.

WE'RE ALIVE ALIVE

part five

Their first date is exactly what Sebastian promised it would be. He takes him out to dinner, nothing too fancy, and he's the perfect gentlemen; Sebastian pulls out his seat for him at the table, insists on paying for their meal, holds the doors open for him. They talk about everything that's been going on in their lives these past few months, when and how Sebastian quit his job (a far less entertaining story than his, Sebastian says), how he spent a few weeks figuring out his options and ended up in the private sector again, but at a smaller firm with more potential for growth. Apparently Sebastian's father was none too happy about his decision, but he gets the feeling that Sebastian got tired of following his father's path years ago.

Afterwards they head to the movies, and he breaks his own rule about talking during the picture. Sebastian sits close and on occasion their hands brush when they're both reaching for the popcorn. It's what every first date should feel like, a little awkward but the more time passes the more they relax into it.

Once they're outside again they start their walk home and Sebastian takes him by the hand, lacing their fingers together. He's struck by the strange thought that Sebastian could probably do this with anyone, girls even, like that girl Santana at the club.

"What's on your mind?" Sebastian asks, picking up on his moment's distraction.

He looks up to meet Sebastian's eye and he's not sure he can just ask, what if it's a sore spot like the word 'empty' will always be to him. But the way Santana had said it, be careful with this one, no one gets to this gingerbread heart without earning it first, made him think there was a story he should know.

"What did Santana mean that night?" he asks, because he can't already start tiptoeing around core truths that make them who they are. "Why should I be careful with you?"

Sebastian averts his eyes and thinks through his answer for a few seconds, not encouraging his daring streak. "She knew my ex," Sebastian answers. "He uhm–" Sebastian frowns to himself and comes to a halt, body turning towards him, their hands still locked.

"He was a hard guy to love," Sebastian says, unwilling to meet his eyes. "I tried, but–" Sebastian loses himself in thought, and it does nothing to steady his nerves. He doesn't want to dredge this all up during their first date, what was he thinking?

Sebastian shrugs. "He was just a hard guy to love."

"I'm sorry," he says, giving Sebastian's hand a light squeeze.

"Don't be. It's a fair question." Sebastian's eyes finally find his again. "Besides," he says. "You should know what you're getting yourself into."

Sebastian throws an arm around his shoulder and presses a kiss to his temple and he swears to God his toes curl in his loafers. He loves that this hasn't changed, that Sebastian's still easy-going and laid-back around him, that there's little awkwardness to speak of now that they're semi officially dating.

He'll find out much later that Sebastian's ex struggled with his sexuality, that their relationship was cloak-and-dagger most of the time despite Sebastian's best efforts to assure him that the world wasn't nearly as mean as people made it out to be. He never pegged Sebastian for the kind of guy to date someone who was still closeted, but he's all too aware that love's a funny thing and you can't always choose who you fall in love with.

Sebastian walks him home and insists on seeing him all the way to his front door, where a goodnight kiss quickly turns into a full-on make-out session and before he knows it he wants this more than ever. He doesn't think either of them had planned to rush into things, but Sebastian still feels like such a solid soothing mass against him, all hard muscle but informed with tenderness, and he realizes he's been lonely for this physicality. He opens the door without releasing Sebastian's lips, they stagger backwards into his dark apartment, only they hit so many things along the way that Sebastian buckles and asks him exactly how small his apartment is.

He chuckles, excessively proud of his tiny but comfortable apartment, and turns on the lights. This time it does mostly disappear, his despair for a connection they already have, and Sebastian seems to realize the same, maybe because they're sober this time around, or they know they're in no hurry.

"You want a drink?" he asks, and unearths two beers from the fridge.

"Beer?" Sebastian smiles. "I think I may be a bad influence on you, killer."

"I'm a college student now," he says, closing the distance between them again as he hands Sebastian his drink, clinking the two bottles together. "I'm supposed to drink beer."

They settle down on the couch and fall into more easy conversation, mostly about their hobbies this time. He tells Sebastian about his passion for teaching, how it was inspired by his high school history teacher, Mr Simmons, who pushed him to be a better version of himself without losing track of his goals–Mr Simmons was his salvation after bullies at his old school almost destroyed him. He's been thinking about Mr Simmons a lot these past few months, if he'd be disappointed to hear how he'd effaced himself in his relationship with Eli.

Sebastian tells him he was a lacrosse player his entire high school career and he probably could've gone pro, but despite his father he did have a passion for the law and headed to Harvard. He learns Sebastian won several show choir awards, but doesn't make him serenade him just yet. He finds out Sebastian's parents got divorced when he was eight, and from the way he talks about his mom he gathers Sebastian cherishes her very much. Sebastian isn't close to his half-brother Ryder, but he thinks part of Sebastian regrets that, and it makes him realize how lucky he is that he and Cooper do get along despite their age difference.

"I should go," Sebastian says as the night draws to a close. "It's getting pretty late."

He checks his watch and notices how it's well past midnight. His morning class will be excruciating, but at least he won't regret the reason.

He walks Sebastian to the door, where he reaches up for another kiss, a hand around Sebastian's neck pulling him down and his stomach flutters at the way Sebastian melts down against him, how he makes himself fit to his smaller frame and thumbs along his jawline, lips pressing unthinkingly against his.

Sebastian pulls back and he thinks he's about to say something, but Sebastian only keeps staring down at him.

"What?" he asks, his cheeks burning with self conscious thought.

Sebastian huffs a small laugh before his green eyes turn playfully serious. "I have it bad for you, killer."

He can't even pretend a modest smile, a grin breaks out across his face and his stomach starts doing backflips. He thinks he's had it bad for Sebastian for a while now, but it's the first time he admits it to himself.

"Call me."

Sebastian nods. "I will."

He closes the door, turns and leans back against the wood, his head meeting the hard surface in a dull thud. He has it really bad, and he doesn't care what Eli thinks, this isn't some desperate attempt at finding something new. He's not settling for Sebastian. Sebastian's going to be a challenge.

.

.

Weeks later he will muster up the courage to ask Sebastian why he's the one who managed to get to his gingerbread heart, after it seemed he'd decided never to let anyone in again. Sebastian will answer that he loves without reserve, that he opens his heart completely and maybe naively so, but that he's the kind of person he should be with, not someone closed off and scared.

Sebastian will also add that he has a great ass.

He'll wonder if Sebastian is with him because he's easy to love, but when Sebastian asks him if there's a problem he'll shake his head no, because it might feel somewhat problematic, but deep down he knows he's dating Sebastian because he's not Eli, Sebastian's not careful around him and he doesn't let him off easy and he shows his appreciation for the little things.

And he'll decide that maybe it isn't problematic after all. Sebastian isn't Eli and he isn't Sebastian's ex and that's what makes them work, that's what makes their relationship different.

.

.

Right after their second date, dinner and a Broadway show this time, they head back to Sebastian's apartment, where he straddles Sebastian on the couch, kissing him deeply and Sebastian moans into his mouth, one hand wandering up under his shirt, the other pulling his groin tighter into his lap. He wants to respect a certain pace to their relationship, but everything so far has been upside down and he wants Sebastian so badly, so he takes his chance, and Sebastian only encourages him.

Shirts are peeled off and Sebastian slides sideways down the couch until he's lying on his back, spread out long beneath him. They're in no hurry so he takes time to explore Sebastian's body and Sebastian lets him, every beauty spot tended to, even the ones on his back once they make it to the bedroom; every curve of every muscle outlined by his tongue or fingers or both. Sebastian smells so good, a warm heady scent with only the slightest hint of cologne, and he almost can't believe he missed this before.

But last time they were naked together they were also drunk and he didn't have the active brain cells to revel in this, the way that Sebastian's body tenses when his breath ghosts over his cock, the pull of Sebastian's fingers in his hair, the throaty moans and sighs, the way his voice breaks when he tells him to ease off because they're not done yet, not even close.

He lies down on his side to face Sebastian, and they sink into a kiss, tongues slow caresses, lips sucking. His hands roam down Sebastian's chest, around to his back, fingers digging into skin. Sebastian grabs his leg right above the knee and pulls, draping it around his waist while he reaches down between them and fists their cocks together, the slick slide of them moving in his hand a maddening sensation that starts the heat tingling at the bottom of his spine.

Sebastian teases a few fingers down his crack, circling around his hole. He gasps and releases Sebastian's lips, reaching back frantically for the bottle of lube tossed on the bed earlier. Sebastian fingers his ass open and he keeps jerking them both off and they never lose track of each other's lips, whether it's for a whispered "You feel so good" or "Don't stop, please, don't stop" or a deep searing kiss that leaves them breathless.

"Ride me," Sebastian says, voice a low rumble, more a plea than a command, and before he knows it he's on top of Sebastian again, rolling on a condom, sinking down on his cock and Sebastian clasping his hands around his hips in desperation.

Sebastian leaves him a complete mess all over again, the watchful eyes never leaving him teasing the edge of self-consciousness, the hands molding at his skin tight, the fist stroking his cock in rhythm with his movements. It's even better than before because now he's not desperately hoping to sever himself from a dark emotion, he's surrendering to something new and exciting with a boy he really likes and–

Sebastian comes hard with a long strung out groan, eyes closing as he thrashes under him, his abdomen minutely tensing with every shudder flitting through his groin and somewhere in the mess of things he whispers his name. Sebastian's fist twists around his cock, working its way up to the head again, and he orgasms too, his come staining Sebastian's perfect skin.

He keels over onto Sebastian's chest, breathing labored.

Sebastian cards his fingers through his hair. "You're flawless, Blaine," he says, the word echoing somewhere in their past. "Flawless."

"Not–" he breathes, "so bad yourself."

Sebastian chuckles, his chest puffing out. He can feel Sebastian's heart beating against his.

It won't always be like this–as much as they both appreciate romance, long lazy mornings spent cuddling, drifting in and out of sleep, hot kisses followed by making love slowly, sometimes they'll spend entire days off in bed, going at each other hard.

They'll have breakfast together, inside or at the coffee shop around the corner, then come back and focus on work for a bit. He'll limit his schoolwork to reading and highlighting, glance up from his pages to catch Sebastian's eye, finally caving until they're ripping each other's clothes off in the bedroom, blow each other or jerk the other off, one of them always watching closely, followed by desperately hard touches.

Moments will pass where they catch their breath and gather themselves together, Sebastian never far away, and then they'll start all over again, pushing, pulling, teeth grazing over skin. The hours will blur together, the world continuing to spin around their special bubble in time.

He'll be sore for days and every time he sits down for another class he'll feel it, nursing an involuntary smile because those days aren't their be-all end-all, but they're ridiculously indulgent and bodacious and it's their little secret.

"Baby, you're– God," he'll breathe, coming down from his fourth orgasm and his body wrecked, ass fucked raw and his voice gone, his skin not his own, fire crawling beneath the surface.

"I'm what?" Sebastian chuckles, and pulls him closer.

"Hmpff–" he hums into Sebastian's chest, words out of reach. All he'll know during those days is Sebastian, and the rest of the world doesn't matter.

Sebastian rakes a hand through his curls. "You're so eloquent after an orgasm."

He twists his face into the crook of Sebastian's neck, the movements of his body beyond his control. "You drive me crazy," he whispers, pressing a kiss to Sebastian's skin, his neck, his jaw, anywhere he can reach.

"Good," Sebastian will say, and draw him in for another kiss.

.

.

It's nine months before they decide to move in together, nine months before his landlord randomly mentions his lease will be up in three months as he and Sebastian are making their way upstairs with some take-out. He passes the comment off with a gentle "I know, thanks, Mr Jannick", and follows behind Sebastian.

They make their way into the kitchen and grab some plates together before there's any sound.

"Why don't we move in together?" Sebastian asks.

"I don't know, why don't we?" he answers unaware, huffing a laugh, because they haven't talked about it and he's almost certain Sebastian only asks because his landlord happened to bring it up. But then the silence drags on and he's forced to look up at his boyfriend, staring at him a bit too smug.

Sebastian's being serious.

He straightens his shoulders. "Are we–ready for that?" he asks tentatively.

Sebastian takes a step closer. "I don't know, are we?"

He chuckles.

"We're practically living together already," Sebastian says, and it's true, he can't remember the last time he slept in an empty bed, hasn't woken up to Sebastian somewhere closeby. He could live in that moment in the morning when he wakes up, and he slowly becomes aware that he's not alone, because he'll hear Sebastian's shallow breathing, or feel him wound around him, see him lying next to him.

His cheeks burn at the thought, a painful sensation of guilt stabbing at him because he's had this conversation with someone else before and Sebastian hasn't, not like this anyway. It hadn't been too soon with Eli, not in his mind, and it's definitely not too soon now. He'd enjoyed his space and privacy, but carving out a new one with Sebastian sounds like heaven.

He reaches his arms around Sebastian's neck and stares up at him. "Mr Smythe." He smiles. "You want to live with me?"

Sebastian grins, arms winding around his waist. "I do, Mr Anderson."

While they wait for his lease to run out they go apartment hunting. They both have their own set of demands: Sebastian wants a space to park his car (which will become their car), he'd like a bathroom with a bath and shower, Sebastian wants a king-size bed, he wants room for a washer and dryer, and they'd both like the apartment to be at a reasonable distance from their workplaces.

The first three locations get rejected immediately, one lacks space, the other lacks a shower, the third lacks pretty much everything. The fourth goes on the list, lacking Sebastian's requested parking space, but there's a balcony with a killer view so Sebastian's willing to make the sacrifice.

The fifth, well, the fifth meets Sebastian's approval the moment they set foot in it. It's close to 1300 square feet in total, and their footsteps resound hollow on the floorboards, their voices echoing in the vacant space.

"It's perfect." Sebastian smiles, not even having checked the bedroom to see if it would fit his king-size bed.

"This place is way too big for us," he says. "We don't need a second room."

"Nonsense." Sebastian turns around. "You need a quiet place to study, and I need one to work."

He'd never even stopped to consider an office space until Sebastian mentions it, but he can't shake the faint feel of recognition this place gives him. It's not that it isn't a gorgeous apartment within their price range, but it reminds him of another one he helped clear out, one he was forced to clear out.

"But it feels so–"

"Don't," Sebastian hushes him with one word, another word instead of the one he was going to say: empty.

Sebastian wraps his arms around him from behind and makes him face the living room. "Just use your imagination," he says, lips at his ear, and points to his right. That's where the television will go, Sebastian says, right on top of a stylish commode that will house the DVD player.

They'll get a big couch, one they can curl up on together, maybe add a smaller settee for one to finish the ensemble, and they should probably get a rug to protect the floor on that half of the room. Above the TV they'll hang some pictures framing their silly faces, a collage maybe, depending on their combined tastes.

To the left of the room they'll add a dining table that could easily seat six people, eight if they push it, so they can have their friends over for dinner, or their families during the holidays. There'll be a bookcase against the wall for books, DVDs and CDs, small ornaments or trinkets filling up the spaces that are still free.

"How did you not go into real estate?" He laughs, earning a hot kiss where his neck meets his shoulder.

Sebastian doesn't say anything, he pulls him into the spare room and points to where his desk will be, right below the window because natural light is healthier to study in, his desk will form an L-shape with his own and they'll get those Ikea cable gutters to disguise all the wires for computers and desk lamps and other cords. They'll fix one of Adam's portraits to the far wall, or maybe a few smaller ones together, and their schedules can go on the corkboard they attach to the opposite wall, so they can always know about each other's plans.

Sebastian adds they can even plant a pull-out sofa right behind the door if anyone ever has to stay over.

"Should I describe the bedroom too or is your imagination rich enough for that?" Sebastian asks, dragging him back into the living room.

He laughs. "I got that covered."

"What do you say?"

He looks up at Sebastian and feels his knees tremble, the weight of commitment, unwarranted fear and love almost crushing him. He wants this with Sebastian so much, and he already knows that what they have is unlike anything he's had before.

He stalks a step closer to Sebastian and pushes a chaste kiss to his lips, revelling in the way that Sebastian's eyes are shining.

"It sounds like home," he says.

.

.

The car drive home feels like the longest of his life. He focuses on anything but Sebastian, his hands knitted together in his lap, the buildings cruising by behind the window, anything but the unease that has seeped its way into his bones. He sits absolutely still, afraid that moving might break the dam, open the floodgates to another argument, another fight that'll momentarily shake the foundations of their relationship.

Sebastian parks the car and a silence falls over them that's underlain with the tension of what's coming.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car, Sebastian doing the same.

"Blaine–" Sebastian says, but he's making his way up to the front door before Sebastian manages to say more. He pushes through the door and climbs the stairs, not bothering to check if Sebastian has followed him inside.

He can't believe this happened again, his trust in his own boyfriend knocked off-kilter. Why does Sebastian keep doing this to them?

"Are you really gonna be like this?" Sebastian asks, his keys hitting the hallway commode in a rattle.

He hates that it sounds like an accusation that he's acting ridiculous or that his feelings are unwarranted. He whirls around, anger informing his movements, heartbreak laced into his tone. "Why can't you just be with me?" he asks, voice breaking before he hits the last syllable.

"I am with you, Blaine," Sebastian answers immediately and takes a step closer. "I'm right here." Sebastian reaches out a hand but he moves a step back. "Baby, come on, it was just one dance."

He doesn't look up to meet Sebastian's eye. "With another guy," he says and sees the scene play out in front of his eyes all over again, another guy approaching Sebastian on the dance floor, where he'd been dancing on his own for a while, sneaking glances at him every now and then. And he'd smiled because Sebastian was trying to seduce him onto the dance floor, but he'd brought Adam and some of his school friends and it wouldn't have been polite to leave them alone.

"You were busy setting up Adam with one of your teacher friends." Sebastian stays in place, his voice calm and composed as if nothing happened at all, as if he hadn't done anything wrong. Had he? he wonders, because Sebastian has this way with people and even after all this time he can't distinguish the line between making conversation and flirting. "I asked you first," Sebastian adds.

It seems like an argument a petulant teenager would make, swinging the argument around so that the blame's resting squarely on his shoulders now.

"Why do you always do this?" he asks. "Why do you always make me into the bad guy?"

"I don't," Sebastian huffs, clearly surprised by the course this evening has taken. "Babe, I was just trying to have a good time."

"Yeah," he breathes and looks down, making a move for the bedroom. "Well, I'm glad one of us did."

"Blaine–" Sebastian says, but he doesn't wait to listen to Sebastian's next argument. "Blaine, stop!" Sebastian grabs him by the arm, stopping him in his tracks. He takes a deep breath and faces his boyfriend, who puts his arms on his shoulders, kneading at his skin. "I'm not the bad guy either. I'm yours," Sebastian says, a fear in his eyes he sees every time they fight like this, a fear he's sure is reflected in his.

"Sometimes I'm not sure that's true." He averts his eyes. As soon as the other guy had joined Sebastian on the dance floor, their hips moving together, all his attention had been diverted to the stranger. He didn't think it could be possible to feel alone surrounded by so many people.

"How would you feel if I danced with Eli?"

Sebastian's hands drop from his shoulders before he can realize he's said the wrong thing; he doesn't know why he still uses the Eli card after all this time, after two years, because Eli never had any place between them and didn't matter.

And Sebastian responds the only way he can now, continuing their argument, pointing out how ridiculous he's being.

"You're acting like I gave the guy a lap dance," Sebastian says. "I didn't touch him."

"You know what, forget it." He sighs. "I'm being unreasonable."

What's the point in having this conversation over and over again if it only results in the same thing? He'll continue being jealous and locking his feelings away, and Sebastian will continue to flirt because he'll stop mentioning how much it hurts him. It's a dangerous spiral that could destroy the most solid relationship, but here they are again anyway.

"You could have stopped me," Sebastian says.

He shakes his head and turns around, heading for the bedroom.

"You could've joined me!" he hears Sebastian call behind him, but he slams the door shut behind him, his skin crawling with anger. He's angry at himself for letting this get to him, he doesn't consider jealousy to be a very attractive emotion in anyone, least of all himself.

He doesn't have ownership over Sebastian and–and that's it. He doesn't own his boyfriend, Sebastian had merely taken up a place in his life and in his heart but that didn't mean he got to tell him what to do. And he can't expect Sebastian to only ever dance with him for the rest of his life.

It's so stupid, this argument they keep having, he keeps having, because his insecurities aren't Sebastian's. He gets jealous, worried that someone more interesting will come by and steal Sebastian right from under his nose, maybe someone less serious and less prone to deep commitment. And even though Sebastian's only said it once, sometimes in his loneliest moments (it's hard to believe but Sebastian has them), Sebastian worries that he's not good enough for him.

The bedroom door creaks open, Sebastian the first to give in this time.

"For the record, I'd be insanely jealous," Sebastian answers his last question. He's not sure he'd ever want to see Sebastian jealous, however disgustingly hot it might be. "I'd probably punch him and refuse to talk to you."

He turns his head to look at his boyfriend, hands on his hips, most of his fighting spirit gone. "I'd call you unreasonable."

Sebastian takes a tentative step closer, his tone calm again. "I'd point out he's your ex and he broke your heart."

He draws in a steady breath. Sebastian was the first to make a move, but that didn't mean he couldn't give him some leeway. He doesn't want to fight. "And I'd get mushy and say I never would've met you if he hadn't."

"I'd make fun of you for being so sentimental."

He smiles softly, body turning towards Sebastian as well. "You'd forgive me."

"Yeah?" Sebastian raises an eyebrow, the hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Why's that?"

"Because you love me." He reaches his hands for Sebastian's chest.

"I do," Sebastian says, hands cupping his face. "I really do."

Sebastian presses a kiss to his forehead and hugs his arms around him, holding him tight to his chest.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian says.

"Me too."

They'll get better at it, communicating their feelings, it's something they'll both have to learn because they're not willing to let each other go. Rachel will tell him that's how it goes, love isn't enough, every relationship needs its fine-tuning and in some areas that won't change–for her and Jesse it's their passion for performing, turning them both into divas from time to time and making it impossible to live together. But they tough it out, dial each other back when necessary, because they love each other.

He'll still get jealous, because he doesn't understand how he's meant to give Sebastian the trust he's granted in return. That's not how it works, is it? But if there's one thing he's absolutely sure about it's that he loves Sebastian, every little thing, and if he's truly honest that also includes Sebastian's less attractive features, because they're part of him and he's not about to stifle his boyfriend's personality because of his own anxiety.

.

.

He wakes up to the smell of stale coffee and someone nudging at his shoulder. His neck hurts and his desk is pressing into his stomach, his computer blinking in sleep mode. "Wake up, sleepy," Sebastian whispers in his ear, palm flat at his back.

"What time is it?" he asks, lifting his head, a page from his notebook sticking to his cheek and a sudden panic starts in him. Did he miss it? Is he going to be late for his final? His thoughts race and his quickening heartbeat wakes him up, until he realizes no, wait, he had an entire day left to study. What's he doing at his desk?

"It's 2am," Sebastian answers. He looks up through sleep-addled eyes to see Sebastian still wearing his work suit; he probably went out for a drink to unwind.

"So much for getting some sleep," Sebastian adds.

He rubs at his eyes, sore from reading all day. "I have to pass this class."

"And you will," Sebastian assures him, switching off his desk lamp. "But you need to be able to take the exam." Sebastian grabs him by the shoulders to get him upright. He sways on his feet, too tired to stand, so he's grateful that Sebastian takes such a firm hold of him. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

Sebastian walks him to the bedroom, where he flops down on the bed, already drifting off into sleep again. He feels Sebastian undo his pants and tug it down his hips, putting some socks on his feet because he knows he can't sleep with cold feet. Somehow Sebastian manages to navigate him under the sheets and joins him in the bed a few minutes later, changed out of his own clothes. Sebastian cuddles up close behind him, one arm around his waist.

"I love you," he hums.

Sebastian plants a kiss behind his ear. "Love you too."

He sleeps like a rock.

Sebastian's alarm blares at six in the morning, and he's surprised to find Sebastian's side of the bed empty already, Sebastian's sleep clothes at the end of the bed. He thinks maybe Sebastian went out for a run, but it's been a while since he took the time to.

He stretches out long, his back cracking, and yawns. Four hours of sleep isn't a cure for the fatigue that has been his companion for the past few weeks, but the smell of coffee wafting in from the kitchen might be. He quickly dresses in some slacks and a hoodie and finds Sebastian in the kitchen.

"Coffee for my early riser," Sebastian announces, in the process of pouring his standard to-go morning coffee.

He hums his approval and buries his face in Sebastian's chest, warm and comforting.

"Please remind me why I decided to go back to school?" he whines, even though it's his last year and he'll be graduating soon, but these finals have been kicking his ass. He's been pushing himself for the past three weeks, running on a few hours of sleep every night, and it's starting to take its toll. At least there are only a few more days to go.

Sebastian's kisses his hair, rubbing soothing circles down his back. He probably would've lost his mind weeks ago if it weren't for Sebastian, he'd been supportive every step of the way, hadn't minded him reciting his presentations out loud in the middle of the night or his sleep-deprived stress rants during dinner. He'd been nothing but patient and encouraging, and it's a thing that won't change.

"To become an inspiration to the misguided youth of America," Sebastian answers.

"Right." He tips his head back to smile up at Sebastian, reluctant to let him go just yet. "Thanks."

Sebastian leans in and brushes his lips over his, pressing a kiss to his upper lip. He reaches around Sebastian's hips, pulling him closer, lips parting to allow Sebastian's tongue entrance to his mouth, sinking into a deep kiss that tastes like minty toothpaste.

"When these finals are over I'm going to have my filthy way with you, killer," Sebastian speaks against his lips, thumbs caressing his jawline.

He nods, eyes still closed. "Hmm, and I'll happily let you." He pulls back, releasing Sebastian. When this is over he's going to sleep for days and take whatever Sebastian does to him in between. "You go fight social injustice now," he says, reaching to grab Sebastian's travel mug from the kitchen counter.

"I'll bring us home some dinner."

"My hero," he says, and yelps when Sebastian slaps his ass.

.

.

He thinks it's the sound of a glass shattering in the sink that wakes him up. His first instinct is to panic and maybe dial 911, but then he hears Sebastian utter a hushed 'Fuck' and he relaxes back into the bed. It's close to midnight, and he thinks Sebastian must have just gotten home; he always takes some time to unwind before coming to bed. He gets up and shimmies into an oversized hoodie, finding his way out of the bedroom with his eyes closed.

"Babe?" he calls, palming over one of his eyes, Sebastian slowly coming into view.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian says, arms resting on the kitchen counter, his body tense all over. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He pads over barefoot, rounding the kitchen counter and reaches his arms around Sebastian's waist, drawing circles over his abdomen, his chin coming to rest between Sebastian's shoulder blades. "What's wrong?" he asks, his jaw cracking with a yawn.

Sebastian releases a tired and exasperated sigh. "One of the clerks fucked up a legal document and now this douche we're suing could get away with–"

He puts his cheek flat against Sebastian's back. "Get away with what?"

Sebastian pinches the bridge of his nose. "You wouldn't understand."

He straightens up and stares at the back of Sebastian's head. He knows Sebastian isn't trying to be hurtful on purpose, but his words slice through him nonetheless. Sebastian doesn't often talk to him about work, maybe because he thinks it wouldn't interest him but he'd always make an effort to understand.

He pulls at Sebastian's hips, forcing him to turn around. "Then explain it to me," he says, ignoring the dark circles under his boyfriend's eyes yet again–they've been there for a few weeks now, work taking its toll.

"Blaine–"

"Please," he insists, because he knows Sebastian doesn't sleep well or at all when he's stressed.

Sebastian's eyes dig their way into his and he can tell Sebastian understands; he wants to hear this, he shouldn't be the only one who gets to complain about his day in greater detail than 'I've had a bad day'. Something's clearly bothering Sebastian and even though he won't be able to fix it, the least he can do is show his support.

He makes them both a cup of hot cocoa while Sebastian changes into a more comfortable outfit–a t-shirt and some slacks, and soon they're both settled on the couch, his legs draped over Sebastian's lap, Sebastian massaging at his feet.

And Sebastian explains what happened, in words often too difficult for him to understand but he'll slow down and explain in more detail. He's defending this kind loving woman who's suing her husband for child support, but then words like tax evasion and insurance fraud get in the way. What it boils down to is that the guy he's suing has screwed over his wife and children for no reason at all but his own greed. Sebastian feels helpless and frustrated, especially after the administrative mistake, and it's getting to him more than other cases.

Sebastian takes a deep breath, finishing his cocoa and relaxes into the couch, his head thrown back, some of the weight clearly lifted.

"We should take a vacation," he suggests. "After your case is done."

"There'll be another one waiting," Sebastian says, staring up at the ceiling.

"You're entitled to a vacation," he says. "I don't want to see you burn out."

Sebastian shifts his head sideways to look at him, one hand kneading at his thigh.

"We can head to LA," he says. "Soak up some sun. Sleep on Cooper's couch."

He's kidding, of course, Cooper has an achingly small guest bedroom that would suit them fine, but it gets a smile out of Sebastian and that's more than he was hoping for.

In the end it still takes some convincing, Sebastian's dedicated to his work and good at it to boot, so the firm's reluctant to let him go, even for a short period of time. But as much as he's dedicated to his own work, he has school vacations, some of which he'd actually like to spend with his boyfriend available to him 24/7. For obvious reasons.

The answer comes when Cooper extends an invitation to visit him because his commercial is on hiatus, and he's pretty insistent. He hasn't had the chance to properly visit his brother for more than a few days before, so it's the perfect opportunity to not only see his brother, but for Sebastian to recharge for a while.

And it works, Sebastian frustrates him by taking the occasional call from work, but for the most part they manage to leave their New York life behind, doing touristy things together, taking out Sarah's and Cooper's dog Yoda out for long walks at night, having lazy mornings in until Sarah sends in Yoda to lick their toes.

"You never thanked me by the way," Cooper says, helping him set the table while Sebastian helps Sarah in the kitchen.

"What for?" he asks, but Cooper's head makes a very suggestive nod towards the kitchen when they hear Sebastian laughing. He chuckles. "I'm sorry," he says. "Thank you for blackmailing me out of a hospital bed and letting me sleep on your couch so that I could meet my future boyfriend when I was at the lowest point in my life."

Cooper frowns to himself rather confused but with the slightest hint of pride and they both decide to drop it. He's grateful for a lot of things in his life, like his family and his friends, his crazy brother and definitely Sebastian, but he thinks he should be far more grateful Sebastian saw something worth giving a shot while he was heartbroken.

It's a silly thing to think, he saw as much in Sebastian as Sebastian saw in him, someone different than the boys who broke their hearts, and deep down he thinks he does owe his brother.

"I never thanked you for her," Cooper's voice shakes him from his thoughts. He looks up to find his brother's eyes shining and his heart clenches; as hopeless as he once believed them to be in love, they both hit the jackpot. "If you hadn't said what you said we wouldn't be here today."

He smiles. "What are brothers for?"

"Come here." Cooper says and closes the distance between them, throwing his arms around his shoulders. "I love you, squirt."

"Don't–call me that." He sighs a laugh, having long since accepted that it's a nickname he'll never shake. "Love you too, Coop."

In the early evenings all four of them sit out on the terrace, have a glass of wine while playing silly board games, and spend the better part of two hours laughing until their jaws hurt and their eyes are watery. There's a part of him that's sad Cooper lives so far away now, because their bond has greatly improved and he could stand to see his brother more often. But mostly he's grateful for the moments they do get.

It turns out that LA is also one fine excuse for Sebastian to walk around half-naked most of the time, especially when they're all hanging out on the beach, Sebastian frisbeeing with Sarah or taking a swim. He's positioned himself on a towel in the sun, soaking up heat and sunshine; he has some books with him but most of the time he ends up talking to Sarah or ogling his boyfriend while he runs past in his shorts, showing off his long legs and lean upper body.

Sebastian plunks down in the sand next to him. "Come on, killer, the water's great," he says, settling on his stomach. "You are not spending the entire week lying around on a beach."

He leans up on his elbows. "Why not?" he asks, but instead of answering Sebastian slides his sunglasses up into his hair and leans in for a kiss.

"Get up," Sebastian says, one of his hands sliding down his abdomen, settling at his side.

"No," he answers resolutely.

Sebastian pinches his side hard.

"Stop!" he squeals, but Sebastian pinches him again, his other hand joining in. "Stoppp!" he laughs his complaints, but has to endure several more moments of tickle torture before Sebastian relents.

He lies down on his back, Sebastian settling pliant against his side. "Why can't I have a lazy vacation?" he pouts.

"Not the pouting," Sebastian pleads. "You know it's my kryptonite."

He juts out his bottom lip and pouts some more. "Why, baby, why can't I be lazy?" he asks, fully intent on milking this until it's dry, but then Sebastian's lips are on his again, and he's pulling him in tighter.

"I'm really glad we did this," Sebastian whispers.

.

.

"We're not getting a dog," he says, pulling the covers back on the bed, tossing one of the excess pillows aside.

"Why no'?" Sebastian's words come out muddled from the next room because he's brushing his teeth.

"Because I'd be the one taking care of it!" he calls, louder than he needs to, but he's not up for this discussion right now. His mind is somewhere else and he doesn't know why Sebastian picked this particular day raise the subject. He'd been outlining reasons to get a dog all day and he'd decidedly heard enough. He wants to sleep so tomorrow can come fast and he can have these job interviews over with.

Sebastian spits in the sink, the water running for a few moments, before he makes his way into their bedroom. He's dressed only in his slacks, an almost sordid sight for sore eyes, and he idly wonders if Sebastian would be willing to distract him for a while.

"You sound like your mother."

He sighs. "Well, maybe my mother was right."

Sebastian looks at him and frowns, and he averts his eyes. "Baby," comes Sebastian's inevitable response. Sebastian moves to stand behind him, his chest connecting with his back. "Come on, baby," Sebastian says. "What's wrong?"

He doesn't want to say what's wrong. Sebastian should know.

"You're too stressed about these interviews," Sebastian says, his hands landing on his shoulders. He smiles, feeling guilty that he underestimates his boyfriend's perception. "You have the grades. You have amazing references. You'll do great."

Sebastian starts rubbing at his shoulders, expertly working out the knots his stress imbued him with. He throws his head back, lost in the steady push and pull of Sebastian's fingers.

"Let me make it better," Sebastian whispers in his ear, one of his hands moving down his back, sneaking around his hip, fingers teasing at the waistband of his slacks.

"Yes," he breathes, closing his eyes, hands reaching back around Sebastian's ass.

Sebastian palms over his crotch, working him in slow circles until he's hard, before slipping a hand inside his pants, fingers closing around his hard-on. He moans obscenely loud, because this is exactly what he needs, his mind blank, focused on anything but his responsibilities.

"That's it, baby," Sebastian says, thumb circling around the head of his cock before stroking down his length long and hard, adding more pressure, easing off again, a dizzying rhythm he goes high on. He feels Sebastian going hard against him, his cock settling in the crack of his ass, rutting against him shallowly.

He's all whimpers and moans, breath hitching at the back of his throat while a steady pressure builds at the base of his spine, his cock twitching in Sebastian's hand, his own hands digging into Sebastian's ass.

"Just like that," Sebastian says. "Just let go."

"Baby," he moans, back arching, fucking himself twice in Sebastian's tight grip before he loses it, coming in long spurts all over Sebastian's hand.

"It's okay." Sebastian works him through it until he becomes too sensitive. He leans back into the body behind him. "I've got you," he says, tugging him back in his slacks with his other hand.

Sebastian kisses his temple, his jaw, down his neck, lips lingering at that special spot behind his ear.

His knees go jelly and he lies face down on the bed, body melting relaxed and sated into the mattress. He hears Sebastian rifle through the bedside drawer for a tissue.

"Baby?" he mumbles against the sheets.

"Hmm?" Sebastian responds, the bed dipping to his left as he lies down beside him.

"We can get a dog if you want one."

Sebastian chuckles, a hand drawing down his back. "Let's discuss that when you're slightly more conscious again."

He forces an eye open, feeling Sebastian's hard-on press into his thigh. "Do you want me to–" He tries to move his hand, but he's so comfortable right now that he's reluctant to move at all.

And Sebastian seems to pick up on it. "No, I'm good," he says. "I know this ass is mine anyway." Sebastian slides his hand down the swell of his ass and places a lingering kiss at the small of his back, making his spine tingle.

.

.

They get a dog three months later, a golden retriever pup they name Misha. It happens in one of his lonelier moments, Sebastian calls him from work saying he won't make it home for dinner for the third time that week and he finds himself sitting alone at the dinner table, not in an empty apartment, but alone nonetheless, and he figures it couldn't hurt to have someone around that's completely dependent on his care.

It's not a substitute for Sebastian, but it helps him through his loneliest moments.

He never could have guessed that walking said dog late one night would put him face to face with Eli.

Misha runs right up to him, pawing at his legs and it's only when he's turned around that he recognizes his ex-boyfriend. It's been nearly four years and the years haven't been kind to Eli, his hair's shorter, his eyes weary, as if he hasn't slept properly for a long time. But he thinks that's because of his job.

"How've you been?" he asks, while Eli pets Misha on the head.

"Good," Eli answers, standing up straight, digging his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, really good."

"That's–good." He nods, at a complete loss of words. "Adam told me you went into cardiology?" he asks, anything to throw off this awkward feeling that he's seeing a friend who's been travelling for a few years and he realizes he's been neglecting him. But Eli's the one who backed away.

"My dad wasn't happy about it," Eli says. "But it's where my heart is."

He chuckles, remembering a time when laughing at Eli's jokes didn't fill him with guilt. "You always had the most terrible jokes."

Eli smiles. "And yet I always got you to laugh at them."

He tries to stifle another smile, but fails, and guilt rips through him twice-fold. What would Sebastian think?

"Congratulations on graduating by the way," Eli says. He blinks up, but Eli's staring down at his feet. He still reads Eli easily, he knows what's coming. "I know I wasn't very supportive of–"

He knows Eli won't say, won't apologize outright, but they're both four years older and the years have matured them. He's happy Eli's learned this about himself; he hopes he's able to be more supportive of his current partner's dreams.

"Anyway, congratulations." Eli shrugs.

"Thanks."

"I guess I'll–see you around?" Eli asks, a hint of hope in his eyes.

He nods. "Maybe."

When he tells Sebastian about it later he can't read his expression–maybe it's hurt but it could as well be indifference. There was a time when he thought part of him would always love Eli, but it's been four years and he's hardly thought about him at all.

"It was weird," he says, grabbing a beer from the fridge and making his back into the living room. Sebastian's at the dinner table going over some files. He's taken up the habit of bringing some of his work home with him, instead of working late at the office. "It felt like another life."

He puts the beer down in front of Sebastian, but he doesn't look up.

"I'm–not going to see him," he adds tentatively.

Sebastian looks up and releases a breath, pulling him closer by the waist. "It's fine if you do," he says. "I trust you."

He smiles and kisses Sebastian's hair, leaving him to his work; he still has term papers to grade by tomorrow. But as he sits down behind his desk he tries to put himself in Sebastian's shoes, tries to conjure up how he would feel if Sebastian would meet up with one of his exes. He decides he'd get jealous, maybe even a little angry that Sebastian didn't consider his feelings. So he won't see Eli.

Things are weird between them for a few days, but it blows over, because he has no intention of meeting with Eli on purpose if it's going to hurt Sebastian. He has no need for Eli in his life, so he's not going to force anything either.

.

.

When their fourth anniversary comes around he doesn't think about Eli or how it could all fall apart, he'd learned from his mistakes and Sebastian wasn't Eli, and in any case, it's hard to focus on much of anything when Sebastian goes down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant, every eye in the room turning to them.

"Honey, what are you doing?" he asks, cheeks burning, heart beating faster, and what an incredibly stupid question to ask.

Sebastian grins wide and he's mesmerized, his heart skipping a beat once Sebastian unearths a small box from his jacket, a box that can only hold one thing. He clasps a hand over his mouth to stop from crying, only his eyes do fill up with tears so that his boyfriend becomes blurry around the edges.

This is everything.

The box opens in Sebastian's hands, revealing a bright sterling ring.

"Will you marry me, Blaine Anderson?" Sebastian asks.

And he says yes because the six words hold all the meaning in the world.

THE END

#

author's notes: Thank you so much for everyone who has commented on this story, left me kudos or showed support in any other way :) your reaction to this has been overwhelming and it has me psyched to keep writing for this pairing for much much longer! Special thanks to xsaturated for beta-reading and brainstorming :))