Disown me all you want guys but DaveKat is forever my OTP. I mean along with JohnDave and JohnKat xDD

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck or the characters etc. etc. they belong to Hussie~

So I was just chilling with Rose and Kanaya, right? Kanaya's about to leave, and suddenly Karkat comes whooshing in and rambling at me some mumbo jumbo about troll romance so I tuned the fuck out. But somewhere in there I caught up with him and he's talking bullshit about wanting to share Terezi with me. I was having none of that. Black romance was a very uncomfortable thing for me and I sure as hell was not going to let Karkat be her boyfriend. He had his chance. Despite this I told Karkat he won. He could have his fucking girl back. At least that way I would have 99 problems, but Karkat's romance wouldn't be one of them.

So anyways to explain better, he starts drawing a goddamned shipping grid in Rose's book. I of course had to take matters into my own hands and stop him. That's where things got messy.

I wrapped my arms around Karkat, trying to pry the pen away from him, but he wasn't budging. I wasn't either, of course, so my hand stayed glued to his, trying to fight him as he continued to try drawing his stupid boxes. A genius idea popped into my head as Karkat and I bickered, and I put that idea into action.

Pressing Karkat against the table so he'd be practically immobilized, I used all of my awesome arm strength to make Karkat draw some penises. It was perfect.

"Karkat whoa man what are you doing? Why are you drawing all these human dicks? How do you even know what they look like? What have you been watching?" I asked him in mock surprise.

"I'm not drawing those! You're making me draw them! Stop that!" Karkat retorted, struggling against me. Insert intake of breath here because Karkat's ass should never rub against me in that way again. By which never I mean it should happen all the goddamn time, but I'll just pretend I didn't say that.

"No way," I told him. "This book is now like our fight fueled ouija board of cock." Karkat continued to struggle and I may or may not have positioned myself subtly to have him continue to rub against me. I shouldn't have though, because he was going to notice soon.

I tried to keep my thoughts PG as I made Karkat draw some more penises. Rose and Kanaya mysteriously disappeared, I noticed as I looked over my shoulder. I shook my head to clear it, and Karkat moved against me again, and shoved his hand into my face.

"Let go of me!" he said.

"Gimme the pen."

"No!"

"Yes."

"NO!"

"Yes."

"Fine, take it!" he said, finally giving in.

"No," I told him, smirking.

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"We're still drawing!" I told him. "Once you get in it, you can't stop man. You asked for this."

"Let go of me!" Karkat demanded again, but I replied, telling Karkat there was no way out of this. He made some weird Alternian noise and shifted again. That's when he froze. Dammit, he noticed.

"Dave."

"Yes?"

"What in the ever living fuck is poking my ass?" he growled. I snorted.

"Do you really want an answer to that?" I asked him, my smirk only growing wider.

"Why else would I ask, fuckass?" he retorted. I shrugged.

"Fair enough." I simply grabbed his hand, and drew another penis.

"That doesn't answer my question, Dave," he told me, scowling.

"Actually, it does."

A few seconds passed before Karkat understood. His eyes went wide and he was struggling for words.

"B-but...it wasn't there before...what...how...Dave I'm confused," he said.

I hesitated before replying. I didn't dare tell him that it meant I was aroused. I would never live that down. Maybe I could find a way to say it in a less sexual way...

"It's because of the friction, Karkat," I told him. At least I was being honest. So maybe I was serious when I told him he could have his girl back. But I was still fighting because if he had Terezi, why would he want me? Okay yeah I didn't just say that. No flushed feelings for Karkat here. Nope.

"What? Is that even normal?"

"For humans, yes."

"But isn't that...," Karkat trailed off, looking up at me with a confused look on his face. I had no idea where he was going with this, so I raised an eyebrow at him, asking for clarification.

"I mean...Dave...why would you want to pail...w-with me?" he asked.

"Karkat that's not how it works."

"Well then how does it work?"

Wow I really did not mean to make things this awkward.

"Like I said, it's the friction...," I began. "When something rubs or touches it or something...well I might as well admit it feels good. Therefore it gets hard in anticipation, regardless of the person I'm with. It's not like I asked for this or did it on purpose or anything," I told Karkat, sighing and rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

"In anticipation for what?" Karkat asked, tilting his head curiously.

"What the hell do you think?"

"O-oh...well does it have to do that or does it go away?" he asked, never relenting in his questioning.

"Wow do we really have to be talking about this? Ugh well there's other ways to take care of it but it can go away except it takes awhile and is excruciating because it...I don't know how to explain it...," I sighed, searching for words. "I guess it wants release? Well anyways I'm just going to leave now because I'm done having this conversation," I told Karkat, letting go of him and turning to leave.

"Well it's not exactly my fault I'm a bit fucking curious about human biology," Karkat said. I stared at him, and after a pause, he said to me, "I want to see how it works."

"W-what?!" I said, exasperated, caught way off guard.

"Was I not clear enough the first time, idiotic worthless dumbfuck? I said I want to see how it works."

"Karkat I believe that's something reserved for the hearts quadrant," I told him, my face flushing red.

"Yeah, and does it look like I give a shit? This would be something purely experimental, exclusively for the purpose of pursuance of further knowledge of your stupid human anatomy," Karkat said, putting his hands on his hips for an exaggerated effect.

"Well then why don't you just go watch some porn?" I said, making to leave again.

"Because I don't want to see a bunch of random fuckasses go at it." Karkat quickly amended his statement as he realized what he was implying. "I mean it's not like I want to see you go at it either, but I just think you'd be able to explain it better..."

I blinked at him several times, unamused.

"Dave it's just for educational purposes! I just want to know how it works! And as long as you had it poking my ass, I think I have a right to know! I mean I guess I was kind of the cause of it anyways. Fuck, are you really that sensitive about it?" Karkat rambled, fidgeting with his fingers.

I sighed, giving up. I wasn't going to argue anymore, especially since I was so hard by now it hurt. "If I fucking do this, no words to anyone, got that?" I growled at him.

"Yeah, okay! I won't tell anyone," Karkat said, the usual gruffness and anger of his voice missing. After a pause, he spoke again. "So..umm..."

I gave him an annoyed groan and walked over to the wall, sitting down with my back against it. Karkat followed me, but he sat on his knees in front of me. I tried to ignore the growing blush on my face and ears as I shrugged my pants and boxers down, freeing my erection. The colder air against it made me shiver, and Karkat was giving it a weird look. He would look from it, to me, to it again, opening and closing his mouth in a search for words.

"What is it?" he simply asked.

"It is my dick," I told him simply. He reached out to poke it, but I swatted his hand away. "Hey man, look, don't touch."

"But it's weird," he told me, trying to poke it again.

"No, stop. For humans, it's quite normal. Besides, as long as you're just going to stare at me like I'm some kind of alien, what do you have going on down there?" I asked him, annoyed slightly.

"First of all, you are a fucking alien species, to me at least. And secondly, that was not part of the deal. You're supposed to show me how your weird pailing device works, and mine will not be involved in any ways, shape, or form," he replied, scowling at me.

"Okay whatever. Well what am I even supposed to do? Narrate?"

Karkat's face flushed red, and he sort of stuttered while talking. "W-well...I know you said no touching but wouldn't a 'hands on' experience be more educational?"

I gritted my teeth and tried to keep the grimace off my face. I shouldn't be bothered by this. It was for educational purposes only, after all. "Fine," I spat out.

Karkat scooted closer, eyeing me carefully. "So what do I do?" he asked, looking confused.

"Well...you have to touch it..and sort of rub it, I guess," I told him, shoving awkward thoughts from my mind. I tensed up when Karkat's hand reached over, but raised an eyebrow at him when he did begin touching me. He was sort of petting back and forth, and wow did that feel nice but excruciatingly so because that was never something I would be able to get off on.

"Okay Karkat I'm not made of glass. You could use a little more force," I told him. A second later he dug the heel of his palm into me, and I winced. "Okay not that hard. Ow...here. Like this." I wrapped my hand around his, making his fingers closer around me. He looked at me nervously, but couldn't read my expression because of my shades. I kept my eyes on our hands as I began guiding Karkat's hand up and down my shaft. He soon got the idea, and I was able to remove my hand from his as he began pumping me on his own.

I bit my lip, holding back subtle moans as Karkat experimented a little. Sometimes he would twist his hand just a little bit in one direction and it would feel especially good, and then there was that time where he slid his fingertip over my slit and I swear I almost lost it right there. This time I almost couldn't hold back a moan, and I sort of grunted. Karkat looked up at me and sort of smirked before asking,

"So how long do I need to do this before...you know..."

"Depends on how fast you move and where you touch," I told him.

"I'm not sure I really want to get into this...I don't want your genetic material all over me," Karkat told me suddenly. Yet despite his words, he continued his movements, and quickened them even. It was hard for me to form words.

"You're the one...who got yourself into this...," I said, pausing in between words to catch my quickening breath. My eyes rolled back into my head, and I didn't really bother trying to stop my next moan of pleasure. I heard him snicker, and then the movements stopped. I was quick to focus my gaze on him, and scowl.

"Why the hell did you stop?" I asked, my irritation showing in my voice.

Karkat answered by poking my balls.

"What is it?" he asked curiously.

"Can I explain my complete anatomy later?" I asked, sounding a bit more desperate than I intended to.

"Well someone's impatient," Karkat replied, his smirk growing wider.

"Of course I'm fucking impatient. It was just starting to feel nice and can we just shut up and continue?" I was whining now. Close to begging too.

"Well don't think I care about you or anything. I'm not doing this for your pleasure. I'm doing this for my knowledge," Karkat answered. I growled and reach down to take care of myself, but Karkat pinned both of my hands above my head in a flash. If I didn't know better, I'd say he just flashstepped to do it. But only Striders flashstep, so that would be impossible. In reaction to Karkat's action, I growled again.

"What the hell?"

"Dave I'm the one doing the work here. We're going to go at my pace, got that?" Oh my god when did Karkat's voice start sounding seductive? I felt like ragequitting right there because I was so hard that it fucking hurt and I badly wanted attention. No, I needed attention. My hips bucked slightly against my will, another whine escaping my throat. I threw Karkat a half angry, half pleading look, which he couldn't see because of my shades.

Speaking of my shades, why was Karkat's free hand coming to my face oh shit don't touch the shades dude don't touch them if you touch them you're dead fuck you just touched them. Karkat took the shades off my face. That motherfucker. Now all of my emotions were on display, and Karkat saw how desperate I actually was. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Dave?"

"Hnng," was all I could manage to reply, and my hips bucked again. Fuck, I wasn't supposed to lose my cool like this. Well, in my defense, it had been like, 6 days since I jacked off, so the pressure had totally built up. And also besides that, Karkat was with me. Karkat had been touching me. He was still touching me, my hands at least. Shivers ran over my body and my dick sort of jumped when some sexy imaginative images of Karkat ran through my head. Things Karkat could do to me like this. Oh hell this hurt oh god please just fucking touch me Karkat.

I sure hoped that I didn't say that out loud but I kind of feel like I did because Karkat snickered at me, but complied to my thoughts and touched me. Of course he did it slowly and painfully and was smiling wickedly the entire time and I was desperate to get friction. When he slowed his pace even more (if that was even possible), I snapped.

"I thought this was a fucking knowledge thing not a 'lets-torture-dave-and-see-how-much-we-can-make-him-lose-his-cool-and-beg-for-orgasm' thing. Seriously if you don't pick up the pace and get this over with, I will tell everyone that you sexually assaulted me and I'll show Sollux exactly what's in that one folder on your husktop the next time we see him," I told Karkat, blackmailing him. Fear actually crossed his face for a moment. Only he and I knew about that folder, and he didn't even know that I knew until now.

"Why the fuck were you on my husktop?" he asked, pulling back and folding his arms angrily.

"Never mind that. I mean what I said," I told him, only half smirking as I tried to tug my hands away from Karkat so I could just fucking finish myself off. Karkat wasn't having any of that, though.

"Strider," he said in a warning tone.

"Karkat," I replied just as icily.

We stared at each other for a few minutes before Karkat finally caved in and began stroking me again. He had picked up his pace considerably, and I knew I wouldn't last longer than a minute more or so. Karkat did all these intricate twists and stuff, and assaulted my slit again with his finger and I moaned again. Karkat was courteous enough to ignore it this time. I wondered if I should give him warning. I was so close to the edge now.

My eyes rolled back into my head again and another moan escaped my lips, but this time, it was Karkat's name. Well, shit. Karkat gave me a really strange look, and my face flushed. I wanted to cover up my lame slip up with something smooth, but that familiar feeling pooled in my stomach and I knew there would be no time.

"Karkat I'm gonna-," was all I could manage to get out before I began shooting. Karkat was mildly surprised, but he didn't pull away. He just looked at me weird again and raised his brow.

"That's all?" he asked, unimpressed.

Silence.

"Sorry, humans don't have as much genetic material as trolls, I guess," he said. He then pulled his hand away and looked at it disgustedly. It was my turn to snicker, and I pulled out a box of tissues from my sylladex. We both used them to clean ourselves off, my stomach and his hand. Once we were all finished with that, and I had pulled up my pants again, Karkat looked at me.

"Well. That was very fucking enlightening. Glad to know how you work."

He turned on his heel to leave the room, but I grabbed his arm.

"Not so fast," I told him, spinning him around to face me. "I said not a word of this to anyone, and I mean it."

"Okay, okay," Karkat said, his face very red. He turned to go again, and this time, I didn't stop him. I had a feeling I knew why he was leaving. After all, who wouldn't get all hot and bothered after giving a Strider a handjob?