Episode #1: Off to School

It was a lush morning; the birds did sing and the trees were breezing as young Gregory Brady Potter woke up.

"Good morning, my son," said Luna, his dear mother, as she entered the room.

"Good morning, mother," said Greg as he let out a final yawn before he began to greeting the morning. He then climbed from his bed and stepped over to his magical dresser, with which he managed to get dressed in virtually no time at all. He then slid down the firepole to the hallway below, where Dobby, the family dwarfslave, greeted him.

"Greetings, my dear master Gregory!" he said, bowing so that his long elfnose sproynged against the floor.

"Hi'ya, Dobby," said Greg, patting the little elf man atop his head.

In the kitchen sat his father, the great and all-powerful Harry Potter, he who defeated the infamous and most dreaded of all He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and saved all wizarding Britain. He was sitting at the table, smoking a pipe, reading Der Spiegel and enjoying the pancakes which his wife Luna had instructed Dobby to prepare for them.

"Hello, my dear son!" he said, looking up from his German publication. "Are you ready for your first day of school?"

"Of course I am, father," said Greg. "I've been preparing for it for o so long!"

Harry magiked all their bags together, and they piled into a car not unlike the one in which Ron had so long ago rescued Harry from his most evil extended family and in which they flew to Hogwarts upon missing the train. The Potters, in their flying Camaro, flew to the city, where they entered the great train station.

"Here we are, my son!" said Harry, gesturing to the broom closet where they were to enter.

"I'm so proud of you, sweety," said Luna, kissing her young son, who looked a combination of her and her husband, Harry.

They stepped through the door into a realm where the train that was to take the children to the new Hogwarts sat waiting to go. You could truly feel the locomotive's excitement as it steamed at the platform.

"Our little boy's going off to school!" Luna beamed as her husband Harry smoked his pipe, also beaming with joy.

"I'm so proud of the little guy," he said between puffs. "I know he'll do so well!"

Young Greg Brady Potter kissed his mother and father goodbye, and ran to the train to board. It was then and only then that the conductor called out, "All aboard!" and the train gave a jolt and began moving. It then quickly gained speed and shot through the magical mirror at the end of the platform, and parents all waved and called out in farewell until the last car had passed through the mirror and was gone from this world.

The train was now in the Dimension-on-the-Other-Side-of-the-Mirror.

Greg sat by the window, looking out it at the trees singing and the birds swaying in the breeze as the train shot by. The Dimension-on-the-Other-Side-of-the-Mirror was an interesting place. It was like the world he was native to, only… reversed; even though not really. The clouds resembled various intriguing shapes: a robot, a crown, a squirrel, Pope John Paul II, and even, most surprisingly, a fish.

Just then, the train stopped suddenly. Greg Brady Potter was thrown forward suddenly.

"What the!?"

Just then, a girl came in and sat down across from him. She had straight, curly hair of a color too bizarre to even attempt to begin describing, and she had rainbow eyes that seemed infinitely deep.

"Good morrow," she said.

"Hi," said Greg, too taken aback by her indescribably indescribable beauty to reply intelligently.

"I am Corlessa Kingsfield and I am from Swedmark," she said.

"I'm Greg Potter," said Greg.

They began to start talking, when shortly a man entered the cabin. He wore an oddly mixed outfit that looked as though it were made out of a dirty green suit and black robes that had been stitched awkwardly together; and he looked like some sort of bizarre combination of two people Greg recognized—but could sadly not recall—from photos his father had shown him.

"Good morrow, my children," he said to them. "I am Sevmus Lupnape, and I am going to be a teacher at the clone of Hogwarts on the other side of the mirror! I used to be Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, but then we realized that were most deeply in love, and decided to fuse together into one individual."

"I'm Gregory Potter," said Greg, extending his hand, which Professor Lupnape then did shake most eagerly.

"Hark!" said Lupnape. "I cannot believe me ears that I am looking upon the son of the great Harry Potter, who liberated us all from the evil clutches of He-Whom-I'd-Really-Rather-Not-Say-His-Name-Because-It-Creeps-The-Fuck-Out-Of-Me and ushered in a new wizarding golden age!"

"I am Corlessa Kingsfield," said the little girl, "and I am—"

"You're from the land of Swedmark!" said Lupnape. "Oh you are a most lucky little lass indeed, myne child. You are one of the first students from Swedmark the clone of Hogwarts on the other side of the mirror has ever had! Are the things which I have heard of Swedmark true, young lady?"

"Well," said Corlessa, "in Swedmark, the trees are lollipops and candy canes, and the birds are peeps, and the rivers run with limeade, and the houses are made out of gingerbread, and the log cabins are made out of cinnamon sticks, and the clouds are made out of cotton-candy; and all the cars, boats, and planes are tinfoil, and the government requires that everyone own a collie-dog but shave him bare, and—"

"Oh, the gods, please don't go on!" cried Sevmus, looking faint. "I cannot bear to hear any more of that despotic nation! Believeth me, dear child, ye hath myne fullest sympathies for your origins!"

"Cool," said Corlessa.

Eventually, things did calm back down as Greg and Corlessa began playing with Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and Lupnape took out a newspaper apparently titled Güttlåggé-Værnenðøð, when Greg noticed the headline:

PŒPŁ ĈÜŹÈИ BARITT OBAMNEY ŒTŘ PЯÆZDËÑT

Beneath the headline was a picture (which did move because it was magical) of a man waving to the crowds. He looked like a person of mixed ethnicity, but had been sloppily mixed in a hasty and crude manner.

"Professor Lupnape," said Greg, "who is that?"

"Oh that?" asked Sevmus, pointing at the picture on the front page. "That, myne child, is Baritt Obamney, the President of the Dimension on the Other Side of the Mirror."

"Is he a good president?" asked Corlessa.

"Oh," said Lupnape, eyes glazing over somewhat, "he is a great president. He is the first president, in fact, to come out as in favor of fused-peoples' rights! Verily, these are great times to be living in."

There once were times in the Dimension on the Other Side of the Mirror where just because two people had chosen to fuse together and become one individual, they were scorned and demonized by society. They often had to go into hiding. Thankfully, said days were mostly over.

"Are people ever mean to you because you're a fused person, Professor Lupnape?" asked Greg.

"Not particularly often, no," said Lupnape. "Thankfully people arte more tolerant now than in times since passed."

"What are fused-people-bars like, Professor?" asked Corlessa innocently.

"That, myne childe," said Lupnape quickly, "I shalt tell you when you are older—look, there's President Obamney now!"

And sure enough, at that time, the man from the photo on the front of Güttlåggé-Værnenðøð came flying up alongside the train, clad in patriotically coloured tights and a cape, his teeth glinting in the wind.

"Good morrow, myne people!" the man called out. "It is I, Baritt Obamney!"

Gregory, Corlessa, and Sevmus all jumped to the window to wave to the super-president. He waved and smiled at them before flying onward and out of sight.

"Wow!" said Greg, "That was so cool!"

"Didn't I tellst thou that he was great?!" exclaimed Lupnape eagerly.

"I wish our leader in Swedmark could fly," said Corlessa, a bit sadly.

"Who is the leader of Swedmark?" asked Greg.

"His name is Clint Bushton," said Corlessa, "and he's really, really angry and he loves coming on TV and yelling at us and will sometimes make young girls come to his palace to be his wifeslaves. My dad said I don't have to go because we pay a special tax of fifteen jellybeans and one of those jelly-filled strawberry candies a day.

"That sounds awful," said Greg, feeling a bit scared now.

"Yes," said Corlessa, "but the time that I broke my leg tripping over a felled candy cane, I got into a hospital totally for free."

"Yes," said Sevmus, turning up his lip, "well here in the Dimension on the Other Side of the Mirror, we don't believe in evil ideas like socialism."

"Look, there's the castle!" said Greg, pointing out the window.

Stay tuned for Episode 2…