Basically there's no excuse as to why I haven't updated in forever! I have been so busy but also this has taken me a age to write! I really did try and keep it lighter at first but it just took a life of its own. I am so sorry for the long delay and I hope you like this! I promise I will try and update regularly now!

"Morning my wonderful husband and baby daddy," I whisper as Christian stretches, waking up and cracking open his sleepy eyes.

"Were you watching me sleep Mrs Grey?" Christian asks snuggling his face back into his pillow so that he looks adorable.

"Nope," I smirk and Christian rolls his eyes. "Maybe a little," I grin continuing.

"What time is it baby?" he mumbles and I giggle.

"It's around five I think," I say glancing at the clock across the room.

"I don't like this whole sleeping during the day thing Ana," Christian grumbles but he looks pretty comfortable to me.

"You say that Mr Grey but I think you look pretty cozy in our bed," I smile down at him and give him a soft kiss on the lips.

"I would be much more comfortable if my wife was laid with me," he says suggestively and I smirk.

"Christian we've been through this. I can't just lounge around all day, and leave the children to Gail and Taylor as much as I would like to be snuggled up in our bed with you too."

"Where's Teddy?" Christian says suddenly jumping up and looking to the other side of the bed for his son.

"Stop panicking baby," I say as I place a light hand on his chest pushing him back. "He woke up and you were sleeping so I taught Teddy how to tiptoe out of a room so we didn't wake up daddy," I say smiling at the memory while Christian nods.

"That reminds me," I say pushing myself further onto the bed and gesturing for Christian to move. He puts his head in my lap and I begin to play with his hair while he gazes up at me. "I called Doctor Greene while you were asleep and I booked a baby appointment for 10am in three days time."

"Three days?" Christian exclaims sitting up quickly so his face is inches from mine. "I pay Doctor Green an awful lot of money Ana and three days is not good enough at all. Let me call her and I'll arrange an appointment so we can go see her first thing. I'm sure she will be more than happy to oblige" he says gesturing over to the phone on the nightstand.

"Christian, can you not stay calm for just two minutes please," I say frustrated with his lack of patience. "I'll have you know that it was me who suggested we delay for a couple of days."

"Why would you do that," Christian says, his piercing eyes shooting daggers at me.

"Because I would really like you too come with me and I know you will want to come with me too," I say simply and I see Christian look confused. My husband can be so dense sometimes.

"Yes, so why can't we go tomorrow?" Christian argues.

"Because believe it or not, I care about you and our family an awful lot, and I don't think there is any need to be venturing out until after the weekend," I reply easily.

"I'm fine," he says sourly.

"I know that, thank god, but what if I don't want to go out yet either. Maybe I'm not ready to face the world as I'm pretty damn pissed off with it right now and I want to stay in our bubble here. Besides the press are hanging about outside the gates and I really don't want to have to deal with that for a few more days," I say chewing my lip and waiting for his response.

"Ana, I will get rid of the fucking press. They are like blood sucking cretins. They shouldn't even be allowed to crawl around on our property anyway so clearly somebody isn't doing their job right. I'll talk to Taylor," he rants and I sigh.

"Baby if you're not careful your going to end up with that scowl permanently etched on your face," I say letting my fingers curl around his side pulling him towards me. I put my head on his shoulder and place a soft kiss to his neck.

"I just want everything to be perfect from now on. No more shit," Christian mumbles.

"No more shit," I repeat after him.

"Are you copying me Mrs Grey?" Christian whispers suddenly appearing playful.

"Why I believe so," I say pulling my head from his shoulder and giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"What are we going to do about Phoebes birthday? Are we having a party?" Christian asks suddenly and I love that he is always thinking about his children.

"Well I was thinking something low key and quiet. Relaxing. She too young to understand what's going on so I'm sure showering her with presents will make her more than happy enough especially considering everything."

"Ana, I don't want to be responsible for our daughter having anything less than perfect for her birthday," Christian replies.

"She wont. We can go present shopping next Wednesday when we're all feeling better and easily be prepared for her big day on Friday," I add planning in my head, making sure to reference all of us so Christian doesn't feel like I'm babying him. Christian sighs and I continue.

"We can invite your family around and have a tea party for her, she'll love it with so many familiar faces," I smile.

Christian begrudgingly pouts before eventually agreeing with a nod.

The rest of day is pretty relaxed thank god and the kids are well behaved. I put them to bed early and climb into bed with Christian. I think he's fast asleep but he wraps his arms around me and leans over to kiss my cheek.

"Night baby" he mutters and I respond by hugging him closer to me.

"Christian?" I say reaching out for my husband. "Baby where are you?" I ask stretching out to try and find him but when I open my eyes I see I'm alone. I sit up with my eyes already scanning the room and notice the light from under the bathroom door. I sleepily get up and walk over gently knocking.

"Christian, honey? Are you okay?" I ask tentatively.

"Yes," I hear him respond.

"Can I come in?" I mutter before opening the door.

"Yes," he replies again.

He's stood up close to the mirror with the gauze on his chest pulled back inspecting it closely.

"What are you doing?" I ask carefully.

"Just looking," he shrugs still looking in the mirror.

"Are you in pain?" I ask biting my lip.

"No," he answers confidently and for once I think I believe him.

I walk over and wrap my arms around his waist. "Then come back to bed," I whisper against him. I feel him nod and he walks towards the door with me following and turning off the light. As we climb into bed I prop myself up on my elbow.

"Christian you know if anything is bothering you, you can always tell me right?" I say and he turns his head towards me and smiles.

"I know," he says putting his finger to my lips. "Now lets go to sleep baby," he adds. I cuddle close to him and snake my hand down to find his wrapping my fingers through my husbands.

I wake up with a start a few hours later and stretch out. Looking at the clock I see its 5am. Tonight has gone so painfully slow I think.

"Christian?" I say noticing his absence and looking once more to the bathroom door but the light is off. I throw the covers off quickly shrugging on a hoody and some leggings as its freezing and exit our bedroom walking down the hallway. As I get the top of the stairs I can hear my little girl laughing from what sounds like the front room. I walk down the stairs and begin to hear my husbands voice.

"I cant believe your going to one years old next week baby," Christian says to Phoebe who babbling incoherently.

"Me and your mom are going to make sure you have a special day princess," Christian continues despite the fact Phoebe has no idea what he's saying.

I hear Phoebe suddenly start squealing with laughter and I think Christian is blowing raspberries onto her little tummy which she just loves.

"I hope you're always this happy," Christian says and sighs and I can tell he's struggling with something internally. I wish I could take at least some of the weight off his shoulder's but if I know my husband he will continue to beat himself up about everything's that happened despite what I or his family tell him.

"Phoebe if anything ever happens to Daddy I need to you to take of mommy for me. She'll be sad for a while, so you can take her shopping and make her buy beautiful clothes despite her stubborn refusal to waste my money. You can take her on trips to beautiful places in Europe like Paris while Teddy takes care of everything with Grey Enterprises. As for you're little brother or sister… ," I enter the door from behind and Christian hears me and turns around.

"Ana," he says solemnly.

"I wish you wouldn't talk like that Christian," I say as I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

I see Christian scowl and he stands with Phoebe in his arms and I wish I had just stayed upstairs. "I wish you didn't fucking listen in on my conversations but we don't all get what we want," he snaps bitterly before walking upstairs with Phoebe beaming and completely unaware of the situation.

"Christian?" I call after him my voice cracking but he ignores me and carries on walking up the stairs. He can be so heartless some times. I can feel my lip start to quiver before I make a split second decision. I run into the kitchen looking out of the window to see which car is on the front and grab the relevant car keys. I need fresh air, I need a break. I run out of the house pulling the front door closed behind me. Christian is going to kill me for doing this especially with god knows who still out there but I just need out. Just for a few minutes.

I jump into the car and the engine springs to life. I haven't driven myself anywhere since the accident and it feels nice. As I start to drive down the drive my phone springs to life. Christian is flashing across it. Big Surprise I think. I fumble with it and remove the battery placing it on the seat next to me. I know Christian will be furious but I hated the way he spoke to me. I can't help it if I worry about him and he's in the wrong. As I make it to the end of our long drive I remember the tracker in the glove box and reach across throwing the small piece of equipment on the grass across our lawn. Another thing that will irritate the hell out of Christian off I think.

The rolled down window allows the breeze to move swiftly through my hair. I don't even know where I'm going but I keep driving forward. I do know I need to go back because if I'm honest with myself I really don't want Christian worrying himself into an early grave but I'm enjoying the darkness and silence of the roads. I'm also in my night clothes and hoody which isn't really suitable for these bitter temperatures but It does make a nice change from the chaotic week we've all had to deal with.

Christian will probably have half of his security fleet out searching for me by now I think. The clock on the car is flashing 5.16. I see a restaurant in the distance and pull into the car park. It is obviously closed but it gives me a moment to think. I love Christian with all my heart and would die if anything happened to him but I wish he could be a little more understanding sometimes. I am going to worry about him. I start to cry and continue until I feel better about myself. It starts to rain and I sigh. Typical miserable weather. This will only make Christian worry even more. I half expect him to come pummeling around the corner in one of his sports cars to find me but everything is quiet on the roads at the moment.

I pick up my phone and replace the battery deciding to ring my stubborn husband while I wait for the rain to calm down. He answers on the first ring barking my name.

"Ana!" He says in a voice that possesses both anger and relief.

"Christian," I say confused as to why the call sounds muffled and then I realize I can hear the rain on the call too.

"Ana, are you okay? Baby where are you?" He says desperately.

"Christian are you outside?" I ask exasperated at his foolishness.

"Where are you Ana?" He repeats frustrated.

"Christian get inside. It's freezing and raining and you're going to catch your death out there."

"Ana where are you? Please just tell me where you are so I can come and get you," Christian says solemnly almost begging.

"Christian please just go inside and get warm. The rain's stopping and I'm going to come home now," I say exasperated but deep down knowing I shouldn't have reacted this way.

"Ana you are not driving home in this weather, I know I'm a awful husband but please let me come and get you," he persists and I can still hear the rain from his side of the phone. Stubborn idiot.

"Christian you are anything but a awful husband. You're still recovering now get please go inside " I say and I feel so sad about anything.

"Ana please, don't leave me" Christian says and I cant tell but I think he's choking up.

"Christian don't be so ridiculous. You're going to make me cry. You know I love you," I say and I can feel my lip quivering.

"Then why did you leave?" He asks.

"Because you snapped at me Christian. When I wake up in the middle of the night and you aren't there I worry, just like you do with me. When I came to check on you, I didn't expect you to accuse me of listening in on your conversations. You made me feel awful and I then I just wanted some fresh air." I reply but now I think about it I did overreact.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you baby. Please just come home," he says again.

"Okay," I say deciding the rain has bated enough to drive. "I'll see you in fifteen minutes, I love you," I say but before I can hang up he interrupts.

"No," he grinds out. "Put your phone on speaker, put it on the seat next to you until you get home. You don't have to talk to me because I don't want to distract you, but then I know that you're okay," Christian says and I let out a half sob half laugh.

"What's wrong?" Christian immediately says. "Ana I will come and get you," he says again.

"No nothing. I was just laughing at you Mr Grey. Always so overprotective, I love you," I say again softly.

"Just come home please," Christian says sternly.

"I am, but you promise to call everyone back who you have most likely sent searching for me" I say as I drive off.

"Ana..." Christian grinds out but I persist.

"Promise me you will? It's the middle of the night and our staff don't need to be dragged into this," I sigh and Christian reluctantly manages to get out something that sounds like "okay." The roads are wet but quiet and I put my foot down a little so I can get home faster. I can hear Christian breathing on the end of the speaker phone and truth be told I know he didn't mean to snap. I just want him in my arms because this week has been horrible for everyone involved.

When I pull down the drive I can immediately see activity and I know it must be over possessive fifty probably calling back all the poor souls he sent out to look for me.

Christian is sat on the front porch and immediately stands up. I pull up randomly on the drive and get out of the car but my crazy husband has already practically jumped on me.

"Christian what the hell you're wet. You're going to make yourself ill," I say feeling his soaking clothes against my frame.

"I love you. I thought you was going to leave me. I'm so sorry Ana," he mutters into my neck before pulling away and pulling me into a truly mesmerizing kiss which I sink into. If I didn't know better I'd say I was dreaming and we were actually in a really cheesy film.

"Christian I was just angry, of course I wouldn't leave you. We've been through this a lot of times," I whisper and he rests his forehead against mine. "You really should trust me by now," I add breathlessly.

"Of course I trust you Ana, but you just left. I heard the door slam and my heart just stopped," Christian says looking me directly in the eyes.

I place my hand in between us and on his chest over his heart. "Nope I think it's fine," I say and smile. "However you won't be fine, if you don't get inside and change out of these wet clothes," I say grabbing his hand and pulling him towards our front door.

"Whatever happened to bed rest Mr Grey?" I say as we walk up the stairs.

"My wife decided it was a good idea to go driving in the middle of the night in horrendous conditions." Christian replies with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Well my husband needs to learn that he shouldn't shout at me when I'm trying to take care of him," I reply stubbornly.

"I know, I'm sorry, I just hate this," Christian says as we enter the bedroom.

"Arms up!" I say and Christian smirks as I peel off his t-shirt. "Christian look what you've done! You're bandage is all wet," I say with disdain as he looks down at it. "Wait here" I say as I go get the medical box and a towel.

I rub his back and torso dry carefully and roll my eyes at Christian who is just smirking at me. When I have replaced his bandage I tell him to stand up and pull down his sweat pants which he must have thrown on quickly. I can see the glint in Christians eye and I shake my head.

"No. As much as I would like too, you're still recovering. I don't want to hurt you," I say smiling while I throw a new pair of boxers at him for him to change into which he does surprisingly without snide comments. He must be cold I think. I grab the towel and start to rub his hair dry, feeling his body sag beneath my fingers as he relaxes.

"Ana," he whines pulling me towards him onto the bed from my hovering position above him. I go willingly but I know full well he isn't getting his own way. He lowers himself backwards and I hover over him making sure I don't put weight onto his chest and pull him into a kiss. When I feel Christian start to reach for me I begin to use my feet to drag up the covers gradually from the bottom of the bed. When I feel them at arms reach I grab the covers rolling off of him and plopping onto the bed to his left. I pull the covers up over us before snuggling into his side.

"Ana that's not fair," he says from above me.

"Sleep time," I whisper kissing his cheek and smirking. "It is almost 6.45am".

"Ana," he growls moving my head so I have to look at him.

"Yes?" I ask innocently.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," he says grinning. "You were teasing me," he says with a hint of frustration.

"No I was protecting you," I say running my hand down his face. "You're still cold," I pout in front of his face before leaning forward to peck his lips.

I pull myself from his grasp and climb out of bed to Christians questioning look. "Ana what are you doing?" he asks quizzically.

I bend down into one of the draws and pull out some extra blankets holding them up in his direction. Christian shakes his head but smiles as I walk over and lay them over the top of our duvet.

"Are you trying to cook us?" Christian says bemused as I walk back round to my side of the bed and climb in.

"No, I'm trying to cook you," I grin snuggling up to his side once more rubbing my hand up and down his toned stomach to generate some heat.

"Well I think you're going to succeed if we sleep like this," Christian groans throwing his head back.

"Stop moaning Mr Grey," I mutter pressing kisses onto his bare shoulder.

"I'm sorry I left tonight Christian. It was reckless and selfish of me," I whisper not quite sure if he is asleep.

"Yes it was. Anything could have happened to you," he says sternly. "But it was all my fault," he sighs. "I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about everything that has happened and everything that could happen and.." he pauses and sighs again. "Phoebe started crying and you were fast asleep so I took her downstairs to calm her down."

"Christian but that doesn't mean you need to calm her down by telling her what to do if anything happens to you. I know she's a baby and she has no idea what you were saying but I heard, and not because I was listening in or whatever just to clarify again." My voice raises a little louder as I sit up a little. "it's because there is no scenario where you are not part of this family and nor will there ever be. So you need to start believing that because Christian what we need is for you to be strong and I know its hard and I know you worry but I need you to believe that it's going to be okay or how am I supposed to get through all this. How am I supposed to make sense of this if you keep making me think you're going to end up dead in a few years."

"Ana, I know but.." he begins but I cut him off

"Christian there's no buts. You need to get this out of you're head or I will uproot our family to some far away place where no one can find us," I say trying to prove my point.

"My business is too important.." Christian begins and I scowl.

"Christian I don't give a crap about you're business. You have more than enough money to live a ridiculously luxurious lifestyle for you're whole life. I want you to be happy and I know your company makes you happy but I would rather have you with us, safe and well, somewhere far away than have you earn a single penny more!"

"Ana you cant expect me too give up my company," Christian scowls back at me. Is he being serious right now. So stubborn.

"Baby," I say softening "of course I'm not asking you to do that. I would never ask you to do that because I know how hard you worked to build it up and I'm so proud of everything you do," I smile searching his eyes. "What I'm trying to say is I just want you safe and happy and not to worry about money or what might happen in the future because trust me I will not let that happen." I can see Christian digesting what I'm saying as I continue. "Even if that means tripling security to stupid numbers then lets do it! I just want you're stupidly smart brain to stop those clogs from ticking for two minutes and relax. I know you're scared and I am too, but I don't want you walking around with all this weight on your shoulders feeling like you're a dead man walking because you aren't Christian. Just talk to me" I add gently.

Christian frowns a little before grabbing one of the cushions we are laid on and pulling it over his face aggressively. I can hear him growling into the cushion and I think he's trying to control his emotions.

He suddenly throws it forward and it lands on the floor. I can see him struggling through gritted teeth.

"Ana!" he says sternly with a raised voice. "Do you see this. Can you fucking see this?" he says pointing to his bandage and I start to well up.

"Ana you asked me what I was doing in the bathroom earlier well here's what I was doing. I was thinking that if that bullet had been a couple of centimeters to the right then we both know where I would be right now and it wouldn't be here. I'd be dead Ana. Despite trying everything I could and obsessing over fucking security for half of my life, I failed. I failed because some igit managed to get me and in my own home of all places! What if you had been his target. What the hell would I have done without you! How can I promise to protect you when I clearly can't even protect myself. So you wanted to know how I feel. That's how I feel. I feel god damn shitty about myself. Ana I will do everything in my power to make you feel safe and I will say anything to make you feel better, but this, I cant just get over it. I'm so angry with myself. I'm just so angry." He sighs and I see his shoulders relax a little after his rant. "The only thing keeping me sane right now is my beautiful wife and children and I cant even get that right. I mean I was such a asshole my wife decided it would be a good idea to leave the house in the middle of the night just to get away from me!" He says throwing his arms up in frustration. I honestly don't know what to say as I want to tell him its all rubbish and he's being silly but I know he wont listen to me regardless.

"Are you sure you don't want to move somewhere far away?" I ask timidly through tears.

"Baby, I would love that I honestly would," he sighs reaching over and pulling me into his side.

"Maybe in ten years?" I say which is muffled by his skin against my face.

"Maybe," he says kissing the top of my hair.

"Can we not argue anymore please?" I whisper my arm banding over his stomach and stroking his other side.

"Ana we weren't arguing, it was just me being a ass," Christian says from above me.

"No Christian," I say. "Well can we just focus on positive things like Phoebes birthday and our new baby please," I say hopeful, but I doubt Christian will ever fully get over this even if he somehow manages to bury it.

"Yes. I'll try and I'm sorry," Christian says stroking my hair.

"Mmmmm" I say snuggling closer.

"Ana you do realize its basically morning. On a normal day we would both be getting up for work," he adds.

"Shhhh, sleep," I whisper planting a kiss on his side.

He must have gave up because the next thing I know I wake up feeling ridiculously nauseous. I scramble out of Christians strong arms and run across the room into the bathroom to be sick over the toilet. Before I know it Christian is behind me pulling back my hair and holding it behind me.

"Are you okay?" He asks massaging the top of my neck with his other hand.

"Mmhmmm," I say as I sit back on my heels. "I feel better now," I add taking some deep breaths.

I stand up slowly and head back over to the bed launching myself onto it face down. I hear Christian chuckle and feel the bed go down as he sits on it and begins rubbing my back.

"Morning sickness is just lovely," I say sarcastically face down on the bed so it's muffled. "You really need to stop knocking me up Christian," I say turning my head to face him grinning. "I'm pretty sure you're defining the odds because I'm pretty sure I had my shots on time," I add smiling.

"I can't help it baby, we're just too compatible" Christian says but he is beaming. "Do you feel better now?" he asks as I finally pull myself up.

"Yes thank you," I say reaching across to the nightstand where there is a glass of water from last night.

"I'm going to take a shower," I say and Christian nods.

"I'll be here," Christian says gesturing to the bed playfully.

"Good," I smile. While I shower I take time to process everything in my mind and I swear I feel like we are on a soap opera or something. I really hope we can actually get back to normal now.

When I exit the shower Christian isn't there and I resist the urge to call for him. I need to stop fussing as much as he needs to stop over reacting about me fussing.

I start towel drying my hair and when I look up I see Christian with Phoebe in his arms.

"Look who I found mommy," Christian says in a cute voice which melts my heart.

"It's our almost birthday girl!" I say as he sits down on the bed besides me. Phoebe starts giggling so I turn off the hairdryer to listen but then she stops and points. I eventually realize she finds the hair dryer sound very amusing which Christian is bemused about.

"She'll probably turn a blind eye to her expensive birthday presents in disgust yet she just loves the sound of a hairdryer," Christian says rolling his eyes. "Makes a lot of sense."

"That's babies for you," I say smiling continuing to dry my hair.

"Well soon were going to have another baby about this place so I guess I should get a stock of the things they like," Christian says and I grin.

"Yes you probably should Mr Grey," I say happily. Maybe things are getting back to normal after all.

I hope you like this and please reviewwwwwwwwww!