Dear Dr. Paws

Image by Jubalii.

AN:Sooo... New story. It will get funnier after this chapter, I promise. But vampires are scary monsters that involve blood and death. So of course this involves blood and near-death. This is mostly for the lulz, something to write when the muse is being picky. Since Lithi got such a kick out of the idea first, I'm sure she'll overly encourage me to continue until I do. XD Aaand... yeah. Prolly update again soon since I can do the funny stuff next.

Dear Dr. Paws;

My dog Alucard got off his leash today during our walk, and when we managed to find him, he had a kitten with him. He won't leave the little thing alone for a second, and she was all bloody when we found them, but had no marks to show for it. We tried for a week straight to get him to leave the kitten, and he refused. I have named her Seras.

Is this kitten adoption behavior normal for a King German Shepherd? Nothing I've read supports that theory. The kitten doesn't seem distressed by the dog's presence, and is really quite friendly if Alucard allows you to pet her.

Yours Sincerely, Integra Hellsing.

RUN! Run run runrunrunrun..!

The little kitten's heart was thundering in her chest as she scrabbled wildly through the alley, diving under any cover she could find in an attempt to thwart her pursuer. Loud snarls chased her every step and her tail fluffed so thickly that tufts of fur were ripped away by the chain link fence hole she crammed her tiny body through. She wasn't fooled in thinking she was safe, however, for she'd gone through three fences already and the blasted monster had found her each time.

How her heart hadn't burst from the combination of fear and adrenaline the little feline would never know.

She bolted for the road, hoping to find a tree to secure herself in. The monster found her where the two alleys converged and barked furiously as she darted onto the black strip between the buildings. Another monster answered, barking and raising its ears and tail threateningly. She froze.

The earth trembled beneath her paws and she looked up in a panic to see a car speeding right towards her. Yowling in fear, she darted blindly towards the other monster; it was on a leash so perhaps it wouldn't be able to follow. Passing less than a foot from the hulking black creature, she caught a glimpse of burning red eyes before she made it to the alley.

She heard a scuffle behind her and a great blasting sound from the car's horn as the first monster chased her into the road. Gasping, little chest heaving, she turned the corner and continued the run for her life towards the next fence.

She never made it.

Sharp teeth sunk into her tail and she screamed. That's when the shaking began. The world became a blur of colors, the deep brown of the persistent monster blended with the bright red of her blood and the cold, unforgiving grey of the cement beneath her. The blood and the tapering nature of her tail helped as one particularly vigorous shake set her free and she flew into the wall with a thud. Stumbling to her feet she bolted for the fence again.

A heavy weight crashed into her and she screamed again, the high pitched sound echoing off the brick walls and taunting her that she was all alone with the beast intent upon devouring her. Slashing desperately at the thick fur surrounding her, she managed to hook her right thumb-claw into the dog's lip, ripping it open. He howled and she leapt for his face, avoiding his jaws to claw at his eyes. The fur on the monster's face bled crimson and trickled into the hellish black pits of his eyes. He shook his head violently and she lost her footing, going flying once more into the wall, but this time she was prepared and twisted in mid air to land numbly on her paws, deciding against another assault to try once more for the fence.

She was halfway there when she felt something wrong ripple in the air, her whiskers quivering. That black monster from the road was there, on the other side of the fence, and she balked. Blue eyes met red and something passed between them, something intense and terrifying. That was when the brown dog's teeth sunk into her abdomen from behind, shaking her like a rag doll before flinging her – purposefully this time – to the ground and closer to the chain link mockery of safety.

Something snapped and her entire body twitched. She couldn't feel her back legs. Mewling pathetically, knowing she was seconds from death, she looked back to the creature with the not-quite-a-dog's eyes. That same something from before passed between them again and she reached a trembling forepaw towards it – no, him, she corrected herself – a pleading expression in her glazing blue orbs.

She blacked out for a moment, tiny body shutting down from a combination of blood loss, stress, and the adrenaline crash.

When her left eye cracked open she found the alley absolutely covered in blood and strewn with strips of meat that her twitching nose informed her used to be part of a dog. Hot breath stirred the fur of her face and she peered up into those frighteningly alluring eyes once more.

He nuzzled her and she murred, before wincing and whining low in her throat. She hurt everywhere, and could feel her heartbeat beginning to slow. She… didn't want to die. She was only five months old!

The kind monster whuffed and licked her, making her tiny form rock from the gentle force of it. Her whiskers quivered.

There was something wrong with the kind monster, she knew it deep within her shattered bones. But was being wrong worse than being dead? She didn't think so.

She mewed and licked his nose.

Her head felt too heavy and she dimly felt the ache as her chin collided with the hard cement. All she could smell was blood. The blood in her fur chilled her body as the gentle breeze whispered down the alley.

The last thing she felt was teeth at her throat.

Integra Hellsing, a mostly normal ten year old girl, was out walking her massive dog, Alucard, when she heard a flurry of barking on the other side of the street. She turned her head to look and was startled to see a blonde kitten dart into the road and freeze like a deer caught in headlights as Alucard barked in return. "Down boy." She ordered, yanking lightly at his leash. His ears and tail remained up in a threatening posture, but he quieted obediently. She heard the rumble of an approaching car and was concerned, about to do something stupidly heroic to save the little cat when it unfroze and bolted right for them, yowling. That was when all hell broke lose, not because the kitten passed right in front of them, Alucard never had a problem with cats, but because the large chocolate lab chasing the cat burst into the road after it, barking and snarling. The car swerved to avoid the dog and blared the horn so loudly that Integra raised her hands to cover her ears.

Alucard, the devious mutt, took that chance to lunge forward and yank his leash out of her lose grip. "Hey!" She shouted after him as he chased the brown dog chasing the blonde kitten. "Bad dog! Alucard! Get back here!"

She started running after him, not wanting to be responsible for whatever damages the massive german shepherd could cause while off his leash. She turned the corner of the alley, but found it empty. Puzzled, she trotted to the end and looked around. "Where the devil has he gone?" She would be in so much trouble!

Frowning ferociously, the blonde child turned to look for any other entrances she might have missed. How could she lose them?

Pursing her lips, she decided to check each and every alleyway in a two block radius until she found him, expanding her search as needed.

Half an hour later, she found him drinking from a stream of water running along the curb of some far off sidewalk, and when she approached she saw something odd. There was a bundle of something golden, liberally smeared in red, nestled into the fur over his hips.

"What do you have there, you bad dog?" She asked sternly as she made a grab for his leash. He rumbled something close to a growl and she turned a startled glance at her dog to see him watching her with considering red eyes.

What..?

She reached for the bundle and froze as he growled at her. She turned to face him with a furious expression on her face, "Don't pull rank with me, you! I'm the master in this relationship!" She informed him coldly. His ears cocked and one tipped to the side consideringly before he stopped the threatening sound and whuffed quietly.

Integra scooped the bundle up and nearly dropped it when she realized it was the kitten from before, and she was covered in blood! She was seconds from screaming at her dog along the lines of 'what did you do?' when she realized that the skin under the fur was whole and intact. She ran her hands worriedly along the little body, but found no injury to be the source of the blood, and the limp limbs held no irregularities to indicate a broken bone.

"What in the world..?"

Alucard gently scruffed the kitten laying across the girl's palms and turned his head to place her on his back once more, giving his master such a look she was a bit unnerved by the beyond-animal intelligence there.

"Well, alright, we can bring the little thing home for a bath and some milk." She conceded to her hound, who seemed pleased as his tail wagged and he put up no further fuss as they made their way back to the house.

Fortunately neither her Father nor Walter noticed her arrive, and as she ran a bath fort he comatose feline, they left her to it.

One bath for both the kitten and her dog later – also herself, because she smelled like wet fur, ew – young Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing had a towel wrapped bundle of a kitten in her arms that she placed on her bed. Alucard – whom she had towel dried already – jumped up and lay his head down next to the tiny thing, and she grumbled to herself about bed hogs. "Don't think this means you get to sleep on the bed from now on." She warned her dog as she turned to go downstairs for dinner and to get a bowl of milk for the kitten when it woke up.

Walter's going to hit the roof when he hears that Alucard brought a cat home, he's allergic…