my eyes came across a sign that was planted right where all the flowers connected as one. On the sign was only one word: Choose.

'Choose what? There is nothing here for me to pick from...'

And as if to answer my question, the writing on the sign suddenly dissolved, and in its place were three words instead of one: Rebirth, Peace, or Punishment.

My eyes widened at those choices, and I couldn't help but become a little revolted. 'What is this supposed to mean?'

The words showed no signs of disappearing to reveal an answer to my question, so instead I was left to think by myself.

Before I arrived here, I had been in the backseat of Helen's car, sandwiched between two of her friends, while another one was in the passenger seat as my sister drove. They were all laughing, and being extremely loud, battling the radio that they had set to full blast.

Helen was swerving the car, and I remember hearing the sounds of glass bottles rolling into each other over and over again, not to mention Helen, her friends, and the car reeked of alcohol. It was horrible, and I remember thinking that maybe I wasn't so hungry for McDonalds that much anymore...

Helen and her friends thought all the swerving was hilarious, but it only set me on edge. I huddled into myself, holding my fairytale book tightly into my chest. I had brought it along in case I wanted to distract myself from my sister and her friend's stupid gossiping.

The last thing I could remember clearly, was Helen swerving extremely sharply before her car flipped. The force of it all had made me swing my head back and...

'Oh no. Oh please god no.'

...I died.

'I'm dead.' My eyes began to water, and I could feel the beginnings of hyperventilation. 'I-I can't be dead! That's impossible, I couldn't have just...have just- Ohmygod.What about Helen,' I began to look around the huge expanse of flowers frantically. 'And her friends? Are they alright?!'

There was no one else here. I was alone, and that most likely meant I was the only one who had died in that car crash. I guess it was my own fault for being naive to the obvious drunken state my sister and her friends were in... I just didn't want to believe that my sister was as irresponsible to drink while she was underage -let alone while she was driving.

'I just hope Helen isn't blaming herself.'

I looked back to the sign, still trying to calm myself from this sudden revelation. I didn't want to be dead. I loved my life, and everything that came with it. There wasn't a single thing that I would change.

"Rebirth. Peace. Punishment." I read the words on the sign aloud. 'So what is it going to be...'

Well obviously I don't want punishment. What did I do to deserve that, so with that in mind I was now left with Peace and Rebirth.

Peace was a tempting a choice, and if I had to bet on it, I'd say it meant that I would be going to heaven...and that would mean 'Punishment' meant I would go to hell, right? Then what did Rebirth mean? Is it saying I'd get a second chance? That I could go back and fix things for myself so my death would never happen? If so, then that's my choice. 'I want to be reborn.'

The telepathy the sign had must have picked up again, because suddenly the meadow was full of daffodils, and only daffodils. The sign now read 'Move Forward'. Whether this meant to move forward in my new life, or to actually move forward I didn't know, but I'd like to think it meant both.

So, wiping the tears from my eyes, I began to walk through the daffodils and into the horizon. I didn't know how long I'd have to walk, I just knew that it'd be worth it when I got there.

I change my mind it wasn't worth it at all. 'I wanna go back, I wanna go back!'

It turns out 'rebirth' doesn't mean, that I get a second chance. Well, it does, but it's a second chance in a completely different life! I didn't want that! I wanted to see my family again! I'm only 13, why do I have to start all over now?!

I began to wail, but this time my voice was different, and it was extremely high pitched. I was now in a baby's body, where I barely had any control of my actions, due to low motor skills. My new body was screaming, and it was extremely cold. I tried to move my head and open my eyes, but I just couldn't and it was so frustrating.

'Why? Why me? I didn't want this, I didn't know this was what rebirth was! I want to go back, I choose peace! I choose peace!'

My crying finally quieted down when the people around me began to clean me off before wrapping me in a blanket. I could now open my eyes a little, though my vision was still a little blurry. I could barely make out the silhouettes of people around me; they were all dressed in this mint-green color, which contrasted against the white room.

I felt myself being put into someone's arms. "Here's your daughter, Mrs. Keehl." I heard the...doctor (?) say. The person that was holding me grumbled, and I looked up to see a blurry face staring down at me, a faint outline of a frown on their face.

When I sniffed, I tried my best not to start crying again. This person really stunk. They smelled of sweat, and I could smell faint traces of cigarettes.

'Oh god, please tell me this person wasn't smoking while they were pregnant with me!?'

The woman -my new mother apparently- shoved me back into the arms of the doctor that had handed me to her. "Here," She practically spat. "Now get my husband in here. I want to smoke." 'Oh god she seriously was smoking while she was pregnant. '

There was a short pause, and looking up at the doctor, I could make out that he was looking around the room -probably at the nurses. "Um, Mrs. Keehl, what would you like to name your daughter?"

"Hm?" My mother had grunted. "Can't that wait? Just get my freakin husband in here first."

The doctor sighed, and nodded to one of the nurses who quickly left the room. A minute later she was back, and a tall man walked in with a two year old in his arms. The man grinned, putting the little boy in his arms down before he walked over to my mother. "Everything go alright, Doris?"

'He must be my father.'

Doris scoffed, "Shut up, Thomas. Just go get me some cigarettes."

Thomas chuckled, ignoring Doris' jabs as he left the room. "Sure thing, sweetie."

I then tiredly looked over to the short little boy who was now standing in the middle of the room. A small frown was on his face, and he was glaring at the floor. He had blonde hair, which was kind of long and seriously needed to be trimmed.

"Excuse me," The doctor smiled at the little boy. "Would you like to see your little sister?"

The boy's head snapped up, and his blue eyes were wide as he eyed me, but they quickly narrowed and he looked away again. The doctor chuckled. "Now, now. No need to be jealous, she hasn't done anything wrong. You should love and take care of your little sister, right?"

Eventually the little boy nodded, and the doctor directed him towards a chair that was in the corner of the room. I smiled a little as I watched the small blonde make several attempts to get into the chair before he finally succeeded.

"...What's her name?" I heard the boy mumble -which was really weird, since he only looked to be two- as the doctor carefully helped him hold me.

Before the doctor could explain the situation, Thomas noisily entered the room, ignoring the shushes the nurses sent his way. "Here, babe." Thomas tossed a pack of cigarettes at Doris, but before the woman could open them, they were snatched away by a nurse.

"What the hell?!" Doris fussed, glaring at the nurse.

The nurse glared back, stuffing the smokes in her pocket as she crossed her arms. "There are children present, not to mention one is a newborn. You're not allowed to smoke inside the hospital anyway, so I don't even want to know where you got these."

Doris scoffed, rolling her eyes, and Thomas only ignored the nagging, giving his wife a lighter for later. "Whatever."

The doctor cleared his throat, waving a nurse over to monitor my brother as he held me. He then walked away, collecting a clipboard that was lying on a small table in the room. "Mr. and Mrs. Keehl, what will be the name of your daughter?"

Thomas and Doris shared a glance. Doris shrugged, "Thomas, any ideas?"

The man shook his head. "Nope, we didn't plan for this one like we did the other one."

Doris sighed. "Fine, let's just name her after someone. What about that guy you usually buy your...things from?"

"Oh Drew? Yeah, that'll work." Thomas looked to the doctor and grinned, and for the first time I noticed how yellow his teeth were. "We're gonna name the kid, Drew."

'Great, I'm being named after a drug dealer.'

The doctor looked perplexed as well, but sighed nevertheless before writing something down on his clipboard (if I had to guess, he was writing down notes for himself). "Very well, baby Drew it is. Would either of you like to hold her one more time before she is sent to the nursery?"

The couple didn't even hesitate when they both replied. "No."

I wasn't surprised, and I was actually grateful. I could smell them from where they were across the room, and I really didn't want to vomit right now...

"Okay..." the doctor said, rolling his eyes. He returned to where my brother and I were, and knelt down. "Her name is Drew."

My brother nodded, and his loose hold on me tightened. "I know." He looked down at me. "I'm Mihael..."

Several months had passed since I had been placed into this new world, and so far, I seriously wasn't enjoying it.

'I don't want to be here.' I couldn't help but repeat this to myself over a billion of times as I stared blankly up at the ceiling above me. 'I want to go home.'

If I could voice that out loud, my "parents" would probably chew me out and say that this -being an old Victorian home that needed some serious home repair- is my home. I'd probably start crying again if they told me that, because it'd just be a reminder that I died and was reborn into a crappy family.

My father, Thomas Keehl, is a tall and slim man. He has red, ginger hair and green eyes that compliment the many freckles on his face. I'd say he was attractive but I'd be lying. He looks rough, so you can tell that keeping clean, and brushing his teeth are not on his list of priorities. He always smelt like oil and smoke, but I could blame the former on his job, as he works at a factory that specializes in making plane parts.

I didn't see Thomas much, except for the few times he appears in my room to take care of me. I trust that it's not out of love, but more that he has to do it -considering Doris is usually doing her job as a clerk in a pharmacy- since he doesn't even try to do things properly. For example, sometimes my diapers are put on backwards, or the milk I'm given isn't warm enough.

I'm not going to complain however, because at least someone is making sure I survive in this new, helpless body.

My mother, Doris Keehl, hasn't done anything for me other than bring me into this world. I only see her when she passes by my room's doorway, a cigarette in her hand and a bottle of alcohol in the other. The sight of the alcohol makes me feel sick, and unwanted memories resurface of the night when I died. I guess I'm slowly getting better with this whole reincarnation thing, but that would be due to the help of my "older" brother.

Mihael Keehl was a cute little kid, who was one of those child geniuses that I thought only existed in books and movies. We both looked the same, sharing our mother's blonde hair and blue eyes. Mihael was often always around, and I found relief that I didn't have to spend my newborn days alone in a room, the only thing to entertain myself being the stupid, cheap mobile dangling above my head.

Surprisingly, my brother could seriously take care of himself. He was already potty trained, and he found no trouble with feeding himself or drinking from his cup. It made me kind of mad, since I could still barely lift my head without breaking a sweat. Though, Mihael's IQ did come with advantages. For example, sometimes he would climb into my crib and burp me -albeit clumsily- whenever Thomas forgot to do it, or he would entertain me by letting me play with some of his toys.

Simple things really.

He'd talk to me sometimes, but most of the time he would just glare at the door and angrily bang his toys together. I wish I could ask what was wrong, but I think I already had an idea: Doris and Thomas.

I can't imagine how it would have been like for him, considering he didn't have a sibling to pass the time with, or make sure he was burped properly and things like that. Though, I imagine he had it a little better, since Doris and Thomas had planned for his arrival. They did zip for mine, which was why all of my things were actually Mihael's old items and clothes.

I even had Mihael's old crib, as he had upgraded to a small bed that was a foot off of the ground. I could sometimes see it in his room when his door was open, as his room was placed directly across from mine.

"Drew." A small, high-pitched voice called my name, and I let out some unintelligible baby noises before I lazily turned my head towards my room's doorway.

Mihael stood there, his hair in disarray and chocolate smudges on his face. Seeing how no light was coming from my window, and the house was eerily quiet, I deduced it was the middle of the night.

Oddly enough, this encounter wasn't anything new. I found out on my second night here that late at night, Mihael would give himself an ultimate sugar high before tiredly making his way into my room. Sometimes he'd climb into my crib and fall asleep with me, and other times he'd just puke on my floor before returning to his room so he could pass out on his bed.

Mihael groaned, and I began to fear that I'd have to fall asleep to the smell of puke again. Luck must have been on my side for once, because Mihael merely pouted before stumbling towards my crib.

He leaned against my crib and stuck one of his chubby arms between the bars. He grasped my small hand, and I held onto his in return to the best of my ability. "Tired..." Mihael slurred, letting go of my hand so he could climb inside the crib. I tried to move myself over a little, but Mihael usually ended up doing that for me.

"Hn...Night..." Mihael yawned, curling up to my side before falling asleep. I found myself drifting off too, lulled by the sounds of Mihael's relaxed breathing.

Three years had gone by and I could honestly say I was getting better at handling this whole 'reincarnation' thing. I didn't think about my old family that much anymore, and I could focus more on the present.

I was now two years old (turning three sometime this year), while Mihael was four (going on five). Doris and Thomas were the same terrible parents, but as long as they supplied me with the food and clothes I needed, then I could deal with that. I had Mihael to keep me company after all, and he was all the love I needed.

Since I was mentally sixteen years old, my intelligence proved to be pretty high for someone of my physical age. I tried to put this to the test, and was happy to know my motor skills were almost to 100% again. So now I would occasionally climb out of my crib, and toddle to Mihael's room so we could play together.

One time Thomas caught me as I was climbing out of my crib, and I guess that made him decide I was ready for a small bed like Mihael's. This was wonderful, because now I didn't have to go through all that trouble to climb over my crib's stupid bars.

Currently, I was allowing Mihael to drag me around the house. There was no particular reason for it, but I secretly think he was helping me brush up on my walking. Though sometimes Mihael would get a little irritated with how slow I was and would just give up for an hour before coming to find me again.

Today we were going to venture downstairs, something I hadn't really done in my whole two years of living in this world. In fact, I had barely left my room at all.

Usually, normal parents would have these child-safety gates set up at the stairs to prevent their children from going up or down them. Well, Thomas and Doris were terrible parents so guess what they didn't do?

Needless to say, there were no little gates stopping me and Mihael from carefully, and slowly climbing down the stairs (that's what I was doing anyway).

Mihael beat me to the bottom of the stairs, but only because he was basically leaping over every other step. I would have scolded him for his recklessness if I wasn't too busy trying to safely get down the stairs.

It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and when you're in a body this small it only makes the experience scarier.

Mihael groaned from where he was below, "Hurry up, Drew!"

I stopped, purposely going even slower just to spite my brother. When I heard him groan again I giggled, looking up to stick my tongue out at him, "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

"If you don't hurry up, then I'm gonna eat your cake!"

'Cake?' I quickly slipped down the last three steps before rushing to Mihael's side. "I have a cake?"

Mihael grinned and gave me a nod before pulling me into the kitchen. The first thing I did upon arriving in the room was look around. I had never been inside here before, so it was a small new experience for me.

There wasn't much to look at, as nothing looked to be in pretty good shape. Though, I did spot a calendar on the wall that marked that today was January 21st.

That's when I noticed a small, unlit candle on the kitchen table. Mihael was waving me over from where he was sitting in a chair at the table. I walked over, and when Mihael helped me climb onto the chair with him I saw that the candle was sticking inside one of those store bought Cosmic Brownies.

"Birthday?" I questioned, looking over my shoulder at my brother.

To answer my question he pointed to a piece of paper on the table. It was hard to tell what it was at first, since it looked like Doris had been using it to put out her cigarettes. After cleaning it off a little, I saw that it was my birth certificate.

I wasn't really surprised about the treatment the important document had received, but I was surprised that Mihael could read. "You...read?"

Mihael shrugged, pulling the Cosmic Brownie closer to me. "Easy."

I sighed, smiling at him before I removed the candle from my brownie. I split the sweet in two, handing one half of it to Mihael. "Thank you."

He accepted the brownie, pouting a little as he looked away in a huff. "Yeah."

Mihael and I spent most of the day downstairs, just running around and goofing off. Every now and then, Doris would walk by us, ignoring us completely as she walked to the kitchen, probably in search of some alcohol.

My older brother and I grew quiet when she had come by, not saying anything until she disappeared up the stairs again.

In the end Mihael and I fell asleep in the living room on the couch, but instead of Thomas waking us up or carrying us back to our rooms, we both awoke to the smell of smoke, and a very hot room.

I had been the first to wake up out of Mihael and me. I know that since I was technically the oldest, this was probably a good thing, but no. It wasn't.

As soon as I saw the large, hot flames that were beginning to surround Mihael and me, I began to panic, or more like I just became frozen solid. My mouth had gone dry and I was sweating.

I looked around the living room, and I saw that the hallway, kitchen, and the stairs were completely engulfed by the flames. It looked like the living room would be next, and instead of waking up Mihael and scrambling to get out there, I was preoccupied on if Doris has made it out or if Thomas was home already, andwhat started the fire?

'Doris probably got dead drunk and forgot to put out a cigarette again.' It had happened before but, any small fire that started was quickly put out by Thomas...but by the look of things I guess Thomas wasn't here to put out this one.

I felt my eyes begin to water, and I wasn't sure if I was actually going to cry of if it was because of the heat around me. I turned to Mihael, beginning to shake him. "Mihael! Mihael, Mihael!"

I coughed, noticing for the first time that smoke was beginning to appear in the room. I shook Mihael harder and he finally woke up, a grumpy look on his face as he swatted my hands away from him. "What!?" He then caught onto his surroundings and scrambled off of the couch to look around in a panic. "W-Where's Mom? Dad?"

He started to tear up and that's when I knew my older mentality needed to seriously kick in right now. So, I grabbed Mihael's hand forcibly dragging him to a window in the living room, which was our only means of escape right now. "We have to go!" I yelled at him as he tried to shake off my grip.

"No!" He argued, pushing me away and making me stumble back into a lamp. I cried out as it fell onto me, the light bulb inside it breaking and cutting my skin.

Mihael looked at me with wide eyes. "Drew, I'm sor-" A coughing fit interrupted him, and I quickly stood up, ignoring the blood that was dripping down my arm and the stinging pain it was giving me.

I made work at the window, but some of the latches were too high for me to reach so I couldn't push the window open. I whimpered a little, but then an idea struck me. "Go over there!" I pointed my small hand at the couch, pushing Mihael over to it.

He protested at first, but when he began to cough again he listened. When he was far enough, I picked up the lamp's rod -struggling because of my lack of strength and the fact my arm was injured- and tried to smash open the window with it.

It was no use. I didn't have enough strength or force behind my swings to do any damage to the window whatsoever, not to mention most of my swings ended up hitting the wall anyway. "Nononononono..." I began to cry to myself, trying uselessly over and over again to break the window, and it wasn't helping that I could still hear the sound of Mihael coughing by the couch.

'I don't want to die. Not yet. I don't want to lose everything again!'

I swung the lamp rod towards the window one more time, but before it could make impact, the window was broken from the other side, and I screamed as I was forced to jump out of the way.

"Shit." I heard someone curse, and I looked up to see someone wearing a bright yellow suit. A firefighter. "You okay kid? I'm going to get you out of here. Is there anyone else here with you?"

I quickly nodded, pointing at Mihael who had begun to cough again. The firefighter quickly went to my brother and swooped him up into his arms before he came over to me and did the same. The man then climbed out of the window and ran to the paramedics that were outside our house.

'I can't believe I didn't notice them get here.' It was probably due to my increasing panic...or maybe my blood loss.

"These two need medical attention as soon as possible!" The firefighter yelled handing off my brother to a medic and me to another. "The boy looks to have inhaled a lot of smoke, and the same goes for the girl, but she has a large cut on her arm that needs to be taken care of now." After he explained everything, he ran off to help put out the fire.

I was sitting on the back of the ambulance, a blanket wrapped around me as I continued to stare at the burnt and blackened remains of my house; my arm was wrapped in bandages, I felt drowsy, and I was trying my best to ignore the body bag that was lying on a gurney inside a different ambulance.

Mihael was sleeping on the gurney inside the ambulance we were in. An oxygen mask had been placed over his face, and a blanket was covering his body from the cold chill of the night.

The firefighters had left, their job done, and the paramedics were currently packing up and getting ready to leave. One paramedic climbed inside to the driver's seat, and another hopped in the back with Mihael and me. I thought that was all of us, but then someone else climbed inside the back of the ambulance.

I guess he was considered safe, because neither of the paramedics batted an eye at him. The person was an older looking man, dressed nicely in a suit. He wore a kind grin on his face and smiled down at me.

"Hello, Miss Keehl. I'm Watari."

/author's note/ please leave a review! your feedback would be greatly appreciated. the same goes for your thoughts.

on another note, i just wanted to point something out involving the "meadow" from the beginning. three flowers were mention- daffodils, cattails, and monkshoods. the reason these three specific flowers decorated the meadow was because they each represent something important, and i just feel the need to point that out so...

daffodils; it symbolizes regard and chivalry. it also symbolizes unrequited love. also, a single daffodil foretells a misfortune while a bunch of daffodils indicate joy and happiness. out of all of those meanings however, the reason daffodils were featured in the meadow was because they're an indicative of rebirth, new beginnings and eternal life.

cattails; represent peace and prosperity.

monkshoods; mean "beware" and "a deadly foe is near".