If he had a choice in this matter and was actually asked face to face then the answer would have obviously been no. He had no experience in the subject, no instinct on the matter whatsoever and hell, he was probably more qualified to be admitted into a psychiatric ward far away from any of the corruptible new generations rather than taking care of one. Doflamingo honestly believed that if it weren't for his childhood friend already being dead he'd strangle the woman himself for even considering him for this plan. The pirate captain stared down at the object of his current predicament, restraining himself from just reaching out and pinching a few of his fingers around the little boy's neck which would successfully end the kid's life and free him from the burden dumped on his deck. If there was anything he hated more than people not upholding their part of a deal or not paying him back borrowed money it was children, and Doflamingo hated missed payments.

The little boy sighed, heaving his chest up and down as he continued to peacefully sleep on top of the captain's bed without a single worry for the seething man standing next to him. Doflamingo slowly cracked his knuckles from agitation before reaching up a hand, pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes as tight as he could. The seventeen-year-old honestly had no idea what to do at this very point in time but he was extremely tempted to find something, anything, alive and beat the shit out of it just to relieve this anger building steady closer to his boiling point.

And that's exactly where the teenage captain had been as soon as he'd found the "bundle of joy" neatly tucked in a basket on the deck of his ship. For the past three hours Doflamingo had gone around the town he and his crew were currently docked at and destroyed anything he could get his hands on. Needless to say the town was hardly recognizable from its previous state and half of the residents were dead while the other half were injured terribly. Not that he gave any second thoughts to that; if they weren't strong, fast, or smart enough to get out of his way, then the residents here deserved what they got.

A few unintelligible noises came from the toddler on the captain's bed and Doflamingo slowly pried open an eye to see the little boy shifting around like he was about to wake up. To the pirate's displeasure, the kid did indeed wake up and was now blinking drearily at him. The young man hadn't the slightest clue of what he was currently supposed to do but he was pretty sure that he shouldn't listen to the voice in his head nagging him to chuck the brat straight over the side of his ship. She wouldn't approve of that and he was pretty sure that woman would find a way to haunt him for the rest of his days and cause his luck to completely dry up until he died a slow and painful death by some otherworldly event. Then again, whether she was already performing the torture by dropping off her first and only born child practically on his door step with nothing but a short letter harly even explaining who the brat was and what had happened to her was extremely questionable. Doflamingo reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter one more time to see if there was something written there that he was missing.

~~0

Donquixote Doflamingo,

I apologize for the last minute notice and my lack of contact for the past few years but there is something urgent that I must ask since you are the only one that I trust enough to complete the task.

Take care of my son. He was born nine months ago on October 6th and I have no one left to turn to for his safe keeping. His father is the same man I've been with since you and I last went our separate ways and is in no position to be looking after a child.

By the time you have read this letter I will already be dead. You were right when you told me all of those years ago that the organization I was affiliated with was nothing but corrupted men and I wish I had listened. Maybe then my child would be growing up with his mother and a proper father unlike the man I had run off with.

Best of wishes to you both.

0~~

The pirate crumpled up the piece of paper and held it firmly between his palms. Nothing new had jumped out at him and the fifth time reading it hadn't answered any of his remaining questions. It seemed she was gone and he was stuck with her brat.

A small gurgle escaped from the little boy in front of him and the pirate just stared at the child. He couldn't remember ever being around someone so small and fragile-looking which begged the question of whether the kid was going to survive on his ship for very long or not.

Oh well, her mistake.

Another few squeaks came from the toddler and Doflamingo glared at him, knowing that even behind his colored glasses people still feared his harsh gaze. The captain was currently in no mood to deal with a sniveling brat and made that point thoroughly known with his expression. But this only seemed to amuse the child who giggled happily while clapping his chubby little hands together. The pirate growled in his throat and shifted the crumpled paper into one hand before tossing it at the kid, successfully bouncing it off of the little boy's head and silencing him.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, brat?" He asked menacingly. He expected the kid to start crying or whining or something like that since everyone he had heard from always said that's what small children do all day everyday, but again the little boy just smiled happily and extended both of his arms in front of him, squealing with joy. The captain grumbled something under his breath and reached out a hand, snatching up the toddler by the scruff of his shirt and lifting the boy up to his eye level.

"What the hell are you so happy about?" The captain snarled, keeping his angry glare on the kid. The toddler cooed innocently and reached out his hands, just brushing the edge of the pirate's glasses with his pudgy fingers.

"You know you were abandoned right? Left here to die on my ship by your own mother?" Doflamingo stated, his facial features unwavering. The kid didn't seem to understand what the man just said and continued to feel around with his tiny hands, running the tips of his fingers over the rims of the captain's lenses.

"Nobody wants you and I'm very close to snapping your neck in half because your very existence pisses me off." The pirate stated as darkly as he could. He wasn't entirely sure what he was trying to get at by threatening someone who didn't appear to even understand inflection but the little boy in his grasp was seriously riding on his nerves. The kid continued to ignore him and made himself busy by pulling Doflamingo's purple tinted glasses off of his nose. The boy held them by their frames in front of him and cooed in awe while the young man just stared unamusedly at the kid with his same hostile glare. The toddler turned back to the pirate and seemed to finally notice the other's anger as soon as he met with the captain's piercing stare. But the little boy wasn't scared and just reached out a chubby hand, placing it at the base of Doflamingo's forehead, in between his eyes, before trailing it down to the tip of his nose. The pirate raised an eyebrow, watching as the child then began patting his nose and muttering indecipherable sounds.

"You're not very bright, are you?" The captain asked, his expression shifting from an angry glare to a peeved look. The kid giggled again and turned his attention back to the colored glasses in his hand. He held them up in front of him and inspected them with a scrutinizing gaze before pulling them over his own eyes just like how Doflamingo had them.

"You're nothing better than a lumpy potato, huh?" The young man commented before securing the boy's chin in his free hand and swiveling the kid's head from one side to the other. The toddler was left confused for a moment but quickly snapped out of it, grabbed the captain's first finger in both of his tiny hands and began speaking random noises again. When the pirate tried to pull away he found that he couldn't.

"Let go, brat." The pirate warned, tugging his hand a little more firmly. But the little boy refused to do so and held on with all of his strength, which was surprising strong. Doflamingo pulled his hand, slowly bring it closer to himself as he continued to try and get out of the grasp of the toddler. The captain gave one last quick yank and was free, but not before the kid managed to wrap his stubby arms around the young man's neck, giggling with his victory. Doflamingo cocked an eyebrow at the little boy's resourcefulness and internally questioned what exactly made the kid want to dangle from his neck. The pirate was about to retalliate and hopefully force the brat off of him (whether the kid was sent flying over the side of his ship in the fray or not was still up for debate) when he heard a familiar voice at his doorway.

"Is everything alright, sir?"

The captain turned to see his first mate standing at the entrance to his room, a questioning and stern look on his face. Doflamingo averted his attention back to the child currently clinging to him and frowned. He retrieved his glasses from the boy which caused the little one to dismay, squirming and calling out in disapproval, but the pirate just secured a hand underneath the child and another on his back after placing his shades where they belonged, successfully calming down the kid.

"Everything's fine, Vergo. But I'll need a favor from you." The captain said as he turned towards the other man. His first mate stood at attention and waited for his orders. "It seems we'll be having another crew member aboard for a while. I need you to get him a room and a bed; something he can't easily role out of but nothing fancy. You can probably just nail a few boards to a cot and keep it in the room next to mine." Doflamingo requested, approaching the man in front of him until they were just an arms length apart. Vergo furrowed his brows behind his sunglasses.

"Of course, sir. But why are we keeping the kid?" He asked, skeptical about the whole situation as well as the sight in front of him. It wasn't every day a person could see one of the most eccentric and feared rookie pirate captains on the Grand Line holding a small child so gently and Vergo was starting to wonder what had been written in that letter.

"Personal reasons." Was all the captain replied. A moment of silence passed between the two before the first mate left the entry way to complete his orders. Doflamingo watched as the man departed and shut the door behind him. He walked back to his bed and sat down with a heavy exhale. Today had been a long day and the captain was more than ready to have the surprises halt for a while.

A small yawn came from the little boy in his arms and Doflamingo glanced down at the kid. The child definitely resembled each of his parents in different aspects which was both welcomed and despised. She was always free spirited, following nothing but the wind and happy to deal with any obstacle that obstructed her path. She was devoted and caring, a diamond in the rough with beauty far exceeding anything the pirate had ever seen. In contrast, her lover was cold and hard and had nothing but a bleak future to look foreword to. He was silent and harsh, hardly letting any emotion show and always trying to dominate everyone and everything in his reach.

For the life of him Doflamingo couldn't even begin to put into words what it was he felt. It was a strange sensation of falling and seasickness whenever he was around that woman but he never wanted the feeling to stop. It was like he had become some masochistic fool that was too attached for his own good. For the many years he had been in her presence, Doflamingo had undergone a plethera of things in the organization the both of them had belonged to; some instances including near death experiences where he had willingly jumped in front of a weapon or attack in order to protect her. But that woman had chosen her path and went with the bastard who apparently couldn't even keep her safe and that was what truly made the captain angry.

Doflamingo removed the hand he had on the child's back and swung it away from himself until his fist connected with the wall. The wood easily shattered under his strength and startled the little boy in his arms. The kid let out a few noises of panic but was easily silenced when the pirate gently placed his hand on the child's back once again.

He suddenly remembered something about a moment they'd spent together where the both of them had had a conversation about adulthood and family life. He recollected that the topic had nearly bored him to tears but there was one point she had brought up that he'd never forgotten; she had told him the names she'd give her first born if it was either a girl or a boy. Of course she'd also included the last name of the prick whom she was so desperate to fuck, but Doflamingo would have none of that.

The pirate turned his attention back to the little boy and realised that the brat had already fallen asleep again. It seemed that narcoleptic bastard had left something rather annoying in the kid's gene pool, but maybe in the boy's early life it would be handy. Doflamingo lifted his hand from the toddler's back once again but this time set it down on top of his head, running his fingers through the little boy's downy hair.

"Welcome to the crew, Trafalgar Law." The pirate quietly announced as he put that woman's sur name and the one she picked out for a boy together. It had a nice ring to it, but the child would have to eventually decide if this ship was indeed welcoming.

Doflamingo chuckled dryly as he realized the responsibility he had just run straight into without much of a plan, but shrugged internally since most of his decisions already had little planning time with big consequences. The pirate layed back on his bed and closed his eyes as he decided to let the future take the reigns and lead the way for now. It seemed love really was the cruelest of jokes life could play.

~0~

AN: oh look! another theory! this came to mind and cluttered my thoughts, refusing to leave me alone until i wrote it down. i wanted to write about Law coming aboard Doflamingo's ship when he was a baby but the only reason i could think of for our eccentric captain allowing this was having emotional attachment to the kid somehow. and yes, the father i have in mind is a character already in the OP world (brownie points to whoever can guess his name ;)) and no, i dont have a name for his mother and probably wont give her one.
like it? dislike it? wtf am i doing wasting my time on other fanfics and should just get back to my already turtle-paced updates?
...ignore that last option e_e