Fireworks bloomed in the Candy Kingdom sky like great shimmering flowers. The crowd milled around on the walkway leading to the palace, some casting furtive glances at the mountains of cloth drapings concealing the new statue, some ogling it with open curiosity. If you looked carefully, you could just make out the shape of a pair of points at the top, like bunny ears, but beyond that, it was impossible to tell what the statue depicted. A baby marshmallow, poked and prodded by his fellows, ran towards the edge of the curtain, but was shooed off by the ever-watchful banana guards.

"Darn it, they did build it!" Fionna fumed. "Right there where everyone can see it, too!"

"The unveiling's not for...hmm...ten minutes," Cake said. "Let's sneak under the sheet and eat up all the rock candy!"

"Cake, my record for eating rock candy is like six pounds in an hour. And even that made me feel kinda gross. And your record was even worse! I don't think we can make a difference."

"That was 'cause my teeth weren't made for chewing that stuff!" Cake explained. "But if I make my throat real gigantic, I can just swallow it!"

"No. We've got this." Fionna held up the video. "BMO, are you ready?"

"Aye-aye!"
Tucking BMO under her arm, Fionna sprinted through the crowd and vaulted onto the stage. "Candy people of the candy kingdom!"

"Look, it's Fionna!" yelled a toffee. Several of the candy people clapped appreciatively and whooped.

"No, hold your whooping! I know you're all waiting to see the statue-"

There were scattered cheers, and more whoops from those with poor whoop-holding skills.

"But the truth is, it's been sabotaged! Sabotaged by him!"

She pointed to the dark speck lounging under a dark parasol on a slope about two-thirds of the way up the draped form. Marshall Lee peeked out from under the parasol, twitched his nose, and waved a wing in a lazy greeting.

"'Sup, Fionna."

"Don't sup me! I know what you've been up to, trying to embarrass me!"

"Hey, I've just been hanging out here having a nice nap on your big rock candy mountains." He thumped the slope beneath him.

"I bet you're looking forward to everyone seeing...seeing whatever it is you did!"

"I didn't do anything."

"You liar! You made sure the sculptors got that picture!"

"Oh. Okay, I did do that."

Fionna growled. "Well, nobody's even gonna be looking at that statue after they see this! BMO! Play the tape! Extra-watchy mode, please, so every can see!"

BMO did a little dance, and a holographic projection appeared above the stage.

The scene was of ruined cities and smoking craters. Ancient flying machines tore through the blackened skies, and columns of fire bloomed like weeds where they passed.

"This is Simone, it's-I'm not even sure of the date, anymore, but it's the sixth winter since the war started. We've spent the past few weeks heading toward Juneau on the hope that it might have been remote enough that humans might have survived. No luck. What little of the city isn't overrun by mutants has been bombed into powder. We thought we'd found pilots, some surviving branch of the Air Force, spent hours trying to wave one down until we realized they were drones, just an automated system."

"Blah, blah, blah," Fionna said. "Fast forward."

"-feel continually drawn farther north. I can't imagine how cold it must be now, but he doesn't feel it much and me, not at all, of course. I wonder, if I made it all the way to the pole, would I achieve some measure of relief from the-"

"No, farther, farther. Okay, there! Stop!"

Marshall Lee, a thousand years younger-he looked about seven-was tottering on the hood of a car. He was grubby, dressed in a raggy T-shirt and old tighty whiteys.

"Awww," said the candy people.

"I'm gonna do my song now!" he said cheerfully.

"Okay, go ahead and do your song," the woman on the video said. "I'm recording."

"Okay!" Marshall sang,

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout,"

He put one hand on his hip.

"This is my handle..."

He held up another hand.

"And this is my spout! When I get all steamed up-"

"Marshall..."

"-then I shout! Tip-"

"Marshall, you need to fix your underwear. I can see your-" the woman laughed, "I can see your spout, honey."

The young Marshall on the video looked shocked and covered himself up. "Hey!"

"I don't think I want to drink any the tea you pour with that spout. Oh, cheer up, we'll get you some news ones. That Target down the highway was mostly intact, we'll go back there."

The candy people, many of whom weren't especially well-educated about human anatomy, were slow to start laughing, but once some of the more perceptive ones had explained it to the rest of them, they were rolling in the aisles.

"Oh em glee, Marshall Lee," Lumpy Space Prince yelled. "I am totally sending that to lumping everybody! I'm gonna call it marshall_lee_underwear_fail so everybody save it in case my stupid parents make me take it down for bullying or some junk."

"Eet's funny because you can zee hees candy cane!" Chocobarry said.

"I don't know if I like that comparison," said a candy cane.

Marshall Lee, in his most human form, dropped gracefully to the stage. "That really wasn't cool, Fionna."

"Ha! You're embarrassed, aren't you!"

"Eh. Little, I guess. But I was a little kid. Who cares?" He frowned. "Mostly I'm just disappointed that you would take it this far."

"But-hey, don't try to pull that! You started this!"

"I was just joking around. I would never really humiliate you in public like that. I mean, come on. Kind of petty and lame if you ask me. But if it was that important to you, hey, take it, I guess."

"B-but-but-the statue! You're the one who went out of your way to pick out a humiliating picture just so you could embarrass me with that giant-"

"Oh, this statue?" He swooped over to the draperies and seized them, using his vampire strength to part the sea of cloth and pull them to the floor. Fionna gasped. The rock candy sculpture sparkled in the sun, every chisel stroke a carefully-planned masterpiece. It depicted her standing with her sword drawn, one foot planted on a severed monster head, with a fierce grin on her face. She looked strong and savage and beautiful all at once. The kingdom's noble protector.

"But-but-but," Fionna stammered, "you said..."

"I told you. I was just messing around."

"Oh my glob, you guys," LSP said, "Marshall Lee was trying to be nice to Fionna and she completely dissed him. She's such a lumping ice queen, in, like, the lowercase sense of the word, you know? I'm gonna send this to all my friends so none of us accidentally date her."

The candy people started murmuring unhappily amongst each other. Several of them shrugged on wrappers and started heading home, sour looks on their faces. Fionna felt her cheeks burning.

"Fionnaaaaa..." Marshall whispered into her ear.

"What?"
"I win!" he laughed. And he sucked the blush right out of her cheeks.

THE END