I don't have voices in my mind. I have a voice in my head. He talks to me often and always has more special, crazy fun news to tell me. If I'm having a really good day…he pops up and tells me something awful to ruin my perfect day! He's a really special little guy. And it's not like I'm a crazy person or anything. The voice in my head is me, I just hate what he says something's. And yes sometimes I argue with myself, but not many people can honestly say they never have either. We have disagreements sometimes and our brains split down the middle and argue. It's called science, look it up. Unfortunately this is a rare occasion. I argue with myself often and usually about dumb, little stupid things. Sometimes it's hard for me to decide on having fries or onion rings with my burger. Because on one hand, fries are potatoes and full of carbs and starch, but onion rings can give your breath an oniony smell and who knows who you're going to run in after eating them and you can't brush your teeth…It's exhausting but it's necessary. And most of the time, I just get both to calm down my stupid brain.

However, for me, choosing between fries and onion rings are the least of my worries. And my uneasy head hasn't always been like this. I haven't always heard a voice, my voice, in my head telling me something Earth shattering. I heard it first when I was in 8th grade. I was supposed to be studying, like my mother asked me to do, but instead I was surfing the internet for porn. Typical boy thing to do in 8th grade. I was curious, we had a sex-ed class, and all my friends and told me about internet porn. It was free, most of it, and it got the job done. I was there. Except my porn adventures turned sour after the first scene. It was of a big breasted, blonde, slim wasted girl bouncing on top of this guy's dick. I took in her naked form and watched her fake titties bounce around and…nothing. I didn't get hard, and I never felt the urge to touch myself, as my friends and told em would happen. That is until they switched positions, and she started sucking him off. When I saw her huge mouth wrap around this equally huge dick, I felt a twitch in my pants and suddenly I was moaning, groaning and pleasuring myself to no end. I lost my reasoning and logic in the dust seeing this guy's dick get sucked on, and then pound into her. I wasn't aware that I was more interested in him then her, until after I had come. I steadied my breathing and forced my brain to remember what part of it was so hot. And then I saw his dick again and I went down the same road. By midnight that night, I was watching gay porn instead of straight. That was when my voice popped out and screamed in my head, "GAY!" It took a while for me to accept it into truth. A whole year actually. In the middle of my freshman year I finally came to turns with myself and was happy to be me. I know I'll sound like a pervert but it was when I was in the boys locker room when I started believing it. It was just after a hard hockey practice and the whole freshman team was in the showers, all of us used to being naked in front of each other. Except I became very uncomfortable very fast when one of my best friends, since forever and a day came walking out of the showers, a towel draped loosely around his slim but toned waist. The reason I can't see, or talk straight sometimes. His name never just sits in my head. I have to put my name in front of his last name and I start imagining a lot of different scenarios that make me blush and kick myself mentally. The one true love of my life, this I was sure. James Diamond.

The only way I can describe James Diamond without losing my God damn mind is saying he is God's gift to this Earth. Everything about him is flawless and perfect. I can't go a minute without picturing his face and his amazing body. I can't help but smile and laugh to myself thinking about everything he has ever said. And I know everything he has every said. I count the steps he takes to walk from his car to his locker. I can tell when he's sad, mad and happy. I know when he's lying. He scratches his nose with two fingers, and licks his lips until he either just comes clean or he gets out of telling the truth. I think it's sexy and cute when he studies, and thinks hard because he has to wear glasses, even with his contacts. He's as blind as a bat, but a sexy bat. He always brings himself down if he doesn't understand a problem and it take an hour to reassure him he's not stupid. He's way too hard on himself. He can't take any compliments unless it's about his hair or body. He tries to act tough, and sweet at the same time, and gives off the impression that he's a lady killer and a player, but I know he's looking for that one special lady. And also…he's straight.

You would think that knowing he's straight would change my mind and just forget about him, but I can't. I'm a drug addict and the only thing that gives em a fix is James Diamond. I mean…I could tell him and see where that goes but I could never risk our friendship. We've been best friends since diapers and we live right next to each other. I know in his eyes I'm probably like a little brother. But to me, he's my everything. I have a sick obsession with him that I can't just push aside. I wish it was that easy. To just wake up, and not think about him, but it's harder than it sounds. To forget about James Diamond is like forgetting about dinner. It just doesn't happen. And trust em I've tried to find replacements. But no one compares. No one will ever be who he is to me, and no one will ever do what he does to me. I've come to terms with that. I heard that's the first step to recovery.

"Psst!" I shot up in my desk pushing my hood of my head and turned my body to see Logan, one of my other best friends staring at me. He frowned and poked my cheek with the end of his pen. "Let me guess…you finished so now your spending your free time thinking about…you-know-who."

"Voldemort…yes." I cracked a small smile and he rolled his eyes sitting back in his seat looking down at his completed test. I turned back to the front and saw our chemistry teacher staring at us, but not even caring. We were probably his best students, and never got in trouble for cheating or anything like that. I looked down at my desk anyway and yawned picking at the frayed wood of the crappy little desk my long body barely fit under. "You're wrong by the way." He snorted, probably too loud causing everyone to grumble at him to be quite and I snickered. I heard and felt him come up to my ear and chuckle.

"Sure…I believe you. You weren't thinking of your best friend, who you have a huge, ginormous crush on, but don't have the balls to tell him, oh and you can't even tell him you're gay…I'm sure you're thinking about your history paper." I rolled my eyes and pushed away from him grabbing my bag off the floor by my chair and picking up my test. Like clockwork, the bell rang overhead, signaling to all of us that was the last class of the day and it was Friday. Freedom.

I walked out of the science lab, Logan right beside me neither of us saying a word. Logan was like my brother. I told him everything. From the day my dad left em and my family, he was there for me, and let me vent. It was an unspoken agreement between us. I'd share all my ridiculous feelings, and he'd analyze em for the fun of it. He was going to be a doctor and I trusted him so I didn't really care. Besides, he always gave me sound advice. Like when I told him, and he's the only one to this date that knows, that I'm gay he said it didn't matter to him. He didn't think any less or any different of me, and went right along to playing some gory war video game. The one thing I should have never told him was I liked James because ever since then, he's been bugging me about coming clean and confessing. No wa yin hell Loges.

"So…any wild crazy party plans for tonight?" I stopped walking when he reached his locker and put in the combination, looking at me.

"Not that I know of. Finals are getting close Logan. We got to study and…" A strong, warm, familiar and safe hand grabbed the back of my neck softly and I melted instantly. How sick was it that I knew James's touch? I turned my head quick seeing him frowning between Logan and I. I forced a smile and held myself back so I didn't pounce on him then and there.

"Why am I not surprised by this? You two worrying about school work and finals…and blah, blah, blah! It's Friday! We need to be enjoying ourselves and be teenagers." I playfully shoved James off me and he bumped into Carlos who had his nose in his book, scratching his head, confused beyond belief. "God I need new friends…seriously guys! We need to do something major, and something soon before we graduate! It's out last year of high school…" I could tell there was a hint of sadness in his voice as his beautiful hazel eyes flashed over to me. I swallowed hard and gripped my straps to my backpack on my shoulder tight. I hoped he didn't notice the white knuckles and sighed in relief when he turned to Carlos. "You're parents are out of town right?" Logan looked up, horrified and shook his head fast.

"Don't be that asshole of a friend who makes his friend throw a house party and then gets in trouble by his parents. His dads a cop James…" James shook his head and smiled small, showing just enough teeth to make me wish I could kiss into his mouth. There is the stupid voice I mentioned…

"First of all I was just thinking a small get together. Us four…maybe four more people, of the female type…" he nudged me gently raising his eyebrows like an idiot and I looked down quick, hating to know he was so into girls. "Ad maybe get my mom to get us some liquor. It would be small and safe because we wouldn't leave Carlos's place. Come on…that sounds fun right?" I wanted to scream no, and protest but like always I was going to suck it up and make out with a random girl just to get through the day, to satisfy him. James was the type of guy, the type of friend who would never let you feel awkward if he was with a girl. He'd ask her, to bring a friend for his buddy. I was always the buddy because I was always single. Shocker I know.

"Well maybe it should just be us…we haven't done something like that in a while." I looked up straight to Logan, thankful or him. He would never tell James anything on my behalf but he was always trying to get us to be alone and talk. I was always too much of a chicken and our time alone never lasted long.

"Really…you guys would rather do that?" I looked to James and shrugged but nodded. He turned to Carlos and snapped the book shut he was holding.

"Uhm…Lincoln was the 16th president and signed the Emancipation Proclamation, giving slaves freedom…" James rolled his eyes and turned back to me and Logan.

"Alright…fine. I could use some help with my English and Math if you guys don't mind." I shook my head and he sighed, breathing out low and hard. "Alright then we'll go over to Carlo's tonight and just do like a weekend study jam…oh my God you guys turned me into a nerd!" I laughed and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, loving the feeling of his muscles under my fingertips. "You want to ride with me Kenny?" I blushed and pushed him away hard and fast grumbling. He was the only one I ever let get away with calling me Kenny, and I hated that he had that power over me.

"Oh hey…guys my parents are out of town…" I started walking James and Logan on either side of me and Carlos ran up beside Logan. "We can do it at my house." I saw Logan turn to him, and unbelievable look of amazement on his face. He shoved Carlos lightly and continued walking next to me.

"Jesus Christ Carlos…keep up." I smiled and stepped through the door James had opened for us. Even when Carlos and Logan had gone out and were chasing each other's to their cars, I waited for James. Again we walked side by side, no words spoken. No words could have described the pain I felt seeing the girls walk by flirting, blowing kisses. I wanted so desperately to be able to do that, but I couldn't for too many obvious reasons. And just like always when I was caught thinking about James my voice would pop up and tell me, I'm just an idiot and a fool anyway. Why would he want a guy like me if he was gay? Why would he waste his time on someone as pathetic as me?

He wouldn't.

SO winterschild11…I THOUGHT OF A KAMES? DO YOU LIKE? OR IS IT TOO CLICHÉ? ANY AND ALL REVIEWS ARE WELCOMED!

OH AND THE TITLE FOR THIS STORY CAME FROM A CHRISTINA AGUILERA SONG WITH BLAKE SHELTON. I DON'T KNOW…WHEN I HEARD THE SONG MY IPOD WA SON SHUFFLE AND MY MUSIC WAS JUST PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AND WHEN THE LYRICS FLOWED THROUH MY EARS, I COUDLNT HELP BUT THINK HOW AMAZING IT WOULD BE TO HEAR JAMES AND KENDALL SING THIS. LIKE IN THE STORY, AND THEN I GOT MORE IDEAS FOR HTSI STORY SO…YEAH.