Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, DC Universe or any other licensed fiction work that neither copied nor referenced.

This fic is basically a neglected godlike Naruto story.

Key points: Naruto will seem very strange. He will be switching moods very often, one moment appearing innocent a toddler and another as a raging killer. He will be strong but I tried to find a reasonable explanation for his power.

Personality wise: I tried combining the Joker, Batman, Flash and a little bit of my own originality with the Joker part being the most dominant one but without the psychopathic view on life. He is way passed insane but still holds on to his morals. He hates Kushina and Minato with a passion for their neglect but doesn't blame his sister since he understood that she wasn't to blame for her part although that happened during the time he was missing and because of that you might see flashbacks in which he hates her too.

Naruto is the same age as Neji.

(Shinobi count was based on simple calculations. At the time of the fourth shinobi war (Shippuden) the Shinobi Alliance had 80000 nin. So SA/5 villages = 16000 nin per village. Take the rebel forces, 3 year time skip, and net village nin count differences and you get that Kiri had ~10000 shinobi give or take)

*Yuri – Naruto's sister. Basically looks like her mother when she was young but has shorter hair, has blue eyes, her face is less round (from Minato's side), and has the same whisker marks. She is one year younger than Naruto. She wears a skin-tight black ANBU-style battle armor except that instead of the vest she wears an open light green jacket that covers her chest area and a short Sakura shippuuden style-skirt

*Tazuna – look him up

###################### STORY TIME ###################################

Chakra…

A mysterious energy flowing through every living system known to the Elemental Nations. It is as natural as air and yet as wild as the Sun.

No human truly understands its mechanics but there are some people who use it to perform extraordinary feats that seem to bend the laws of the universe from spitting fireballs, healing otherwise lethal injuries to teleportation and reality manipulation.

These people are called shinobi or commonly ninja and are a separate group of humans who learn to channel the chakra present in their bodies and control it from their youth.

The strongest of these shinobi have banned together and founded communities where they could expand their talents called Hidden Villages with the top ones being ones that belong to one of the five traditional elements: Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, and Lightning.

These five have always had a form of rivalry between them but in the end the village affiliated with the Land of Fire dominated the competition since its formation as the first of its kind. Its name usually demands either respect or loathing depending on what side of its shinobi's kunai you are standing on.

Yes… Konohagakure or The Village Hidden in the Leafs is just that kind of place. Known far and wide for its powerful military it holds a place in the subconscious of every person to ever have contact with the chakra arts.

The head of this powerful man force is called Hokage, a hereditary position passed down from leader to his or her chosen one starting from the First Hokage Hashirama Senju also known as the First God of Shinobi (Shodaime Shinobi no Kami) born in the Clan Wars era all the way to the current holder of the title, the man who's skill brings as much pride in his subordinates' hearts as it strikes fear into his enemies, the Konoha no Kiiroi Senko (Yellow Flash) Minato Namikaze.

The man was now in his office, a simple yet strategically placed location where the Kage could overlook his village. His desk was relatively clean, testament to the man's management skill, since considering the amount of work or, dare I say it, administration (paperwork) that a military-base village could generate would be astounding. Of course one could delegate the tasks to subordinates but that could backfire by making you less knowledgeable of the dealings the village took part in and then, more unruly people could weasel in on the cheese, since so long as there is power there is also corruption.

However, these were the last things that were present on the man's mind as he absentmindedly stared out the huge office window, gazing at the sunset that bathed the village with a sad expression and a picture of three people in his hand, of them one was his own image and the others belonged to a woman with long silky red hair and a little girl with a relatively shorter one of the same coloration.

Why was he doing this? Well you see the most feared man in the Land of Fire was also a husband to a very beautiful woman and a father of two. His wife was the Kushina Namikaze nee Uzumaki, from the feared Uzumaki clan of Uzushiogakure (Village Hidden in the Eddies). She was a strikingly beautiful woman with long cherry red hair, a figure that would make models green with envy and a temper as fiery as her nickname, Akai Chishio no Habanero (Red-Hot Chilly Pepper), a name she earned in her youth when she struck against some bullies who had cornered her. She was also a doting mother to her latest born, a young blond girl called Yuri Namikaze whom she affectionately calls Yu-chan.

Now since I mentioned that the Hokage was the sire of two children, you would ask why it is that only his youngest is presented.

The answer is as simple as it is tragic. His firstborn, his son Naruto Namikaze disappeared three years ago in mysterious circumstances and they have yet to find a single clue leading to his whereabouts.

However, even the fact that today was the anniversary of the disappearance eldest would have to be pushed aside considering the fact that there was another person in the office right now who was looking over different documents.

That man was Minato's most powerful public adversary, the Sandaime (third) Tsuchikage Onoki, known as Onoki of Both Scales, a designation he earned for the ease he demonstrated in changing sides and decisions. This situation was a prime example of this. Up until last month, Onoki was a sworn opponent to Minato and quite frankly, hated the blond Hokage with a passion. Yet here he was now, sagely looking over some treaties he was planning on signing with Konohagakure, treaties he declared multiple times as something he would much rather remove his left nut than sign.

With a heavy heart, Minato pushed these thoughts in the back of his mind as he returned to his duties, neatly replacing the picture back in his pocket. Today was especially difficult to switch to Hokage mode considering that his daughter and wife had gone on their first C-rank mission today, guard duty for a bridge builder from Wave*. Kushina had returned to active duty a little while after Naruto disappeared.

Being an Elite Jounin she had become her daughter's sensei teacher. Normally it is forbidden for parents to teach teams that have Gennin family members out of concerns of favoritism but Kushina had proven herself worthy and strong enough for the job not to mention that … bah who am I kidding, she threatened every person who objected with severe injuries and pain. She would do anything to make sure that her last child never vanishes like her son did. They had been gone for two weeks now and he was expecting them back anytime.

Two days prior in the Land of Waves…

Kushina was having the time of her life, and this was spoken sarcastically since she now sported quite a few superficial cuts and bruises while her opponent, the fearsome Kirigakure no Kijin (Demon of the Mist) Momochi Zabuza, a master of the silent killing assassination technique was using a jutsu to generate a mist in which he was hiding in hopes of getting the drop on the old bridge builder and completing his assignment. However she was not worried for herself as she could easily handle Zabuza once she got hold of him.

No, she was worried for her team. You see Zabuza had a helper that was now engaging her Gennin: Sasuke Uchiha, Haruno Sakura and Yuri Namikaze.

They were engaged just a little distance away on the almost complete bridge that would link the island country to the mainland in hopes of lifting the poverty and misery that had settled in the people's lives.

However, Kushina's heart sank the moment she heard a loud grunt coming from the general area where the trio was fighting. In that moment all bets were off and her famous chakra chains erupted from her back as she tried to violently cleave a path to her protégés.

"Looks like Haku finally silenced those brats." Zabuza's voice echoed through the mist "What do you say we finish this as well."

Kushina grit her teeth in anxiety as her hand was encased in a chain forming a makeshift weapon. She expected the man to come at her but a voice snapped her out of the moment.

"I couldn't agree more!" the newcomer, clearly male, shouted in the mist. A moment later a violent chakra-filled wind blasted the area, clearing the mist as it went passed Kushina. As the woman scanned her surroundings she noticed that Zabuza was actually about five meters away, holding his sword wearily.

"Holy crap! Was that a jutsu?" he screamed in disbelief that his own mist that he had been slowly nursing had been so violently overwhelmed.

"Nope, I just unleashed part of my power to blow away that annoying mist of yours." spoke the newcomer. Zabuza and Kushina turned towards the voice. The woman's eyes widened as her mouth opened but her words got stuck in her throat.

The one who generated so much wind was a teen no older than fourteen. He had spiky long sunny hair that reached between his shoulder blades and his eyes were azure blue. The blond was wearing a messy and ragged dirt-brown overcoat and dark pants with leather shoes and on his shoulder was an unconscious effeminate boy wearing a greenish battle kimono. But that was not what made Kushina stutter in shock. What truly made the woman gasp was his face, or more precisely the three whisker marks that were etched on each of his cheeks.

"Haku!" shouted Zabuza, still in disbelief of the whole situation.

The teen just waved him off "Chillax Zabuzabu, he's just taking a nap right now. I won't kill you I just want to talk with you."

Zabuza frowned "What about?" he asked as he gripped his blade in anticipation.

The teen coughed and pulled out a scroll making the swordsman tense. He unfurled it and started reading " 'Zabuza Momochi, also known as Kirigakure no Kijin and Zabuza of the Seven Swordsman by the authority of the Godaime (Fifth) Mizukage is hereby absolved for all his crimes against the Yondaime (Fourth) Mizukage Yagura and is asked to return to the Village Hidden in the Mist.

Signed, Mei Terumi – Godaime Mizukage.'

That about it." smiled the blond as he tossed the scroll to Zabuza who caught it and read it for himself finding the Mizukage seal to be authentic.

Just then the unconscious boy stirred and awoke. Forcing the dizziness to vanish he quickly understood his position and jumped off the blond's shoulder landing a little distance away in a battle stance.

"I'm sorry Zabuza-sama, it seems that I was taken out!" spoke Haku but still keeping his eyes on the blond.

"Haku, stand down!" Zabuza ordered.

"Zabuza-sama?"

"It seems that we were pardoned by the new Mizukage. I guess that our quest is over now that that bastard Yagura is no longer in charge so this job is pointless."

"The new Mizukage?" asked the boy in curiosity.

Zabuza nodded "Someone from the Terumi clan. Those guys are like your lost clan but specialize in fire Kekkei genkai like lava and steam. If it's a bloodline user then it's no doubt that the new Kage was not chosen by the Fourth so we're pulling out!"

"Yes'sir!" Haku nodded and relaxed his stance "By the way, who are you?" he asked pointing at the blond.

"I'm just a messenger of the new Mizukage. She told me to tell Zabuza *ahem* 'I'm fucking cumming!' no… no wait that was what she told me hehe." the newcomer chuckled while rubbing the back of his head not caring for the now crimson red boy "Yeah, she told me to tell you that 'You and all your associates are welcome in the village and if you find some other bloodline users of Kirigakure, tell them that it is safe to return home.' And then she added that 'If he doesn't bring his sorry carcass home with that sword of his then I will come and drag him by the balls before I hang him upside down and use Steam Release to cook them off!' Anything else you want to know no-brow?" the blond smiled.

Haku coughed in an attempt to gain some composure but the blood trailing down from his nose kind of upset that "You still haven't answered my question. Who are you?"

The blond smirked "I go by many names but the one I use the most is Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto."

Kushina was gazing at Naruto with a shocked look. Then she slowly opened her mouth…

"Socchi…" she mumbled.

Zabuza raised a piece of forehead "What the hell? He's your kid lady?"

Naruto chuckled "Only by blood. This damn fangirl is no mother of mine."

Kushina's expression changed to one of terror "Naruto… I… we…"

Naruto snarled "Save your words for someone who cares bitch."

Kushina frowned in sadness "Socchi, listen, I know that I haven't been the best but please… I am still your mothe…"

Before she could finish her words, Naruto vanished from his spot appearing instantly in front of her and lifted her up by the neck.

"Let's get one thing straight bitch: I don't have any problem with skinning you alive so don't think for one minute that I will allow you to tell me what I can and can't do! I hold no love for you or your man that would make me anywhere near obedient or loyal to either one of you worthless worms!" he put more pressure on her neck and her fearful eyes began to roll towards the back of her head and her open mouth was dripping saliva as she struggled to break free from his grip. "Next time you think about addressing me you better chose your words carefully or else..." the boy growled and released the woman who was now panting hard while he only looked at her in loathing. "And you icicle, you better put those senbon away before I shove them up your ass." he calmly ordered to a surprised Haku.

"How… how could you do that to her? She's your mother!" the trembling ice user asked.

Naruto then turned to the downed woman who was looking at him in fright "If you knew what this bitch has done to me in the past you would most likely treat her the same way… Actually, you do have a clue as to how a parent shouldn't act, right Haku Yuki-kun?" he smirked at Haku's shocked expression "After all, your own father was quite the bastard wasn't he when he tried to flat out murder you…"

"How do you know that? There is no…"

"…'way that you could know about how I killed my father when he tried to murder me!'" smirked Naruto " 'No way, he couldn't be reading my mind now could he? Crap, he is! How is he doing that?'" laughed the Uzumaki "Quite simple if you ask me. All thoughts cause your yin chakra to move in a particular way. I can read those movements to a very fine level to read your mind. It is a similar process to Genjutsu but it is opposite in execution. Where in a Genjutsu you feed your opponent your chakra to cause hallucination, here I sense the chakra you subconsciously emit and I decipher it."

Zabuza frowned "Quite the skill you got there brat to read Haku's dark past."

Naruto smirked "It gets me past the schemers and liars, ones trying to control their own little world. You see… I don't believe in control. It's kind of like… an illusion. Yeah that sounds about right… an illusion to fight off the chaos in their lives. However, when that illusion crumbles, what do you get? Panic, that's what… oh and anarchy too. For when chaos and anarchy gets a grip on their existence then only the strongest survive… and they can't stand that."

"But what has she done to you?" asked Haku, his body posture still showing a little fear.

The teen smirked "Nothing."

"Then why…"

"Tell me Haku-chan… do you know what humans crave more than anything? What is that unquantifiable little spec of reality that folds our decisions? Is it money? Is it power? Is it love?" the blond teen asked with a creepy smile "No, it's much simpler than that. The one thing that all humans crave is acknowledgement. They thirst for it like a fish in a desert. I want money so that people can acknowledge my worth, I want power so that people will respect and, depending on the case, even fear me… I want someone to love me for who or what I am. Isn't it so?" Naruto asked and Haku nodded back.

"I'm happy that you consider it so. Well here's a little fun story: I. never. got. any. from her."

"What?" asked Haku in surprise.

"Oh, don't be so surprised. I'm sure that there are others with sobbier stories than mine. It's just that this tramp here and her daughter hold half a Kyuubi each."

Kushina had already recovered but couldn't utter a word and found the ground very interesting all of a sudden.

"But why did they ignore you?" Haku asked.

"Because their precious Jinchuriki daughter needed all the attention in the world to make sure she grew up happy and loved. You see, Kyuubi's chakra reacts to anger and hate so they went out of their way to make sure nothing like that ever comes in her way. And by that I mean that it was all directed at me." Naruto frowned but his image changed faster than the weather into a freaky smile and his voice became giddy "With every, little, thing, I did, good or bad, I earned less than a cold fart. No g'job son, no hugs, no kisses. The best thing that I would get would be a grunt or a snort and it turned me into the prince charming you see today." Naruto smiled at his mother before marching to her and lifted her up by the hair showing her pained, crying face. He snarled at her expression "Don't you fucking cry like you don't deserve those words bitch! What would you do in my place? TELL ME!" he shouted while shaking her head around by her hair.

"Stop it onii-chan!" another voice shocked the scene making Naruto abruptly stop but still hold on.

He then moved his squinted eyes around before restarting his sing-song voice "Did you guys hear a fly buzz just now? No, no, not a fly… more like a little mosquito… Yes, an annoying little mosquito that sucks your blood until it's full while shitting on you." he turned with a smile "Well if it isn't the Namikaze pride and joy, Yuri-chan!" he finished as he threw Kushina to the side and turned to his sister "You know…" he said while waving his hand in a relaxed fashion "I bet you have a lot of questions for me right now, right? Like why am I doing this? Why am I acting this way? Am I back?" he did a quick lick of his lips "Well I hate to burst your momentum but those will have to wait seeing that there are like a couple of hundred goons about to arrive right … about… now."

Just as he said the last word a cane struck the road. It belonged to a short man that was surrounded by nearly two hundred armed men that were almost twice his height.

"This is unexpected. The famous Demon of the Mist outdone by a couple of brats and a bimbo…"

Naruto smiled like the Cheshire cat before starting to laugh "Hi-hi-hi-he-he-he-he-ho-ho! You know little man, I like you already. Almost makes me sad that I have to kill you… keyword: almost…" he said as he skipped along the road like a schoolboy on a high.

"This brat is bat-shit crazy!" shouted one of the bandits who were smiling at the show.

Naruto mimicked their expression "Crazy? I'm not crazy. I always found that term to be too… restrictive…" he licked his lips as he came upon a flower that had grown in the middle of the road "It's too short of a description for people like me. Insane would be more like it but even that doesn't fulfill the need…" he said as he gently picked the flower "I don't think that there's a word for my kind of people. You know, the world is described by opposites: strong is not being weak, light is the absence of darkness… So, I can give you my opposites. They are just like this flower here. So beautiful and proud so long as it has what it needs like… light for example, some people just love standing in the spotlight. Yet…" he crushed the flower in his hand "… so delicate when things don't go according to plan, right Gato? You are a flower yourself. No no, you are not like them. You are… a weed. You bleed out the flowers running them dry of sap and nectar until they start to either wilt or grow thorns. You hatch plans to satiate your greed and yet you never have enough. You know… I hate plans. Plans are the offspring of dreams and dreams are easily crushed. Trust me, I know. I'm guessing that you came to ice them and stop the construction of this bridge right?"

Gato flashed an evil smile "That's right brat! Now move along if you don't want to join them!"

Naruto frowned "Now … that's a problem." he said as he crossed his hands "You see… I can't let you kill them."

"I don't really need to ask this but you made me curious." spoke Gato, the smile never leaving his face "Why not?"

Naruto smirked "Now I can't say the classic 'they're family' bullshit, can I? Let's just say that my fun with them has just begun. Soooo… regretfully, you have to die today."

This time the smirk disappeared from Gato's face and was replaced by a frown "You think you can kill me? ME?" he shouted in fury.

Naruto nodded and vanished from his spot, appearing right in front of the midget with a murderous smile and his hand firmly clamped around the man's cheekbones "Tell me Gato… Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" And with those words he crushed Gato's head not even blinking at the sight of the man's brain and bones flying around the place in a shower of gore.

Everybody witnessing the scene was shocked at the display but it didn't last long. Soon one of the goons remembered something.

"Hey, this guy just killed our paycheck! GET HIM!" he yelled as he pulled out his sword followed by his fellow thugs.

Naruto grinned murderously as a vortex of rainbow colored chakra started forming around him illuminating him in such a way that only his silhouette was now visible and he laughed like a maniac, the light casting an illusion of a rabid beast on a drug-high "COME AND GET IIIIT!" he shouted and started slaughtering them like a mad hungry tiger in a nursery using nothing but his bare hands.

Kushina and Yuri were shocked. This couldn't have been the same Naruto that was family with them. And yet there was something beautiful about this carnage, something primal and wild. But right now that was just a small thought hidden deep beneath the worry and fear.

"And they call me a Demon…" spoke Zabuza in shock.

The whole scene was over in less than a minute. By the end of it, all that was left of the small army were various body parts, half-crushed organs and a sea of blood and in the middle of this stood Naruto. What was surprising was that, except his fingers, he had not one drop of blood anywhere on his body or clothes, a testament to his skill and power. The boy was frowning and his face looked like he was feeling regret, but if it was regret for just killing them or killing them too fast, no one knows. He clapped his hands together and closed his eyes "May you find peace and forgiveness in the next life, assholes!" he prayed.

Naruto then slowly made his way towards the shinobi, passing them without sparing them a glance as he kneeled on the beach and proceeded to wash the blood from his hands before returning to the group and noticed their shocked faces. He frowned and turned to Zabuza.

"You still here Zabuzabu? I would get to Kiri as fast as I could if I were you. Mei-chan has quite the sweet temper, if you ask me." he explained.

"What about you?" the mist swordsman asked.

Naruto looked to be in thought "Well I think that I will return to Konoha. Haven't been there in a while now so why not… it's not like I have something better to do ever since I clobbered Yagura's bishounen ass and his three assed pet."

Zabuza's eyes widened "You defeated Yagura?"

Naruto smirked "The guy fell in one strike. Although that turtle of his was a little bit more challenging going out in three."

"Turtle, as in the Sanbi (Three tails)? You beat a Bijuu in three strikes?!" Zabuza exclaimed turning everyone's attention towards him.

Naruto pouted "Don't look at me like that! I just wanted to have some fun with it. Mei-chan also scolded me for going easy on it."

"Easy on it?!" shouted Zabuza "What do you mean by that?"

"Well I would have vaporized it out of existence if I went all out and that would've been no fuuunn!" smirked Naruto as he placed his hands on the back of his head in a relaxed fashion. "Anyway, you will have to ask Mei-chan to tell you the details if you want to know more since I am not retelling that boring tale." the blond teen waved his hand dismissively.

Zabuza was left speechless but before he could recover he heard somebody saying…

"Ungh… what hit me?" grunted that person making Naruto smirk.

"Only about a thousand senbon." joked Naruto "You okay butthead?"

"Hey don't talk about Sasuke-kun like that! He's…" began Sakura but was silenced when Naruto threw a big orange in her mouth.

"Pipe down you pink air-horn, you don't have to scream out like that! Besides, have you seen that hairdo of his?" he said pointing at the other boy "Sauceuke, right? I think I met a duck on the way here and it told me to tell you that it wants its ass back."

Sasuke growled "It's Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke!"

Naruto grinned "Not denying that you robbed the duck?"

This comment made the Uchiha loose it and, with a war cry, he charged at Naruto but he might as well be standing still. Halfway between them the blond teen appeared right in front of him, 'Fast!' Sasuke thought, and used a chakra infused forehead flick to send the Sharingan wielder into the ocean with a big splash.

Naruto started laughing like crazy. Meanwhile Sasuke had barely swam back to the shore "Stop laughing!" the Uchiha screamed.

This made the blond laugh harder "Oh come on, I thought ducks like water."

Sasuke growled and rose to a standing position "How did you do that?"

"Did what?" Naruto asked.

"How did you move so fast?"

Naruto smirked "Well you can call it an advanced form of my bloodline."

Sasuke frowned "Your bloodline?"

The blond teen nodded "Yeah. My body is different from normal. All my cells are held together by natural chakra that I constantly absorb and emit into my surroundings. To move as fast as you saw me I simply stop the chakra bonds between my cells and use the said chakra to propel them close to the speed of light and reassemble them at the target destination. It is not teleportation per say but I can still travel three times around the world in a second. Not to mention the lag that most humans have in their neural impulses, which by the way I don't since my body uses chakra, I can clearly say that this method is superior in combat to anything in regards to speed."

Kushina listened at his words with wide eyes "But neither Minato-kun nor I have that kind of bloodline."

Naruto nodded with a smirk "It's not inherited. I created it using a seal the same day I disappeared from Konoha when I was ten years old. I used a seal that forcefully absorbs natural chakra into my body but the strain was too much and my body disassembled and reappeared on the other side of the world. Truthfully, I never wanted to leave Konoha, well not at that age anyway…"

"Why did you want to absorb natural chakra?" asked Sakura when she wrestled the orange from her mouth.

Naruto smirked like a prankster "Well… I was trying to create an artificial Bijuu inside my body but it actually turned me into something close to a pseudo-half-Bijuu."

"But why did you try?"

Naruto nodded sagely "I tried because I thought I could get some form of recognition. You don't know how maddening it is to have people notice you less than the dust on the furniture…" he smirked as he saw the sad look on his 'family's' faces. "My little sister was practically treated like royalty because she had something like that inside her. So I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could get a small piece of it if I became stronger than the thing she held. Boy did that went well…" he smiled sarcastically "Well it wasn't what I wanted but It was still good enough. I am now linked with nature as a whole. I have a super strong body and practically unlimited chakra since basically the whole world is my chakra pool."

Sakura frowned "You… say you are from Konoha. Just who are you?"

"He's…" Yuri mumbled "He's my b-big brother, Naruto Namikaze."

"Eingh(mimicking game-show sound for failure)!" Naruto smirked "Close but no cigar!" he appeared in front of Yuri with a rolled paper-bomb "The name's Uzumaki Naruto since I don't accept that bastard as my father!" He put it between her lips and summoned a small flame to light it.

"Yuri!" screamed Kushina as her daughter mumbled something in shock and fright but they nearly pissed themselves when it popped into confetti and a little smoke.

Naruto was rolling on the ground holding his stomach.

"That was not funny nii-chan!" screamed Yuri with tears in her eyes.

The blond teen flashed his Cheshire smile "Oh come on, why so serious? You didn't think that I would blow your mouth off imouto, did you? Ha-ha, there are other ways to 'put a smile' on someone's face." he spoke kindly as he ruffled the top of her head. "By the way…" he said as he turned to Sasuke "I remembered something. You wouldn't happen to be Itachi's little brother would you?"

Faster than you could say 'flash', Sasuke was at his side, his hands on the blond teen's coat "How do you know that name? Tell me."

The blond grabbed his wrists with a serious expression "I met him some time ago under… aggressive circumstances and he asked me to give you a message."

Naruto, in one swift motion flicked Sasuke's hitai-ate off his head and poked his forehead with two fingers "Sorry Sasuke, there won't be a next time…"

"What?" Sasuke asked in surprise but then the answer hit him "No… no… NO! He was mine to kill!" The Uchiha crumbled to his knees and started punching the ground.

Naruto patted his shoulder and threw a scroll at the boy's feet "He also gave me this for you. He said that you would need the same eyes as him if you want to open it…" Naruto turned around and started walking away but stopped and asked "But I ask you this: is it truly worth it? Until know you lived your life like others wanted you to, your clan and your brother. Isn't it time to live your own live?"

Sasuke cringed as he squeezed the scroll "How? How did he die?"

"He was dying for a while now. He was sick but even in his state he challenged me. Even though he was under orders he still gave me the best fight of my life, a true man of men…" Naruto spoke sadly.

This made Sasuke growl "He was a MURDERER! He slaughtered our clan except me!"

Naruto frowned "Are you sure about that or is that what he wanted you to think?"

Sasuke frowned "What do you mean by that?" he shouted.

"If he was all that you said he was then why didn't he kill you as well?"

Sasuke looked sadly to the side "He thought I wasn't worth killing…"

"And yet there were other Uchiha younger than you, even infants. Even weak, you still had more worth than them but still he let you live. No, he didn't spare you because he thought you of being worthless, but because he couldn't kill his beloved little brother." Naruto answered sagely.

"How do you know that?" Sasuke questioned in disbelief.

"First of all, I'm a brother as well. Secondly, there is no such thing as a simple explanation in the shinobi world. You must always look underneath the underneath to see it. But if you want to know the whole story come find me in Konoha and I will tell you everything I found. Until then I will let you think if you are ready for the truth." answered Naruto before starting to move away again.

Nothing else was said that day…

Konoha: Present time.

Minato pushed his worried thoughts back as he took his position opposite to Onoki as the Tsuchikage had nearly finished overlooking the treaty's fine print.

At that moment the doors opened and both Kages turned towards it just as Kushina and her team entered frantically.

"Kushina, what's wrong?" Minato asked when she saw his wife's expression.

"Hmph! I knew that Konoha were a bunch of barbarians. They can't even respect proper protocol during these sort of meetings." spoke the old grumpy Kage.

"What's this?" spoke a voice that sent shivers down Onoki's spine "I would recognize that stuck-up old has-been's voice anywhere!"

The Kages turned towards the sound of it and came face to face with a mini-Minato.

"Weeeeheheheheeell, if it isn't the Old Flying Midget! What's up doc?" spoke Naruto flashing his Cheshire smile.

Onoki's eyes were ready to pop out of his sockets before his gaze became furious and his stance seemed… scared. "YOU?!"

Naruto disappeared from sight only to instantly reappear in front of the man and, crouching down to his eye level Naruto pushed his nose onto Onoki's "YEEEEESSS, ME!*huff**huff**huff* *huff* Ya' didn't expect to see me again, eeehh Svengali?"

The Tsuchikage was taken aback by this for a moment but then his face boiled with rage "WHY YOU!" he threw a punch but the teen vanished causing Onoki to stumble forward and roll around quite comically before, at the end of the final roll he hit the corner of the Hokage couch with his hip causing an audible crack.

Konoha was enjoying a day of peace and quiet. The day was beautiful and the weather was perfect. The birds were singing and the people were minding their own business with their friends and family. The atmosphere was so serene … but then "GYAAAAAAA MY HIP!" blasted through the village and probably half of fire country.

Everybody inside the Hokage office was looking at the old Iwa Kage who was paralyzed on the floor clutching his hip. The people next to him were silent and very curious as to what happened to him before a certain whiskered blond broke into a hysterical laugh.

"BWOHOHOHAHAHA! Your hip still giving you trouble Okinozu-Jijii (Big nose gramps)?" he said between laughs. The rest of the people present were stunned.

Onoki barely had the power to shakily turn his head and glare at the would be comic "K-K-Kisama!" (Why you!/ Damn you!)

Two seconds later Naruto became stopped laughing and approached the old man with a grin that would make the Cheshire cat jealous. "Let me fix that for ya' with my magic." he said while placing a foot on the affected region and in one motion drove the attached leg down, not with a lot of force but still enough to hear another long crack. Onoki's colors inverted.

In Konoha the villagers got over the shock of having experienced, what most would call the mating howl of an angry banshee and returned to the calm environment from before. That is, until the earth started to shake under their feet as an even louder, profounder howl of pain shot through the air. "HYGYAAAAAAAA!"

Five seconds later the Hokage office's windows exploded in a mist of dirt. Naruto appeared way above and slightly to the left (close to the cloud line) of it. Oh, by the way he was flying. Out of a dusty office and a shattered window blasted Onoki and was speeding towards the teen like a heat-seeking missile.

"When I get my hands on you, there won't be an atom left of your body!" the Okinozu Gramps shouted as a war cry.

Naruto was in midair imitating a sitting position, cross-legged and supporting his chin with his fist and his elbow on his knee. All in all he was doing a pretty good imitation of Michelangelo's 'Thinker' as an incoming Onoki gained speed and was charging a Dust Release cone like technique.

"Got'cha now brat!" yelled the old man while Naruto was eyeing him with a bored expression. Suddenly the Cheshire grin appeared again as the boy imitated a pool dive, spinning around like a drill as he disappeared in an imaginary 'wabbit hole', appearing in front of the Tsuchikage.

Onoki, although surprised, thrust his arms forward "Take this! Dust relea-" but as he was calling out the name of the technique, Naruto shot a hand, grabbed the dust release jutsu and squeezed it as he wished the man a "Happy landing!" resulting in a huge flash of light and a powerful explosion that blasted the singed Kage towards the ground at extreme speeds. Lucky for him he was heading for a training ground, or more specifically towards the large pond inside it. Unfortunately he came at such a sharp angle that he skidded along the surface, ironically, like a rock. Still that action absorbed most of the impact as he skidded to a halt on the grassy surface just half a foot from where Naruto was waiting for him.

"Had a nice dip trip?" the whiskered blond grinned as the man tried to tremble to a standing position but failed miserably and could now only lie on his back, exhausted.

Just then a three-bladed kunai embedded in the ground near them and the whole party that was in the Hokage office before hell broke loose was flashed there by Minato. They took a few moments to regain their bearings (and for Sasuke and Sakura to throw up since their body was not used to this kind motion) before looking at a blond sitting on a rock poking a very angry looking but barely moving Onoki with a stick.

"Naruto… Is that really you?" Minato asked in shock.

"What took ya' so long? I think I broke him." Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow earning a couple of face-plants.

"Well excuse us! We just had to convince the secretary and the shinobi who sensed the blast that it was NOT THE START OF THE FOURTH SHINOBI WORLD WAR!" Yuri sweat-dropped but made an Iruka-style big head.

Naruto took on a serious expression. He slowly raised his hand and gently placed it behind his head. With consistent motion he started rubbing the said region and then called out the technique "Whoops!" he stuck out his tongue and everybody present and standing made deep impressions of their faces into the ground.

"Why in the world did Tsuchikage-sama chased you?" Sasuke asked.

The whiskered blond put a finger under his chin and started tapping, a few tense moments later his face lit up and his eyes grew big before shrugging "Not sure." he said and the audience face-planted… again. (A/N: Face-plant galore!)

"What do you mean 'not sure'! You can't remember why a freakin' Kage would want to wipe you from existence?" this time Kakashi who had rushed to the office when he saw the explosion pulled a big head jutsu.

"Nope!" Naruto chirped and they all slumped their shoulders "Hey, I have people after me for a lot more reasons than the Aburame clan has insects! I'd like to see you remember everything!" he went pupil-less-bug-eyed and shouted at them very annoyed (How Naruto usually goes when he's angry at someone he considers a friend-like when he scolded Konohamaru for the Yaoi Sexy Jutsu). They all sweat-dropped. "Although it might have something to do with the fact that I beat him and 500 of his best shinobi into the ground without killing any of them without so much as breaking a sweat." Naruto admitted and they all went bug-eyed (like Rock Lee).

"You didn't remember something like THAT?" asked Sasuke.

"Yup! Happens all the time." the whiskered blond chirped like it was basic knowledge.

"'Happens all the time?'" Kushina repeated.

"Uh-huh! Like how I told you about when I had a run in with Yagura Mizu-BishoKage-chan, his full Shippo-Kame form and seven thousand Kiri-nin. Even though I won the civil war for Mei-chan, I didn't even get a decent workout." Naruto waved his hand dismissively .

'Ooookay!' the group thought collectively.

"But why were you in bad terms with the Tsuchikage in the first place?" Yuri asked.

"He started it!" Naruto jabbed a point at a groaning Onoki and everybody sweat-dropped because of his antics.

"Okay, but why?" Kakashi grew curious as did the rest of the group.

Naruto threw his hands behind his head and looked up towards the sky and answered them like he was giving the weather report "Hmm … probably because I banged the living shit out of his granddaughter without the whole wedding bling thing-" he said but was interrupted by a very demonic (dog-like) growl from the old man who couldn't find the energy for anything else. "Hey! Don't blame me! Is it my fault Kuro-chan has one superb body and a voracious libido to go with it?" He got his answer in the form of another, deeper growl.

"So let me get this straight. Onoki-san here came after you with 500 ninja in tow because you had pre-marital sex with his granddaughter?" Minato tried to confirm that his ears weren't playing tricks on him.

"Yup! That and the fact that I blew-up a quarter of his surrounding mountainside that time when I sneezed during my fight with Deidara, but mostly the first. He must be angry at me because she couldn't walk straight for five days and missed their training meetings. Wild one I tell you! One of the top twenty! Actually she is fighting for first place." he smirked as he related everything.

"Top twenty? How many did you… you know … until now?" pervert mode Kakashi asked earning two very menacing glares. (Kushina and Yuri)

"Dunno! Lost count at no. 278. Although Kuro-chan and Mei-chan are definitely number one, both of them! Hey maybe we should have a threesome! Now that would be a rodeo!" the blond blushed as he was talking to himself out (really) loud.

"Mei? As in Mei Terumi, the current Mizukage?" Sakura asked though she had a sinking feeling that she already knew the answer.

"What the? You … you know … a Kage?" Kakashi asked.

"Yup and she can give Fangirl-san a run for her money in the looks department. She's even a redhead! Not to mention those DD knockers, hooh!" The teen explained cupping his hands underneath his chest and bouncing them slightly.

Kakashi fell to the floor due to his navy blue mask becoming suspiciously dark and red near the nose region.

Now the party was stupefied. The girls were more so. On one hand their son/brother was someone who could level mountains with a sneeze. On the other hand he was a major playboy. To say that everyone, minus Kakashi, was sweeping the ground with their jaws was an understatement.

Just then somebody else arrived at the training ground. It was the Jounin pair Asuma Sarutobi and Kurenai Yuhi.

"Hokage-sama, we heard an explosion and saw that it came from your office! Are you alright?" Kurenai bowed before asking.

"Yes Kurenai, it was just a… minor incident." Minato calmed her down.

Naruto saw two persons standing behind the group and made his way towards them.

"Okay, who is stealing my spotlig- - - - HO-LEEEE (holy) VENUS!" he shouted as his eyes met Kurenai's figure. Faster than anyone could see he rushed in front of her bowing slightly.

(Cheesyness alert!)

"Hello! My name is Naruto, the Konton Shin (Chaos God), and you're under arrest!" he told the woman with a very serious expression.

"On what charges?" she asked completely buying the story and forgetting to ask either for his ID or the Hokage for clarification.

"Well… being this beautiful has to be a crime!" he smirked flirtatiously and caused the woman to blush deeply.

"Umm… thank you!" she answered looking a little nervous.

Asuma instantly got a tick mark and nearly bit through his freshly lit cancer-stick. "Do you always greet women like that kid?" he asked with a little hostility.

Naruto looked at him with a frown "Was I talking to you, tobacco-breath?"

The tick mark grew three times in size "Excuse me?"

"No, I don't think I will. I was talking to this lovely lady here (cue Kurenai blush) when you so rudely interrupted. Now I suggest you retreat a little distance away, like say to Suna, since some of us actually don't want to get lung-cancer, smoke-a-lot!"

"Nani?" Asuma's anger was clearly evident in his words.

"What, nicotine got your hearing or are my words too difficult for you to understand? In other words I meant that, unless you want to join the dwarf that's resting on the lawn over there, make like a locomotive and roll away, or simply said, scram cigarette-for-brains, and take your stench with ya'! The only smoke that I can stand right now is coming off this smokin'-hot lady over here!" he warned but turned to Kurenai on his final words and the woman was now red as a tomato. She didn't know why since she usually dealt with perverts quickly but the way this kid seemed to speak was like his words were hitting all the right buttons like his aura reverberated with each flirtatious word. Her womanly primordial instincts were taking over. But then she remembered his words and together with Asuma who also noticed that, looked in the direction he pointed earlier only to find Onoki shakily trying to get off the ground using a rock for support.

"T-Tsuchikage-sama?" they both asked. "What happened to you?"

"Okinozu-jijii tried to rough and tumble with me but after two minutes I guess old age got to him. That and his own Kekkei-Totta Dust Release technique exploding in his hands after I oh so gently squeezed it during its formation increasing its power exponentially. Right Jijii?" he said turning to the senior citizen who glared at him. "RIGHT Jijii? Naruto asked again this time with more authority and flaring his chakra a little bit.

Onoki felt the fear he hadn't in a long time and could only back away shakily as he nodded.

Naruto relaxed and then turned to the two newcomers "See?"

"Do you usually 'rough and tumble' with Kages?" Kurenai asked.

"Nope! I usually do more 'rough' than 'tumble' with beautiful ladies like you, though I'll admit the Mizukage is part of this category. I must say that in all my travels I have met only ten or so women who could ever compete with you in that department and I have traveled around the whole wide world!" the blond explained with a suave voice and a foxy grin.

Asuma had enough and completely forgot that this kid floored a Kage without even breathing hard "Listen brat, if you value your nuts drop the cheesy pick-up lines! Kurenai doesn't like skirt-chasers and show-offs!"

Naruto shot him a lazy-annoyed look "Then why are you still here? Actually, don't answer that because I don't really care, Smokey." the blond explained and that was the next to last straw. He was one step from ripping Naruto a new one… if he could. Oh poor misguided, testosterone driven delusional fool, he had forgotten the big-nosed midget.

"Listen kid I had just about enough of you! If you don't-"

"You're annoying!" was the only thing he heard from the teen before he felt it.

It was not KI, nor anything he ever felt before. It was pure, raw and undiluted power. This made Asuma tremble with fright.

"I was saving this up for Kakashi but now you deserve it just as much." the blond growled as chakra started condensing around him making it look almost like solid armor. The people present, especially Kakashi, wondered what this technique was that it needed so much energy. The scarecrow was definitely scared shitless at the sight.

The blond teen blinked out of Asuma's sight but then the man felt the unfathomable power emanating from behind him.

There Naruto was grinning from ear to ear as his teeth looked very shark-like.

Mini flashback

"Kakashi-san please teach me a technique or something, anything!" a six year old Naruto begged the scarecrow.

The Cyclops grunted. He was really tired and didn't want to deal with the kid. Naruto growled as he heard that and looked angrily towards his sister who was playing with his father and mother nearby.

Kakashi saw the jealousy filled look and didn't like it. It wasn't like he played favorites between the kids but he knew that stare and it always spelled 'dark path walker' judging by his experience. He then got an idea that would later spell doom for him but he just didn't know it. He even ignored the warning tingle he got from his spine. Even the Aspects (will be revealed later) had appealed to him telepathically but he just shrugged.

He sighed again "Okay, okay, just one technique and then you will leave me alone, got it?"

The blond's eyes began filling with hope and light as he nodded.

Kakashi smirked as he formed a tiger hand-sign and gathered chakra in his hands "Watch closely for this is the ultimate taijutsu move in the world." He said as the boy was watching him intensely, not daring to even blink.

"Its awesome name is…"

End flashback begin present/flashback split-screen

Naruto lowered his stance/ Kakashi lowered his stance.

"Naruto Ryuu (Style): Taijutsu Ougi (Greatest/Supreme taijutsu technique)…"/ "Konoha Hiden (Secret/Hidden): Taijutsu Ougi…"

Naruto cocked his right leg back/ Kakashi disappeared from the boy's sight and appeared behind him crouching with the hand-sign still formed.

"SENNEN GOROSHI!" both screen sides shouted.

End all flashback

All of Naruto's chakra gathered around his lower right leg as the boy shot it forward at blinding speed and connected the steel tip with the chain-smoker's sphincter.

The next three seconds appeared to be in slow-motion as Asuma's face contorted and disfigured unimaginably as pain shot up his nervous system along his bowels. He heard the boy's foot break the sound barrier a moment before the impact and felt his own feet leave the ground as perception returned to normal and he 'perceived' that he was in the air at a height that exceeded the Hokage Mountain by far and was on a perfect trajectory to fly through an open hospital window… which he did but with a resounding crash as he landed.

Back with the rest of the group…

Naruto had his hand on his forehead to block the sun's rays as he showed a bloodthirsty grin "He shoots and he SCORES!" the teen threw his arms into the air to celebrate.

"ASUMA!" screamed Kurenai. They had been dating for a while now even though he annoyed her to no end but he was at least her friend.

Naruto shrugged "Meh, don't worry about Smokescreen too much. He only got a minor concussion from the landing and will probably have severe hemorrhoids and diarrhea."

"How do you know that?" Kushina asked.

"I am connected to Nature as a whole. That means I feel everything on this planet no matter where and how if I focus enough. The move was seriously powered down. The level I had planned for Kakashi would shoot him through the moon. And I can tell that guy is still conscious and angry but he has a lot of problems moving with my shoe stuck in his lower intestines. HEY!" the blond explained before yelling.

"What?!" the people present minus Onoki asked.

Naruto sobbed "I really liked these shoes!" he said while wiggling his now bare right toes.

The shinobi face-planted hard…