Just a fic I found on my computer whilst cleaning up files. I must say, the way in which James has been portrayed is... interesting. See what you think, anyway. Or perhaps, bare with him until the end. Should be a three part-er. It was originally written as a one-shot so no clean chapter breaks I'm afraid
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Enjoy!


Remus was sat on his bed in the dorm, a book slipping from between his fingers as he stared listlessly out of the window. Dark clouds, hanging low and pregnant had been gathering steadily all day, their heavy bellies seemingly scraping the top of the trees. Remus could just feel it in the air – the static; the pent up energy and electricity that always preceded a storm and always called up the wolf inside of him. He was waiting, almost impatiently, for the dollops of rain to start falling and add their dark beauty to the scene.

The door was pushed back and it bounced on its hinges. Remus winced, already feeling the calm the storm had instilled in him slipping away. There was a party on downstairs – the older students were celebrating the end of their exams and the rest of them were just joining in – and Remus had expected to be left alone for most of the night. Or at least, he'd been depending on it.

His eyes automatically flashed to the figure stood in the doorway, confirming what he already knew, before they went back to devouring the impending storm.

Sirius walked straight in and collapsed on the end of Remus' bed, mouth already quirked in a theatrical pout. His robes had long since been discarded, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and the front of it unbuttoned to his belly. His tie was dangling off one shoulder, and his normally perfect hair was looking just a little mussed. His eyes were larger than normal and the stench of alcohol washed over Remus, making his nostrils flare.

"Whatcha doing up here, Moony?" Sirius asked, sounding surprisingly sober. His hands were behind his head, causing his shirt to gape and reveal more love-bitten skin beneath it. "There's a party downstairs you know."

Remus raised an eyebrow – the thumping bass of the music alone was enough to tell him that, never mind the frequent yells and shouts making their way up the stairs. "So what're you doing up here?" he retorted.

Sirius shrugged – an overly dramatic gesture that caused his entire body to move. "Thought I'd come and check on you. You didn't seem too happy earlier?"

It was Remus' turn to shrug. In all honesty, he didn't want to talk about it – and he wasn't sure where he'd even begin. There were so many different factors in Remus' life, so many different mixes and concoctions that he wasn't sure where he was in it all. The exams had drained him, taking all his effort and energy and leaving him raw to the effects of the moon and his – his other problem.

Sirius frowned at him, pushing himself up so he was on eye-level with Remus. "Remus...?"

Remus shook his head, fingers tightening automatically on his book. "Just- Just leave it."

"Was it-" Sirius tongue darted out and whetted his lips in an uncharacteristic nervous gesture. Remus just found himself staring at Sirius' lips. "What she said, Moony – was it true?"

Remus clenched his teeth together and looked away. His eyes soon found his window and the mass of growing storm-clouds. "I said leave it."

Sirius teetered there, on the end of his bed. For a just a moment, he looked as though he was going to reach out and take Remus' hand and insist some more but then he sat back. His eyes were just a little tighter than before, a little less relaxed. He stood back up and nodded once. "Okay," he said simply. "But I think – I think you should know that she's down there now-" he jerked his head in the direction of the door to the stairwell, "-and she's not being nice, Moony."

Remus didn't react. He wasn't quite sure what Sirius expected him to do – go down and start another argument so she could scream more stupid rumours for the whole school to hear? – so he just kept staring at the storm. He had such an urge to go outside, to stand beneath the open, bleeding sky and feel the raw magnitude of its energy. But Sirius was still stood there watching him, hands on his hips and gaping shirt revealing even more of his chest. Thrown half in shadow, he looked incredible. The features of his face had been both sharpened and softened by the shadows and his body looked taut and smooth.

Remus shut his eyes. He needed to escape desperately. Sirius stood there for another minute or so before he turned rather sharply and stalked off back downstairs. Remus exhaled roughly, not realising he'd been holding his breath.

After the morning-argument with Clarrissa, his friends had been a little – off – with him. None of them seemed quite certain how to react and so the conversation had been a little strained all day and the tension had taken its toll on Remus.

Deciding he'd had enough of the claustrophobic atmosphere inside, he got up.

The noise of the party grew louder and louder, the screams and shouts becoming almost deafening, the music a heavy thumping that bit into his ears as he descended the stairs. He'd barely put one foot down in the Common Room when there was a horde of drunken people surrounding him.

Sirius and James were there, pushing their way to the front to stand by their friend. Clarrissa was there, eyes narrowed as she glared at him. The entire House seemed to be there, shouting abuse and questions and names towards him.

He lifted both his hands and pressed them tightly over his ears, flinching away from the verbal stones. For a moment, he almost followed the instinct to curl up on the ground before he managed to get control of it and stand more steadily on his shaking legs.

Somebody dimmed the music, and the voices melded into one, taking over its place. But then the voices stopped too, and there was only one boy talking – a seventh year, Remus seemed to recall – that was rather large and bulky. "So come on then, you little fag, what's the truth?" he was saying.

James and Sirius had made their way to his side, Peter just behind them. Sirius was holding back a little, Remus noted with a heavy heart, whereas James and Peter were each gripping one of his arms. Remus swallowed dryly, mouth hanging open as his heart raced.

There was a painful silence which he was expected to fill but could find neither the words nor the will. The boy's face turned into a cruel smirk. "So you are a fag then?" He snorted, "You're not denying it after all. Fucking queer-"

"I don't know who the fuck you're calling queer, Jamie Johnson," Sirius snarled, cutting him off. His voice was odd – taught with tension on Remus' behalf and yet strangely dismissive as though none of this really mattered. His fists were clenched tightly by his sides and he was stood directly between Remus and Jamie, back straight and nose up in the air. Remus was starting to feel vaguely light-headed. "I've seen the way you watch us change after Quidditch," Sirius was saying, voice soft and telling him to back off, "If anybody's the disgusting pervert, it's you."

The effect was instantaneous. At the same time Jamie grabbed for Sirius' throat, James swung his wand up and held it steadily between Jamie's eyes. "Try it," he whispered, "Just try it." A drop of sweat slid down Remus' back as his breath came out in short, sharp gasps. One beat of his heart...James didn't relax, the wand didn't quiver. Two... Jamie's eyes flicked nervously towards Remus. His hands twitched. Three...

Jamie backed off.

James lowered his wand reluctantly, still glaring at Jamie. "Anybody else want to try it?" Sirius snapped at the watching crowd, eyes roaming amongst them, "Because I can assure you I'm in the mood for a fight right now."

Remus was all but panting, his shirt damp and his hair sticking to his forehead. His legs felt weak and his entire body was trembling. There was nothing he could do as Peter and James turned him round and marched him back upstairs with Sirius bringing up the rear.

They set him down on his bed and then took a couple of steps back, arms folded and mouths set in tight lines. Remus glanced once towards the window – the storm was still building – and then back towards his friends. "Thanks," he said, voice hoarse and raspy, "I froze."

"That wasn't for your benefit," James said coldly – and it was like an arrow to Remus' heart, "That was to stop a decent bloke like Jamie from getting in trouble."

The ember of hope that had started burning inside Remus' chest when his friends had saved him suddenly died. He was engulfed by the cold, wrapped in its embrace as he struggled away from it. His eyes flicked between all three of them, getting wider and wider and more and more panicked. "What?" he said weakly, not at all surprised when his voice shook and almost broke.

"Tell me what Clarrissa is saying is a lie," James said. He looked so angry, eyes glinting the way they did when he was hexing Snape. "Tell me you're not –" his nose wrinkled in disgust, "one of them."

Remus couldn't help but stare at him, hands clutching at the duvet beneath him. He was shaking now, his frail shoulders threatening to collapse in on him, his heart beating so, so fast. His world was breaking. "James..." he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes, "Prongs..."

James took a disgusted step back, Peter copying him. Sirius was stood near the door, not that Remus noticed, his hands on his hips and a blank expression on his face. "You can't even deny it," James spat, "Gods, she was right! And to think – to think we let you sleep in here!"

"James, it's not like that-" Remus hated the whine in his voice, he hated the way tears were making tracks down his cheeks and how he couldn't even meet James' eyes. "Please..."

"You disgust me, Remus," James said, his lip curling, "I don't want anything to do with a pervert like you."

Peter was nodding along, but he looked uncomfortable. Sirius was just blank. Remus bit down on his bottom lip, blood welling immediately, in a bid to stop the pained sobs from escaping. He'd waited so long to hear those words, expected to hear them when they found out he was a werewolf that he hadn't really, really considered what they would mean. His eyes were screwed up tight, head bowed as tears dripped steadily off his chin and his chest heaved painfully.

"Come on, Wormtail, we're going. I don't wanna spend another minute looking at a pouf." There was the sound of retreating footsteps and then the opening and closing of the door. There was a brief murmur and then a cruel laugh before the voices drifted away.

"He doesn't mean it. He's just- he's just shocked and angry, Rem."A gentle hand wiped the tears off his cheek and tipped his head up. Remus opened his eyes slowly as the bed dipped beneath him and somebody sat down. "Why didn't you tell us?"

He found Sirius staring back at him, sober as the day he was born and looking troubled. "I did it for you, by the way," he told Remus, "I wouldn't ever let that bastard Jamie touch you, and Prongs knows he wouldn't either." He smiled rather sadly, lips stretching out of habit rather than emotion. "Look, I don't – I don't care. My parents thought it was like – like the devils trap or something," he laughed softly, lowering his hand and taking Remus'. He squeezed it reassuringly, willing Remus to understand that he wasn't alone. "And if my parents thought it was wrong, then I can assure you that it most definitely isn't."

Remus did smile at that, his lips quirking. Sirius moved a little closer to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Aren't you worried about falling out with James?" Remus asked bitterly, trying to scoot away. He sniffed loudly and wiped his nose on the back of his hand.

"No," Sirius said hotly, arm clamping down around Remus, "He can't half be a pompous bastard sometimes. He's acting like a twat, Rem, I don't give a shit about what he thinks right now."

The fight left Remus then. The pain and acceptance he'd been struggling with all day suddenly snapped free of its chains and Remus found himself pressing his face into Sirius' chest. Everything hurt. His whole body felt bruised and drained as though James' attack had been physical too. Sirius wrapped another arm around him and just held him there in a tight embrace. They were quiet, the two of them, for some time. Remus' tears were a silent testament to his pain and Sirius was staring out of the window opposite Remus' bed and wondering when the storm would hit. It was going to be big, he could tell, the magic that permeated Hogwarts seemed charged and fiery and he wondered, briefly, if that had something to do with everybody's heated state.

Sometime later, after the damp spot on Sirius' shirt was at least the size of a Quidditch hoop, Remus pulled away. "I'm sorry," he muttered, gesturing towards said damp patch. He pushed his hair out of his face and rubbed his reddened eyes. Sirius was watching him, waiting for Remus to say something. He'd offered to be there earlier, he'd offered Remus a shoulder to cry on and a person to confide in. All he could do was hope Remus would take him up on it. Remus sighed suddenly, blowing out the air with a surprising fierceness. "What the hell am I going to do, Padfoot?"

Sirius shrugged. "Run away and join the circus?" he joked, "You can be the wolf-man and I'll be his trusty side-kick."

Remus laughed slightly. His face lightened at the gesture, his shoulders got a little less hunched and Sirius knew he was going to be okay. "Oh, yeah. I'm sure that'll solve everything." He sighed again. "Why are you still here, Sirius?"

"Because you need somebody."

Remus met his steady gaze. "I would've thought you were the last person on earth who would offer me that."

Sirius whetted his lips in a nervous gesture – for the second time that night. "I've grown up, Rem. I'm not stupid enough to believe that sexuality is the be all and end all of a person." He touched Remus' cheek softly, "And to be honest? I had my suspicions." Remus' mouth fell open and Sirius could read the panic in his eyes. "I – I don't care."

A faint blush bled into Sirius' cheeks and Remus' eyes widened. Searching Sirius' face for any sign of joking – and finding none – his eyebrows rose. "Are you telling me that you're-?"

"No. No. No. I've – experimented – but I'm not – not fully anyway." Sirius' blush grew more pronounced as he admitted to those nights he'd promised he'd never breathe a word about. "What Clarrissa was saying. Is that true?"

Remus seemed to find his feet rather interesting. Hitting them on the side of the bed, he jerked his shoulders. Looking down, he imagined he could see them all underneath the floorboards, passing drinks around and comments about him and everything Clarrissa had started. He imagined he could hear their insults and name-calling, hear their plans to beat him up. "No," he said eventually, bringing his eyes back up to meet Sirius', "It's not."

"Then how-?"

"I kept calling her the wrong name," Remus admitted eventually. "Just once or twice. Never when we were-" he blushed, the red stain spreading down the back of his neck, "but just in conversation or when – when she made the odd comment. It was enough to hurt her, I guess."

"So who-?"

Remus wondered if he was imagining the faint trace of jealously to Sirius' voice or if it was actually possible that the animagus felt it. The atmosphere changed suddenly and Remus was on his feet immediately, staring out of the window. The rain had started, the static in the air had shifted slightly when it broke. "Let's go outside," he suggested, glancing back towards Sirius, "Let's just go outside."

Sirius took his outstretched hand and the two of them darted out of the door and further up the stairs and towards the roof. The wind hit them immediately, a strong, wild gale that whipped their hair and clothes around them and then there was the rain; heavy, huge dollops of icy-cold water that had them soaked in seconds. The air was charged and vibrant and clean, the sky that beautiful murky colour that always seemed so deep and angry.

Hands clasped together, Sirius and Remus laughed, pretending to dance on the top of the tower. It occurred to neither of them that it would've taken the tiniest slip to fall to their death, or how bizarre their behaviour was.

Or they just didn't care.

Eventually, when the wind had stolen all their breath, they sank to the floor and sat, backs propped against the door, watching the unfolding storm. Their hands were laid between, still clasped loosely together in both a gesture of friendship and solidarity.

The roar of the wind made conversation impossible but somehow, the sheer naked beauty of nature at its worst made any conversation pale in comparison. For a long time they sat there as the thunder rolled out across the heavens and that first bolt of lightning lit up the whole damn sky. The rain was cold. So cold. But their chattering teeth and stiff, numb limbs seemed worth it to witness this rage and show of a power capable of total desolation.

At some point, when the cold had stiffened his legs to the point of pins and needles, Remus stumbled to his feet and leant against the crumbling battlements to better see the roiling surface of the lake. He watched with wide eyes as the water was smashed against bank after bank, like a trapped, wild animal trying to escape its prison. The trees of the Forbidden forest were swaying, and for a moment, Remus imagined they were dancing in time to the heart of the earth.

A pair of arms slipped around his waist and he was pulled back against a warm body. Their heat mingled, easily soaking through the barely-there barrier of their somping wet shirts. Remus relaxed against him, holding Sirius' arms on his stomach. There was no words for how he felt, standing there on the top of the tower. Sirius was constant in his life. A warm, strong constant and on top of that tower, it was as though the rest of the world was no longer there and no longer existed for them to worry about. They had each other in this beautiful setting and that was all that mattered.

"Sirius," Remus said suddenly.

"What?" Sirius murmured in his ear, lips touching.

Remus paused, momentarily thrown by how intimate the gesture was and how hot Sirius' breath felt. "No," he said, "You don't get it. That's what I called Clarrissa. That's how she knew."

There was no answer at first and Remus felt his heart freeze a million times over. A part of him knew he should never have admitted it, but he also kind-a suspected that Clarrissa would tell everybody at some point. And hadn't his friends – or at least, those who used to be his friends – once told him the truth was so much sweeter when it came from his own lips? The arms around his waist were a dead weight, locking him, trapping him in this broken tableaux that he'd destroyed.

He pulled away, tugging Sirius' arms off him and finding a million excuses ready to bubble off his tongue. He turned around, part of him flinching away from the idea of seeing Sirius' furious expression.

But Sirius didn't look furious. In fact, he didn't look even remotely angry. He looked sort of – sort of confused, as though Remus had presented him with a particularly difficult perplexing riddle he expected solving right away. Sirius swallowed, staring right back at him. "Remus, I-"

The Tower-door chose that exact moment to open and Sirius' words were lost.


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