A/N: I am venturing into Homestuck! (Cue thunder and lightning) I got this silly idea for a while, so… yeah.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Andrew Hussie. The new level on John's God Tier, however, belongs to me!

-} Be the insanely happy derp.

You are now grinning with a huge, derpy smile. Your name is John Egbert, and you've leveled up on your God Tier. (You don't remember how, but who cares!) You wait eagerly to reap the spoils. You feel a nice warmth blossom in your chest as a new power implants itself into your body.

You can now hypnotize people!

You look at the giant floating text above in confusion. What does hypnosis have to do with the windy thing? You blink and push the thought away. Well, now that you have hypnosis, you can… Well, what can you do? You scratch your head, trying to figure it out. Hypnosis is that one thing where you can control people's minds, right? That'd be fun.

Oh, how you'd love to mess with everyone.

Then, you realize like the derp you are, that you can! But who to mess with first…?

-} Do the windy thing while plotting.

You float up into the air, absentmindedly making the wind blow breezes around your body. You watch the clouds swirl around you on your awesomely made wind. God, do you love doing the windy thing.

-} You're bored. Just try it out on Dave, already.

You snap your fingers at the revolutionary idea. If you can hypnotize Dave, you can hypnotize anyone! Grinning derpishly once more, you fly away on the wind.

-} Be the awesomely cool kid.

You are now Sollux. You're just hacking into Karkat's computer-

-} Wrong awesomely cool kid! Be the awesomely cool HUMAN kid!

Your name is Dave. You're just chilling out in your room while making one of your awesomely ironic comics. Being a cool and calm guy, you ignore your initial panic at hearing the sound of shattering glass and turn around, kantana in hand.

Oh hey, it's just Egderp.

He probably crashed through your window while using his wind powers. You refuse to call it 'the Windy Thing' for you are far too cool for that silly crap. Well, now you have to go through the trouble of telling Jade that her brother broke one of her windows. You wonder why John used his wind powers instead of the transportalizer that leads from his room to anywhere on Jade's island.

You relaxed your grip on your kantana and put it back down. John grinned at you, eyes twinkling, and started to talk. "Hey, Dave, I leveled up! I wanna try out my new power on you."

You looked at him and calmly stated, "If it involves me getting hurt or losing my shades, no."

"No!" John said frantically, "I just want to hypnotize you!" Your mouth tried to twitch up into a smile, but you repressed it. Instead, you gave a little smirk.

"That's not real, Egderp." You said.

"Well, that's why I wanna try!" John smiled. You rolled your eyes at your buck toothed friend. He couldn't see it through your sunglasses.

"Sure, go ahead. But if it doesn't work, don't be surprised."

John brightened up at that. Then, he started to make breezes float about your room. You were slightly confused, but went with it.

-} Be the hypnotist.

You are now John again. You're making soft breezes around the room, trying to create a relaxing atmosphere. You're not sure how you know how to do this, but you brush it off as coming with the powers. You sit Dave back at his computer and he complies.

Then, something peculiar happened.

You turned your eyes to Dave, pushing the soft wind to caress his body. He seemed completely stuck to his seat and his body seemed to melt into the chair. His sunglasses started to slip from his nose, but he didn't push them back into place. His mouth opened slightly, head bobbing as if he was trying hard not fall asleep. You wondered if it was working,

-} Be the deeply relaxed one.

You are now… hell; you don't remember your name. It slipped from your thoughts as if carried by the wind. Wind… you were encased in wind. You felt tired suddenly. You couldn't think straight. Blue. You liked blue; it was nice to look at. You stared at the blue and felt better. How could you not notice how pretty his eyes were before? You tried to figure that out, but your head was too heavy. No more thinking.

You didn't want to think. You wanted to drift away, yet you fought it off so you could look into the blue a bit longer. You don't care that this is uncharacteristic of you; you feel safe just giving up yourself for a while. He reached out and took your sunglasses. You allowed it to happen. He wouldn't judge you for your eyes. You know that for some reason.

He closed your eyelids and you couldn't fight. You gave into the darkness.

-} Be the triumphant boy.

You are John again and you suddenly wonder why you keep rapidly switching view points. You shake off the thought and grin. You did it! You hypnotized Dave! You wonder what to do with him. You hadn't thought that you'd come this far.

But then again, what if he was just faking? Was he faking the steady calm of his breathing? Was he faking how his head fell back, his body completely limp? You had to test this. You had to make Dave do something very un-Dave like.

"Dave, can you hear me?" You asked cautiously.

"Yes…" He said through a small relaxed sigh.

"Dave," You had an idea, "I need you to kiss me." You didn't expect what happened. He slowly came towards you, lips puckered. You turned your mouth away in the nick of time, causing his lips to softly press against your cheek. You couldn't accept a kiss from him. You liked someone else.

You watched in awe as Dave sat back down, settling into his chair. Holy shit. It worked. You grinned devilishly. You had a completely lovely idea.

"Dave, when you wake up from trance, I want you to…" You whispered the instructions giddily into his ear, watching as he absorbed it all. You were finished, "Wake up!"

-} Be the freaked out kitty cat.

You are NOT a fucking kitty cat, gogdammit! You are an extremely responsible troll! And your name is Karkat, dammit! You stared at a completely dazed and giggly Terezi. Shit. You knew that she'd go off the deep end someday.

-} An hour earlier... Be past Terezi.

You are now Terezi. You wonder why Dave is standing in your room and without his sunglasses. Although you couldn't see, you smelled Dave's scent as well as tasted the sweet air that wafted around him. Yep, it's Dave alright.

"S'up Terezi." Dave said coolly. You felt his eyes on you. Interestingly enough, his eyes smelled like strawberries. Were they red, perhaps?

"Are we going to work on the comics together?" You heard a sudden shrill note and rolled your eyes. It was probably Nepeta chasing another bird. That's when things started getting weird.

You smelled strawberry on Dave's cheeks. Were his cheeks turning red? That's certainly peculiar. Dave doesn't blush.

"O-only if you want to…" You could feel him turn his head away. Why was there a sudden 180 degree change? He was acting so shy! As an up and coming prosecutor, it was your job to get to the bottom of this.

"What do you want to draw?" You asked. Maybe it would shed some light on his weird mood. He mumbled something that you couldn't catch. "What was that?"

"Nothing!" You could smell the strawberry rolling off of him as well as the cream of widened eyes. It was quite a pleasant scent, to be honest. What caused his blush? Only one way to find out…

You could practically hear his blood pusher working at a furious pace. You licked his cheek quickly. It was a sugary and creamy taste, one that was encased in strawberry. You were startled. It was a blush of one that was flushed.

Suddenly, he kissed your cheek.

Another bird call sounded, but you didn't notice. You didn't notice as he blinked owlishly before putting his shades back on. You didn't notice him angrily muttering about John as he walked to the transportalizer.

That was the first time anyone had kissed you.

-} In the present, be the candy bar.

Your name is KARKAT, not KITKAT. You are pissed that the authoress bitch won't stop making your name into a pun. You must push your annoyance to the side for now. Terezi was really freaking you out. She giggled and- Holy flying fuck, was she blushing teal?! What exactly happened?

"Terezi! I order you to stop being freaky right this instant!" You barked at her. She just looked at you and grinned stupidly.

"Sorry, Karkles~" Terezi sang, looking away and looking into space. You raised an eyebrow as she traced her cheek.

"What the fuck happened?" Her face was completely teal at this point. She just smiled and whispered.

"He kissed my cheek…" Terezi muttered. "Will he be back soon, I wonder?" She sighed.

You completely understood. This was in one of your romcoms. She's completely flushed. But who was "he"?

"Ah~ Dave…" Terezi whispered.

So that's who. You found it comical. Cool kid Dave bashfully kissed bold Terezi's cheek and reduced her to a smoldering puddle of gooey red. Hell, you should make this a movie. It'd be a fucking hit. Maybe John would like it-

NO!

You mentally slap yourself. Do not think of him! Don't, under any circumstances, think of him! And definitely don't think about watching your movie with him and causing a sweet, heartfelt confession where you agree to be his matesprit!

Gog, you hate past you so much now.

-} Be the one with blackmail.

You are now the boy with the camera in hand, A.K.A., John. You caught the entire thing on tape. It was actually really sweet! But now Dave will kill you. Hm… You wonder what would happen if he was so quiet and shy around others. Only one way to find out. Using your windy thing, you float above Dave and make the whistle. His anger seems to melt away and he tilts his head, as if forgetting something.

He takes off his signature sunglasses, hooks them onto the front of his shirt, and walks towards his room. Probably off to do something. You left a camera implanted in his shades, so you had time to kill. Who else? Damn… You couldn't think of one… Vriska seemed like a good choice, what with her being… Vriska.

But what if she used he mind control powers on him to fall asleep or something?

You never know with her, but it's worth a try. You used your awesome windy thing to fly throw her open window. She twirled around with wide eyes, surprised at your entrance. Then, she smiled.

"Are you trying to impersonate Pupa Pan or something, Joooooooohn?" You rolled your eyes. You counted exactly eight O's in your name, "Not that I would mind, of course!"

"Naw, I just want to try a new power I got on the God Tier!" You grinned.

"Go ahead! Show me!" Vriska said sweetly.

"You may need to sit down," You said. Vriska shook her head. So, you used the windy thing to lift her gently from the floor until she was suspended in the air on her back. She gave a small yelp of surprise which she disguised with a cough. You floated into the air above her so that she could have a clear view of your eyes. You looked at her and smiled. Her eyes widened in realization as she tried to make her power work, but it was too late. Her body was already becoming immobilized.

"You… You… tricked me…" Vriska somehow forced her voice to work.

"I didn't trick you. This is my power." You said calmly, "We're just floating in the air and talking. Everything's fine."

Vriska seemed to want to believe you but she spoke, "You're… taking control… Everything… isn't… fine… Stop looking at me…" You reached a hand out and rubbed her horns. She kept resisting.

"Vriska, it's okay. Everything is fine. You're safe with me."

Her defenses were falling. She looked at you, "Everything… fi… ne…?"

"Yeah, Vriska."

"No… can't sleep… resi…st…" Vriska's eyes were starting to flutter shut. She didn't seem to be able to make her voice work, so you pressed a finger against her still moving lips until they finally stopped. "You win…"

She was in trance.

Well, you kinda felt bad. Damn, her mind control did do something. You sighed and gave her the instructions.

"Vriska, when you awake from trance, you will feel so tired that you'll just fall asleep. You'll wake up feeling happier and more refreshed than you had ever been and apologize to everyone you hurt and hug them." You smiled at your handiwork. You hoped that she remembered it all. "Wake up!" Vriska blinked awake and took in her surroundings. You set her gently on the bed that had taken the place of her cocoon thing and she curled up, asleep in seconds.

You grinned. Yay~

Now you knew who was next. Your heart beat a bit faster when you thought of it and you smiled like the huge derp that you are. You were going to have fun with this one.

-} Be John's next victim.

Your name is KARKAT. Now, what's this about being a victim? You wonder about this for all of five seconds before going back to more important tasks. Namely, cursing out your fuckass of a past you.

Then he had to show up in all his windy, derpy, and adorable glory.

"What do you want, fuckass?" You sneered at him.

"Karkat, we need to talk," John said worriedly. You felt a pang. Was he worried about someone else?

"No, we don't." You tried to turn back to the computer, but some force kept your eyes glued to the human. He approached you and held out his arms.

"Are you sure? Aren't you a bit stressed?" John was worried about you… You suppressed the mutant colored blush that tried to rise to your cheeks. You were about to open your mouth and berate him, but instead, you nodded.

"It must be hard, being in charge," John said soothingly, starting to encircle his arms around you. When had he invaded your personal space? You couldn't find the heart to push him away. He cradled you to his chest and you couldn't help but hear the pulse of his heart. He was right. It was hard being in charge.

"Yeah… they all want to kill each other and… can't have that…" Your train of thought kept getting interrupted.

"Wouldn't it be nice to give up control for a while?" John asked, running a hand through your hair. Gog, what was he doing to you? You nodded and locked eyes.

"… Your eyes are… pretty…" You said, unable to think much else. His cheeks became a light red, contrasting with the glowing blue of his eyes. It was really cute.

"Thanks, Karkat." You loved hearing that. The way he said your name was… You don't know. It was hard to think. Then again, you've thought all this time. Let this be someone else's problem for once. John was there to protect you from the world. You drifted away, feeling nothing but John, John…

-} Be the blushing and cute derp.

Karkat looked like he was asleep in your arms. You were holding him. His body fit so snugly together with yours, and he did something you had never seen before. It brought so much joy to your heart to know that you caused this.

He was smiling.

The others hadn't smiled while under hypnosis. The others had put up some form of resistance, yet Karkat just accepted it. He had accepted you into his mind and awarded you his trust. You felt really happy. You could float away on your joy right now!

Now, it was time to start.

What was it that Nepeta called Karkat? Karkitty? Well then, a Karkitty they would get. "Karkat, when I snap my fingers, you will come back to this trance deeper than before, all right?" Karkat nodded against his chest. "When you wake up, you'll be a cat. Wake up~"

-} Be Karkitty.

You cannot be Karkat at the moment because he is too busy being an adorable kitten. Nice try, smartass.

-} Be John again.

You are now back to being John. Karkat blinked open his eyes and tilted his head at you. Is it you, or did his eyes just get ridiculously big?

"Meow?" Karkat meowed questionably, looking at you. Oh my God…. It was so cute… You scratched him behind the ears, smiling as he leaned into your hand and purred. Then, he caught sight of the long blue ribbon of your hood. He was out of your hold in an instant, instead glaring at the piece of cloth. He flattened himself to the ground, horns sticking from his hair like actual cat ears.

He pounced on your string. Karkat batted at it and mewed cutely. You smiled and pulled it slightly out of his reach.

"Here Karkat!" You cooed.

"Mew~" He climbed on you and nudged your cheek with his nose, sending one last glare at the elusive string. You blushed as he curled into you and purred loudly.

-} Be the slightly confused Nepeta.

Your name is Nepeta and you just got the strange feeling that one of your OTP's was happening and that one of the matesprits was acting like a cat. Oh well, you shrugged. It was time to update your shipping chart!

-} Be the happy derp.

Karkat was so cute as a kitty. That was what you thought. You already know your name and feel no need to repeat it. You felt completely at peace. Now you decide to do something else with little Karkat.

"Sleep," You snap your fingers. His body relaxes to a limp point and his breathing evens out. He closes his eyes. You decide to see how he remembers things during trance. You look at Karkat, "Do you know who I am?"

"… Yes…" He slurs sleepily.

"Who am I?" You ask.

"You're my future matesprit… John…" Good. He remembers your- wait.

Wait.

He just said that you were his future matesprit. What does that even mean?

"What's a matesprit, Karkat?" You ask curiously. He shakes his head as he blushes a light red. He's opening his eyes, breaking free.

"N… No…" Karkat mumbles. You panic slightly.

"It's okay. Everything is fine. Just forget about the question and know that everything's fine…" You rock Karkat back and forth as his eyes slide shut.

"Safe…" Karkat whispers.

"Yes, you're safe. I'll always protect you," You say.

"Scared… best friend… kills without… I… calm him… Don't want to die… Don't want to cause anyone to die… My fault… Can't… protect…" Karkat is clinging tightly to your shirt. Your eyes are wide. Is he describing his time on the meteor? He never talks about it.

"Shoosh…" You whisper into his ear, papping him on his back softly, "You were a great leader… You protected them just fine…" His grip is relaxing. Is it possible to have nightmares in trance? You panic at this thought. "You're not on the meteor anymore… You're safe now… You'll be safe forever…" You promise it to yourself. You will always protect him.

"John…" Karkat whispers. He's smiling again. You've had your share of fun for now. You decide to wake him up.

"Wake up," You snap your fingers and whistle.

-} Be the shy one.

You are now suddenly Dave. Well, Dave in hypnotized post-suggestion. You're reaching for the frosting to put on and- there! It's finished!

You smile and look back at your handiwork. You had baked this especially for Terezi, hence why it was red velvet with red frosting. You carefully cut a piece and place it on a small plate before making your way towards her room. Your heart's thudding loudly in your chest and you hope that she can't tell.

"Terezi?" You ask softly, blushing. Cheeks, stop going red!

"Yes?" Terezi opens the door and smiles widely. She's got teal on her cheeks and she looks at you. "Dave!"

"Uh, I, just, I-I, um…" You squeeze your eyes shut, "Imadethisforyou…" She sniffs the air and gasps.

"Is that cake?" You nod before taking a fork and taking a small bit.

"Open up," She opens her mouth, black lips parted, and showing adorable and gleaming fangs. You start feeding her, hearing small sounds of satisfaction from the troll.

"It tastes like red! I like red!" Terezi says excitedly.

"Does it taste good?" You ask nervously. Why can't you keep the quiver from your voice?

"Yes! Thank you so much!" Terezi wraps her arms around your shoulders. You feel your face grow completely red. You relax and kiss her nose because you can't seem to make your voice work. She becomes completely teal and lets go, grinning from ear to ear. You let go and start bringing the plate back to the sink.

"Oof!" You accidentally bump into Rose.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dave." Rose says.

"N-No, it's fine, really!" You say quickly, "I should have watched where I was going, sorry!" You quickly go on your way, trying to ignore the weird look Rose gives you.

"What…?" Rose muttered.

Then you hear a whistle.

You slow down and blink. What the hell just happened? It's far too bright. You put your sunglasses on once more and… Why are you holding a plate of cake crumbs? Your eye twitches. John. God fucking dammit. You quickly place your plate that somehow appeared on the table.

"EGBERT!"

-} Be Beep Beep Meow.

FUCK YOU, you are fucking KARKAT. KARKAT. AUTHORESS NEEDS TO STOP MAKING FUN OF YOUR NAME.

But you really don't care because holy shit John is holding you. It feels nice but… But… How did this happen? How? Your face is turning into its mutant color. Your grey skin was turning fifty shades of red.

He pulled away. Did you detect disappointment in his pretty-STUPID eyes?

"So, Karkat," John starts, "Are you-" A calm, yet somehow angry, voice interrupts.

"EGBERT!"

Dave marches in, starting to get close to John. What does Strider have any business doing here? His face is impassive, but his body posture and his clenched fists give it all away.

"Hey Dave! What's up?" John smiles, showing those –NOT- adorable buck teeth.

"Don't you 'what's up' me, Egbert! I want to know what the hell you did to me!" Dave's voice is calm, but the tone portrays quiet yelling.

"I didn't do much," John says.

"Why did I black out then? When I woke up, I was kissing Terezi on the cheek!" Dave seethes. Now this love story just got a whole lot more interesting.

"Look Strider, I know that you have red feelings for Terezi, but blaming it on John to gain his black emotions is going too far!" You say.

"I don't have time for your bullshit, fuckass." Dave tells you bluntly, turning back to John. That little piece of shit! Before you can open your mouth again, John steps in.

"Hey, leave him out of it! He didn't do anything! Besides, maybe he's right!" John tells the cool kid. You start to blush. He was protecting you.

N-Not that you needed protection! You didn't find it sweet that he was trying to shield you! You found it INFURIATING that he thought you were helpless! Yes, that's it!

You fail to convince yourself of this fact.

"Look, John," Dave says hotly, "I suggest that you reverse whatever the hell you did to me!" John just gave a whistle in response. Dave seemed to relax before he took off his sunglasses, looking at the both of you quizzically.

"U-Um, why am I here? Oh! Am I-I interrupting s-something?" Dave stammers. Wait, what?

"I thought that you were making something?" John asked innocently. Dave's eyes widened as he became bright red from embarrassment.

"I totally forgot! I h-have to go, bye!" He scrambles away. You just blink. What the hell just happened?

"I wonder what happened." John says innocently.

"I have no fucking clue." You say. You hear someone approach the room when John panics slightly.

"Sleep!" He snaps his fingers. Then, the world drifts away. Your eyes shut as this delicious feeling envelops you. You are placed in someone's arms. John is holding you. You just melt, cuddling into him.

It seems that he's talking to someone. That someone is crying hysterically. You identify it as Vriska. Why was she crying? You don't let yourself dwell on it. It was much better to focus on John. His voice was soothing and soon the crying ceased. He was telling Vriska to forget about apologizing. You wonder why? Oh well.

Vriska is gone now. You are sleepily walking now. Did John tell you to? You love John. You'd do anything for him, especially when you were feeling this nice. You would be matesprits in the future. He told you that when you woke up, you'd kiss who you loved. That's okay. That's easy to remember.

You were back. You are still Karkat, but what happened in the last few minutes? You are about to angrily ask John when something stops you. An urge. You take in John's wide blue eyes and slender frame. Is he getting closer? Your focus suddenly shifts to his quivering lips, slightly open, as if it were an invitation…

The next thing you knew, you were kissing him.

-} Be the shocked hypnotist.

Oh my God. Oh my God. You momentarily forget your name because Karkat is kissing you. You had only given him the command to kiss who he loved.

He loved you.

He loves you.

You push against his lips and smile. You're dazed, but you don't care. He pulls away, all wide eyes and red covering grey. He gapes, opening and closing his mouth a few times.

"You… kissed me back." Karkat stares at you, dumbfounded. You smile and pull him into your arms. You nuzzle your cheek against his hair.

"Yep…" Your cheeks flush red.

"Are we matesprits now…?" Karkat asked you hesitantly.

"If that's what your race calls a boyfriend, then yes." You smile before kissing him once again.

You can't help but feel as if you're forgetting something…

-} Be a narrator.

Unbeknownst to John, he had indeed forgotten about the new shy and timid Dave. He fussed around the kitchen, putting away ingredients and cleaning. He tripped, eyes widening as he dropped some flour.

"Fiddlesticks! I have to get this all cleaned up now…"

The End?

This may be continued, if you want.