A/N: This is my story for the Twin Exchange March 2013. If I could suggest anything then please listen to this with either of these songs: Please don't say you love me, the power of love, a thousand years or wherever you will go.

Pair: Herimone/Fred

Prompt: Weakness

Quote: "You don't understand"

Negative to positive

Weakness. Weak. Feeble. Unstable.

They were words that defined me. I wasn't the Golden princess that managed to survive to survive the war. I was a weak woman that wanted to cry to her mummy. I had lost myself to the war. I was a slave to the war and I couldn't get myself back. I'm Hermione Granger and this is my story of how I dealt with the war.

War

Death

Love

Life

These were the four main thoughts that went through everyone's brains if they had anything to do with the second wizarding war. The war ended 5 months ago and I felt like I was the only one that was still suffering from the aftermath of the war. Everyone else had moved on as much as they could. Harry was going to marry Ginny, Ron was going out and dating a new lass every week, Bill and Fleur were looking after their first daughter and trying to keep her separated from Teddy, Mr and Mrs Weasley weren't what they used to be but had sucked up any misery for the sake of their kids and then there was George. If anyone would have some kind of affect from the war then it would have been him. George had lots of problems from the war, he just refused to talk about it or show it. He locked up every piece of emotion he had, whether good or bad, and just kept on going with his life. You didn't see him anywhere else apart from the joke shop and that was probably down to the fact that he wanted to feel closer to Fred and make him proud. He was trying to carry on like everyone else but he couldn't. Sure he was running the joke shop but he never pulled any pranks, and never had a smile on his face. He was a fraction of what he used to be but he still had some part of him left. George was the only one I felt like talking to. I felt like he would understand my emotions more and I could connect with him more he just wouldn't allow it. After Fred's death he locked himself away from everyone he knew unless you went to the joke shop, and even then he would be busy with the shop. It felt like I was the only one still being impacted from the war, or at least the only one normal enough to show it. Obviously everyone had been impacted from it but everyone else pretended that so many hundreds didn't die, and that the war was nothing more than an emotional chess match. I was, and still am, the only one that still is left with the same self pity as I was when we were fighting for the world to be an equal place.

And by the only one showing emotion I felt more alone than ever.

What made it that much more annoying was that I wasn't someone that had lost the most. I had lost a God damn much but I could think of people that had lost more. Harry lost his parents, Sirius, Lupin, Dumbledore and many more. Even though he lost them over time he still lost a hell load of people and I can't imagine what it must have been like to get close to those people and then to have them die. I had lost everyone truly close to me. I didn't lost Harry and the Weasley's to death but I lost them to war. I lost everyone to war. When the war ended Ron, Harry and I went to find a quiet place of the castle and we just sat around looking at all the destruction. We all knew what war was going to be like; losing lives, history lost- but I don't think any of us really expected to feel like this.

"It's weird knowing it is all over." Ron commented and I froze in my position. I always knew Ron wasn't all that smart but I really didn't expect him to think the war was over.

"Yeah, it's weird knowing that we can go back to normality- although I don't think I've ever had that in my life before." Harry chuckled and I stared at the both in shock. I couldn't believe that they were being serious. It was stupid how naive they were being. I stood up from my place on a piece of rubble and stood in front of both of them, giving them a very fierce glare.

"How can you both be so stupid? Do you really not understand what this war means? Do either of you not have any clue about the wars in the muggle world? I war that was being fought over 50 years ago they are still finding bones in their farms now! They are still suffering with paying the money back and they still suffer from losing people now. How can you not realise what the end of this war means? People have died. Ron, your own brother has died. Harry your god parent and some of the most influential people have died trying to protect us all. History and building have been lost due to it. Muggles' have nearly found out about us on numerous accounts and even they have been affected. War has not ended but just merely started. Now you will really see what we have all done to destroy out world instead of running away from it all.

"I can't believe the pair of you and how you really can't see that true effects this has had on the world. I think the war has changed us all and I can't relate to you both. This moment in war is when we are all meant to be the most connected to each other- all defeated the most evil wizard ever around and yet I feel the most distant to you both. I have had a secret that I had to keep for the last 2 years and I can't tell the both of you. I'm sorry but now it just seems pointless to tell and I don't think I could. I'm sorry but you are going to have to give me some time to just heal from the world. I love you both and tell everyone sorry." I told them both and before either of them could say a word to me I apparated on the spot to my parent's old house.

For the first 2 weeks I moved from house to house, trying to find any evidence of where my mum and dad could be. I finally found where they were and went in search of them. I found them and when I tried to restore their memories it wouldn't let me. I had apparently left them for too long and so they really had forgotten me. When I obliviated my parents memories I also had to obliviate the rest of my families memories because I didn't need any confusion with them having a child they didn't remember. Everyone lost their memories and none could be restored. I had essentially lost my whole family to protect them from the war and it pissed me off. It pissed me off that my family, which had nothing to do with the war, got thrown into something they knew nothing about and would forever not know the full truth to their life ever again.

Knowing I had no family and two secrets meant that I didn't want anything to do with the wizarding world. I needed time to reflect on what had happened ant try to get on with life as much as I could. The golden trio has become the most famous group of teenagers the wizarding world has ever seen and every second of the day I wished we weren't. Everyone in the wizarding world wanted to help us and congratulate us. When Harry and Ginny first announced that they were together and soon going to be engaged the whole country came around to celebrate and speculate how long it will be until they popped out their first child. When Ron asked if he could have some money because he wanted to start a new area for wizards that didn't have a lot of money he got plenty of money from the majority of the country, way more than he expected. No one had much money because everyone was trying to build themselves up from the war and yet he still got more than enough money. But when I asked if I could have some time away from the media and public to get myself out of the depressing aura that the war had put on me I was suddenly asking for too much. I did get what I wanted. Everyone left me alone like I was a death eater myself but for the last 5 months it might have helped me or not. I was disconnected from everyone around me and my secrets were eating me up. It was hard to tell anyone about me and with the way people were looking or talking about me it felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. My secrets were really what tore me apart. It was a secret that no one knew about and no one would have expected.

Fredrick Gideon Weasley and I fell in love in my fifth year. It was a secret because of how dangerous our relationship could potentially be. I was a muggle born and best friends with Harry Potter while he was in the family known as the biggest blood traitors ever known. By Fred dating me he would be classed as the biggest blood traitor out of all of them. We both fell in love with each other quite quickly and neither of us wanted to risk the other being hurt. As much as we wanted to tell Harry, Ron, George and the others we just couldn't.

Fred and I were school sweethearts. We had talked about growing up in a flat above his shop with our three or four kids. We had our future mapped out as much as we could and as each day passed I believed that we would have it more and more. Fred and my relationship was a thing that neither of us could have expected but I welcome it every day that I live. With Umbridge making Hogwarts a horrible place I needed light in my life. Ron was always depressed and Harry was always wrapped up in Voldemort. Fred and I ended up meeting one night in the common room alone and we just started talking and laughing. We didn't talk about anything serious; we just talked like normal teenagers would. It was the first time I felt normal in a couple of years and I held on to it any moment I could. During the Christmas holiday we were both sitting in front of the fire alone and he kissed me. Or I kissed him. Either way, it was a magical moment and when our lips touched I knew even though he was my first that he would be my last. After the kiss he asked me to be his girlfriend and I quickly accepted before we carried on kissing. Throughout the rest of the year until George and him left we had stolen kisses and would often get away from everyone secretly. The night before George and him left he pulled me into an empty classroom and kissed me and left me breathless. It was the night that we both told each other that we loved each other and as much as it killed me to see him leave whenever I felt sad I remembered he loved me and I always felt better. Fred kept me alive through the war, making me always remember our future plan. I was fighting for equality but I was fighting for my future with Fred. Fred and I were fighting in the same area of the war- at the time no one knew where I was but I managed to sneak up to where he was fighting just in case anyone needed help up there. As my feet hit the last stair to where he was fighting I saw him fall to the floor taking in his last few moments of death. When I saw his body crash to the floor without the cheeky smile on his face it felt like I was being cursed with a hundred crucio curses all at one; the most painful one being directed at my heart before smashing it to pieces. I was just about to run over to him to help out when a death eater started battling me and I had to get rid of him. By the time I had killed the death eater Fred was nowhere to be found and neither was Percy and George. I was left there in the cold, fighting a war that didn't feel nearly as worthwhile now that my future was lying dead somewhere.

Two hours after his death Voldemort sent the message to stop war and for Harry to come and see him. I grabbed Ron's hand and made my way down to the hall where I knew all the casualties would be. When Ron saw all his family crowded around a body, he ran over and saw his brother dead. I didn't run over like he did. I knew exactly what was there; my future lying on the floor and Voldemort silently mocking me for finally getting one over the mudblood. I didn't feel part of their family. The Weasley's were all crowded around each other, all helping each other with their grieving. They were all touching each other, all connected. None of them cared about what I was doing. I listened to their conversation for ten minutes and all they did was talk about Fred, apologise to each other and ask about Harry. I was never mentioned and I realised that as much as I considered them family I was never going to be their legitimate daughter in law and that was when I broke down. No one would be able to recognise Fred and me as what we once had. I could have told them all about our relationship but who would believe a relationship that was kept right under their noses that both parties can't admit to. None of them would believe me and I didn't want to tell them. If I told them what would it achieve? I wouldn't get Fred back and I still wouldn't be legally part of the family like I wanted to be. No. His family were close to him but I doubt any of them apart from George would actually know as much as I did about Freddie. No one knew some of the things I knew about Fred. They didn't know that his weak sport was right behind his ear, or that he planned on opening a muggle joke shop because he wanted magic to be a part of the muggle world as well, or that he wanted 4 kids with at least one set of twins. They didn't know as much as I did and they didn't know how much things really affected him. With one last look at the family that seemed to forget their 'second daughter' I quickly turned around and headed to the class room that Fred and I spent our last moments together in.

After I vanished from the wizarding world I still kept track of how everyone was doing. Throughout the next month after the war Harry and Ron were being interviewed by any reporter/magazine that they would talk to. Even though I left the two of them without much information of why and a huge cliff hanger they were still loyal to me; they never took credit for the major parts that I played in helping unravel the war puzzle and even though I was proud of them for doing so I couldn't help but wish that they pretended they came up with the ideas. It certainly would have helped me with keeping the reporters away and not making me move as much as I did. Harry and Ron answered a lot of questions about me but no one was happy with just learning that because they wanted to hear it from me. To everyone else I was the secret cog to the golden trio machine that destroyed Voldemort. To everyone that didn't know me I was some mystery person that everyone wants to know about and I simply wasn't that amazing. Reporters all wanted to be the first ones to interview the Golden Princess that was clearly hiding and I was getting offered some serious amounts of money. No money deterred me from staying away from the public eye and I guess I frustrated everyone with never giving them any detail from my point of view. So I kept to myself. Not talking to anyone, moving every 3 or 4 days, not sending letters out and keeping my two secrets to my chest.

Well that was until today; the day that I opened my letter from Harry and Ginny inviting me to their engagement party. Earlier on today I decided that I was going to go to the party, congratulate them and show them one of my secrets which will then reveal my other secret. So I got dressed into a Gryffindor red (Fred's favourite colour) silk ball gown, that showed off my perfect, round, pregnant belly bump. Yes that is right, the frigid Hermione Granger actually lost her virginity before she was married. Although at the time Fred and I were actually planning on getting engaged as soon as the war had ended. Now you are all probably wondering how we actually lost our virginities because we were both each other's first (and last). It wasn't on a night of passion in a bed made from swan feathers and red lacy undergarments thrown around the room or in a place of safety. Nope. Fred and I lost our virginities in a spare classroom where we used to spend our time when hiding from everyone else. It was the most unromantic place to lose our virginities but it was full of passion, love and I wouldn't ask for any other way to lose it. How we lost it though was probably expected. Our relationship was something that no one would expect and that was how we went through it. We first started really talking when we both went to the kitchens, me to check up on the elves but he was just hungry. The first time we laughed with tears in our eyes was when I played a prank on Filch, which is something neither of us expected. Our first kiss was when we were sitting around the fire alone and he said something about Hogwarts and then telling me that he read it in 'Hogwarts: a History'. I was so happy that he actually read it and I smacked my lips onto his. Our teeth crashed into each other's because we were both so surprised at my actions and we both burst out laughing. Our laughter died down and he brought me into a scorching kiss. It was amazing and I don't think my first and second kiss could have been as opposite and spectacular as they were. So after everything that we did in our relationship it was a pretty perfect way to lose ourselves to each other. And in all honesty if it wasn't for my perfect baby bump then I might not be around now. My bump was my saving grave from losing my parents and Fred dying. I sometimes think that my baby is Fred in reincarnation and this is his way in looking after me because when we promised to always be there for each other then we both meant it.

I know when I say I probably would have killed myself that it is a very extreme thing to say and I don't use it lightly. I very much believe in woman's rights and that you can do anything that you set your mind to but I just couldn't. Fred was the only one who knew me in every way and accepted me without worrying about what he would think. He was what kept me going many of days and him not being there was a blow. Then with no family to protect me after the war I just felt even more alone. When I saw the Weasley's shelter around Fred I didn't feel a part of them. The three areas that I felt the most 'me' in was nowhere to be found and after so long of fighting evil and coldness some of it had gotten into my brain. Just by the time I found I had no family left I knew I was pregnant and I could never abort my own baby- let alone my only solid connection to my Freddie. The baby was Fred's way of telling me that I need to stay on this earth no matter how much it pained me to be on it sometimes. I had 100 years left on the planet but after that I had forever with Fred. It is a long time but I would wait anything to make sure that my kid grows up fine and to know that Fred wants me to stay alive. I found out the week after we made love because I just felt different. Some people just know when they are pregnant and I must be like that but I'm so glad that I found out early or else I could have killed the baby by accident. I didn't tell anyone about the thing growing inside me because of the fact that I wasn't actually talking to anyone and that the baby still wasn't all that safe. 70% of babies are aborted, either naturally or unnaturally, with you knowing or without and if I kept it to myself then if the baby did die (which I pray to every God out there every day that it doesn't) then no one else would be as gutted as I was. Fred must have looked down on us so far in the 5 months and all Gods must have taken pity on me after my hellish year and so my baby is healthy and safe according to my muggle midwife.

I knew that when I got the engagement invitation that this was the way that I could finally uncover all of the secrets that I have been holding and even though I feel bad for coming out on their day I just can't think of any other tell everyone together. I took my car from the hotel that I was staying in to the road a few minutes away from the burrow; it was harmful to the baby if you apparated too much. I walked quickly to the burrow, wrapping myself up tight in the black coat that Fred got me. I didn't need to knock because the party was outside in the same marquee they used for Bill and Fleur's wedding. The same one that would have been used for Fred and I had the future I planned gone right and we were able to be engaged and marry. Anyway, I wasn't sure if my tummy upset was due to the baby kicking me like a football or because of the butterflies flying around in my stomach. I pushed through the entrance and made my way to a corner where I could just watch people without being watched by others.

After a few minutes of watching everyone around me I realise that I'm going to have to just get the secret out of my chest and be the Gryffindor that Fred always saw me as. So with that I made my way over to the stage where a band was playing and when their song finished I got up onto the stage and shooed that band off the stage. When the next song didn't start everyone looked over to the stage to see a very nervous me.

"Hermione?" Harry asks with confusion making his way to the stage.

"Hey Harry, hi everyone. Urm, I want to wish Ginny and Harry congratulations on finally getting together after so many years of lust." I say and raise a glass that I snatched on my way over to the stage. Everyone else followed my movement and all raised their glasses to the couple.

"Hermione, as much as I'm delighted you are here, why are you here?" Ginny asks, coming up beside Harry.

"Well I needed to tell everyone about why I haven't been around for so long and as much as I don't want to ruin your evening I thought this is the best place to do it." I tell her timidly. They nod their heads as if allowing me to carry on talking and everyone else got ready to listen to me.

"So hello everyone, sorry I haven't seen you in so long but I just had quite a few things to discover, get over and recover from that I felt like I needed to do on my own." I start and everyone seems to be more interested in what I'm saying. My eyes drift over everyone and I see the man who looks so much like the man that I love. We both stare at each other before he silently walks over to the stage and he takes my hand before standing behind me.

"I always knew Hermione. Fred never told me but it's pretty hard to keep a secret from your twin. He would want you to tell." George whispers into my ear and I nod at him before carrying on.

"Now what I'm going to tell you is going to shock everyone in the room. I'm going to start from the start since that is always the best place a story should begin." I swallow down the orange juice in the glass before opening my mouth and telling everyone my secrets. "Fred and I were in a relationship and it is coming up to our 3 year anniversary if he was still alive right not. Now I know some of you are going to be hurt that we didn't tell you and that is because we didn't tell anyone. The relationship was too dangerous to tell anyone considering he was in the family of the biggest blood traitors and I am best friends with Harry Potter and just so happen to be a mudblood. Our relationship was going to make us targeted and neither of us wanted that so we kept it a secret. We were going to tell everyone after the war but he died. When he died I couldn't take being around anyone because Fred knew me so much better than everyone. He knew everything about me and I wasn't scared that he was going to run away from me. I was so madly in love with him and I don't think I could ever feel that way for another man. We had talked about marriage and having 4 kids living near the shops. We had planned out future and I couldn't imagine being without him when he has been in my wizarding world since I have been introduced to it. When I left I was looking for my parents that I had to protect from the war. I found them after two weeks of searching only to find out that I couldn't restore their memories. I had obliviated all of my family so I had obliviated too many memories for too long of a time for me to restore them. I felt like I was alone and I needed to come to terms with it all on my own.

"Fred always admired how strong I was and I tried to be like that but when he left I had no one to be strong for. That is of course until I found out about this perfect thing," I tell them all, rubbing my belly for comfort. "Fred and I had a moment of passion," I tell them awkwardly with red covering my cheeks in embarrassment. "And I ended up getting pregnant. I found out a couple of days ago that it is a boy and I have no doubt that this is Fed ready to look over at us. I have been going through a lot of struggles on my own. This isn't me saying that you guys haven't tried to help because I know you have but we've all had to deal with loss as a whole because we all knew those people. None of you actually knew who my parents were. My parents and family was a secret thing that I kept away from the wizarding world, apart from Fred. I love you all so much but Fred and my family always meant the most to me and so losing them I very much felt like I was alone." I quickly wipe away the fallen tear and look at all the Weasley's in the room apart from the one behind me.

"After the war the one thing you need is family and as much as you all say I am your family I never truly will be- not in the way that was planned anyway. When Fred died you were all together; like a proper family. I listened to you all. You talked about Fred, apologised to each other and worried about Harry. I would never blame you for forgetting about me because nobody knew how much I had lost by Fred dying. When you all came around and acted like a real family I knew that whatever family I once imagined I could have I never would have. Fred and I's relationship is something that will always be very private because it is something I refuse to give memories about and none of you were there to experience it. I want to tell you that we were going out and were very serious, even if we were still young. We were never engaged but extremely close to being so. We were going to marry once the war stopped and it would have been perfect. I might not be a Weasley and I will never be a Weasley but my son is going to be one because he is going to take after his father. I will be the one to tell him about how brave and courageous his father was and how as much has Fred thought I was the true Gryffindor out of the two of us that it was him. I am going to be the one that tells him about how we might not be a traditional family but Fred is forever looking down on us and if you ever feel alone that you won't be. I don't need help with my baby but I am asking on behalf of him and Fred that you forgive me for disappearing but I have come to face whatever is needed to.

"I am going to do what I should have done 5 months ago and show Fred that I really am the true Gryffindor that he always believed me to be. I will give interviews and I will make appearances and I will show that no matter how much Voldemort has destroyed my life I will be like a phoenix and have my burning day. I essentially died at war and now I am coming out of the ashes and starting fresh. I promise that I am going to try my damn hardest to make sure that I am what everyone needs me to be." I finally break off my words and just look at everyone staring at me. It must be a lot to digest and they must need a minute. After a couple of minutes the whole group of people is still staring at me and no one says a word.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise it would be so hard to take. I guess I should be leaving." I stutter before trying to step away from the microphone and down the steps from the stage. Georges grip on my hand tightens and pulls me back over to him and crushes me into a hug.

"You don't understand, Hermione. They are just coming to terms with finally having a part of Fred to hold onto. They will be happy soon and then you will be wishing that they kept being silent." George tells me with a chuckle and I let out my first giggle since Fred died. George's hug is so like the one I crave but it is different in so many different ways. The hug isn't as strong and fierce as Fred's once were. He doesn't smell of my love but smells of chemical concoctions. It doesn't make me feel protected but simply just gives me comfort. I don't care much at the moment; it is just nice to finally feel like someone cares for me. When he finally lets me go I feel two pairs of hands pull me into a hug and I know that these are my two best friends. The two that I wanted to kill throughout the last 7 years but couldn't imagine ever being apart from them for too long. Being in their arms makes me wonder how on earth I had managed to be apart from them for so long.

"I missed you guys." I whisper in their ears and they squeeze me harder.

"We missed you too, 'Mione. We were scared we were going to ruin the interview without you making us practice all the time." Harry jokes and the three of us laugh much harder than we probably should have. Being in a room full of the people that care about me makes me wonder why on earth I needed to go off the walls for 7 months. It was silly and irrational. I know that I have a lot more to deal with before I could ever become normal again but with these people helping me and Fred guiding me I am sure that I can do it.; even if they can't help me I will have to do it.

For me.

And more for Fredrick Junior Gideon Weasley. My boy. My second chance. The greatest thing to happen to me. And for once, since the war ended, there was no reason for me to actually feel alone.

The end.

Dreamworldstorymaker :D