January Rain

Author's note: This is a different take on the entire Sydney baby switch, something that might have happened if Sami had lost Grace before she returned to Salem.

Sheets of rain were falling all around her, although the severity of the weather didn't seem to faze her at all. She felt rooted to the spot, unable to move from her lonely position beside the tiny gravesite.

How could she go away from here? How could she leave her baby all alone? It was cold and rainy and no doubt before long the rain would turn to sleet and snow if the temperatures kept falling. Even though if that occurred, it couldn't match the iciness her entire being felt at the present moment.

It had been bad enough that there had only been a handful of people to attend the funeral of her child. The members of the funeral party consisted of only Father Tobias, Sister Teresa O'Malley, Rafe and herself. The elderly priest and Sister Teresa had finally left even though they had asked her to go with them which she had promptly refused. Now it was just her and Rafe standing there together in the pouring rain.

"Sami, we need to go. You'll get sick if you keep standing out here in the rain."

Rafe urged her to go, but didn't he realize she couldn't leave her baby, not when the heavens had opened up and poured the rain down upon the ground. Surely the angels were crying for her precious baby even if they were probably not shedding any tears for her.

She didn't deserve tears, too many memories swirled viciously around in her mind, reminding her of past sins she had committed. She wasn't an innocent, far from it and this was a harsh reminder of that very fact.

She moved away from the meager shelter the black umbrella had provided for her. It didn't matter to her that she was soaking wet and she cared even less if she caught a cold.

A cold could never compare to the coldness that had seeped into her heart when her baby Grace had died.

That sweet innocent baby had done no harm to anyone and yet God had seen fit to take her from her.

Then the realization hit her, not only was Grace taken from her, Grace was also taken from EJ.

He wasn't even here to bury his child. Hell he hadn't even known she was pregnant, much less lost their child, their beautiful baby girl that would have been their second child together.

What kind of woman didn't tell the man who had been such a huge part of her life she was carrying his child?

She guessed a woman who had been scared for her life and more than a bit hurt that he had slept with another woman and gotten her pregnant as well within a few shorts weeks of each other. The anger at him was also another point for her when she had seen him cavorting with that tramp Nicole whom she hated still to this very day.

Yes hatred and more than a tad bit of jealousy although she'd never admit it to that arrogant son of a bitch. Then she stopped herself before the rage could overcome her, this wasn't a place for rage and hatred for EJ.

She knew it wasn't fair for her to be mad at EJ anyway when she considered what his wrath would be toward her if he ever found out about her deception.

No, this was a place for sorrow. A sorrow that had been growing exponentially since the moment Dr. Baker had broken the news to her that her baby had died within a few short minutes of her arrival into this world.

One moment she had held her in her arms, the next the nurse and Dr. Baker had rushed Grace from the room and when they returned her worst nightmare had come to fruition.

"Sami, please come on," Rafe tugged on her again, this time more insistently even though she shrugged him off.

"You can go if you want, but I'm staying," she stood there stock still, the rain running down her face mingling with her tears.

"No, I'll stay," Rafe answered although Sami acted like he hadn't said anything at all.

It didn't matter to her whether Rafe stayed or went. Her brief dalliance of feelings for him had extinguished too as she had tried her best to shut off her emotions over the past few days.

Something deep inside of her insisted if she wanted to survive there would be no room in her heart for anyone beyond her remaining children. Hadn't it be proven to her time after time that men only wanted things she clearly wasn't capable of giving?

No her poor choices of men were painstakingly clear, she only brought heartache and despair wherever she went and she was tired of playing the game. She didn't even want Rafe here with her. Why wouldn't he just go away and leave her alone?

She was alone in this sorrow, Rafe was not the father to this child EJ DiMera was and there was no way she could tell EJ about this tragedy. She knew how he felt about family and this would be something he would never forgive her for keeping from him.

She didn't deserve forgiveness. From where she stood she knew she didn't deserve anything at all.