A/N: This is a CRACK fic. And I mean it. I'm not sure if I'll be writing more. Maybe when I'm having writer's block for my other fics. *shrugs* Enjoy! Review!
And also, this is what happens when I read a crack fic, watch Pewds play the Walking Dead and have an obsession for bully. I also mainly wrote this to make me laugh and feel better so I wasn't in so much pain. Thank you, crack fics.
Reviews might bring some of your favorite characters back, and get rid of the ones you don't quite like.

Johnny Vincent was walkin' down the street one day all cool like, when
he came upon someone lyin' on the ground. He didn't know who it was or
why they were lyin' on the ground there, but he flipped the body over
with his steel toed boot to see...

DUHN DUHN DUHN

Peanut Romano!

"Peanut man, what the hell are you doin' on the ground bro?" Johnny
wailed at his best bud, but he noticed somethin'. Peanut didn't have a
face! And he was bloody! And he was about to eat Johnny's leg!

"Look out!" some badass girl called and quickly ran over zambie Peanut
with her purple motorcycle. Johnny's foot got ran over but it was
steel toe so it didn't matter.

He soon recognized the girl as Lola!

"Hop on," Lola commanded sexily, motioning her boyfriend over with an
outstretched arm and a sexy body wiggle.

"Okay," the greaser leader muttered and belly-flopped onto the
motorcycle behind Lola. She sped off after Johnny held tightly to her
waist.

Lola drove quickly down to the school, where the rest of their gang
most likely was. Peanut apparently wasn't the only person without a
face and chewing on other people, there was also Pete Kowalski, Melody
Adams, Lance Jackson, Bo Jackson, Dan Wilson, Hal Esposito, Chad
Morris, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Taylor Swift, and

DUHN DUHN DUHN

Gary Motherfucking Smith! Le gasp!

So anyways, Lola parked her sweet purple motorcycle outside of the
school gates and dragged Johnny along towards the auto shop to rescue
any other surviving greasers. Inside was Lucky De Luca, Lefty okay
yeah blah blah everyone except Peanut, Hal, and Vance. Vance because
zambie-ified Cornelius wanted to make out and shit and how could Vance
say no to that sexy face?

So anyways, after they recruited the greasers they traveled in a group
very quietly to the library. If they needed to run from the zambies
then they could just throw the nerds at them.

The only nerds inside the library were dead and gathered in a group
eating the librarian, so the greasers left to go to the mascot statue
place with the rich kids and the football playas. So they all crept
inside the Harrington house first, careful of Chad's zambie-ified dawg.

"I don't see why something like this should happen!" Gord screamed
from the corner, broken cellphones around him as Norton Williams broke
down the door with his trusty hamma of doom that he totally didn't
steal from Thor.

"Johnny Vincent to the rescue!" Johnny Vincent announced with his
hands on his hips and his chest puffed out. Derby instantly ran to him
and leaped into the greaser king's arms. In slow motion, it would have
looked so much cooler.

"Derby?!" Bif yelled from up the stairs, tumbling down them without a
scratch. "I thought what we had was SPECIAL!"

As Bif continued to cry an ocean, Lucky De Luca was very much aware of
a big problem. He didn't know how to swim.

Lucky struggled to breathe in Bif's salty tears, and Lefty swam over
to help his dear friend. They were close since birth, their names
being similar and heck they even dressed the same.

Lefty was too late. However, in his final moments, Lucky whispered
something in his ear: "Lefty... I am your brother..."

Lefty looked to the sky and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOO" before Ricky had
enough of all a the greasers' shit and threw him up the stairs. His
lover Vance was already dead, and his own son had died because some
stupid wannabe prep was crying over a goddamn Harrington!

"OKAY GUYS," Parker shouted from the ceiling, dropping down in a
Batman costume. "Y'ALL NEED TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT. BIF STOP CRYING,
DERBY GO BACK TO YOUR TRUE LOVER, GORD FIX YO CELLPHONES, AND LEFTY...
SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Everyone was silent and a random drain in the floor sucked in all of
Bif's tears almost immediately. Derby inched back over to his
bodyguard and Gord began to piece together his cellphones again. Lefty
and Ricky crawled over to the body of Lucky lying on the ground, pale
and cold.

All of a sudden, Lucky jumped up and tried to, like, raep Lefty or
something! It was totally creepy, cuz he was tryin' ta eat his face
off and shit!

Norton stepped in with his trusty totally not Thor's hammer and bashed
Lucky's head in. The zambie fell to the ground.

"You got blood on my carpets!" Derby screeched from his and Bif's
corner after an intense staring contest in between them. "Get
ooooouuuttttt!"

All of the greasers left the Harrington house. Parker was nowhere to
be found.

So they went to the football field. Thankfully there were no jock
zambies besides Dan and Bo, but they were working on eating Crabble-
Pebble nose cleaner guy. Kirby was having a totally passionate
bromance-like makeout with Trent in the corner while Casey was
cradling Karen. Ted and Damon were having an epic thumb war while Juri
beat up a zambie that looked kinda like Constantinos. Little did
everyone know, Constantinos was actually Luis, who was actually Mandy,
who was actually Dr. Watts, who was actually that one Duncan dude, who
was actually Bryce, who was actually Taylor Swift!

In conclusion, Constantinos is Taylor Swift.

But that didn't matter because there was a giant helecopter that
landed in the field. A whole bunch of nerds filed out of it and
started pushing Chad's dawg and Ms. Phillips' cat into it.

Kirby never did see the nerds again.

Another ocean of tears was created when Casey couldn't save Karen from
Trent's flirtatious tendencies. And Kirby made lava pour down from the
heavens from sheer jealousy.

In the end, Trent came crawling back to Kirby once more.

Johnny's biggest problem, however, was keeping Lola from stealing
Lefty's cheekbones. He knew that Lola loves Benedict Cumberbatch
because of his cheekbones, and now she was trying to steal Lefty's!
This was unacceptable.

Before he could act, a pedobear came out of the gym and started to
attack Pedro de La Hoya and his trusty girlfriend, Kim Possible. More
like K imPossible. Psschh, so much for living up to her name.

Kirby never did see the pedobear again.

All of a sudden, zambies began to drop down from the heavens! But they
weren't just any zambies, they were all...

DUHN DUHN DUHN

Peanut Romano zambies!

"It'ssss Laaarrryyyy," the zambies groaned as they all limped towards
the group of greasers. Norton's trusty not Thor hammer couldn't take
them all out.

But then, just as the Peanut zambies were about to attack, they turned
and stared creepily towards a group of boys that had that one look
where you think you know them, but you don't know why. It was...

DUHN DUHN DUHN

One Direction!

"Haaaaarrryyyy," the Peanut zambies groaned as they neared the boy
band. They then made passionate, zambie love. Johnny became jealous.
No one was allowed to touch Liam like that. Liam was his favorite.

Kirby never did see Peanut Romano again.