If I May, a final fantasy xiii fanfic

If I May

Hello, readers! Just a little…ok, a big oneshot to say that I'm alive and well, though with a throat infection and asthma.

Just a warning: This does have a lemon in it so if you don't want to read, get off this page! I'm not responsible for any heart attacks or other health issues that may or may not result from reading this. Think about it as a big ol' gift from your good friend Fang! ;)

Btw, lyrics are from Angus and Julia Stone's 'Hold On'. I was listening to this while writing and I thought, 'Yep, this is too perfect!' I also listened to Arcade Fire's 'Ready to Start' and 'My Body is a Cage', but…meh. During the fluff/smut between Hope and Lightning, I was listening to a mixture of Little Dragon's song, 'Twice' and a J-Pop song, 'Magnet', sung by Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka. I recommend you listen to these songs; they're pure gold!

Enjoy!

They always made a fuss on my birthday. Always, without fail, every year. Mostly surprise parties. Don't they know by now how much I hate surprises? I'd never liked them, but before the Purge, I could grin and bear them. Now? I hate them with a passion. It was mostly Snow and the NORA gang behind the parties, though.

This year would be my 21st birthday, so apparently that was cause for a celebration to rival my 18th, which, by the way, was hell. The only thing that made it bearable was Lightning.

Lightning…she's so beautiful. The way her blush-coloured hair would always fall over her left shoulder. The way her jewel-bright blue eyes sparkled when she smiled. And her lips…she had lips any girl would kill for, I'm sure. They're full, and shiny, and a darker pink than her hair. I'd wondered if they were as soft as they looked since I was sixteen. You can probably tell I like her…a lot, don't you? I'm surprised she hasn't noticed. Maybe the whole thing about people who like each other can never tell the other person likes them back unless someone points it out for them is true. I don't care. I just wish Snow would leave me alone over it. Etro, he's annoying sometimes. Yeah, he's annoying all of the time, but he's especially annoying about this. He often teases me about being his 'little bro' as he puts it. Then again, he also tells me that I have a better shot than any other guy, because she has a 'soft spot' for me, so I'm not complaining. Actually, I've noticed that too. I can get away with a lot more than other guys. I hug her, she hugs me back. If any other guy tries to lay a finger on her, she kicks their butts then gives them cold death stares for the rest of the night, as if to say, 'You try it, you're dead.' Of course, if you're Snow, you're more likely to get more than a butt-whooping, but at the same time, you're safe because of Serah. Only when Serah's angry can you look at them and think, yeah, they're sisters. Ignoring the matching pink hair, of course.

Does Lightning know how beautiful she is? I'm sure she's at least aware of it; I mean, how would she be able to look in the mirror without seeing how beautiful she is; how much power she could have over guys if she was ever interested enough to use it? As far as I'm concerned, she's drop-dead gorgeous.

And she's definitely ruined me for other girls.

…

Lightning's a Lieutenant now; she got promoted a couple weeks after she re-enlisted for the Corps. Good thing Amodar was still around, otherwise she would've had to start from the beginning, regardless of the fact that she saved the world from total annihilation. Pulse – or Gran Pulse, I should say – is dangerous, especially for humans. Back when we were l'Cie, it was a bit easier, because we were so much stronger and had access to more powerful magic than the stuff from manadrives. Now even they're getting pretty rare – ever since we landed on Gran Pulse, a lot of civilians and some of the military have access to l'Cie-type magic without a Focus tied to it, but for the people who don't have any l'Cie past, it's only basic spells. I'm one of those people, along with Serah, Snow, Sazh, Dajh, Lightning, Vanille and Fang. The Gran Pulsians came out of stasis about a year back; they described the inside of the pillar as a maze of crystal. They first woke up in the very centre, so basically they were surrounded by crystal webs. They managed to get to the bottom, find a crack and get out.

PSICOM's pretty much non-existent now. 'Course, they're still around, but they're under Corps jurisdiction. Basically the only military we have is the Corps, with PSICOM just a branch.

I'd joined the Corps on my 18th, actually – I'm a Sergeant now. Me and Lightning, we're in charge of training newbies – the Cadets. It was actually Lightning who suggested to Amodar I assist her in training them. She said she could only work with people she really trusted, and that apart from family, I was top of the list. I'm afraid to say my ego really shot up after that. Knowing that Lightning trusted me most, save for Serah, really helped to boost my confidence around her, but I still have to be careful – don't want to screw up around her.

I remember when we'd fight together when we were l'Cie. I remember how graceful she was on the battlefield – still is. She's one of the best in the Corps. The way she could easily dodge a Behemoth's swipe by back-flipping out of its reach, the way she could launch a Gorgonopsid into the air with just a flick of her blade. She was incredible. I'd often longed to be as strong as her, but the simple fact of it was that I wasn't strong enough. I was plenty strong with my magic, stronger than everyone else with magic – still am. I just wished that I had the strength that Lightning had, to be able to wield something other than a boomerang without hurting myself.

One of the ways that Lightning made my 18th bearable was that she taught me how to fight with a gunblade. She'd remembered the promise she made me on our journey, that if we made it out of the whole l'Cie mess, she'd teach me. Now I'm strong with both magic and physical strength – all thanks to her. We still have regular sparring matches together weekly, sometimes even more frequently. She's taught me what I know now. She was also my trainer when I'd first joined the Corps.

That's not to say that no-one else has taught me how to fight. I've learned some hand-to-hand combat from Snow, and Fang's taught me how to use her bladed lance. She's even given me her Glaiive as an apology for missing out on almost all of my birthdays to date, and when I told her she didn't have to, she said that she had plenty more at home. It was true, though. You should see how many weapons she's got, most of which had been upgraded from our time as l'Cie by me. I'm pretty tech-handy, and it was basically my key to sanity on our travels as l'Cie. So now I'm pretty formidable in the military, a 'triple-threat' if you will. I can fight hand-to-hand, I can turn pretty much anything I find into a weapon and fight with it, courtesy of basic military training, and I can upgrade and fix weaponry. I'm an all-rounder.

Lightning's really proud of me, to say the least.

Hope was walking back to the house he shared with Lightning after work when he first heard of the party NORA was planning – which includes Snow. His twenty-first would be in about five days' time, which wasn't really cause for any real fuss, in his opinion. He was just planning on a relaxing day; maybe go out for a drink. But no, he couldn't do even that. Apparently he had to have a big celebration – big cake, the whole place decked out, plenty of alcohol, the works. And he hated it. Lightning understood perfectly. She has the same thing happen to her each year, only for her it was courtesy of Serah. Hope thought that it was annoying. Lightning agreed.

Hope's Comm Device buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out and put it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, little bro!" It was Snow. Of course. "How're you doing?"

He'd said 'little bro' again. Three words, and already Hope was pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "How many times have I asked you not to call me that?"

Snow laughed, and put on a British accent to reply, "At least once more, little brother, as always."

Hope's right eye twitched. "Well, now I'm telling you: stop calling me that."

"No can do, little bro."

"Did you call me so you could rile me up, or did you actually have a purpose?" Despite the way Hope talked to him sometimes, he did actually consider him family. It was only because he knew exactly why he was calling him 'little bro' that he got frustrated.

"Whoa, cool it, soldier boy. I just want to know if you're up for meeting me at Lebreau's. I gotta talk to you about something."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with my birthday in about a week's time, would it?" Hope asked as calmly as he could.

"You're gonna have to come to Lebreau's to find out!" Click.

Hope knew it. He knew he was planning something. He did this every year. Hope let himself into the house, deposited his stuff in his room, and wrote a hurried note in case Lightning came back while he was out to find him gone. Hope grabbed his Velocycle keys. He locked up the house again as soon as he was outside, hopped onto his Velocycle and rode to Lebreau's, where he could see Snow's Velocycle, Lebreau's pick-up and three other vehicles. Ok, so all of NORA's founding members were there. This definitely had something to do with his birthday.

But…they were always there. Maybe this didn't have anything to do with him, after all? Hope parked his Velocycle carefully, making sure nothing was in danger of being scratched, and walked casually inside to find NORA in a circle, whispering like a group of gossiping teens. They all turned to look at him as he entered, and Lebreau immediately returned to the bar to make drinks. The others hurriedly sat and invited him over as if he didn't catch them whispering to each other like a group of teens. He raised his eyebrow, but otherwise sat down. And he gave them the benefit of the doubt.

"Now, Snow," Hope began, "tell me why you wanted to see me?" His tone made it sound like a question.

Both his eyebrows raised in surprise. Guess he wasn't aware that Hope didn't want to dawdle.

"Well, Hope," he started, thankfully not using his favourite nickname for him, "just wanted to know if you actually wanted a party this year. I mean, you're growing into a really mature, serious guy, and I respect that. Just wanted to know if you're up for a party."

Was Hope hearing correctly? Was he actually asking his permission first?

"Okay," Hope said, standing up and looking around the room as if looking for someone, "where's Snow Villiers and what have you done with him?"

Snow laughed good-naturedly. "Ah, sit down, buddy. I'm just asking you first, for once." He grinned at him.

About damn time, too, he thought, but didn't voice it. He just said, "Thanks, Snow. I'm fine with the parties, I just wish you wouldn't spring 'em on me the way you do. I've hated surprises ever since the Purge."

Snow nodded, inviting him to go on.

"I just want a no-fuss get-together between us and NORA, that's it," Hope pushed. "No fancy stuff, no surprises, and for Etro's sake, no fuss." Snow nodded again, still grinning.

"Alright," he said, "I think we can manage that."

"Thanks, Snow." Hope stood up, stretched, and bade them good-bye as he left. What he didn't notice was that as soon as he did, Snow and the others began to whisper amongst themselves again.

…

For some reason, when Hope got home, he felt really annoyed and frustrated. He felt like he needed a good fight to get it out of his system. He saw Lightning's Velocycle in the driveway and almost immediately felt a little better. She was home.

Hope got off his Velocycle and headed to the front door. He stepped inside and found Lightning sitting on the couch with one leg folded over the other, not even out of her uniform. She looked over to him as he closed the front door.

"Hey," she said. "How was the thing with Snow?"

"Well," he began, sitting down a little heavier than usual on the couch next to her, "I headed over, and as soon as I came in, I saw them in a circle whispering like a couple of gossipy teens. As soon as they noticed me Lebreau went over to the bar and the others grabbed a couple of seats and made me join them. Snow said that he actually wanted to ask me if I wanted a party this year."

Lightning raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like Snow at all."

"That's what I first thought. Then – even more surprising – after I told him what I wanted, which is just a simple no-fuss little get-together, he actually said he'd do it. And now I feel somehow frustrated, as if I'd been played."

Lightning folded her arms and tapped her fingers on one of them. "I think Snow was lying. He wouldn't just give up, not a few days before the 'big day'. No, he's got something else planned. Something big." She stood and paced back and forth in front of Hope, apparently lost in thought.

Hope's right eye twitched for the second time in an hour. "Lying bastard," he commented calmly, as if he were saying it was going to rain soon.

"You said you felt frustrated?" Lightning asked as she stopped pacing in front of him, hand on her hip. She looks so beautiful when she does that – focus, Hope!

"Y-yeah," he replied, putting his head in his hands; partly to stop himself from looking at her the way he just did, and partly because he was frustrated – very much so. Hope felt her touch his hand and he looked up at her, now leaning down slightly so she could reach his hand. She knelt down so their eyes would meet, and he felt himself struck dumb by how beautiful she was. She had her hand out, touching his, and she was smiling slightly, her eyes sparkling like jewels.

"Do you want to go outside for a bit? Clear your head?" she asked him, her voice soft. Hope nodded mutely, and she tugged lightly on his hand as she stood up. She let go of his hand as they walked to the back door, and his hand immediately missed the warmth hers gave. Hope grabbed his Lionheart even as Lightning took her Omega Weapon, and they made their way to the middle of their backyard, where a large circle had been carved into the dirt.

"Okay, here are the rules: if you step out of the circle during a round, that round goes to your opponent. If you fall or are in any way incapacitated, that round goes to your opponent. If you are disarmed, that round goes to your opponent. Best out of three. Ready?" she asked, shifting into a position Hope knew very well.

"Ready," he replied, flipping his Lionheart out of its holster and tensing, waiting for her to make the first move.

She did. Quick like her namesake, she swiped at him with her Omega Weapon, only to have it blocked and parried by him. She kept Hope on the defensive as she struck, again and again. He was pushed backwards, slow but steady, as she pushed forward almost inconspicuously. He was getting dangerously close to the edge of the circle when she moved closer, swiping out once again, but what she wasn't ready for was for it to be blocked by his hand. He flipped her over his back and she landed on her feet but outside the circle.

"Round one to me," he said, pulling her back into the circle with the hand that flipped her over.

"You're getting stronger," she commented as she walked back to the middle of the circle, expecting him to follow, which he did.

"Ready?" he asked her. She merely nodded as she shifted into battle position. Hope mirrored her movements, tensing when she stepped to the side. He kept himself focused on her every move, not taking his eyes off of her. This time he made the first move, lashing out with his Lionheart, only to have it blocked with such force that he slid back a couple feet, stopping in a crouch. When he looked up, her Omega Weapon was in gun mode, and pointed right in between Hope's eyes.

"Let's call that a win for me," she suggested, smirking when he stood up and brushed himself off.

"Cheater," he remarked.

"Gunblade," she replied, emphasising gun. Hope smiled, but with her back to him, she didn't see it. She just walked back to the middle of the circle.

"Last one," she said. "You ready?"

"Of course," he replied. As soon as that was said, she spun and attacked. Fortunately, Hope was ready, and blocked it, tripping her in the process. She fell, but pulled him with her. He had just enough time to shift his body so that she landed on him. Hope felt all his breath whoosh out of his lungs as they both landed. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling at a pace to match his. He could feel her breath on his face she was so close. They stared at each other for what they felt was an eternity. Finally, Hope felt he had to break the silence.

"You okay?" he breathed, using his gloved hand to lift her chin, looking for any sign that she was hurt. He heard her breath hitch when he did that. He could feel her heartbeat move rapidly in time with his own. He let his hand cup her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Her lips quivered ever-so-slightly, and parted. Her eyes…he could not describe them in that moment for the life of him, but they were beautiful, just like the rest of her. He sat up and she moved with him, eventually coming to straddle his legs. She put her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. His hand was still on her cheek, his thumb still gently stroking it. Their gazes were still locked.

"I'm fine." Her hand covered Hope's, which was still on her cheek, gently stopping his thumb's movements. Her other was still on his shoulder.

"Are you sure?" he asked, unintentionally leaning closer to her. "You're not hurt anywhere, are you?"

She laughed a little, the sound of it making him smile. "I'm sure. I'm not hurt anywhere." She poked his forehead. "You are such a worrywart sometimes. I don't know how I'd never seen it before."

Then he knew she was teasing him with her particular brand of wry humour. He smirked, leaning in some more. "Maybe you just…didn't want to?"

Lightning spoke as if she didn't hear what Hope had just said. "That's not to say I'm not grateful or appreciative."

It was probably then that they both realised just how close they were to each other. Again. "I'd say that was a draw, don't you think?" Hope asked her, referring to their last round.

"Yeah. I would." She took a deep breath. Was she as stupefied by their closeness as he was? No, she was too controlled for that. Then why wasn't she moving, stopping this? Did she even want to? Maybe she didn't. Maybe that was why she was leaning closer, eliminating the distance between them and kissing him.

Wait, she's kissing me!

Then kiss her back!

Oh. But…

Just kiss her!

Right.

And Hope began to kiss her back, earning a surprised gasp from her. Taking advantage of her suddenly parted lips, he eased his tongue past them and into her mouth. Her hands wove into his hair, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. The hand that was on her cheek made its way to the back of her neck, keeping her there, while the other one made its way down her side and underneath her sleeveless overcoat. She arched her back as his hand came into contact with the bare skin of her waist, making him groan as he felt her chest against his. His hand moved from her waist to her lower back, keeping her pressed firmly against him. His mouth moved from her incredibly soft lips, down her jawline, her neck…until he came into contact with the turtleneck, of course. Not wanting to push things, he just stuck with kissing what he could, which made her gasp anyway. Her hands moved from his neck and down his chest, making him shiver. Her hands stopped there, and began to push. He moved back, removed his hands from her body and looked at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen from our kisses, and her eyes were darker than before. Damnit, she looks irresistible like that. Her chest rose and fell rapidly in time with her breaths. Hope was breathing pretty heavily too, and his face was red.

She stood, just as the rain began to fall. Hope stood as well, and they both hurried inside to avoid getting soaked, taking their weapons with them. They both put them back where they belonged, neither of them speaking to the other.

It was Lightning who broke the silence. "I'm sorry…for my behaviour back there." That's all she said. Seven words, and he wasn't sure how to respond to them. Should he reveal that he had feelings for her? Would she say that she had hidden feelings of her own? Before he could say anything, however, she walked past him to her room, and shut the door behind her.

If he was looking for the opportune moment to tell her, that probably would've been it.

…

The next day, thankfully, was Hope's day off. Distance was probably for the best about now. Lightning went to work without waking him up, which she usually did. By the time he got to the coffee maker that morning, however, the coffee was cold. He shrugged and made a fresh batch, throwing the cold stuff out. It was then that he realised what day it was, and what had happened the day before.

It was Wednesday morning – and he had kissed Lightning yesterday. And she kissed back.

Wow. I've got to think about this for a couple minutes. Hope poured himself a cup of strong hot coffee and sat down at the dining-room table. Completely in shock over what had happened yesterday evening. She had kissed him first. Did that mean something? Maybe she was just caught up in the moment. Maybe it didn't mean anything to her. No, it had to. Did it? He shook his head. He was confusing himself with all this. He would just roll with this, and see where it took him. He would apologise to her right after she got back from the Corps. But right now, he had to tell someone about this. He couldn't just keep this all bottled up. Not something like this.

He got dressed, locked up the house, hopped onto his Velocycle and headed for Serah and Snow's.

…

"You what?" Serah asked from the kitchen, almost dropping her kettle.

"Good going, little bro!" Snow crowed, pulling Hope up in a bear hug that almost broke his ribs.

"Snow! Can't – breathe!" he gasped. He set Hope down and patted his head as an apology.

"So?" Hope pressed, sitting back down at the dining-room table. "Is her reaction a good thing, or isn't it?"

"It's a very normal reaction from her," Serah replied, setting a hot cup of coffee down in front of him. Despite already having had a coffee that morning, he figured he both needed and earned it. "If she's putting distance between herself and you already, it means that she has feelings for you even she doesn't understand. She'll need time to figure them out on her own."

"And until then?" he asked. "Should I apologise?"

"Hell no!" Snow butted in from the hallway. "You gotta stand your ground. It wasn't even your fault in the first place, right? Wasn't she the one who kissed you?"

"Well – yeah," he replied, face getting hot.

"Snow, stop making him blush!" Serah scolded her husband. She then turned to Hope and said, "I do agree with Snow. For now, don't apologise. She'll come to you when she feels she's ready to. Okay?"

"Okay," he replied. He drank his coffee, which he wasn't even aware he'd been drinking while they had been talking, and stood up. "Thanks for the advice."

"Good luck, little bro!" Snow said, patting him on the back. And by 'pat', Snow smacked him on the back so hard he staggered forward and coughed.

"I hope things work out between you two." Serah put an arm around Snow and smiled at Hope. "Lightning was pretty cold until she met you. Now she's softening up a little bit. I'd hate to see that disappear again."

"I'll do my best," Hope replied as he walked out. For the first time since before the Purge, he wished his birthday would come soon.

…

Finally, after four days of being avoided by his roommate, Hope's birthday arrived. When he woke up, Lightning was gone again. There was fresh batch of hot coffee on the bench in the kitchen, along with a hand-written note. It read:

Sorry I can't be there to wish you a 'happy birthday' in person. I got called in to work. Hope my present makes up for it.

Next to the note and the coffee, there was a small box. When Hope opened it, a survival knife sat gleaming at him from inside the box. The handle was a deep, navy blue. On the sharp blade was an engraving, 'To keep my promise'.

Hope smiled half-heartedly. "Practical, just like you," he said to himself. The blade folded outward, much like a gunblade's would. Hope dressed, drank his coffee and placed the knife in his pocket. It reminded him of when he was fourteen, still in shock at having lost his mother and looking to avenge her. When Lightning gave Hope her knife to look after in the Gapra Whitewood, he named his revenge 'Operation Nora,' and in Palumpolum came very close to murdering the man he'd deemed responsible for his mother's death: Snow Villiers. The only thing that stopped him long enough for Snow to explain was that skytank blowing up the building they were on. They reconciled their differences in Hope's home, with his father bearing witness.

Hope's father never came back after Cocoon fell. After that, Serah basically became his adoptive mother, making sure he was okay during Hope's brief stay with her after they'd arrived in Oerba with the GC. After that, Lightning suggested he stay with her, because Snow and Serah needed their space, which he'd agreed with. Since then, Oerba had grown from a small village to a large town, and was well on its way to becoming a fully-fledged city. All of Oerba worked together to fix the bridge suspended above it, and now it was a road connecting Oerba with other towns spread beneath Cocoon.

Hope shook his head, clearing his mind of unpleasant memories, and his Comm Device buzzed in his pocket. He pressed it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey, little bro!" Snow. "Any progress with sis?"

Hope sighed. "Not much, but she did leave me hot coffee, a note and a birthday gift."

"Yeah, what was it?"

"A survival knife. Kinda like hers. In the blade is engraved, 'To keep my promise'."

"Good," Snow murmured, "That means she still cares about you."

That comment confused Hope a little. Hadn't she always? "You need something, Snow?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Don't come to Lebreau's until tonight, okay?"

"Okay," Hope said slowly, not quite sure he'd heard him correctly. Why would he – oh. The 'party'. Oh joy.

"Great! Thanks, man!" He hung up.

Snow tucked his Comm Device into his pocket, grinning. "Alright, guys!" he shouted, and everyone stopped what they were doing to face him. Lebreau was polishing glasses, and boyfriends Maqui and Yuj were playing a loud game of Gin. Gadot stuck his head through the beaded doorway that led to the stairs.

"Yo Boss! What's our status?"

Snow grinned. "We're good to go. Lebreau, how's the cake?"

Lebreau jerked her thumb behind her, gesturing to the kitchen through the wall. "In the oven. It'll be ready soon."

"Good. Maqui, Yuj, you're in charge of decorating the place. Don't go overboard, but don't get lazy halfway through, you got it?" Maqui immediately packed up the cards while Yuj grabbed the streamers. Gadot set down a ladder at the entrance to Lebreau's. "I'll help with the decorating," he volunteered. "Who knows what these two," he gestured to Maqui and Yuj, "will do without supervision." He grinned.

Snow nodded. "Suit yourself. I'll go to Hope's, run interference until the time is right. I'll keep you posted," he added as he walked under the ladder and out the door.

"Hey!" Maqui cried out after him. "You've just earned yourself a lifetime's worth of bad luck!"

"Superstitious bas…" Gadot didn't get to finish that sentence. He was face-to-face with a very angry Yuj.

"If I were you, I wouldn't finish that sentence," he warned.

"Thanks, Yuj," Maqui said, smiling softly at his boyfriend.

"Move it!" Lightning ordered the trainees, who were currently running an obstacle course. She followed from the sidelines as they crawled through muddy metal tubes, waded through mud that was waist-deep, climbed over and crawled under nets, all with a partner strapped to them at the leg. After the course was done, they then had to run five laps around the oval. Of course, of the fifteen teams that were there, the three teams with the slowest time had to run ten laps, so the other twelve teams counted their lucky stars that they weren't those three teams.

Hope was stuck behind the desk today, but after lunchtime, he would be free to help Lightning teach the Cadets combat manoeuvres and the like. After the last three teams had finished, Lightning gave them the "Don't do anything stupid" speech and let them go take a shower. Lightning looked at her watch. It was 11:45. In fifteen minutes it would be lunchtime. Lightning took the teams' times and made her way to her office to catalogue them in her computer. Once that was done, she sat down and spent the last five minutes before lunchtime to speculate why exactly she was so embarrassed about what had happened between her and Hope days earlier. She couldn't have feelings for him, or vice-versa. Sure, he was seven years younger than her, but that was hardly an excuse anymore. He was over twenty. And the way he looked at her sometimes…for some reason she couldn't define, it made her knees weak. Not that she showed it.

Why was she so embarrassed? She was the one that kissed him first; therefore she must have some kind of attraction to him. She had no idea what came over her that evening, but she did know that it had forever altered her friendship with Hope.

She didn't know why she did it – no, that was a lie. She did know why she did it. She did it because…because…

Because I do have feelings for him, she realised. She put a hand to her heart, which was squeezing a little uncomfortably inside her chest. It was also beating fast, as it did whenever she had thought of Hope since that evening. Why did he kiss her back? Did he feel the same? Surely he didn't. He only regarded her as a sister…right?

"Urgh!" she groaned, putting her head in her hands, much the same way that he did before they made their way to the backyard.

Confusing…yes, that's what it was. Definitely. What should she do? Should she tell him? What would he say in response? Would he say that he had hidden feelings of his own? Would he reject her? Say she was too old for him? Now she was torturing herself with what he might or might not say in response. She had to stop this! She had to stop acting like a lovesick teenage girl; it wasn't professional. She took several deep breaths to calm herself down. In…out. In…out.

She checked her watch again. It was lunchtime. Okay, take a walk. It doesn't matter where; just get it out of your system.

She walked through the GC building, where there were soldiers that were stuck in desk duty chatting amongst themselves. She didn't stop walking until she was outside and down the weather-worn steps towards the water.

She liked it out here. Here, she could be alone, and no-one would bother her. Here she could think clearly. She sat on one of the steps, took off her boots and put her feet in the water, its cool temperature calming her down. She watched the sunlight sparkle and reflect off the water to her, as if it were speaking a language only she could understand. Her fingers skimmed the water, and she calmed further.

She could stay here for at least another half-hour; that was when she had to go back and sword-train the Cadets…with Hope.

Little did she know that where she was sitting was in direct view of Hope's office window.

Hope watched as Lightning approached the water, taking off her boots and putting her feet in the water as she sat on one of the weather-worn stone steps leading down. His heart squeezed inside his chest. She looked so beautiful, like she was part of the water. His hand touched the window, silently begging her to turn and see him, but she didn't. He looked on as Lightning pulled out a small black device and earpods. She plugged them into the little black device and closed her eyes. It was then that Hope realised what it was: it was an iPod.

And I'm waiting for the day

I know you've got your part

And I'm waiting for the day

I know you'll have the heart

And I'm hoping that you'll say

That you loved me all this time

But it turns out just the same

And you break apart the things I find

Lightning closed her eyes and let the music take her to a distant world, somewhere where she could not worry and be herself, at least for a while.