Seven Year Promise

by Fox in the Stars

based on Natsume Yuujinchou
by Midorikawa Yuki and Brain's Base

Extras and Notes

POSTSCRIPT
Tanuma

As the Okina brought him home from that rainy night at the laundromat, after they'd stopped before dawn in the Buddha Hall to put the Book of Friends "somewhere very safe," Kaname fell sound asleep. At one point he felt voices washing over him — Natsume, and then Ponta arguing louder — and woke just enough to see Natsume looking down at him and know that he was finally all right and tell him his Book was safe. With that, he let himself sink back down into oblivion, deep and heavy and peaceful.

He didn't wake again until he heard the doors onto the yard slide shut. The room beyond his eyelids fell from direct coppery sun into dusky dimness until someone switched on the light, and he still didn't think to open his eyes or even wonder who was doing it until their hand gently shook his shoulder. It was his father, bringing supper for them both: more rice porridge, this time with miso and vegetables.

"Good evening," his father said as he sat down beside the futon.

"'Evening," Kaname yawned. The two of them were alone in the room — actually alone, with the Okina still collapsed in an exhausted heap. "Natsume was here earlier..."

"Oh, good, you saw him. He took his cat home just a little while ago."

As Kaname dragged himself upright, the leaden weight of his own body was an unfortunately familiar feeling — as was the warning scratchiness creeping in from the back of his throat, the curl in his stomach greeting food as a daunting task — but even in his career of delicate ill-health, this time stood out as something special. When he and his father said "itadakimasu" and began the meal together, his hand shook even lifting the spoon. This is really getting pathetic... Letting his eyes pinch shut in vexation also proved to be a mistake; they didn't want to come open again...

"How far did you go on your walk?" His father called him back from the edge of nodding off.

"Walk...?"

"When you weren't in your room earlier, I called you, and you called back that you were taking a walk — although your voice did sound a bit strange..."

That must have been Ponta covering for him. "I was just out in the yard..."

"And you're really this tired?"

He nodded.

His father took a slow breath and sat back from the food. "I'm going to call and see where I can get you in to a doctor."

Even in Kaname's fatigue-dulled mind, that landed heavily. The "where" implied that the "when" was "immediately," and this late in the day that might even mean the emergency room. But then, since yesterday afternoon his father had seen him call too unwell to even walk home, show up the next morning pale and shaking, then sleep through practically an entire day only to arrive more weak with exhaustion at the end than the beginning. The alarm was all too understandable, and he saw only one alternative to going along with it.

His father got up, went to the door, and raised a hand to open it.

"Dad, wait," Kaname stopped him. "I know why this is happening."

He came back and sat down again, closer beside his son. "Can you tell me about it?"

Kaname knew he had no excuse. His father already believed he sensed spirits — he'd been proving it for years with all the cleansing rituals and feng shui adjustments. Natsume's reason of not wanting to scare the people he loved might hold against announcing that he was possessed, and the time travel story still sounded crazy even to himself, but he found himself shying away from anything specific, and his head ached too much to fight the resistance. "It's... something to do with spirits. I had to help someone with something like that..."

"Natsume?" his father guessed.

"Yeah..."

"Hmm... He did ask me to go easy on them once, but is something wrong now?"

"No, no, this is a one-time thing," Kaname said hastily. "It's done with now, so... I should get better from here..."

"You're absolutely sure?"

"Um... Just about..."

"You say it's a one-time thing..."

Guilt turned in Kaname's stomach. He couldn't call it "a one-time thing" after being possessed once before, walking into a youkai mansion and nearly being eaten, and not telling his father about any of it...

His face must have betrayed him. "Can you promise me you won't do anything dangerous?" his father asked.

He could only stare at his porridge. He had already done dangerous things, and if put to it he would do them all again. He couldn't say "yes" and tell his father an outright lie, but telling him "no, I can't promise that"...

The two of them were caught on that silent edge until his father reached out and gathered Kaname onto his shoulder. "You don't have to answer that." His voice was soft, but he held on so tightly it hurt a little, and Kaname felt the edge of his father's glasses press against his head.

This might be just the way he had held Takashi back there in the past, and now his father might be thinking the very thing he'd been thinking then — I wish I could keep you and keep it all from happening to you, but I just have this little place to give you what I can give you... He wrapped his arms around his father's chest and gently squeezed, hoping that it might feel the way it had felt when Takashi squeezed him.

They sat in that warm embrace for some time.

"Kaname?"

The voice came to him as if he were hearing it underwater and pulled him back to the surface. He had dozed off in his father's arms. "Hm?"

"Try to eat a little more; then you can go back to sleep."

終
the end

POSTSCRIPT
Natsume

Takashi woke in the night, and to his relief it wasn't the drowning dream. In fact, he was thirsty.

He picked himself up enough to check the clock: nearly two a.m — an inconsiderate time for a phone call, but he hadn't gotten through during the day, and as he'd assured Touko when he tried before bed, Natori always slept with the phone turned off, so there was no risk of waking him.

He went downstairs to the kitchen and drank a glass of water, then switched on the light by the phone and tried the call again. Two rings purred across the line, then the third cut off as it was picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Natori-san? It's Natsume."

"Natsume! Why are you calling so late — is everything all right!?"

"Yeah, it's fine here now, I just couldn't get you earlier so I thought I'd try. Um..." With Natori actually there listening, he hesitated. "I'm sorry to only call you when I want something..."

He heard a warm but intentional laugh. "Don't worry about it. What can I help you with?"

"There's something I'd like you to look into for me," Takashi answered. He looked down at the note he'd brought with him — the full name and address of the Children's Home, hard-won through excruciating phone conversations with relatives — and explained how he knew the place and what he'd seen there years ago. As he spoke, he could hear footsteps on the other end, as if Natori were pacing as he listened.

"—I don't even remember the names of the kids who were there with me to find out what happened to them," he continued, "I just hate to think it's still going on. I don't know how I could pay you, but I thought maybe we could work something out..."

The footsteps stopped.

Another laugh; a wry one this time. "...Because this is the part where I demand money from a high school student before I rescue helpless orphans?"

Phrased that way, of course, it sounded terrible. Natsume wasn't sure what to say, but, for putting him in an awkward spot, for thinking so little of him... "Sorry."

"I told you, don't worry. Will you help me look into it?"

"Yes!"

"Well! That's unusual..."

Takashi thought he might have pounced too quickly, but he had made his determination beforehand and braced himself to offer even without being asked. The idea of going back to that place was terrifying, and the thought of trying to deal with it in front of Natori's eyes added another layer to the discomfort — his heart was pounding just from telling the history. But he honestly thought Natori would rather help him than hurt him no matter what he saw, and if it was still going on, he couldn't sit idly by. He knew he couldn't do it alone, and if he was going to get Natori involved, he had to take responsibility...

Across the phone line he heard more footsteps, then a shuffling of paper. "Grab your calendar," Natori said. "Let's see what we can do..."

When Takashi hung up the phone, Nyanko-sensei was waiting for him in the doorway.

"So you finally got to talk to the airhead."

"Yeah," he replied, turning off the light. The conversation had left him with a satisfaction even deeper than his fear, but it had also wrung him out enough to remember in his bones that it was two a.m.

"I don't know why you don't just drop by there and let me eat them all."

"Well, we still might need your help... But I can't have you do everything for me."

Takashi had known that, too. He could rely on Nyanko-sensei to deal with it; that would be enough to make sure no one else got hurt, and at any other time that would have been enough, but now there was something else he wanted that he knew he couldn't get that way. He couldn't even say what he was looking for, exactly, just that there was a raw spot crying out for something that would sting like medicine and make it better...

It had been like that since the evening at the temple. For all he'd dreaded facing Tanuma, he was glad for what it had turned into, but it had gone right around the places his dread had braced for and hit vulnerable spots he didn't expect. The sound of Tanuma's voice breaking... The unspoken side of "you were already like that" was "you're still like that," and of course it stung, but then why did it sting almost as much to hear "you were beautiful," "you weren't stupid"? It had been easier just to walk away and say I was stupid then and I know better now, but maybe that wasn't so true; maybe it wasn't fair...

He padded back up to his room after Nyanko-sensei. Maybe it was selfish when other people might be suffering, but he wanted to go back there and try to meet that "beautiful" younger self Tanuma had seen. And then maybe they could learn something better, together.

終
the end

OMAKE

Takashi and Kaname

Takashi was walking home with the group — Nishimura, Kitamoto, Tanuma, and Taki — when Nishimura moved in tight to his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"I finally remembered and looked it up."

"Looked what up?" Takashi whispered back.

"Your dream! If you dream you're falling — right? — Freud said that means you're thinking about giving in to a sexual impulse."

The sudden hot grip of embarrassment clamped down on him. "I told you I didn't want to know!" he hissed.

—A little too loudly. Taki and Tanuma looked around at him curiously. Only Kitamoto was in on the joke, and he shook his head with a tight smile of suppressed amusement. Nishimura backed off, shrugging in faux-innocence.

Takashi stoically weathered the moment, but when it passed it left him casting about for somewhere to put his gaze. He didn't quite realize that he'd settled on the back of Tanuma's head again until Tanuma began to turn toward him...

This time they exchanged really awkward smiles.

終
the end

（ほんとうに）
(for real this time, honest)

Author's Notes:

Um, yeah, if the Omake wasn't enough of a clue, anyone who wants to read this as pre-slash can be my guest.

Tanuma's postscript is something I really wanted to do just to raise the unexplored-in-canon issues with him and his dad, but it wasn't important to the main story, so I made it a bonus.

And Natsume's postscript obviously sets up for a sequel, but I have no plans to write it. Bunny free to good home.

Another story I have no plans to write but think could be awesome: a "what if" version where Touko could hear Toshige. I suspect she'd nail the flashback in one try, if only because she'd be too smart to leave little Takashi alone until she saw with her own eyes that he was safe — although she might have more trouble in other ways. The necessary reveals would be even more disruptive (or would they?), but that could make things fun, too...

Regarding Toshige: If you remember the Rock God from the episode "The Fox Child's Watch," Toshige is that guy's weird cousin who takes the time schtick further and happens to be more upfront about what a sweetie he is (presumptuous, but a sweetie). Inventing youkai names feels challenging/dicey to me, like there are rules to it that I don't have my white American head around, but I tried. My sense is that the youkai names do sound like Japanese names but like relatively unusual Japanese names, which Toshige seemed to fit. Also, "toshi" can mean "year(s)," and "ke/ge" can mean "hair" for a sense maybe something like "old beard," plus the character for "heavy; stacked up" can be pronounced "shige" when it appears in names, so blending "toshi" with "shige" could perhaps suggest "weight of years."

I pictured this story as an imaginary two-parter of the anime, with the break at roughly the end of chapter two, on the cliffhanger reveal that the first trip into the past didn't do the trick ('natch). It started out as my way of doing the "somebody please go back in time and give little Takashi a big hug and tell him it gets better" story, which led me to invent Toshige in search of time powers that would do the job but be more limited and creative than dial-a-date time machine stuff (I have a deep distrust of time travel plots and try to parry the issue every time I end up with one). From there it spiralled out of control and kicked status quo in the head until kicking status quo in the head took over as the point of the story, but I'm happy with that.

Thanks to everyone who's commented, and I hope you all enjoyed it!