Getting ready for work on Monday morning had Spencer experiencing several emotions. He was grateful to be going back to work, and appreciated the fact that Hotch was letting him do it. He also couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty, considering the last time he was there, he'd decided it would be a good idea to end his life.

Derek knocked on the door for the guest room where Spencer was getting ready. "What do you take in your coffee?"

He sighed, buttoning his shirt. "Four sugars, thanks."

Derek shook his head, walking to the kitchen and pouring his coffee into a travel mug.

Spencer took a deep breath, putting on his shoes and tying them. He put his bag over his shoulder and walked out to the kitchen. "Coffee?"

Derek looked up, setting the mug on the counter. "How are you feeling about going back to work today?"

He shrugged, taking a sip. "I'm not really sure. I guess I'm glad that I still have my job and I'm not locked up in a hospital somewhere, but I can't help but think everyone in that building somehow found out and they're going to look at me differently."

"If that happens, or at any point in the day you need to talk, my door's open."

He sighed, nodding. "I'm sorry for waking you when I got into your bed last night. I tried to be quiet."

"Don't sweat it." He grabbed his own coffee from the counter, as well as his car keys. "Ready to go?"

"As I'll ever be."

Meanwhile, section chief Strauss was in Hotch's office.

She paced the office, watching him. "Aaron, you can't be serious. You're allowing him to come back to work?"

"I am serious, and yes I am."

She crossed her arms. "One of your agents tried to commit suicide five days ago. You're telling me he's emotionally stable enough to be on this team and working cases?"

"This team is the only family he has. I'm not going to keep him from his family, and I won't allow you to make him feel as if he's done something wrong like he's a scolded child. He's coming back to this team and that's all I'm going to say on the matter."

"In that case? I'd like to do a psych evaluation. I understand he's seen a therapist, but I want to have my own confirmation that he's well enough to be here."

Hotch sighed. "If you're going to insist on that, I'm going to have to ask to do the evaluation myself."

"Aaron," she warned.

"You've said it yourself, he's a very private individual. He doesn't open up to people he's not comfortable with, and it goes without saying that he's not in a place to be talking to people he's uncomfortable with about this situation. I'll do the evaluation and I'll have it on your desk afterward. I'll be completely honest, and if I feel he shouldn't be working, he won't be."

She could feel this slowly turning into a losing argument. "Fine, but if I find out you've lied on his evaluation to make him seem well, it's going to reflect on your entire team."

"I understand."

When Strauss left his office, Rossi looked in. "Everything okay?"

Hotch sighed. "She doesn't want Reid back on the team, considering the circumstances."

"Doesn't she realize that he needs to throw himself into work to get his mind off of this mess?"

He shrugged. "She's ordering a psych evaluation, and if he doesn't pass, she doesn't want him back for a few weeks."

"Yes, because sitting in an empty apartment with his thoughts is definitely what he needs."

"Trust me, Dave, I'm not happy about it either. I just hope I can pass him and put this behind us."

Garcia leaned against JJ's desk. "You're sure he's coming back today?"

"He was when I talked to him on the phone last night. He said he couldn't wait to come back and he's see me in the morning."

"How's he doing?"

She sighed. "Better? I don't know. I talked to Derek and he's been having nightmares, but I guess that happens when you… you know."

"He's going to be okay, right? I mean, he'll go back to his normal self. Not his normal self that had those thoughts but, you know, he'll be Spencer again."

JJ shrugged, leaning back in her chair. "I hope so? I just really hope he knows that we're all here for him, and not just because of what happened."

Emily walked in, setting her coffee on her desk. "No Reid yet?"

Garcia shook her head. "JJ heard from him yesterday though. He's coming in."

Emily reached over, grabbing some folders from the top of Spencer's pile and setting them on her own desk. "What do we do? What do we even say to him?"

"I don't think he needs us to say anything. I think he just needs us to listen."

"No, I won't let everybody get upset," Garcia said, standing up. "I'm not going to let this bullpen become a black hole for emotions and suck the life out of everyone like dementors. Everyone needs to be happy to see him. Wipe those 'I don't know' faces off and look happy. I don't care if it's Monday morning, I don't care what's going on, I will not have him walking in here and knowing that everyone is thinking about what he did. I want everyone to act like nothing happened and go about your day. If I so much as hear a sigh coming from this bullpen, and I will, I swear-"

"Calm down, PG," Emily said, laughing softly. "We're not going to treat him any differently."

"Correction," JJ added. "We'll treat him better."

In the elevator, Spencer tapped his finger against the travel mug, looking down at the floor.

Derek raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"

He nodded slightly, remaining silent.

"If you're not ready for this-"

"I am," he said softly. "I can't be alone, and the safest place for me to be right now is surrounded by people. Even if I go unnoticed, I just…" he bit down on his lip, "I need to catch a movie tonight."

"Sure, what do you want to see?"

Spencer shook his head. "Not that kind of movie."

Derek thought about it for a moment before it finally clicked – he didn't want to go to a movie theater, he wanted to go to one of his Narcotics Anonymous meetings. "Sure. What time's the show? I'll drive you."

He sighed. "6:30 at the high school."

"Then you'll be there. Do you need company?"

He shook his head again. "I… I don't want anyone to hear what I say in those meetings. It's the one aspect of my life I want to stay private."

When the elevator stopped on their floor, Spencer walked out and froze before reaching the doors. Derek turned around to see he looked terrified.

"Spencer?"

Spencer chewed on his lip. The last time he'd walked out of that bullpen, he'd intended it to be his last time ever. He wasn't sure he was ready to face everyone again. He hadn't seen them since he was in the hospital, and even though he'd talked to JJ since then, it wasn't the same as having to look at her.

Derek took another look at him and knew he was lost in his own mind. Sighing, he grabbed Spencer's hand, squeezing it. "Spencer."

This seemed to help him snap out of it. He took his hand from Derek. "I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

He nodded, walking over to his desk, setting his bag beside his chair and sitting down.

Derek walked to his office and was greeted by Rossi waiting for him.

"Is something wrong?" Derek asked, setting his mug on his desk and looking over at him.

"I stopped by Reid's apartment on my way in, grabbed a few more of his things. Something tells me he's still not ready to go back there."

"Thanks." He took a sip of his coffee, sighing. "Honestly? I don't think he'll ever be." He sat down in his chair, running a hand over his scalp. "The kid's terrified. He has me periodically checking on him when he's doing anything alone, I watch him taking his medication, he'll sit down and start reading, but ten minutes later he'll panic and need to be near someone. Usually it's Clooney, but trust me, I'm not offended."

"That bad?"

He nodded. "That bad."

Spencer glanced down at the stitches on his wrist, sighing. He started thinking again, about why he did it, and before he could get too far into it, he cleared his throat, setting down his coffee and picking up a folder. He saw a victim with self harm markings on their arms and screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head.

"Spence?"

He shut the folder, looking up at her. "Hm?"

She smiled slightly. "I asked if you wanted a refill."

He looked over at his mug. "Um, yeah, sure." He grabbed it, holding it out to her. "Thanks."

As she walked to the kitchen, Emily looked across her desk. "Read anything good lately?"

He knew she was engaging in small talk to keep him preoccupied, but he appreciated it nonetheless. "I didn't bring any books with me to Derek's, so I grabbed something of his. 'Slaughterhouse-Five? I can see why you enjoy reading Vonnegut, though there's definite ease of the reading, it's a powerful story with few characters or confrontations."

She smiled. "Maybe you can read the rest and we can talk Vonnegut sometime."

"I-I'd like that."

JJ walked over, setting the mug on his desk. "Black coffee, four sugars, sweet enough to rot a tooth."

He gave her a quick thank you and sipped it before picking up his folder again.

He'd made it through a few case files before he got a call on his phone. He reached over, answering it, leaning his head against his shoulder. "Reid."

"I'd like to see you in my office." He heard Hotch's voice on the other end of the phone and internally groaned.

"No problem." He hung up, closing his eyes and sighing.

"Everything okay?" Emily asked. "Doesn't sound like it was a great or long conversation."

He nodded slightly, pushing himself out of his chair. "Based on Hotch's intonation, I get to go through a Strauss ordered psych evaluation."

She winced. "Good luck."

He sighed, straightening himself and walking into Hotch's office, closing the door.