Sherlock

I really hope he doesn't notice me looking. John's eyes are sparkling in the dim candlelight and they dart around, seeking refuge from the dead end of our conversation. Usually I feel like I can discuss anything with him and for as long as I please but tonight is different. There's something on his mind and I know it but I need to stay as calm as possible.

Outside, the streetlights shine on the pavement. It's slightly damp, slightly humid. Angelo comes over hands us the menus, happy and bursting with excitement as ever. I'm not really sure why since he doesn't really have that much to be happy about.

"I'll get a candle for you and your..." his eyes wander to John, looking him up and down quickly. "date, more romantic." He turns back to me. "You haven't been here in a while Sherlock?"

"I've been very busy, Angelo." I lie. It's not that much of a lie, really. "I have been meaning to come back here, and I thought I'd take yours."

Angelo looks at John, I don't like this. "Different guy every week." He grins.

John smiles uncomfortably. "I hope that's not your plan tonight."

"Well..." I cock my head and smirk oh God why am I making jokes now I shouldn't be joking. "Mrs Hudson is away for the weekend."

Somehow Angelo slipped out whilst I wasn't looking. John is quick to change the conversation topic. "Mrs Hudson... she's your landlady, isn't she?"

"Yes, you should meet her sometime. She makes nice cakes."

Antonia

I feel like this couldn't be more awkward if we were both naked.

"So." I nod and lick my lips. "Molly."

"...yes." She smiles, awkwardly. She sort of reminds me of one of those cutesy things off a kids TV show.

"I had a friend called Molly once when I was little."

Why am I telling her this. Why am I telling her this.

"Really?" She isn't really interested it all I can tell. She's just too polite to let the conversation end there.

"Yeah." You can stop now. "We fell out though." STOP.

"I'm sorry."

STOP STOP STOP TALKING. SHE DOESN'T CARE.

"Yeah. I liked football, she liked My Little Pony, it was never gonna work." I say that almost sadly, like it was a long term relationship rather than ten minutes together on the school playground.

"Oh."

You're a twat Antonia.

"Um. I'm not really that good at this stuff."

"Me neither, I'm sorry."

"You're friends with Sherlock?"

"...yes." She smiles again.

"Got any embarrassing stories?"

Molly blushes a little. "Um, maybe a few. You can't go around telling them though."

"Best not to tell me then. I get urges." I nod again, gingerly. "Not those kinds of urges, oh my God-"

"I was told you liked football?"

"I dig it, do you?"

"Not exactly, I mean, I don't have anything against it, I've just never been particularly interested in it."

Antonia you literally have nothing to talk about you boring little shit.

It takes a while for Molly to bring herself to talk. "What do you usually do in the evenings then- I mean, what do you do with John, or-"

"It depends, I mean usually we just watch TV or something."

"I say we do that."

"Good idea."

Sherlock

John finally breaks the ice with "you come here a lot then? With guys?"

"I used to, yes. Angelo's an old friend of mine."

"He gave me an odd look."

"Understandable. Haven't been here on a date in about two years. He might have been offended."

"Offended?"

"I was quite a regular."

"Different guy every night, he noticed?"

I sharpen a little. "You seem to be very interested in my past sex life John."

"It's the only bit of your past I know a tiny bit about, you're not keen to expose any of it."

"Would anyone be? John I really didn't think you'd be the type to judge a person on their sex life, or past sex life etcetera, you'll find it really doesn't have that much of an impact on anything."

"Sorry. You just- you just don't really open up. Ever."

"People don't tend to like what they find. You're only just scratching the surface, if you think the shamelessly enjoyable act of frequent intercourse is my worst aspect and worth keeping sealed away then I'm worried, John."

"I'm worried too because you're so secretive. You're not supposed to tell people you have secrets, you know, if you don't want them to find out. If you were on the government-"

"-ha. Haha. Government. British government."

"What, is that something you're familiar with?"

"No, really no. My brother is though."

"Your brother? I didn't know you had a brother?"

"Mycroft. We haven't spoken in a while."

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for. He's an idiot."

He smirks. "Is everyone an idiot? In your books, anyway?"

"Not everyone, most people I know, yes."

"Tell me about your brother."

I shrug. Why would he want to know about that? "He's dull. Incredibly dull, to me at always felt like he grew up too fast. Then there was an age gap – maybe he's always been boring. I don't really know. Does it matter?"

"I don't think it does."

"You don't think it does, what does that mean?"

"You're quite difficult."

"Sorry. I do that when I'm nervous."

"You're nervous?"

Shit. Expose one of your symptoms of vulnerability Sherlock, very clever.

"Obviously not. I was just saying it."

"No this makes sense, when you get nervous you're blunt? You cut yourself off, that makes sense-"

"-no it doesn't." Then John does a small laugh, with his perfect face and his wonderful eyes and it kills me. "Oh shut up."

He looks down. "I'm sorry."

"No don't be, it's not your fault." I look up at him and I can't help but melt when he looks back. "It's never your fault."

"Why are you nervous? You don't exactly have to impress anyone."

"Oh, but I do. I have to impress you."

"You do that all the time."

A smile tugs at the right corner of my lips. "It's a forced habit now, I can be alright sometimes if I try hard enough. I'm terrified you'll get bored of me. Everyone else does."

Antonia

Shadows thrown by the light coming from the TV creep up the walls like silhouettes of dark character, shady people, mysterious ones. The coldness of the atmosphere climbs up my back, enters through my pores and then comes out again on my skin in tiny bumps. I think I forgot to draw my curtains. I should really go and do that.

Instead my mouth begins to mouth I'm not sure why but I think I'm trying to talk to her. Molly. We're watching the news. I don't like the news.

"I don't like the news." I say almost conclusively to this half an hour statement of watching it. She perks up a little. Keep it going. "It's just a constant reminder of how shit everything is."

"Sometimes there are nice stories. There's always enlightening things that they put in to detract from it all."

"That's the bit I don't like. Like, the world is shit everything is shit don't try and make it seem less shit by sugar coating a cat finding its way back home or someone finding a fucking massive fish before reminding us there are sick fuckers out there killing innocent kids for the fun of it." I take a deep sigh. That was a bit rude. "Sorry. That was unnecessary."

"No, you made a good point, I suppose... I mean, I don't really watch the news that often, it brings me down a lot... I don't think anyone wants an unhappy person working in a morgue. Not that anyone wants a particularly happy one either."

"That makes sense." I nod. Keep it going. "I usually just watch movies most of the time."

"Me too."

We have something to talk about quick don't let it slip away. "What sorts?"

"It's sort of embarrassing, I'm far too old to admit to it..."

"I'm not a very judgemental person." Okay tiny white lie there. I'm not that judgemental. "Don't worry about it."

"I love Disney movies. The old ones mostly, I've seen them all."

"I will high five you for that." And I do. "What's your favourite?"

"At the moment it's the Aristocats, I think."

"See I'm more of the Mulan type. Hercules is great too I think they're my two favourites. I haven't see Aristocats in ages actually. We should watch it."

John

The sentence he just spoke was so blunt but somehow, it tore right through me. I think about how lonely he is. I think about how there are people who don't find him as brilliant as I do, crazy as it seems, and how they would treat him. It makes me uneasy. He doesn't deserve that.

"I-" I lick my lips and ponder over the correct words. "I won't get bored of you."

"And you mean that?" Sherlock looks me up and down like he already knows the answer and he does I know he does.

"Yeah, of course I do."

His mouth does that little smile and I want to melt into the floor. I hate it and love it at the same time, how mysterious he is and how little I know. Tonight has been heavy on me like the atmosphere outside. With all these questions and all. It deserves a better end.

"Am I an idiot?" I ask slowly and his head shoots up. "You said most people are. Am I? To you, or compared to you..."

"No, I don't think so. I quite like you if I didn't make that clear."

I smirk. "You made that very clear."

"You should feel honoured. Ask Molly, I'm never usually like this."

"Maybe I will, she seemed nice."

"Too nice I think. I worry about her."

"It's sweet that you care."

"It's not so much about her it's a bit more selfish, that if she went things would get difficult but I suppose I care about her a little." He looks around and then leans in. "John we're going to go back to mine now."

My heart starts thumping. "Sherlock I-"

"-obviously not. It's something else. I think you'll like it though. I'm almost certain."

I am deeply unhappy with this chapter but I'm posting it because it's unfair to make you wait any longer. The follow up will hopefully be up quicker. I'm so sorry for promising you guys something better and not giving it! I'm quite down at the moment too so I'm sort of running out of steam. If you didn't completely hate this please let me know! Also feel free to point out typos so I can correct them, I haven't read this over as intricately as I should have. Next chapter will HOPEFULLY be a LOT better. Sorry again!