Hello my dears. As usual, it's all on me, but finally my play has ended and I'm home before six again. It's all kinds of glorious. As glorious as you will hopefully find this chapter. Over to my partner in crime.

Now this was an intense writing session in early November. Thank Odin for us it made it up now, because I won't have a minute. So here's part two. Loaded with fun for us. Next chapter, the cleanup of this beautiful mess we made...

In Which They Learn About Dragons Part II

"The other Astrid?" Astrid, the real Astrid, turned to scrutinize the girl at Wordwielder's side. "What do you mean, other?" Wordwielder looked almost exactly the same as she had the one and only time she and Astrid had met - cheery and confident, dressed in odd clothes with dark, braided hair.

The "other" Astrid was taller than her, with long brown hair pulled into a lazy ponytail, a loose shirt with some design on it - was that the Academy's symbol?! - and shorts. Striking her rumpled air jarringly were elegant rimless glasses perched on her nose and her sardonic smile.

"I'm Astrid Goes For A Spin," said the other Astrid, not offering her hand for a shake, which was probably wise. Astrid wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. "As we all know you've figured out by now, this isn't my own name, but I liked this enough to go by it just about everywhere on the internet."

"Plus I can't just call her Astrid Goes For A Spin," Wordwielder added. "That's so long. It has to be Astrid. Ooh, I hope that doesn't get confusing."

"My song," squeaked Astrid, dumbstruck. "You took my song!"

"I didn't take it," the girl shrugged. "It's still yours. When I shut the top of my computer, I'll go back to being regular old me."

This was stretching Astrid's thin patience to the extreme. "What happened to Hiccup?" she demanded. "Why did he - just - go OFF like that?"

Wordwielder hesitated, then placed a gentle hand on Astrid's upper arm. "He's gone after a particularly notorious writer. Also, we needed to get him - well, out of the way - for a chapter or so so we could talk."

Astrid's fingers itched for an axe. The other Astrid chuckled. "Yeah, no. You won't be needing that today."

"I know no one actually read the contract," Wordwielder continued. "We wrote in the suspension of the accounts and a certain protective clause for ourselves as well. That was mostly against the fanfictioners, but we should be protected from the rest of you too."

"What?" Astrid snapped.

"I don't think you can kill us- that is, if you do, it should reset the time continuum back to one hour before the writers began to arrive. So in theory, we can't die."

Astrid had a feeling that if Hiccup had been there, he would have had some sarcastic remark to make, but she herself was too furious to even indulge in a pang.

"In theory?" Fishlegs asked, looking up with interest.

"Wellllll…I've gotten pretty good at playing with the space-time continuum, but I'm not, like, the Doctor," Wordwielder shrugged. "I also may have guaranteed that we die early deaths in some other fashion. Who can say? Time is weird. But yeah, I think that won't happen."

"It's a good thing we believe cleaning up our poor fandom is worth the maybe consequences," Astrid Goes For A Spin added. "For instance, if this was Hogwarts, we wouldn't bother. Now that fandom is so hopeless..."

"I know," Wordwielder tsked like a mother looking upon a terrible mess. "But we have a mere five thousand or so fics to look through for improvement here. So!" She clapped her hands.

"Five thousand?" Astrid asked, slightly shocked. "Five thousand?"

Wordwielder ignored her. "Children, Hiccup and Toothless - yes, I know, the focal points of many of your obsessions, sorry but not sorry - will be gone. For a while. I'm not entirely sure how long, actually, but I guess we'll find out eventually. But don't worry- me and Astrid Goes- Okay, I'm just calling you Astrid the Second- we totally have everything under control."

"Did you really...just...get rid of Hiccup and Toothless - just like that?" asked Fishlegs timidly.

"No, of course not!" They replied almost frighteningly in sync.

"How could we do such a thing? I love the two of them to death, they're my favorite bromance," Wordwielder emphasized the last word very strongly.

"Okay, not exactly to death," Astrid Goes For A Spin corrected as fangirls' eyes widened. "Uh, how about this? We love them to... to pieces. We love them to bits...we love them to cookies..." She shrugged helplessly. "Point of the story: we're fangirls too. At one point, we were bad fanfiction writers too - we pretend we weren't as bad as you, but some of my first stories? Yeah, mortifying - but we, through, um, dedication to the cause, managed to rise above that. The characters even respect us."

"Honestly, we probably weren't as bad as most of you," Wordwielder added. "But my first story makes me want to tear out my eyes- not literally!" she added hastily, seeing shocked faces.

"So we've decided to use our good writing skills benevolently. Because-" here, Astrid Goes For A Spin sighed. "Really, the fanfiction is getting worse. The quality is leaving the fandom. No one is committed to the original, wholesome, and completely non-incestuous world of the movie."

"The movie is about courage and friendship, you twisted fiends," Wordwielder cried out. "And for the love of Thor, Toothcup? What ever suggested beastiality?"

"Well, actually-" someone started to say.

"Shut up," Wordwielder said pleasantly. "It'll go better for you."

It was a mark of the fear the bad writers held for the two that not one more dedicated fangirl cried out in support of their favorite disturbing pairing.

"Good little pets," Wordwielder grinned at Astrid Goes For A Spin. "Where should we begin?"

Astrid, who had remained dumbstruck after the five thousand - so many people were actually writing stories about them? - shook her head and reentered the conversation, things clicking back into place. "Are you our sponsors?" She crossed her arms and glared.

"Well, you knew about me- to a degree. I daresay the whole 'she-stabbed-Watson-in-a-bloody-alley' debacle in the middle of our introductions didn't make the best impression," Wordwielder said apologetically. "And he's fine, by the way." She cleared her throat and glanced at Astrid Goes For A Spin. "Also by the way, I think it's time for, um, your turn, according to my tradition..."

The other whipped around in shock, looking almost fearfully toward the entrance to the training ring. "You didn't...get any of my...characters to come, did you?"

"I didn't get them, but, well, Dragon Keeper Hermione is kind of missing Hiccup nowadays. You haven't updated in a while, and I promised her-"

At this, Astrid Goes For A Spin let out a low moan and stalked toward the grate. A moment later, she was back, towing along a girl with bushy brown hair - whom many of the fangirls jumped up and screamed at - to Wordwielder.

She stopped abruptly. The girl didn't smile. "Hermione, I am so sorry that Wordwielder did this to you. Wordwielder, apologize."

"I didn't want to bring her!" Wordwielder whined. "She stole Harry's invisibility cloak and grabbed on the last second. I was going to send her back but she started crying! You know I can't handle crying!"

"I didn't steal it, I borrowed it," Hermione corrected.

"She never used to steal before she met Hiccup," muttered Astrid Goes For A Spin distractedly.

"And did I do that?" Wordwielder pointed out.

"No, but you did bring her into this mess." Astrid Goes For A Spin gestured at the mob, all craning to see Hermione and whispering. A few were cat-calling and screaming for autographs. "And on top of that, Hiccup isn't even here-"

"Yes, and you should go," Wordwielder supplied. "Don't you have a Transfiguration exam Monday to study for?"

Hermione scowled. "I thought I was supposed to bring Hiccup back-"

"No, no," assured Astrid Goes For A Spin. "You just stay happily in suspended animation until I have time to write your next scene..."

"Um, no, that's not part of this arc at all, it'll screw up the thing we have with-" Wordwielder stopped talking abruptly.

Astrid, the original, real, flesh-and-blood (she wasn't so sure that these others were human) Viking girl, strode forward and grabbed Hermione by the arm urgently. "Are you a victim of theirs' too?"

Hermione shook her arm free. "Kind of. Maybe. Astrid Goes For A Spin isn't bad to me most of the time...but she's so mean to Hiccup. He wanted to stay back at Berk with you and Toothless and his dad, I know, and the only reason she lets me hang out with him is because of the amnesia thing-"

"Hey, let's not go so in-depth!" Wordwielder laughed. She and Astrid Goes For A Spin exchanged panicked glances.

"No need to ruin my dramatic reveals, ladies," Astrid Goes For A Spin said, but Hermione turned her back to listen to Astrid's furious reply.

"AMNESIA? Are you kidding me? That was one of the things on the list! The minor list, but still, the list. Fishlegs, you're with me, right? Ruff, Tuff? They call themselves writers, but they're doing it themselves!"

"Oh, yeah, it was," Wordwielder groaned. "Well, so was fluff and I am one guilty fluff sinner."

Astrid Goes For A Spin nodded. "It's a condition. But, um, pupils? Yeah, pupils - the moral of my embarrassment is: to work at it. It's not always the thought that counts when the story turns out terrible."

"I think it's time for me to go work on creating a time loop to fix this mess," Wordwielder muttered to Astrid Goes For A Spin. "We have got to get her out of here before Hiccup comes back with her. Then all Hel will break lose if we have three angry girls and a mass of fans on our hands. Distract them, this might be sort of...creative."

"You're right," Astrid Goes For A Spin concurred. "If our Hiccup comes back and sees my Hermione, he might start to duplicate - and if he does it for us, we might have a full-scale riot of fangirl Hiccups in a minute..."

With that, Wordwielder hopped onto Hookfang. "Hey, big boy," she cooed. "Fly. Now. Without Sno-"

"Hey," Snotlout yelled. "What are you doi-"

Wordwielder kicked him and cried, "GO, HOOKFANG!"

Hookfang knocked over his owner and went in the wrong direction, bouncing happily. Wordwielder tried desperately to hang on and grabbed a compact mirror from her bag. She used the light to steer Hookfang sort of like cattle into the air and towards the woods- Hookfang blundered over the trees and flopped down into a cove quite a bit earlier than Wordwielder would have liked- she was thrown right off into a large pine tree.

"OWWWWWWWWW THIS IS NOT FUNNY THOR AND ALL THE REST OF YOU WATCHING RIGHT NOW!" She shrieked. She twisted herself out of the branches. Hookfang appeared to be stalking his reflection in a small tarn.

"Okay boy," Wordwielder coaxed, "I need you to flame up and we're going to put on a little performance. I'll get you a giant fish for dinner if you do it."

Hookfang cocked his head. Wordwielder sighed and compromised, "Okay, three HUGE fish."

Hookfang flamed up.

"Good boy, good ferocious boy. Now let me just see what I have in my bag to pull this off."

Astrid watched all of this from an amused distance. "I guess you did all right with training Hookfang, Snotlout," she said, smirking. Hermione, at her side, giggled, then vanished right into thin air.

Wordwielder wrote into existence about twelve thunderclaps, growing louder and louder, and a minor earthquake (to the displeasure of the villagers. Up on the chief's hill, Stoick's woodcarving knife slipped and gouged deeply into this throne.), and then directed Hookfang to fly behind the clouds, where his flame glowed eerily. Just for fun, she rained a little fire down.

A stronger quake, and through her Newspaper recorder, a maniacal laugh seemingly from nowhere.

A girl screamed.

"Silence, mortals!"

"Thor?" Tuffnut whispered. "Save me from the fangirls, Thor!"

"Listen and learn! The worlds are intermixing closely. We. Are. Watchingggg..."

She pressed end on her recording and whispered, "I think we got em, Hookfang. Three big fish, I promise. Now Let's get back."

He almost threw her in enthusiasm.

"Aren't you jealous that she gets to do all that cool elemental stuff?" Fishlegs whispered to Astrid Goes For A Spin curiously. "That's, like, awesome to the max! I've never even seen a dragon that could do any of that!"

Astrid Goes For A Spin sighed. "It gets a little old, watching her do this over and over. But no. I've got a few more - dare I say - more impressive...well, more effective tricks up my sleeve than this."

"Oooh..." Ruffnut had sidled up, grinning widely. "Can you do bigger lightning?"

"I dare you to try it," Wordwielder snapped, brushing leaves out of her hair as she landed with as much dignity as possible. "Thor's big shoes to live up to. It could have been better, I'll admit- I totally just made that whole routine up on the spot." She sighed. "Ugh, sorry. I hope I have some Aleve or something in here." She started digging through her bag desperately. "No one saw anything, right?" she asked in an undertone. "She's gone?"

"It'll be okay," Astrid consoled her, "As long as you get Hiccup back here, now."

"Oh, that's much simpler," Wordwielder said brightly. "May I borrow Meatlug for a moment, Fishlegs?"

"Ah," Fishlegs rasped. "N- no?"

"Great!" She crouched in front of Meatlug. "Alrighty girl, it's-" she made a strange half gargling and half screech noise. "As loud as you can."

"Do we really have to do that in the new series?" Astrid sidebarred to Fishlegs. "The dragon calls? I'm sure I read something about it, but-"

He nodded, white in the face at Wordwielder's attention on his dragon.

"Ahhhrgh, Dreamworks," groaned Astrid. "Why do you keep storyboarding all this stuff? We could have lived in relatively boring happiness if not for you..."

Meatlug complied after she tossed her a rock to chomp on.

"It was the emergency call Hiccup and I agreed on," Wordwielder explained. "All the dragons know it. It means 'we need backup, pronto.' He should be here soon." Her face darkened. "But if she's with him we better be prepared."

"Who is this?" Astrid demanded.

Astrid Goes For A Spin chanced a quick look at Wordwielder, wondering how much she ought to divulge. Wordwielder shrugged carelessly. "A few more axes on our side won't hurt."

"Hiccup has my axe," Astrid hissed. "This is part of the problem."

"Oh, Thor, I am so sorry," Wordwielder groaned. "This is all my fault. I should have been more careful. I knew she'd find a way to mess it up."

"She is...one of our personal enemies," Astrid Goes For A Spin said delicately.

"And she's one of yours too," Wordwielder warned.

"Luckily, our powers of good writing far outweigh her internal evil."

"If 'she' is so terrible, how come I haven't heard of her yet?" Tuffnut challenged. " I was kidnapped, as you well know, by some of the very worst we're housing at Berk..."

"Oh, you know her," Wordwielder narrowed her eyes. "Are you familiar with the Skye Flight Saga?"

Astrid clapped her hands over her ears. "I don't want to hear any more!" She cried in horror. "Just kill her already and bring Hiccup back!"

"And deprive Hiccup the pleasure of beheading her himself? I don't think so," Astrid Goes For A Spin scoffed.

"And don't forget Toothless," Wordwielder added. "After the third epic, I wouldn't put it past him to rip her apart piece by piece."

"What's the Skye Flight Saga?" A boy in glasses asked. Ruffnut roared wordlessly in rage, and he shrunk back, cowering.

"Let me tell the tale," Wordwielder sighed. "The author retold the story from the very beginning. Toothless was rescued by Hiccup, as you know, but he was actually a spirit cursed to live forever as a Night Fury."

"The two bonded and fell in love, and Hiccup broke the curse to the point where Toothless could assume human form for a hour at a time," Astrid Goes For A Spin spat. "Which they would always spend doing things not worth naming in all the gory details."

"In the third installment, Toothless and Hiccup married; adopted Astrid's orphaned kid after Snotlout was killed by the Red Death; Toothless sacrificed his life to save Hiccup from the demon that cursed him- oh yes, who was the Red Death. The next installment, currently in progress, has Hiccup in a comatose state so his spirit is in Hel searching for Toothless and a way to save him." She scowled. "There's more, of course. If we don't like it, she does it. And oh yes- Astrid, you're represented as Hiccup's first love who died in childbirth after marrying Snotlout."

"I know," Astrid moaned, now rocking uncertainly back and forth. "This is why I didn't want you to tell everyone about it. It's sick."

"She's got about five thousand reviews, cumulatively," Astrid Goes For A Spin concluded. "Disgusting."

"But, you see," Wordwielder said happily, in a stunning reversal of mood, "We're on the same side, Astrid, you and me. It's just me and Astrid Goes For A Spin and you guys against them."

She waved a vague arm at the sky, indicating the world.

There was what appeared to be a flash of lightening, but the accompanying roar confirmed it was Toothless' plasma bolt.

"They're ba-ack," Wordwielder sang.

"I wonder if they got her," Astrid Goes For A Spin murmured, her eyes gleaming.

"She's a slippery one," Wordwielder said sagely. "We tried to suspend her account with the rest, but she was simply too unpredictable to send to Berk. ("Thank you," Snotlout whispered.) And then the lawyer told me I couldn't do that to someone who didn't come. I did anyway. She didn't like that, she did not…"

"She cracked her way in," Astrid Goes For A Spin grimaced.

"I'm still not sure how," Wordwielder mused. "Cunning devil."

"Well..." Fishlegs's eyes darted back and forth. "You miiight want to examine that. Don't want - don't want any more of them coming in, am I right? Heh..." He laughed nervously. "Am I right?"

At his tone, Astrid turned, a suspicion suddenly blooming in her mind. "What's her name, again?" she asked Astrid Goes For A Spin innocently.

Somehow, Astrid already knew what she was going to say.

"Jenny," she snarled.

"That's how!" Wordwielder howled. "We had an anomaly with her account in the final check, remember, she had a flag in our evaluation- but I hacked her, it was just minor things-, psych eval was totally normal- dual accounts, she had secret account- a different author ID- I knew it couldn't be the software, I knew- but how? She couldn't have done it herself, and it was just us and the gang who had access to the files. Wait…." she paused for a moment and swallowed audibly. "No…" she gazed up, her eyes brimming with shock. "You couldn't have," she whispered.

The three shared a heavy look, and then Astrid Goes For A Spin tilted her head and spoke. "We've been betrayed," she said softly. "Want to fess up, Fishlegs?"