A few days later...

'Pierce, Quinn, what should the plan of attack be?'

We all stare at the thing that was once a toilet, but now seems a biohazard from back on Quesh or Taris. The droid is broken after repainting my quarters against specific orders to the contrary. It left me no choice. And the Talz really needs its own toilet...

'I suggest a roster rotation, with a different crew member to perform the duty every two - three days until the droid can be fixed when we land in Imperial space in another three weeks,' Quinn says with total gravity and confidence. I like the look that Quinn gives the toilet: the evaluation of a General to a particularly fierce and resilient opponent. And I note the slightly scrunched nose and disgust in his eyes. A plan forms in my mind.

Pierce sighs and turns in the small space to face me, the Captain uncomfortably between. 'I agree with the Captain, mi'lord. Fairest way to go about it,' he says with reluctance.

I study the toilet and pretend to consider the options. 'How long will such a routine attack take for each crew member, Captain?'

'It depends, my Lord. The droid took exactly 21 minutes to complete the task once and did it every ten hours. However, varying degrees of competence and effort will make this take longer or shorter time.'

I nod along. I do some quick calculations in my mind and things should work out approximately how I want them to. I think I would do this even if they didn't. Which I actually am.

'And what about you, Quinn? How long would you take?' I ask seductively. The colour slightly drains from his face. I wink at Pierce behind Quinn's back but Pierce isn't willing to show his grin until he knows it won't be him on duty.

'Approximately 25 minutes, my Lord.' Never fails to amuse how he dodges my advances. 'Vette would take around 30 - 40 minutes, Pierce - 22 minutes, Broonmark would not be able to accomplish it and neither would Jaesa. Broonmark would destroy the toilet in 7 minutes if able to even begin the task at all,' he reports thoroughly, in a low monotone. But that doesn't hide how much he hates standing here.

'I see. What prevents Jaesa?' I ask curiously.

'Vomiting, undoubtedly my lord. She would vomit compulsively once being within approximately 20 centimetres and not stop until taken out of sight, if not smell range, where she would eventually faint,' the Captain says with absolute certainty and indifference.

'I see,' I reply and pretend to be in deep contemplation of the disgusting thing before us. 'What about me, Captain?' I ask after a pause.

'You would also be unable to complete the task,' he says with hesitation. 'Nor do I think you should.'

'Explain both statements, Captain,' I promptly demand.

'To the first, you would grow tired of the task after one minute and leave it for the next person at which point there would be no one to enforce that you complete it since you are the one that would be enforcing the completion of the duty.' I note how he doesn't pause for breath and wonder how he has accomplished the task of giving long sentence without an intake or exhale for breathes.

'However,' he continues without a pause, 'an alternate scenario exists where you will grow angry and frustrated at the uselessness of the task or having to degrade yourself to do this and consequently violently assault the toilet at which point you will undoubtedly win as the toilet defences clearly don't work against you and subsequently lead us into a worse scenario.'

'Continue, Captain.' I watch him steadily but smile. I need to factor his knowledge and understanding of my character into future situations as he has my reaction down completely. He sees and understands more than I thought. He might actually provide a challenge before this is over. I quickly quench the giddiness that creeps up on me and concentrate on the Captain's explanation.

'To the second part, I merely meant that you are a Sith Lord and should not be forced to complete such a demeaning task,' he says smoothly. Pierce opens his mouth to protest but hold up my finger.

'Very good, Captain. I will see you are given a treat later.' He restrains a grimace that tugs the corners of his lips and I grin at him with all the pleasantness I can muster.

We stand in silence which makes Quinn and Pierce feel uncomfortable as our bodies all touch someone else's in places they'd rather not. Which for those two, is just about anywhere. Quinn and Pierce radiate dread as they feel an oncoming attack, neither sure who it will hit.

I clap my hands and announce my decision. 'Well, Quinn, I think we just found what you can be doing for approximately 90 of those 190 minutes we discussed earlier. However, the remaining 100 minutes must be left to the dedication of fulfilment of protocol 1B/34M/4. Unless you have begun your report regarding the issue?'

I look at him seductively and invitingly. I mean to only tease him and throw him off balance. I never meant to hope he'd actually say yes. I wonder how many days it will take until he comes crawling to me for a change of position. Pierce shifts uncomfortably, aware of the tension in the cramped, foul room.

'No, my Lord.'

I stand shocked for a moment and then glare deep into the Captain's eyes. 'Pierce, fetch the Captain the cleaning equipment,' I order.

Quinn turns his eyes to toilet, plotting a plan of attack. But I see a self satisfied smile at the edge of his lips. I stalk from the room and know that he won't ask for reassignment. He has won this time and I hate it. My pride won't stand the attack and I spend the rest of the day force choking a pillow with a photo of his face stuck to it.

This isn't over, Captain.