Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the book "How to be Popular" by Meg Cabot, nor will I ever. I do not own any characters or settings you recognize, and I do not profit from this in any way. "How to Get a Girlfriend" is a story written by me (IceCreamGurl6455), purely for my own entertainment and the entertainment of others. No part of this story can be duplicated, quoted, or replicated without my permission and proper citation. Thank you for understanding the terms on which this story was and continues to be written. I appreciate your time and thank you in advance for complying by my personal standards, rules, and international laws.

GIRLFRIEND: n. A female partner in a romantic relationship.

Love.

The feeling that keeps us human. The thing that either causes eternal bliss or perpetual pain. And, even though we know it is taking a gamble, we can't seem to help loving someone.

Unfortunately, not all of us are lucky.

So what can we do about it?

Well, to love, you must understand what it is. There are two types of love: platonic and romantic. Platonic is how you love your grandma, or your dog. Romantic is how you love your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Or rather, how you would, if you had one.

In romantic love, there are two sub-categories, requited and unrequited love. Requited is how a person gets a date, and unrequited is pining after one who does not love you back.

So what does this have to do with your love life?

You'll find that most people who end up with someone they love are:

* Confident
* Honest
* Helpful
* Supportive
* Caring

These kinds of people aren't born with superpowers. They've worked hard to find true love and happiness. . .

. . .and you can, too, by following the tips in this book!

Chapter One

"Next customer."

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, this has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever done. I mean, buying a book called How to Get a Girlfriend? Already seems suspicious enough, not to mention desperate and hopeless. But buying that book at a bookstore that the girl you hope to get as said girlfriend works at? Full out idiot. Add in the fact that her family owned the store, and you can see why I didn't move.

"Next customer!"

I already knew the way Darren was. He hated waiting for customers, and usually mocked them at the register. The way he saw it, if they were rude to him, he would be rude to them. Never mind the fact that he was supposed to be nice to the people who kept Courthouse Square Books in business, as opposed to chasing them away. Honestly, I think Darren is great. He's hilarious, and you can actually have a man to man talk with him.

So why was I sweating like I had just run the mile in gym?

"Next customer. Only customer in line. Person in the dark hoodie with the hood up and the gangster shades. Come on, who do you think you are, an impersonation of every stereotypical criminal on TV? Move on, buddy, walk the five feet it takes to get to the register and Check. Out. Already."

I heard Steph's mom call from the back, "Professional tone, Darren, goes a long way."

Steph's mom. Extremely pregnant Steph's mom. The mother of Stephanie Landry. A creator of the reason I was here, at Courthouse Square Books, buying this guide in the first place. Would I really be doing myself any favors if she came out and saw me and what book I was holding?

No. I would most likely get the sympathy vote, followed by the "Honey, you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy" talk, and then Steph would get the "Jason thinks he needs a girlfriend to be happy" speech, leading to a very awkward "Jason...what the heck?" conversation.

So I stepped up the counter. Darren took the book, rang it up, and bagged it, saying as he did, "So, this whole getup...just a phase, or a lifestyle choice?"

"None of your business," I snapped, trying to make my voice sound tough and macho. I failed miserably.

Darren cracked up. I think I may have seen a tear fall. "Your total is $9.53," he choked out. I tossed him a ten, grabbed the bag, and waited not-so-patiently for my change. Darren counted and recounted, to make sure I was getting the right amount. I stuck my hand out for the money, but he tutted and read from the notecard Steph had printed up for him.

"Thanks-so-much-for-shopping-at-Courthouse-Square-Books-have-a-nice-day," he said quickly, all in one breath, while handing me a quarter and two dimes.

"You owe me two cents," I said. Darren took them out of the Give a Penny/Take a Penny jar.

"Next time you come in here, buy a better attitude, too!" he yelled as I left. I started running and didn't stop until I was a full three blocks away, ripping the shades off and pulling the hood down in the process. I unlocked the B and got inside, not pausing to turn down the radio.

Great. Just great. I try to go incognito, and what draws less attention than a 70's BMW blasting "Let it Be" while speeding through Courthouse Square? Lauren Moffat, it turns out. She was pulling out of the parking lot next to Old Tommy's Pawn Shop when she saw me. And, apparently, she had never heard of BMW courtesy, because she just rolled her eyes and gave me the "Loser" sign.

Nobody disrespects the B like that. Nobody. The only reason I didn't go back and give her a piece of my mind was because, well, she was Lauren Moffat. She wasn't worth the time, aggravation, or gas money I would have wasted. Not to mention the inevitable loss of brain cells.

Basically, Lauren Moffat and I hate each other. Well, more like I hate her and she doesn't know who I am. Due to her constant obsession with humiliating Steph, and by association me, I have been passively aggressively fighting Loose Lauren for years. If she is in my group for a school project, I make sure she gets a lower grade than the rest of us. If she asks me to move, I don't. If I see her at lake, I ignore her.

If Lauren sees me at school (or anywhere else for that matter), she usually ignores me. But if she's hanging around her dumb jock boyfriend, Mark Finley, or some other member of her posse of populars, she makes sure to make a comment about the way I look, dress, sound, walk, or any other number of things she doesn't like about me.

Not that I care.

Truth is, I would completely ignore Lauren if she wasn't such a witch with a capital B to Steph. But it doesn't seem like that's going to change soon. Or ever.

The real kicker, though, is that her father owns Bloomville's only BMW dealership.

Evil people shouldn't be rich or drive BMWs. It's completely disrespectful to the cars.

I pulled The B into my driveway and turned her off, cutting off "Lola" mid-chorus. I was running late for meeting up with Steph and Becca, her friend from fifth grade who had replaced me while we were in a huge fight, at the bookstore. Would it have been less costly and more practical to just stay close to Courthouse Square instead of coming home? Yes. But did I have a perfectly legitimate reason for coming home? Yes.

After Steph got off the late shift at the store, the four of us- Steph, Becca, The B, and I- were going to, for the first night ever, cruise up and down Main Street as we have longed to do for so many years. And I couldn't risk either of them finding The Book.

It was too important. The Book was my ticket to winning Steph over.

A/N: And so concludes the first chapter of "How to Get a Girlfriend"! I hope you liked it, I really do. I've had this chapter written for almost a year, but I wanted to wait until I knew for sure how to continue. I will update every Monday (maybe more than that if there is positive feedback).

If you liked it, please review. If you didn't, review and give me some pointers!

Thanks for reading!

~IceCreamGurl6455