It had taken all of his strength to ignore but as they neared the campsite Bofur didn't think he could last much longer. Thorin began ordering the dwarves to re-kindle the camp and prepare meals all the while ensuring that the two strangers remained under the strict vigil of at least three dwarves, one of which, as luck would have it, had to be Bofur. Normally this wouldn't have been an issue, but this time Bofur had to, well, answer nature's call. And this wasn't just any call. This was the call of a dwarf who had challenged Bombur, of all dwarves, to a drinking contest.

"Bofur!" Gloin called out to the distracted dwarf, "quit laundering about and take up the south watch lad. Bombur and I have got the front covered." "R-right," Bofur stammered and hurried off in a waddling motion to stand behind the two strangers who were now seated upon the ground. How much he regretted having that fifth mug of liquor now! He crossed his legs and squeezed himself but nothing helped. If he didn't go soon…

"Tell us strangers, what are your names?" Everyone had gone silent when Thorin addressed the two men who had also been talking in quiet whispers amongst themselves. Bofur noticed that the man with the hood blatantly ignored Thorin's question by turning his head to the side. His companion sighed before answering the question; "I am Malik and this obstinate man child to my left would be Altair."

The man known as Altair grunted upon such an introduction but turned back to look at Thorin all the same. "And your name, dwarf?" Altair asked none too nicely. "Hold your tongue, man, unless you seek to lose it," Thorin retorted, barely managing to mask his anger at the man's blatant disrespect. "What he is trying to say," another dwarf with a long white beard, interjected quickly, "is that he is Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, prince of dwarves. You would do well to keep that in mind, laddie." Altair huffed but did not reply.

"I would be Balin, and the rest of our company; Dwalin, Bifur, Oin…Fili, Kili…Ori, Dori, Nori…Gloin, Bofur and Bombur," Balin continued, gesturing to each dwarf as he named them. "I trust you are already familiar with Gandalf –" "Gandalf? Why would we be familiar with Gandalf?" Malik interrupted his brow furrowed in confusion. Balin and the others seemed even more confused than Malik. "There be not a creature in Middle Earth that would not be familiar with the great wizard; Gandalf the Grey," Balin explained in a tone of disbelief.

To everyone's surprise Altair laughed out loud. "Middle Earth. Wizard," he scoffed, "I think we're missing giants and dragons."

"Altair," Malik said in a low voice, "I don't think they're joking."

The dwarves were passing each other uncomfortable glances. "But there are giants and dragons," Malik heard the small dwarf Ori say in a tone of genuine confusion. Thorin cleared his throat and stood with all the grace of a dwarf prince as he addressed Altair and Malik; "It is clear that you are not of this place. We had not wished to believe it so but there are many things in this world that are not as we please."

Thorin's voice became a gradual blur as Bofur's thoughts, which had for a while been distracted, returned to his bladder. I just need to slip away without anyone noticing, he thought. He looked around to make sure no one was watching him specifically and took small steps toward the tree nearest to him. He would just be gone for a minute, he doubted anyone would even notice his absence.

As soon as he was behind the cover of a tree he quickened his pace, treading further into the forest with every step. When he felt that he was at a safe distance from the campsite he found a suitable tree, undid his pants and oh sweet relief! Bofur couldn't remember a time that felt this good as was evident from his drooping eyelids and goofy smile.

When at last his steady stream faltered and came to a halt, Bofur deemed himself ready to return to camp…and resume his guard. He had completely forgotten about his duty! As he hurried to fix his clothes and rush back he stumbled over some roots. That's when he noticed that he hadn't just tripped over any roots but the roots of a seemingly alive and angry willow tree under which he had just taken a nice, long, much needed leak. He got back up quickly and tried to put as much distance between himself and the tree. To his relief the willow did not seem to be following him.

Bofur slowed to a quiet walk when he believed himself close to the dwarves' camp site. He listened out for the sound of chatter or a glimpse of the camp fire but could find neither. Clouds began to cover the moon making it all the more hard to see in the night. Bofur was sure he was close though and continued walking at a steady pace.

"Ahh argh!" Bofur yelped as he tumbled over an unexpected boulder. He rubbed his nose which he had scraped on the ground and readjusted his hat as he stood back up. As moonlight tore through the dark clouds, lighting up the area around him, Bofur was lost for words at the scene before him. His dwarf friends were on the floor seemingly unconscious with their garments all in disarray. "I was gone for just a minute!" Bofur cried and hurried over to the boulder he had just tripped over who actually happened to be Thorin.

Bofur nudged the unconscious form and was able to wake him up. "Thorin I swear I was just, I really had to go, I was holding it in but I'm so sorry, it won't happen again I give you my word," Bofur was in hysterics as he tried to explain himself to the dwarf who was slowly sitting up whilst rubbing his temples. Thorin raised a hand to silence the frantic dwarf before scanning his surroundings. "Who is among us?" Thorin asked to which Bofur hurriedly replied; "I'm not sure, you were the first I found but I shall attend to the rest now if you wish."

Both Thorin and Bofur checked and woke the dwarves they found in range which were too little in number for comfort. When all the dwarves were assembled Thorin did a head count; "Bofur, Bifur, Dori, Nori, and myself. That totals five; eight less than our full company. Naught ill shall be assumed of our missing party for the time. I recall little of the passing but a bright light and moment of chaos. Have any of you to add?"

"Aye," said Nori, "I recall Gandalf holding an object of gold. It had been in the hand of the hooded man upon our discovery of them. Perhaps they are in league."

Thorin pondered this a moment, the creases in his forehead deepening with every passing moment. "It be only speculation," Dori added after a moment, "we cannot be certain of anything, Thorin."

Quiet say! Night be upon us, rattle not thee in slumber,
Quiet now! Dark as black be the sky, let sleep the lumber,
Wet the roots that be dry, poor old willow-man,
River daughter waiting by my door, dare hear me singing if you can,
Merry folk but merry not, why come follow,
to wood, water and hill, home of Bombadilo!

The deep voice reached the dwarves as though carried by a phantom wind that dared not disrupt the forest in the night. "Light, look," Bifur whispered, pointing in the direction of dense thicket amongst which a dim light could now be seen.

The light became brighter as it neared and soon an unknown figure just taller than the dwarves themselves could be seen under the lantern's glow. He was dressed in a blue jacket and large yellow boots. Atop his head was a hat, the crown of which was adorned with a long blue feather. Much of his scarlet face was covered by his long brown beard that stopped at the top of his boots yet did not mask his bright blue eyes.

"Who goes there?" Thorin called, his hand gripping the hilt of his sword. "Dear wanderer, prince of dwarves, king by blood yet king to be. Tom Bombadil be I, friend and escort if you please. Come now, let us linger not in the night. Follow Tom's light to where be pretty Goldberry with plates of cheese and bread and drink," Tom gave a little bow as he spoke before scampering back into the forest from which he had appeared.

The dwarves stood still, unsure of their next course of action. "Perhaps we should follow," Dori suggested, becoming all the more wary of the trees around them. "Yes yes, quickly now," the voice of Tom came from afar though they could not see its owner. "Have we any choice," Thorin stated more than asked and led the group into the forest. They would then follow the dim light of Tom's lantern to his home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In a mountain far from the forest of Mirkwood, once hailed home by the dwarves who therein resided, awoke a grumpy dwarf. "Arr my head. Lord forbid I land on soft feathers for a change!" Gloin huffed, dusting the dirt off his garments as he stood up in the dark. As he was about to comment on the lack of light he heard a voice from close by; "or on spaghetti. Or maybe mashed potatoes…"

"Bombur, is that you?"

Gloin received a muffled unintelligible sound in response. "For heaven's sake, are ya eating?"

"Like some honey cakes Gloin?" Bombur managed to get out before stuffing his face once more. Gloin looked around in disbelief, trying to distinguish the figure of Bombur in the darkness which was no easy task. "Nay but I wouldn't mind some matches."

To Gloin's amazement, not a minute later a small flame had appeared lighting up a few feet radius around the dwarf. "Where in blazes did you find that Bombur!?" Gloin asked, as he quickly shuffled beside the other dwarf whose matchstick was burning fast. "You don't keep food and matches under your clothes?" Bombur laughed, "you didn't think my belly was full o' lard did you? Only abou' four fifths, or nine tenths, or…honey cake?"

Bombur shoved a honey cake into Gloin's hand before producing a lantern from his side and using a new match to light it. "Ain't no way I'll believe that came from ya belly too," whilst grateful for the light, Gloin was beginning to doubt the reality of his situation.

With a merry laugh and another bite of his honey cake Bombur explained with his mouth full; "Warm honey cakes – delicious. 'old them next to a lantern like this," Bombur pressed his honey cake against the glass of the lantern before stuffing it whole into his mouth and moaning in pleasure. He pat his belly then added; "I 'ad been warming my honey cakes with this 'ere lantern before we woke up in this 'ere place."

Both dwarves looked around them – looked at the walls and tiles, the high ceilings and large poles. They turned to look at each other, crumbs falling out of Bombur's open mouth that reflected Gloin's own expression: "Erebor!"

A/N: For reference, Tom Bombadil is a character from The Lord of the Rings book series (unfortunately he didn't make an appearance in the movies). Happy reading!