Author's Note: Last chapter. Hope you've enjoyed the story, I know I enjoyed writing it. I've really appreciated all your reviews, thank you! There will be a book ending epilogue to follow

"Good yer back. Jayne showed up a few minutes ago, we was jus' waitin' on you two to break atmo." Mal said as they walked up to the ship. Inara nodded, her face in that frozen mask she'd somehow borrowed from Zoe, and Simon looked faintly ill.

"Have a good time then?" He asked. Simon snorted, "Hardly. Threw up most of my dinner on the walk back."

Mal did a double take, boy rarely talked that bitterly unless it had something to do with River, he was about to press for answers when Simon continued, "though thankfully we didn't eat any of the meat."

Now he was really confused, all Simon and Inara did at dinner was make faces, and then politely ask him for better food whenever he drew up a supply list. He'd a thought they would have enjoyed having a fine catered meal, but the pair of them looked sicker than a monkey with food poisonin'. But once again before he could ask a question Simon continued.

"You know those bodies we transported?" His question was obviously rhetorical, man had a story to tell and he was enjoyin' tellin' it. "They were the main course."

"What?" Kaylee screeched from the catwalk behind him.

"Seems the upper echelons of Alliance society are in fact Reavers." Simon said, his voice bitter and betrayed.

"You sayin' that the folks in the boxes was food for some xi niu sha guas?" Jayne asked. Simon nodded and said, "and part of a certain Mr Staedler's revenge over the Magnate of Beaumonde."

"Explains the free invites." Mal mused, "man wanted someone to see his, what was it Jayne?"

"Victory." Jayne supplied, then added "Hun dan" for good measure.

"They all were." Simon said.

"That ain't right, eatin' people. I jus' don' get how someone can turn all twisted like." Jayne said disgustedly. "And they weren't even exposed to the pax or they'd a been feng le." He continued.

"Time we left this rock." Mal ordered.

"I'll let moonbrain know." Jayne said, eager to be away from the topic of conversation. Man had always been real unsettled 'bout Reavers, even more than most folk. Simon didn't take him to task for insulting River, he was too confounded by the whole situation. Mal wanted to shake him. When was the boy gonna leave the past behind and appreciate what he had in the here and now?

Turning to Inara he opened his mouth, thought to offer some comfort, but she had already left the cargo bay. He stared after her as she passed the infirmary, unsure of whether or not to follow, but Kaylee and Simon made the decision for him.

"Sorry you didn' have a good time." Kaylee said sympathetically, and Simon turned to her and attempted a smile. "River and I had a nice time. Seein' the sights 'n all." Kaylee continued. Mal smiled, mayhap their little talk in the engine room had smoothed her ruffled feathers. Felt good.

In spite of the gristly cargo it was a good day. Got paid. New work lined up. Didn't get shot, didn't even get shot at. And he'd settled things with Zoe, and Kaylee too. Sighing in rare satisfaction, he turned to watch the little scene playing out in his cargo bay.

"I wish you could have come with me." Simon said, Kaylee looked at him a little aghast, but he quickly continued. "The courses before the meat came out, they were amazing. Cucumber soup, and fish."

"Ain't never had either." Simon smiled at her sadly, "I know. It's a shame. In the core we have so much, and it all comes from the Rim, yet you have so little."

"Ain't true Simon. We got adventure, family." Kaylee said, her sunshine brightening the bleakness of her childhood. "Just doesn't seem right." Simon said heavily, taking yet another burden onto his already overburdened shoulders, but Kaylee smiled at him.

"Don't seem right to be all stuffed up an borin' neither. Bet you had just a handful of fun times growin' up, but every day was about discovery and adventure for me. 'Sides, ain't yer fault. Accident of birth."

"Seems to me, you deserve more than you were given." Simon said sadly. Kaylee huffed, "when you gonna let the past go? Shepherd Book always said it wasn't what you was givin', it was what you did with it."

Simon stared at her for a moment, then took her in his arms. "You're amazing." Mal hastily turned away, it was one thing to watch the sparkly sweetness, it was another to spy on the pair of them kissin', and much as he enjoyed his crew comin' back to their senses, by watching it play out, he'd missed another rare opportunity to speak with Inara.

He sighed, and avoiding the cargo bay, headed through the passenger dorms and up the ladder to the catwalk by shuttle two. River was in her right mind, so he grabbed himself a cup of coffee and sat at the table in the galley. Usually Zoe would join him, she seemed to have a sense of where he was, but the smell of the coffee kept her away, so instead he was left in an empty galley.

Too empty. Two empty chairs. He missed both Wash and Book somethin' fierce. Neither had been afraid to disagree with him, and they often did, but they were true friends. Wash had a calming way about him the boat sorely missed, and the Shepherd's wisdom helped stabilize all the differing personalities and perspectives. He sighed, sipped his coffee and tried to think on better times.

Jayne had come to tell her to fly. With glee she helped Serenity spread her wings and break through the atmosphere and gravitational pull of the planet that tried to hold her to the ground. She belonged in the sky and sang with glory as they finally shot into space.

Jayne oddly, didn't seem inclined to leave. Normally he shot out of her presence as fast as he could, but today he seemed to need to stare at the stars. Stargazing. Old light. They all did it, even Simon with his fear of the black. The stars, seemingly never changing, always there, shifting as you moved, yet never moving. Comfort. They were all different, yet the same.

"I don' get it. How does a man get so twisted that he eats another?"

She didn't turn to face him, but she knew. She knew the stories, and like Simon, she couldn't resist imparting the knowledge stored in her grey matter.

"Took the Hastings cutoff. Supposed to be faster. Brought the family, friends, hangers on. Fancy wagons, horses, plenty of cows, everything needed to start a new prosperous life. Excitement. Adventure. New frontier."

He didn't leave, seemed curious, well he wasn't a cat, so what harm could it do? She continued.

"Called themselves the Donner Party." He shivered next to her, murmuring "donor shindig" under his breath, and she nearly giggled at his apt misunderstanding.

"Had to break new ground. Invigorating. Then terrifying. Started to get late in the season. People got fractious. Murder. Anger. Split into smaller groups. Had to fight the Paiutes. Lost their cattle. Left a man behind."

He seemed almost eager for the tale now, eager to understand. Jayne trying to understand. She felt warm. As if the light of knowledge was replacing the starlight.

"They made it to the mountains. The snow came. They ran their leader off. Fought the snow, then they couldn't fight anymore." She shivered, "They lay down, but didn't mark the cattle where they fell. Ate what they could. Then ate nothing."

Jayne shivered too.

"Mothers fed the children. Didn't tell them what it was. But they knew. They all knew. Snowshoes left, came back, left again. Supposed to draw lots, but it was the half breed they killed. Rescue was too late. So they ate."

"They was hungry. Don' explain those that ain't." Jayne said, his bravado giving way to pensiveness. She searched her brain for more, "sacrifice to the gods. Ritual shaming of the enemy. Disposing the remains of a loved one."

Jayne snorted, and deciding she wasn't any help stomped off the bridge. Leaving her alone with, nothing. She sighed in satisfaction. The ghosts were off the ship, now it was just them floating silently through the black. Black with pricks of light. Home.

Mal was sitting in the galley as he and Kaylee passed on the way to her, their, room; and as much as he wanted to follow her down the ladder and not come up for air for a good long while, his duty as a doctor meant he needed to speak to Mal.

He excused himself from Kaylee, and instead of hurting her feelings as he normally did with such things she seemed to understand. He smiled. So far so good.

"Captain. I need to speak to you." He stated.

"Go on then, speak yer piece." Mal said. Simon launched right in, "it's about Zoe." Mal looked at him, and Simon swallowed hard. The Captain had a way of being intimidating with just his eyes, but he hadn't gone through residency for nothing.

"She's, uh, well, there are some pieces of equipment that I need for the proper care-" He stumbled, not wanting to betray her confidence.

"Done." Mal said, a small smile on his face.

"What?" Simon blurted.

"Anything you need you let me know, and we'll get it." Mal said in his authoritative captain voice.

"It could be expensive." Simon hedged, knowing just how much some of the machinery could cost. "Didn't say we'd necessarily pay for it." Mal replied. Simon smiled, "so I take it she told you then."

Mal shrugged, "didn' have to. All the signs are there. Won't be long afore everyone else knows."Simon nodded, "I had wondered why she was assigned to ship every time we landed."

"Ain't gonna put a pregnant woman in danger. Specially not Zoe." Mal said. He should have known, Mal was nothing if not a protector. He'd protected Saffron the first time they'd met, and though the two of them fought Mal had always looked out for River.

He thought about returning to Kaylee, but Mal seemed to be in a good mood, and he would likely know how to get the drugs needed for River's new, not agreed to yet, therapy.

"I also need some MDMA." He said.

"Just add it to the supply list." Mal replied, clearly thinking it was for Zoe or a basic infirmary drug that needed to be restocked.

"It's not a medicine per se, more of a recreational drug." Simon said. Mal looked at him askance. "It's for River." Simon amended, but Mal looked at him like that wasn't much better.

"I think it would help with the PTSD." He supplied. Mal looked confused, "thought she had what was it? Paranoid Schizophrenia?" he asked.

"That may have been a misdiagnosis, I thought her ramblings were indications of hallucinations and a disconnect with reality, but after Miranda." He paused, "she knows things that she couldn't, that are real, so despite the textbook garbled speech and bouts of catatonia, it doesn't seem to be Schizophrenia." Mal was looking at him, trying to understand, "her delusions are real." He stated.

"Yes. She was right about the boxes, right about the Reavers, so what we thought was paranoia isn't in fact paranoia. Though she does seem to perhaps have some sort of dissociative disorder, unable to truly connect with what's happening physically around her." He mused. Mal was starting to look a bit impatient, so he quickly got to the point.

"Anyway, I believe she has PTSD. She definitely has triggers, and if I can help her process the trauma she's been through in a positive way, change the pathways in her brain, I think it will help with the dissociation."

"You want to muck around inside her brain?" Mal said dangerously. Simon looked at him confusedly for a moment, wondering where he had misunderstood. "No, every time we access a memory we change it. When she accesses the memories related to her trauma she strengthens the pain pathways. What the MDMA does is give you pleasure, so it changes how you remember the memories, which lessens the trauma over repeated accessings."

Mal narrowed his eyes, Simon prepared himself for the onslaught, for the rage at messing with his little sister, but instead Mal asked a thoughtful question. "So it helps lessen the pain of a remembered trauma?"

"In effect, yes." Simon answered. Mal was quiet again for a moment, but since he appeared to be considering it, Simon fought against his desire to further explain and kept his mouth shut.

"She the only one you want to use it for?" He asked. Simon thought for a moment, and realized that no, River wasn't the only one that would benefit. They'd all been through trauma, though most of them seemed to cope well, except Inara. Inara the ghost. He'd been so wrapped up in Kaylee, River and Zoe her symptoms had slipped past him.

"No, in fact Inara would likely benefit as well." He answered. Mal nodded, "we'll get it for ya doc." Simon wanted to smile, but Mal continued, "but you ain't usin' it on anyone as doesn't agree to it."

"But-" Simon spluttered, River needed this therapy, with it she could finally get past her demons, if he was correct in his diagnosis.

"You force it on either of them, yer no better than those that hurt them." Mal reiterated. Simon felt angry, "Yes I am."

"Force is force." Mal returned. Simon disagreed, "violence is violence," he said, trying to provoke Mal.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mal asked dangerously. Simon glared at him, "the purpose behind the action is as important as the action itself."

"Rape is still rape." Mal said softly, understanding his point, but choosing to stick with his own. Simon wouldn't let it go though, "this wouldn't hurt them, the studies I read-" but Mal interrupted him

"This is my boat. You wanna stay aboard you follow orders." He said with the full strength of his authority and sense of righteousness behind it. Simon nodded, and Mal now placated, offered an olive branch. "It would help. Ain't gonna argue that. It's a good notion doc. You'll just have to convince them."

"Okay." Simon said, and walked out of the galley. So it hadn't gone exactly as planned, but Mal was on his side. That was rare. He should enjoy it for the victory it was.

The doctor's mind never stopped spinnin'. Where he got the time to research was beyond Mal, between bein' with Kaylee, mindin' his sister and stitchin' them up he'd had time to finesse his diagnosis and come up with a therapy. Not to mention the laundry list of supplies he'd given for Zoe.

As he'd talked, Mal realized that River wasn't the only one trapped in her memories. Inara seemed to be unable to break free of the grasp she was in. Normally so full of life she'd been almost a nonentity on his boat since her return. He wasn't sure how Simon could convince her she needed therapy though. The woman was nothing if not proud.

He felt pulled to her, and for once he followed the pull. He had no reason for being there, but he knocked anyway.

"Qing jin." her voice rang out bright and clear, he slid the door open and entered. It was a peaceful haven that spoke of Inara, and he felt his shoulders relax as he breathed in the incense floating in the air.

"Something you wanted?" She asked softly, her tone covered in bristles.

"Captain can't look in on his crew?" Mal replied, trying to be casual, trying to talk to her the way he'd done with Zoe and Kaylee.

"I'm just a passenger Mal." Inara sighed. "Now, you know you ain't-"He started to say, but she interrupted him, "so you didn't come here with any purpose in mind?"

He started again, feeling himself getting angry, "'Nara, I've left you alone, let you keep your secrets and be in peace, but it don' seem to be workin'."

"It's working fine. I'm fine." She said stoically.

"No you ain't. Haven't seen hide nor hair of ya in weeks. You been hidin' out in here, only showin' yer face for meals. Ain't like you to hide away like that." He said hotly.

"What do you know?" She all but screeched. "You've known me for what? A year. A year in which you peppered me with insults and drove me away. You don't know me Malcolm Reynolds. You don't know me at all." She said her voice bitter.

"I know this ain't right, what yer doin'." He said, stolidly trying to make her see reason.

"That right Mal?" She asked acerbically.

"Hidin' away never does any good." He said stubbornly.

"Look in the mirror Mal." She said, her voice exasperated.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He practically yelled.

"What it means is that you're a pot calling the kettle black." She replied angrily.

"I don't hide from anything!" He nearly shouted in her face.

"Really? What about Shadow? What about Serenity Valley?" She challenged him, and for a moment he wanted nothing more than to reach out and smack her again, which frightened him. He'd never hit a woman in a rage before. It was time to leave. He'd already said to much, if he stayed...He shuddered, remembering a time about five years ago when he'd awoken to find himself choking Sally.

He hadn't thought about her in years. They'd taken up while he was working for the Strahl's, trying to save up money for his own ship. She'd been a tough bird, she thought she could handle him, and he'd nearly killed her. They had broken up soon after, and that had been the last woman, until the one standing in front of him, that he'd ever entertained ideas of a future together with.

"Mal!" Inara yelled as he walked out of the passenger dorm, running headlong into River. She looked at him and Inara, her eyes narrowed and spoke very carefully, looking them each in the eye in turn.

"They all dead lie. They all did lie." The phrase hung in the air between the three of them for a moment, then Inara slid her door closed with deadly finality, and Mal marched away leaving a trembling River alone in the hallway.

Chinese Translations

xi nui sha guas : cow sucking fools

hun dan : bastard

feng le : crazy

Qing jin : come in