CHAPTER 24

She wept. She wept for hours that felt more like days; ugly, unrelenting tears. As she laid, curled up on her bed in the dark, she could only vaguely recall how she had gotten into her apartment after having so hastily exited Tom's place. She had called the building's Super who lived on the top floor, telling him that she was on her way home and asked him to run down and unlock her door. He hadn't wanted to, not without her being there, but she pushed him to do it, trying desperately to get off the phone before her growing anguish took away her ability to speak. She was lucky that her transit card was still in the back pocket of her jeans from her trip earlier that day, or she would have been forced to return to Tom's -that was something she preferred not to think about. As promised, her door was unlocked when she arrived home and she had stumbled rather unceremoniously through the apartment and into the safety of her bedroom where she collapsed in a heap.

She was only vaguely aware of time passing – thoughts shifted, tears ebbed and flowed like the tide. But eventually her mind quieted, and the tightness that had seized Lauren's chest began to ease. Lauren slowly rolled onto her back with a groan. Staring up at the ceiling, she took deep breaths as the tears slowly trickled down her cheeks and into her hair. It helped - the breathing did – slow and steady, in and out, and eventually the tears slowed until they stopped altogether.

"That's enough," she spoke into the darkness of her empty room, her voice hoarse from crying. "That's enough," she repeated with finality, wiping the dampness from her cheeks as she rose from the bed. Lauren shuffled slowly to the kitchen, flipping lights on as she went. The sounds of water being warmed on the stove, glass clinking against the countertop, her own footsteps as she moved around the kitchen were soothing – familiar.

She had just brought the freshly-poured cup of tea to her lips when she heard a soft knock on her door. Lauren sighed loudly, her breath creating ripples across the liquid. She stole one last moment for herself, taking a tentative sip of the hot liquid before placing the cup on the counter. She knew Emma wouldn't stay away for long, though she had to admit she had expected her sooner. But she was grateful for the delay. Any sooner and Lauren doubted she would have been in any state to talk about… well… anything.

Lauren paused a moment at the door, her hand resting against the doorframe as if the wall were the only thing still holding her up. With a final sigh, she pulled open the door with a soft 'Hello, come on in'.

Emma made her way into the living room, making herself comfortable on the far end of the couch.

"Would you like me to get you a cup of tea or something else to drink?" Lauren asked as she closed the front door, her back to Emma.

"Lauren, come sit down," Emma said quietly.

Lauren perched rigidly on the edge of the couch cushion, her discomfort evident. "How is he?" she finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Thomas is…" Emma paused, searching for the right word, "struggling."

"That's an understatement, no doubt." The silence stretched out between them. Somewhere a clock could be heard softly ticking. From the kitchen, perhaps, Lauren thought idly. "I've ruined everything," she whispered hoarsely, the tears welling rapidly in her eyes. She tried desperately to get ahold of her emotions, but everything was so raw. Swiping roughly at the wetness on her cheeks, Lauren got up and moved to the kitchen. Space; she needed space. With trembling hands, she picked up her previously abandoned cup of tea and took a tentative sip.

Emma turned her body toward Lauren, resting her arms over the back of the couch. "Listen, I've thought about what I was going to say to you all the way over here. Angie certainly had some ideas - Lets just be thankful I'm here and not her," she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"God, she must hate me!"

"It's not like that. Honestly," she reassured her. "I mean, yes. She's upset about what's going on. I think she's acutely sympathetic to Thomas's position in all of this because… well… because something kind of like this happened to us a while back."

The cup of tea stalled on its path back to Lauren's lips. "Excuse me, what?"

"Okay," Emma started, shuffling into a slightly more comfortable position on the couch, "a few years ago I had developed a friendship with one of Angie's co-workers. We had met a number of times at group dinners and other work-related events. She was smart and, to be completely honest, very beautiful. Joanna; that was her name."

Lauren could barely tear her eyes away from Emma. No matter how well you think you know someone, everyone has their secrets. Everyone.

"Anyway, we started meeting, just the two of us. As friends," she emphasized, "at least for me. But," she sighed, running a finger along the seam of the couch cushion, "not for her. She was falling in love with me. Angie knew it and tried to tell me, but I just didn't see it. I liked her. I just… I enjoyed her, you know?" she looked up at Lauren with a hopeful expression.

She knew. Lauren took another slow sip of her tea and shook her head in silent encouragement for Emma to continue her story.

"It was hurting Angie - my friendship with Joanna. And it was hurting Joanna, too. I felt so guilty for continuing to see her, knowing that it probably felt to her like I was leading her on, and it made me feel like I was cheating on Angie, even though we had maintained a strictly platonic relationship up to that point. But eventually it all unraveled and Joanna and I stopped seeing each other. And Angie has never forgotten it. I think she trusted me, but we all have doubts and insecurities and I hurt her by building an emotionally intimate relationship with someone other than her. I don't know that it makes you feel better to know this, but there it is. Angie sees the situation between you, Thomas and Bo, and she can't help but sympathize with Tom's position in all of this – two women who are incredibly important to him develop a close relationship with one another that borders on romance, and at the end of the day, he could lose both of you to it."

"I know all of this, Emma. I do. And I don't know if staying silent about it would have made any difference. I'm in love with her, Emma, and Thomas was in love with me. It's messy no matter how you look at it." Lauren's mood was starting to turn dark, and she was trying really hard not to become defensive. Emma wasn't here to chastise her. In fact, she was the only one right now who was offering her any comfort at all. "I'm sorry," she spoke, coming to sit down next to Emma, sinking back into the couch. "I'm sorry that you are being forced to navigate this whole rotten situation with me when Tom is really the one getting the shortest end of the stick. You should be with him right now, not with me," she mumbled, her gaze cast downward.

"Well I'm not. I'm here with you." Emma reached out, grasping Lauren's hand in her own. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for not being more understanding of your feelings from the beginning. And it's true – to some extent it is a difficulty position for me because I love you both and I want both of you to be happy. But I think that, for a little while at least, one's happiness will be at the expense of the other's. And I don't need to choose sides in this. I can still love and support you both," she tried to reassure Lauren, squeezing her hand tightly.

Lauren smiled meekly. "Well I certainly don't feel very deserving at the moment, but thank you. Really," she emphasized again, "thank you."

"Always," she reassured her companion. "Now! I have something else I need to ask you and I think it would be best if we moved on to a more adult beverage. Preferences?" she asked as she extricated herself from the couch and wandered into the kitchen, directly to the liquor cabinet.

"No hard liquor," Lauren warned. "You know how I get. A beer will be fine."

"Okay, okay. Prude," Emma grumbled, reluctantly grabbing two beers from the refrigerator. As she handed one of them over to Lauren, she stilled for a moment, the necks of their beer bottles still touching. "A toast," she began, "to true friendship. May it weather any storm."

"To friendship," Lauren repeated before taking a long swig of the cold amber liquid.

"I'm too impatient to wait for the alcohol to loosen your lips, so I'm just going to ask – did you and Bo sleep together?"

"Shit, Emma!" Lauren choked out.

Emma put her hands up in surrender. "I had to ask."

Lauren could feel Emma's eyes watching her intently, waiting for her response. The silence was already incriminating, so what did she really have to lose?

"Yes," she whispered, still refusing to look at Emma.

"Holy shit! I knew it!" she practically squealed. "And how was it?!"

Lauren's head snapped up, her eyebrows raised practically to her hairline in surprise. "It… ummm… well…" she stuttered.

"It's probably a totally inappropriate time to say this, but I just have to," Emma laughed heartily. "I told you so!"

The laughter lifted her mood, and the words poured out of her mouth, unchecked. "God, Emma, it was amazing," she sighed, wistfully. "Bo is gorgeous and she was so…" Lauren's cheeks flushed pink as the memories rushed back to her, "responsive."

"Mmmm hmmm," Emma smirked, knowingly. "If I've said it once, I've said it a million times – every woman should try it at least once in their life."

Lauren and Emma sat in comfortable silence for a moment, both lost in their own personal thoughts.

"Well, it certainly makes this situation clearer in my mind, anyway," she commented, switching her beer to her other hand and wiping the sweat from the bottle on her pant leg.

"How so?"

"When you left Tom's, Bo ran out after you."

"She did?" she asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"She did. And when she came back in a couple of minutes later, she was crying."

"She was?" Lauren let out in a whisper.

"We didn't stay long after that. Thomas was pretty upset and we were just in the way."

Lauren rubbed her hands over her face, letting out a frustrated growl. "Ugh, all right. I can't talk about this anymore."

"And that's my cue to go," Emma stated, returning to the kitchen once again to set her empty beer bottle on the counter.

"I'm sorry," Lauren apologized. "I didn't mean that I wanted you to leave."

"No, I know that," she smiled, easing Lauren's guilt. "It's been a long day and Angie is going to want to do a lot of processing when I get home, no doubt."

"Oh geez," Lauren grimaced, "that's what I should really be apologizing for."

Emma chuckled as she grabbed both of Lauren's hands, dragging her off the couch and into a hug.

"I love you."

Lauren returned the embrace whole-heartedly.

"I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Yes, please," she confirmed, smiling gratefully at her friend before closing the door behind her retreating form.

As promised, Emma did call the next day… and the next… and the next. Under any other circumstances, it might have driven Lauren nuts to have her constantly checking in on her. But at this moment in her life, it was exactly what she needed to help ease the ache in her chest and to keep her anxieties at bay.

On this particular day – a day that marked what was supposed to be the day Tom and Bo left for their romantic lake house getaway – Lauren was busying herself in the kitchen, trying to make some dinner without burning the place down. She was a pretty decent cook by most standards, but she was so distracted that she could barely boil water without causing a natural disaster. She hadn't heard a peep from Thomas since she had fled his house. She had tried calling him a few times in the weeks that followed, but he wasn't returning her calls. Emma assured her that he was fine, he just wasn't ready to talk quite yet. And as for Bo? The truth was, Bo had called her just a few days later - Lauren could barely believe it when she saw her name flash across the screen of her phone - but she didn't answer. And she deleted the voicemail without listening to it. Every day at work, Lauren would find herself outside the door to Bo's practice, but she never went in. And the thing that was keeping her from taking that final step and opening the door was the same thing that kept her from picking up the phone and calling her back – fear; fear of rejection, or worse, fear that Bo loved her back but wasn't willing to take the risk for them to be together.

She would never know now what Bo was going to say to her; she never gave Bo the chance. Instead, she gave her the easy out and Lauren assumed she took it. After all, Thomas wasn't aware that Bo had returned her romantic advances; all he knew was that Lauren had feelings for Bo. Nothing more. Bo could go on being the loving girlfriend… fiancé… wife.

Ugh, enough already, Lauren chastised herself. She would survive this. She was strong, she was independent, she would be fine... just...

Soft knocking interrupted her internal pep talk. Assuming it was Emma, Angie, or possibly both coming to keep her company and likely mooch off of her cooking, she shouted toward the door, "Come on in, it's open!"

Lauren continued moving around the kitchen, coming to stand in front of the sink where she picked up some dirty dishes and began washing. A moment later, warm hands came to rest on her hips from behind, sending Lauren into a brief panic. Dropping the dish with a loud clatter and spinning around to face the unexpected guest, she was so startled by Bo's presence that she almost slapped her, her hand halfway there. But once she realized who it was, she dropped the offending hand to Bo's shoulder instead. "Oh my god, Bo," Lauren sighed, slumping a bit more into the counter. "You scared the shit out of me," she practically wheezed. Lauren didn't miss the fact that Bo had left her hands at her waist, generating a pleasant warmth there.

"I'm sorry," Bo started, "you said to come in and I should have realized that you were probably expecting it to be someone else." And suddenly the warmth was gone and Bo had backed up a good 5 feet, putting a remarkable distance between the two women in the blink of an eye. "Oh my god, were you preparing dinner for someone? Am I interrupting a date?" Bo asked almost in a panic, having noticed that Lauren was nicely dressed and there were candles lit on the table.

Before Lauren could even answer, Bo started heading back toward the front door, apologizing as she went, "I am really so sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that you would be here alone, I just... never mind. I should go."

Lauren, having finally gotten over the initial shock of having Bo suddenly standing in her kitchen, caught up with her before she opened the door. "Please," Lauren said softly, "please stay." She reached out her hand, letting it rest at Bo's elbow and using it to pull Bo around so they were facing one another again. "I wasn't expecting anyone, I promise. I just haven't taken the time to get out of my work clothes and into something more comfortable, and the meal... well... that's just for me. As usual," Lauren finished, a hint of bitterness coloring her words.

Bo's expression was pained. "I'm so sorry, Lauren, I –"

"No," Lauren cut her off, "I don't want to have this conversation anywhere near an exit."

Both women chuckled lightly, easing some of the tension between them.

"Please stay?" Lauren asked again, stepping away from the front door.

Bo nodded her assent.

Leading Bo over to the bar stools situated along her kitchen island, she pulled one out, offering the seat to Bo. After getting themselves both set up with glasses of wine, Lauren turned her attention back to the food cooking in the oven. She flipped on a burner on the stovetop and got to work preparing some vegetables. All the while, Bo sat at the counter, sipping her wine and watching Lauren putter around the kitchen.

Bo couldn't stand it, having Lauren in the same room but still out of arm's reach. Leaving her glass on the counter, she returned to her position behind Lauren, wrapping her hands around her waist, mirroring her earlier gesture.

Lauren stilled. "Bo," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"Mmmm?" she said softly from behind her.

"What are you doing?" she was almost afraid to ask.

"Turn around," Bo requested in a steady tone.

Lauren obliged, turning in Bo's arms so they were now facing each other. Lauren's whole body was tingling from Bo's proximity.

"I don't understand," Lauren began quietly, trying so hard to stay focused. Bo's eyes watched Lauren's mouth as she spoke. "You're not supposed to be here. Your vacation..."

"No," Bo interjected with a slight shake of her head.

"The lake house..." Lauren continued.

"No," Bo said again.

"... You and Thomas?" Lauren could hardly get the words out.

Bo just looked at Lauren, giving her a soft smile and moving a hand to cup her cheek. Lauren was so distracted by the soft rhythmic strokes of Bo's thumb along her jawline that she failed to notice the distance between them lessening until Lauren could feel Bo's soft breath across her face. Lauren closed her eyes once again, afraid that - in spite of what Bo's actions suggested - things weren't truly over between her and Thomas. As her question lingered unanswered between them, all of her doubts and fears came rushing back to her.

Lauren summoned every last ounce of willpower she possessed to pull herself from Bo's embrace. "I don't understand," she spoke once she had moved a safe distance away from Bo.

Bo just watched her intently, her expression unreadable.

"Say something," she whispered, "please."

"I called you," Bo finally spoke firmly. "I…," she paused, swallowing hard, "I went after you; at Tom's, I went after you and you were gone."

"I know. I was scared," Lauren confessed. She didn't even realize she had moved again – ever gravitating toward Bo – until her hands brushed Bo's. So warm and soft. Lauren sighed.

"I was, too. And I was left there. Alone." Her eyes were glassy and it hurt Lauren to think that this strong, beautiful woman cried over Lauren the way Lauren had cried over her. "Tom – he was so upset. And Kenzi, she tried to tell me, tried to warn me."

"What do you mean? Warn you about what?" Lauren would never get over how shockingly insightful Kenzi was when it came to people.

"I told him about us. I told him that I had slept with you. And you know what?" She laughed a hollow, mirthless laugh, "I knew that what he was truly upset about wasn't the fact that I slept with you, but that I could love you, and that you would love me back. I found a ring in the pocket of Tom's coat weeks ago. I even tried it on," she admitted in a hushed tone. "But it didn't fit. And I knew – I knew the ring wasn't really meant for me. It was meant for you. Tom and I were never meant to be. You and Tom were never meant to be." Bo sighed, drawing their bodies closer together. Her cheek rested against Lauren's, her warm breath tickling the hairs along her neck as she spoke. "But you and I -" she paused to press a kiss to the spot just below Lauren's ear, "we're it."

Lauren couldn't hold back any longer and allowed her hands to run the length of Bo's back, trailing up her spine and sliding along her strong shoulders.

"I'm in love with you."

Hardly more than a whisper; but it was there - said with the conviction that could move planets.

No more uncertainty; no more doubts.

And Bo kissed her - gently, slowly their bodies melded together, pressed tightly along every inch. As their lips separated, Lauren spoke softly, "I know there are so many things we need to talk about, but I need you to know that I love you, too. More than anything," she breathed out.

And that was enough.