Ianto felt like he was on the outside, watching Jack watching Gwen. Rationally he knew it was related to the Harwoods lorry filled with alien meat, wondering how involved Rhys was. But it didn't help, he still felt like he was on the edges of Jack's life. Never fully there as he waited on the periphery. He thought they had gotten past outside influences but right now he wasn't so sure. All his previously ignored doubts were bubbling back up. Every fear he'd had that he had been Jack's second choice filling the spaces between his thoughts. Fears he had buried so deeply he hadn't even acknowledged them until now. Until she looked at Jack, who looked back.

He was reminded of when Jack had come back and found she was engaged. It seemed only after that had he thought to ask him how he was. To ask him out on a date. Was it because she had not waited for him, was no longer free? Or had Jack always planned to ask him out for dinner and a movie. He wondered if he had just been the second choice that had worked out conveniently well. He hated the doubts, the pain of not knowing. The fear of the answer paralysing him, stopping him from asking. Seeping poison into their relationship as it sowed seeds of doubt watered by every longing look exchanged and intercepted.

Tosh wanted Owen, who had slept with Gwen, who wanted Jack who was sleeping with him. Hardly an emotionally healthy environment for any relationship. It was like an episode of Jerry Springer just waiting for cameras to start rolling. He wasn't even sure what he and Jack were. He stopped at that thought, he had hoped it was behind him, them. After dinner interrupted the night they had bumped into Becky they had both said it wasn't just sex. They had spent every night together since the gnome incident, every night leaving him feeling loved. He hadn't felt second until now, watching Gwen making eyes at Jack. He ran a hand though his hair and hoped the ghost of Gwen wouldn't infect them. If it wasn't too late.

The door of the Hub rolled closed behind Tosh and Owen as they left for the evening. Gwen was taking Rhys back out the way they had come in, via the lift. Now nicknamed the tourist entrance after their brush with one Captain John Hart. Much as Ianto hated it, it was catchy, like the Harwood's jingle. With the others gone he was alone in the Hub with Jack. And the dinosaur but she wasn't going to bother them. He felt slightly guilty about feeding her the alien meat but she seemed to like it.

'So, Rhys seems nice.'

'Yes.' Jack looked at Ianto. 'Look, do you want to get out of here? Maybe catch a movie and make out in the back row like teenagers.'

Ianto nodded. 'Sure.' The little voice of poisoned doubt whispering that they couldn't talk about today at the movies. In the dark they couldn't talk at all.

He looked at Ianto. The word said yes but everything about the man screamed no. 'Unless you just want to find a quiet restaurant, have dinner and talk.' He watched Ianto shrug.

'What's there to talk about?'

Jack folded him into his arms. 'Well you and Owen seem to be playing nicely, and meeting Rhys, that's unusual for this place. It's a lot to talk about.' And of course I love you, which he still couldn't bring himself to say. But he wasn't the only one.

'Um, dinner would be nice, will we actually stay for dinner this time?'

Jack just raised his eyebrows and grinned.

'I'll get my jacket then.'

'Ianto.'

'Jack.'

'Why would we release a single?'

'It's what Bob Geldof would do, Sir.'

Jack blinked a few times while he tried to work out if Ianto was being serious, he probably was. 'Come on, lets find a quiet corner with a table for two.'

They found a restaurant called Little Cyprus that did indeed have a cosy corner with a table for two tucked away in the back.

'I haven't been here before, you?'

Ianto shook his head. 'So Rhys seems nice.'

'Didn't I say that at the Hub.'

He sighed, why did he get so nervous out on a date with Jack. 'Yep.'

Jack reached out and brushed his hand over Ianto's who tried to relax. This was how it had started last time. Awkward conversation and butterfly inducing looks and touches. Would they actually finish their meal this time? He didn't pull away. Jack smiled as Ianto moved his hand closer, meeting him halfway. Now they just needed something to talk about. Which worried him, what did they have that wasn't work or sex? 'What do you think of the new James Bond.'

Ianto shrugged. 'He seems all right, even if he didn't know how to drive a manual.' They were talking about James Bond? Did this mean Jack wanted to play spy games?

'I think I'd make a good James Bond.'

Ianto laughed. 'In the movies or real life? Don't you get enough death defying action at work?'

'I get plenty of action at work, and I've started locking doors, I'll have you know. But he does have cool gadgets.'

'So do we, although Owen did just shoot the door open rather than use the unlocking alien device thing we have in the archives. And I appreciate the locked doors.'

'I think Owen does too.' Jack grinned. 'You're certainly enthusiastic in your appreciation.'

Ianto blushed.

'Have you been to Cypress or Greece?'

'No. We talked abut going but, Canary Wharf, sort of happened.'

'I'm sorry Ianto, I didn't know.'

He shook his head. 'How could you? I'd still like to go one day, I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet.'

'So why do you speak so many languages?'

He shrugged. 'I'm just good with languages, it gave me something to do between terms at school.'

'Gave you something to do?'

'I spent a lot of time at my gran's where we spoke Welsh, of course. One of her neighbours, Mrs Taylor, she was born in Italy, I think she liked being able to speak Italian with someone, they never had children. And Mrs Jones across the street, no relation mind, she was French and Mr Davies, his, well, companion, Moshe Levi he's Jewish.'

'You speak Hebrew? That isn't in your file, or is it Yiddish?'

He shook his head. 'German, Moshe was Jewish but he helped me with my grammar, he also taught me how to play the piano. They left before the war started so he never hated the language.'

Jack was amazed, he'd just learnt more about Ianto in ten minutes than he had since meeting the man. 'You don't talk much about before London, before Torchwood.'

'There's not much to talk about.'

'You sell yourself short Ianto Jones, I would like very much to know more.' Jack could have sworn Ianto looked relieved at the arrival of the moussaka they had both ordered.

'Of course, you don't talk much about your life before Torchwood either.'

'And how is your mother enjoying married life?'

Ianto groaned. 'Please dear god can we be working over Christmas this year. I will agree to practically anything if you come up with something.'

'Oh yes? Are we talking kinky?'

'Ah ha, just, no extra people.'

'Fair enough, but why this year, I thought you cooked last year.'

'Morris is cooking Christmas dinner. He's already talking tofu recipes Jack. Have you eaten tofu?'

'It's sort of squishy isn't it.'

He nodded. 'I just can't do it. I can accept that he is not an axe murder but tofu?'

'I think I might need you in the Hub this year, but you have to cook me dinner.' He watched Ianto visibly relax and he smiled. 'The moussaka is very good.'

Ianto nodded again. 'I can never quite get it right myself.'

'Maybe you need a Greek cookbook.'

'Wouldn't help, I can't read Greek.'

'You can buy them in English these days.'

He rolled his eyes as he pushed his now empty plate away.

'Can I interest you in desert or we could go for a walk and find some ice cream.' Jack paused. 'No, ice cream gives you a headache.'

'That's right, it does.'

'The tone of surprise Ianto, I'm hurt.' He took Ianto's hand in both of his. 'I do listen.'

Ianto smiled. 'I never said you didn't.'

Jack kept smiling, he hadn't pulled his hand away. 'Desert? Or we could just walk around, it isn't completely dark yet.'

'What, no rush to get back to the Hub?'

He shook his head. 'I'm enjoying not being at work.'

'Fair enough, I think a walk would be nice, since it's not raining for a change.'

'Why is your Welsh weather so dreary?'

'It isn't my weather and I hardly think it's deliberate.'

'Really because I'm not so sure.'

'Come on, it will start snowing soon enough, we should make the most of it.'

Jack nodded as he paid the bill and led Ianto out into the early Cardiff evening. It was a reasonably mild autumn evening but winter was seeding in reminders that it too was not far away. They walked in silence as they moved towards the water, dodging a group of brash American tourists as they moved into the shadows. Ianto looked out across the dark water and leaned against the rail. He loved this time of year, it was crisp but winter was still a memory of days yet to come. The madness of Christmas and another year wrapping itself up in discarded tinsel but they still had now. Jack reached out and took his hand.

'So you and Owen kicked in a door today.'

He nodded as he moved closer to Jack. 'Guns out and everything.'

'Why is he so determined to wave his gun around?'

'Are we talking an actual gun or some sort of thinly veiled reference to a penis?'

'Hand gun why, do you have a thinly veiled reference in mind?'

'Well, since he sort of, saw yours, he hasn't been quite the same.'

'No one ever is.' He grinned, even in the shadows he knew Ianto was blushing. He leaned in and brushed a soft kiss over Ianto's lips. The intent being a sweet brief touch but as Ianto sighed into the kiss he found he didn't want to stop. Hands moved to hold Ianto's face, a gentle caress as he let himself go. He could feel hands reaching for him, sliding around his waist inside his coat. Moving over up his back to hold him closer as they explored the kiss.

Jack thought he could feel time slow and the sounds of the night around them fade into the distance. Their hearts followed the same rhythm, sounding like the slow dripping of a tap. They stood in each other, their noses and foreheads touching as they both fought for air. Jack groaned softly.

'Do you have any idea of what you do to me Ianto Jones.'

'Not if you don't tell me.'

'You turned my world upside down the first time I met you.'

'Funny, you did the same thing to mine.' He recognised that this would be the perfect opportunity to say I love you to Jack. If he was an author writing the perfect scene, the perfect moment would be this one. But he didn't say it. He still wondered if he was just a convenient second choice because Gwen was already spoken for.

Jack wanted to groan with frustration, every time, he was still taking two steps forward and the occasional one back. Somewhere between kissing Ianto, telling him he turned his world upside down and now, he'd lost him again. 'I can't follow you if I don't know where you've gone Ianto.'

Ianto sighed softly. 'I just feel so over whelmed at times Jack.'

Jack pulled back to give Ianto space. 'I don't know what you need me to say. Tell me and I'll say it. If you want me to buy you all the Wedgwood in Cardiff I will. If you want to get a kitten together we can do that, although I think Myfanwy might try to eat it if we kept it at the Hub.'

'A kitten?'

'You don't like cats?'

Ianto sighed. 'This isn't something a cat can fix Jack. This is me.'

'I.' Jack stopped, he wasn't going to tell Ianto he loved him just to avoid the discordant note between them. He knew he could kiss Ianto until he forgot whatever was bothering him this time, but he'd remember eventually. He always did. This would have been so much easier if one of them was a girl who wanted to talk about her feelings. 'Fuck it, Ianto, what has pissed you off now?'

'Now? I'm not pissed off, or I wasn't.'

'I've said the wrong thing again.'

Ianto sighed. 'No you haven't, I'm the one who feels like I've woken up and don't know where I am and my underwear is on backwards. Can we just go back to where we were a few minutes ago?'

'Can we? I know I could kiss you again but what happens when we stop kissing? What happens after we go back to the Hub or your place and we make love? This, whatever it is, will just come back sneaking into your thoughts in the darkness.'

'Your right, it will sneak back in, but we can deal with it then.'

'No we wont. We'll make love, fall asleep in each other's arms and you'll wake up at some point and whatever the elephant in the room is, you'll start thinking about it again.'

'I'm not the one who gets woken up by the ghosts of the past at three am every morning.'

'Well, you'll be in fine company then wont you. Because I'm thinking I'm not the only one with a few ghosts right now.'

'This isn't about Lisa.'

'It's about someone.' Jack sighed, he hoped Ianto wasn't going to sulk now, they had been having such a nice evening up until this. Why had he gone and said anything, they could have been moving towards the Hub if he'd just shut up and ignored the doubt. He was so out of practice with the whole relationship thing that he didn't know what the steps of this dance were any more. Although he wasn't sure he was going to enjoy it when he did finally figure it all out. If it wasn't thinking about Lisa that had made him pull back and get lost in thoughts, then what was bugging his Ianto Jones.

'You turn everything upside down Jack, every idea of who I was, you've changed. Everything I thought I wanted in life, who I thought I wanted. I'm not sure I know who I am any more.' He turned away from Jack. 'I don't exist if I'm not with you and I don't even know if you love me back. I don't know if I'm even the one you wanted in your bed.'

'Ah.' Jack wasn't sure who Ianto thought he might have wanted in his bed other than his beautiful Welshman. He sighed, that wasn't quite true, not if he was being honest with himself. He owed Ianto at least that much. 'I assume you mean Gwen then.'

'You don't even deny it, that is just fantastic.'

Jack reached out for Ianto, grabbing his arm as he started to pull away. 'Ianto Jones, there is only one face I see when I close my eyes at night.'

'Now maybe, but what about when you came back?'

'I came back for you.'

'I don't know that, for all I know you want Rhys to get killed tomorrow so you can swoop in and give her what she wants.'

'And what about what I want?'

'What do you want Jack?'

Jack pulled Ianto into his arms and kissed him, there was no gentle Jack in this kiss as he demanded total surrender. Lips hungry and tongue desperate to posses and dominate Ianto he consumed with his kiss. This was a branding. 'I want you.' He turned and started to walk away. 'You either want me back or you don't. I am going to bed, you are welcome to join me, or find your way home.'