MIGHTIEST OF GUNS

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

The rest of the day passed with no sign of Sean. A tension had settled, shadowing the group. Kristen and Liam puttered about, keeping to their usual routine and chores, but internally struggled with how to act. Kristen found herself feeling strangely sheepish and embarrassed. As though Sean's departure was some sort of reflection on her abilities as a caregiver.

Not that anyone present would really be in a position to judge. Between the violent dysfunction of the Peletier household, Daryl's obvious demons, Lori's potentially Grimes-free pregnancy – they were all just a conglomeration of issues. Hell, even Herschel had dug his way up from the bottom of a bottle. She suddenly felt ashamed for even allowing herself to be preoccupied with what the others might think. The truth of the matter was: Sean was out there. Alone. And she didn't know when, or if, she would see him again.

In normal situations, she wouldn't have been as concerned about him taking off. Sure she'd be annoyed, but Sean had always been rather ill-tempered. Ever since he was a little kid. Always getting sent to the principal's office for being a bully or a bad sport.

Back in Boston, he'd disappear once or twice a year following an altercation between the two of them. The first time it terrified her. She phoned up everyone she knew that might have an idea of where Sean was, might be able to tell her that he was safe. After the initial fear of wellbeing passed, she began to worry that he'd not return on his own accord.

When he'd finally reemerge, usually hungover and sporting some new battle wound, she'd be so relieved to see him that she wouldn't even confront him. Often he'd return with much needed cash for the family, or a new toy for Val. It served to create a cycle of Sean leaving and returning as though nothing happened.

She knew that was probably what Sean was doing now. His guilt and regret would have hit him about ten minutes into driving away. But his illogical pride would outweigh it. So he'd have to do something meaningful to make up for it. Right now he was probably scoping out a shopping mall or super center, raiding for as much food and supplies as he could. The prodigal son returning, but this time bearing gifts.

It was the thought of that that scared her more than anything though. Sean was a big picture guy, always missed the details. In a raid or a fight with walkers, without anyone to watch his back, he'd be in serious trouble.

Still, there was a dark and quiet part, in the far back of her mind. Sean isn't out there trying to redeem himself before returning. He's just not coming back.

Kristen was jolted from her own thoughts by the appearance of Maggie, a hot mug of tea in hand. She looked up from the notepad in front of her. She had been working on the ration list, accounting for the fresh meat that Daryl had returned with (and debating whether or not it was okay for them to divvy up Sean's share). In her haze of thoughts, she had doodled daisies all along the margins.

"You look like you could use a cup of tea. I'm just sorry that it's not something stronger." Maggie smiled, her expression warm but understandably hesitant.

The group had seemed unsure of how to treat Liam and Kristen since Sean's episode. Rick tried to offer advice and comforting words, in his own way. Stressed the importance of the group, of sticking together and surviving – almost praising them for making the decision to stay.

Carol had made a comment about Sean being selfish, causing Kristen to snap at her. Carol's face turned bright red and Kristen instantly felt guilty. But familial loyalty was hard to shake. She furrowed her brow apologetically, tried to lighten the mood. Sean may be a selfish ass, but he's my selfish ass.

Daryl had just seemed generally relieved to see her. At first she couldn't understand when he pulled her into an empty room and held her tightly. She thought that perhaps things had gone dicey on his hunt, perhaps he'd had a close call. Then she realized that the first thing he saw must have been the absence of the SUV. He must have thought that she was gone. His relief and concern had seemed so genuine, she bit back her usual snarky comments. Yeah well, maybe now you understand how I felt waking up to find out that you went on a hunt without telling me.

The Greenes had, perhaps not surprisingly, been the biggest comfort of all – and without needing to say much of anything. There was just something peaceful about the family, something that reminded Kristen of home. The Greenes had their own share of struggles and drama, were in no means a perfect nuclear family. Yet they shared a love and kinship that obviously ran very deep. And sat in the sitting room with Liam, Maggie, Beth, and Herschel – Kristen couldn't help but share in that same sense of kinship.

It was why now, she was happy to see Maggie before her. Kristen accepted the warm mug gratefully, smiled wanly. "Feels like there should be cameras following us all around. It's like we're on The Real World, all of our personal dramas on display."

Maggie laughed openly and for a second Kristen was surprised that she even knew what MTV was. Maybe it was just the lack of electricity and post apocalyptic aesthetics, but the Greene farm had seemed like something out of a history book.

"We all have our own shit goin' on. I'm sure he'll be back by nightfall. You know how boys are." Kristen couldn't help but notice once more how reassuring southern accents were. Her own accent sounded brash in comparison. She sipped her tea as Maggie continued.

"Me and Bethy weren't always so close. Before I went to college, we fought something awful. I couldn't wait to get away from her. From all of them." Maggie's gaze traveled over to the living room, where her father and sister sat playing cards with Liam and Carl. Her eyes glassed over. Whether it was guilt or relief, Kristen didn't know.

"I just hope that Sean doesn't feel like he can't come back..."

"When he comes back, shit's gonna be diff'ernt." Daryl appeared in the doorway, his freshly cleaned kills in hand. (Kristen hadn't been in much of a mood to assist this time.)

"Daryl.." Her tone was half warning, half pleading. Kristen appreciated the fact that he used 'when' instead of 'if', but she couldn't handle another person's temper.

"I'm sorry but, the kid left and there's no excuse for that. He took yer car and supplies without a second thought. He can't just expect to come back like nothin' happened after abandonin' y'all."

Even though what Daryl said was true, it still stung to hear.

"Look, Sean's not perfect. He didn't abandon anyone though. He made a decision to leave. Liam and I just decided to stay instead." She was getting awfully tired of defending her absent brother.

Daryl's brows shot up in surprise. "He asked you to leave too?"

"Yeah. Said if we didn't, that we'd probably never see him again."

The sudden knowledge hit Daryl like a tank. He hadn't realized how close it had actually come to her leaving for good. Leaving without any warning or goodbye. A fresh wave of anger at Sean overcame him. What right did the kid have to put any of them in a position like that. Suddenly, he wanted to throttle him.

But she had stayed. Whether it was out of practicality or affection towards him, at the moment it didn't matter. And frankly, he was surprised that she had decided to stay.

He suddenly noticed that the room had gone quiet, Maggie and Kristen sat absently stirring their tea. For once, the silence bothered him. He cleared his throat gruffly. "How's Liam taking it?"

Kristen turned her neck to look in on her youngest brother. Next to Carl, he appeared decades older. Liam was engaged and smiling, but the faraway look in his eyes and the rigidity of his shoulders showed that it was put on. His thoughts and worries were still with Sean.

"Liam could take anything. Sometimes I think he does better on his own than with Sean" Her eyes flitted to Daryl for a split second. "Sometimes younger siblings do better when the older ones aren't around."

Maggie smiled, her voice sarcastic. "Oh thanks, Kristen. Glad to see you like Beth more when I'm not here." She shoved at her playfully.

As night fell, Kristen and Liam grew more anxious. Nobody was surprised when they volunteered to take the evening's first watch. They would have just sat by the window, scanning the horizon for any sign of Sean anyways.

From his perch in the kitchen, Daryl could just make out the backs of their heads, seated on the porch. Liam's rifle was slung across his shoulders. Daryl couldn't help but feel for the kid. He'd been there. Left by his parents, then his older brother. Daryl looked at Liam and couldn't help but see bits of himself. You grow smart and quiet because you have to.

Granted, Daryl never had an overbearing and know-it-all (meant with the greatest of affection) sister to boss him around, but still. He was overcome with the urge to join them on the porch. It could only be a testament to his growth, the strength of his newly formed bonds – but for once he felt comfortable enough to act on that natural urge for companionship.

He closed the front screen door on his way out and leaned against the porch railing just behind them. He moved so quietly and they seemed so deep in conversation that at first they didn't notice him. Kristen seemed more animated than she had all day and it served a nice relief.

"Oh come off it, Li. Mr. Chow was not gay."

Liam tilted his head back and laughed. Daryl had never seen the kid so relaxed before, despite everything that had happened during the day. "You never went there alone to pick up Chinese. You wouldn't know!"

"I picked up food there all the time!"

"Yeah, but you don't have a penis. Didn't you ever wonder why I'd always come back with extra free egg rolls. It was because he wanted a piece of this." Liam gestured to himself.

Kristen shook her head playfully. "If he could see you now, all zombie warrior-ified, he'd be giving you the whole menu free of charge."

"Or maybe just the Pu Pu Platter."

"Liam!" Kristen shoved at her brother as he laughed at his own horrible joke. Daryl couldn't help but snort.

Noticing him for the first time, Liam nodded a friendly greeting – his face turning a bit red. Kristen smiled warmly, but shook her head. Of course Daryl would share Liam's lame humor.

Liam seemed to quiet down and for a moment Daryl was self conscious about trying to join him. Maybe he was interrupting an important bonding session between the only two McCoy siblings left. As though reading his thoughts, Kristen rolled her eyes and scooted over to make room for Daryl on the steps.

He hesitated at first, until she shot him an annoyed look.

And that was how he ended up sandwiched shoulder to shoulder with Kristen and Liam. And he was surprised by at ease he actually felt.

Kristen stretched her arms behind her, leaned back on her hands. As comforting as it was to be sat between her brother and Daryl, being smushed between two sets of broad shoulders wasn't exactly comfortable.

She glanced from one to the other and her lips twitched at a smile. The two men before her really were so similar. Even now, they both sat in self-imposed aloofness. When they both raised a hand to their mouth, to awkwardly chew a cuticle, she couldn't help but laugh a little.

Rather than respond to their bemused expressions, she casually draped an arm over each of their shoulders. "Look at me, sat here with my two best guys." Her tone was light and playful. It was the lightest she had felt all day, in fact. "Neither of you ever stole an SUV from me."

Daryl shot her a look of concern, mistaking her good humor for something worse, but Liam snorted. "Only because our cars that Sean took off in before all sucked."

Daryl allowed himself to smile. Clearly, inappropriately timed humor was how people in the North dealt with things.

This time Liam turned to Daryl directly and spoke. "We used to have this car.. this shitty used Buick. And to make the heater work, for some reason you'd have to slam the back right door two times. And Kristen insisted there was nothing wrong with it."

"It drove fine! How would somebody even fix that? It was obviously like just an interesting, eccentric quirk."

"If it had power windows, it was probably just a mixup with wiring. I coulda fixed it." Daryl spoke almost shyly.

"See! I told you, Kris. Instead we just had to look like assholes leaving for school every morning."

Kristen tilted her head towards Daryl and smiled gently, a different kind of light behind her eyes this time. "Maybe you could show Liam a few things about cars sometime. It would be good to know."

"Yeah, that'd be great man...if you didn't mind."

An entirely new warmth spread throughout Daryl's chest. He glanced at Liam's face, it was both hopeful and hesitant. He was struck by his own advanced age - he could have a kid Liam's age. And what a poor fucked up kid that woulda been. But maybe it wouldn't have been. It was almost a disservice to Liam and Kristen, and even to himself, to assume that shit only bred more shit.

"Sure, I'd be happy to. After we find y'all a new ride."

Kristen's smiled widened. Daryl couldn't help but feel a bit flattered that she thought Liam spending time with him was a good idea. In the past, something like that would have freaked him out. But now, it just felt natural. Kind of like how sitting with them, here in the autumn air, watching the stars come out felt normal. He almost felt guilty for enjoying this moment as much as he was. As though maybe he had replaced Sean in a way.

But...he didn't want to be Kristen's brother. And recalling their previous night together, his feelings towards here were anything but brotherly.

His train of thought was (perhaps luckily) interrupted by a rustling in the nearby wood. Kristen and Liam immediately rose to their feet – their reflexes no doubt tuned in for Sean. Kristen had almost irrationally called out his name, when emerged from the treeline the shuffling gait of a walker.

She let out a disappointed sigh.

Casually, Daryl reached behind him for his bow. A single walker wasn't really any cause for alarm, but he was glad that he had been out here with them nonetheless. A clean shot, the bolt went right through the skull. Jogging over to the fallen creature, he bent down and retrieved his bolt from the squishy decomposed flesh.

Unforuntately, it wasn't a lone walker though. The soft thud of the corpse hitting the ground attracted others nearby, hidden by the brush.

To Daryl's horror, he looked up to find himself eye to eye with at least a dozen...

Authors Note: Hope everyone had a lovely holiday and winter break! Getting back into the swing of things over here with writing. As always, thanks for reading and I'd love to hear what you think! Might be taking a detour from the prison story line for a bit. You'll have to wait and seeeeeee. ;)