Ste Hay knew he was being watched. It wasn't a new feeling to him and he'd felt that way ever since his partner Brendan Brady had been murdered over four years ago. He gave a little shudder pulling his jacket closer around himself. You would think by now he would be used to eyes watching him, but he still found it unnerving that he had never seen who they belonged to.

When Ste first felt the eyes on him he was sure that it was Walker. The man had disappeared into the night after he had supposedly murdered both Brendan and his father. Ste wasn't sure if the man's insane obsession with Brendan went further than the grave, but if he was a betting man he would have bet it did.

'You alright Ste?'

Ste turned around, releasing he had been staring into the Deli's dark windows unmoving for the last five minutes. He smiled as he noticed Doug standing behind him and let out a long sigh. 'Yeah sorry, I was miles away.'

Doug tried his best to look unconcerned. The two had managed to repair their friendship ever since Brendan had died, but that still didn't stop Doug for caring for his ex-husband more than a friend should. 'Were you thinking about Brendan?'

The question hung in the air for a moment before Ste answered. 'When don't I? I can't even get rid of him when he's dead.' Ste laughed loudly at his own joke, but noticed Doug wasn't joining in.

Doug chewed his lip for a moment, for a long time everyone had treaded carefully around Ste. During the first year after Brendan's death he had drank himself into oblivion most nights and had pretty much smashed everything in his path. It was when Ste had finally ended up in a jail cell for the night that himself and Amy had finally intervened. He cringed remembering the heated argument in which Ste had shouted at them both, it had finally ended when Amy had lost her temped and told Ste he was turning into Brendan. Ste hadn't said anything after that, he had merely stormed out of his own flat and slammed the door. The next day he turned up to the deli on time and cleanly shaved for the first time in three months.

Ste's second year after Brendan's death had followed a more different pattern. Amy had finally allowed him to have the kids back for long periods of time, so most the time he was distracted by them. It was when the kids weren't around that Ste brought men home that he rarely knew. Doug often worried for his safety and it had finally come to an end when Ste woke up in bed alone with no recollection how he got there. Apparently his only memory of that night was a man following him now into an alley way and him being hit over the head. The man in question was later found badly assaulted in the same alley way, Ste had tried to joke that his superpowers had saved him.

The third year followed a much better pattern. Ste had started to date again properly and it finally seemed that he was happy. Doug shuddered, remembering how wrong everyone had been. After a particularly bad break up Doug had found Ste crying in front of his television clutching a bottle of pills. He would never forget his shock as he glanced at the television and found an extremely angry Brendan Brady glaring at him through the glass. Ste through drunken sobs had admitted to stealing most of the CCTV videos from Chez Chez before it closed down. There were two things that still bothered him about that night; one was the text message he'd received from an unknown number asking him to come over and signed from Ste. The other was that every bottle of tablets in Ste's cupboards seemed to contain tic-tacs instead of medication.

This year had been a good year for Ste, if you didn't count him disappearing to Dublin for three weeks and wrecking the empty shell of the building that was once Chez Chez. Ste had gotten engaged to a man called Broody, who nobody had liked but Amy. That relationship had ended when Ste had got a phone call asking him to return home because his neighbour smelled gas. Ste had gone home to find Broody in bed with another man and no gas leak. Doug tried not to smile remembering how Ste had flung all of Broody's clothes out of the flat's window and into the mud. Even funnier was how Ste had asked Broody back to the flat one last time, stripped the man naked and thrown him out into the cold. He would never forget the look on Broody's face as he ran naked through the village. Ste joked that Broody may have cheated on him but Ste was the one who got everything, including the shirt of Broody's back.

Sometimes Doug wondered how different everything would be if Brendan was still around. Would Ste be happy? Would the two of them still be together? Doug wasn't sure, but then he never was when it came to understanding Brendan Brady. It seemed Ste and Brendan would always be tied together in some shape/form, even after death. Doug let out a long sigh, realising that he hadn't answered Ste.

'Do you think that maybe it's time.' he paused for a second. 'That you perhaps considered counselling?'

Ste's expression twisted with anger. 'What are you trying to say? Do you think I'm crazy?'

'No,' said Doug quickly. 'It's just I hate seeing you struggle after all this time.'

'I'm doing just fine.' said Ste angrily. 'Don't you think it's time you kept your nose out of my business?'

'Ste.' said Doug softly.

'Just go home Doug, go home to your McQueen. I don't want or need you here.'

Doug hesitated for a minute before turning to go. 'Alright, you know where I am if you need me.'

'Trust me,' said Ste, his eyes now back on the window. 'I won't be needing you.'

Ste let out a long sigh as he heard Doug walk away, his gaze caught the Chez Chez platform where Brendan would often stand reflected in the window. He let out a gasp as he noticed a figure standing there and turned around quickly but found nobody there. It was in his imagination again.

When he had first lost Brendan Ste used to see him all the time when he was drunk. It was the main reason he got drunk, so he could see Brendan again. There was nights when Ste was so drunk that he wasn't even sure how he'd got home. No matter what he did or how far he tried to self destruct he always woke up safely tucked in bed. In his drunken memories Brendan was always there, it was Brendan who carried him home and kissed him on the head before leaving again. A part of Ste felt as if he was going mad, how could a dead man take you home and put you to bed? The most confusing night was when he had trashed a telephone box with his bare fists, he had woke up the next day to find his hands neatly bandaged and his blood stained clothes wet in the washing machine. Ste was beginning to think he had a guardian angel, or that maybe Brendan had hired someone to watch over him. But a part of him knew that it was silly.

Other weird things had happened too. One Christmas when Ste's credit card had been rejected in Argos as he tried to buy Leah a doll she'd desperately wanted. Ste had argued with the cashier for about five minutes before leaving the shop and heading to the bank. By the time he got back to Argos the doll he had queued for nearly three hours for the first time around was sold out. It still baffled Ste even to this day how the same doll had ended up under the Christmas tree neatly wrapped with all the others, he certainly hadn't put it there.

Ste tried to think of other strange things that occurred, the tic-tac instead of pills incident he would rather not think about. He had spent ages with the kids trying to figure out if they had a stock pile of painkillers hidden somewhere, the whole thing had terrified him. That was when he realised he had to start letting go, even if he didn't want to.

The first thing he did was get a flight to Dublin. He would never forget the look on Eileen's face as he turned up at her door, she had tried to slam it in his face but he had stuck his foot in it and forced his way in. She had screamed at Ste for nearly ten minutes, before she'd stopped in shock when she realised Ste was stood there crying. After that she had sat him down on the sofa and poured him a large glass of scotch. It was then that he had made his request: he wanted Brendan's ashes. It had taken nearly a week to get her to agree and he'd begged for the boys to be there when he scattered them, but on that subject she wouldn't be moved. He'd never forget their parting, she had stood in front of the door and stopped him from leaving.

'He's not worth your tears.' she'd said bitterly. 'Brendan Brady only ever loved himself. Even his own sister didn't want his ashes, doesn't that show you what kind of a man he really was?'

Ste had paused for a moment, trying to control his temper. 'He was a good man and I loved him.'

Eileen looked at him as if he was crazy. 'If he was such a good man, then why is he dead?'

Ste closed his eyes, trying to block out the horrible memories of that night. Cheryl screaming, Seamus's blood on the floor, Walker grappling with Brendan for the gun. It was all a blur as Ste was slipping in and out of consciousness due to the drugs Walker had overdosed him on. A part of him remembered a different version of events that Cheryl had told him, he remembered Brendan weeping and asking for forgiveness as he told both Ste and Cheryl about the abuse he had suffered as a child while Walker held a gun to his head. He remembered how Cheryl's face had twisted to an ugly expression as she smashed a bottle of wine over her father's head. He remembered Brendan kissing him and whispering 'sorry' as he finally drifted out of consciousness. None of his memories and the real version of events ever seemed to add up. His only clear memory was waking up in a hospital bed with Amy sitting next to his bed, he had knew just by looking at her face that Brendan was dead. He had wanted to see the body, but he never was discharged from the hospital in time.

Brendan's funeral had been a blur to Ste, he remembered being dressed in black and Amy gripping his hand the whole way through. Leah had kept her chin up through the whole funeral and not shed a tear. It was only towards the end that she slipped her hand into Ste's and said:

'Don't worry Daddy. Daddy Brendan is way too big to fit in such a small box. Besides I saw him the other day, he came and said goodbye to me and Lucas.'

'Leah.' said Amy gently. 'I told you the other day, Daddy Brendan-' her mouth twisted with the final two words. 'Is up in the stars and isn't coming back.'

Leah scowled darkly at her mother. 'Daddy Brendan would never go up into the stars and leave Daddy. When I asked him about why he wasn't in heaven, he told me he wasn't good enough to go there and he would find it very boring. He told me he would have a much better time in hell, they'd be whisky there.'

For the first time in days Ste just laughed. Everyone turned around and glared at him, but he continued to laugh until he was nearly the only one left in the church. When he was on his own again his laughter turned to tears. A strong hand had taken a hold of his shoulder and Ste turned round to notice the priest who had conducted Brendan's service.

'He was a good man.' the priest said simply.

'No he wasn't.' said Ste simply. 'He was a horrible man who pretty much hated everyone.'

'Do you really believe that Ste?' asked the priest gently.

Ste frowned for a second. 'Well that's what everyone here really thought today, they all thought that Brendan got what he deserved,' he paused for a second. 'How do you know my name?'

The priest smiled at him in a knowing way. 'Some time ago a broken man came to stay with me. He desperately wanted to change but didn't think he could, he was also torn because the man he was in love with was marrying another. Do you think you might have known this man Ste?'

'It was Brendan,' said Ste softly.

The priest smiled at him in a knowing way. 'Now I don't know how that story ended, would you like to tell me the rest?'

Ste closed his eyes for a second. 'Brendan managed to change and win back the man he loved.'

Father Des smiled at him. 'Well maybe he did manage to be the good man he wanted to be after all. I think I'll focus on that part of the story, I don't like to think what happened after or how he died. Perhaps in my mind I can pretend he's still out there and got his happy ending after all.'

Ste closed his eyes. 'This is your way of telling me I should remember the good memories instead of the bad?'

Father Des nodded at him.

Ste stood up and brushed past him. 'The only problem is,' he said angrily 'was we didn't have enough time to make that many good ones. He was gone before we had the chance.'

'I know you don't really believe that Ste.'

'I don't know what I believe any more!' he stormed out of the church and didn't stop walking until he reached his flat. When he was inside he allowed the anger to take control of him and smashed nearly every piece of furniture. It was only after when he lay on the floor amongst the broken furniture and an empty bottle of vodka that he allowed himself to remember the happy memories.

Ste stepped out of his memories and found himself once again standing in front of Eileen, who had asked him a question on why Brendan had died if he was a good person.

'He died because sometimes that's just what happens. He wasn't a saint and it was only a matter of time until some of the horrible stuff he did caught up with him. You didn't know him like I did and you didn't see how much he was trying to change.'

Eileen had stood out of the way then, a scowl still on her face. 'That was the problem, no matter how much Brendan tried it was never enough. He always had to destroy everything he touched.'

Ste clenched the urn tighter in his hands. 'Believe what you want Eileen. I don't care any more, I'm going to go scatter his ashes on the pier and I'd be happy if your boys wanted to come with me.'

'They won't.' said Eileen darkly.

'Well that's there decision isn't it. Unless you want to be just as controlling as Brendan used to be.' he let the sentence hang in the air both moving past her and slamming the door behind him.

Ste closed his eyes and once again found himself in front of the Deli staring into the dark glass. His eyes once again lingered on the reflection of the empty platform where Brendan used to stand and watch him. Part of him wondered if he'd made a mistake not scattering the ashes there instead of Dublin. He shoved that thought to the back of his mind, remembering how perfect the day had been.

He had stood on the pier for a while holding the urn and just talking to Brendan. He'd just talked about all the things that had happened since he'd died and apologised for all the stupid rows that had seemed so important at the time, but now were stupidly insignificant. Just as the sun was setting he had pulled off the lid, but found himself distracted by a tall figure who was watching him from a distance.

Ste knew his mouth had fallen open. 'Brendan?' he had whispered, taking a step forward.

'Ste!'

He had reluctantly turned away from the figure to where he heard his name being shouted. He couldn't help but smile as he noticed Declan and Padraig running up the pier towards him.

'You haven't done it yet have you?' asked Declan breathlessly.

'No,' he said simply. 'But I think it's time.' He glanced back and noticed that the figure who had been watching him was no longer there, perhaps they'd never been there in the first place. It was then that he emptied the contents of the urn into the air and watched as the ashes flew up into the air and out to sea. Brendan was finally free.

He had no idea how long he had sat there for with Brendan's sons, it seemed nobody seemed to need to say a word. They all just sat still as statues watching the sky.

'Your Dad loved you both you know?' he said after a while.

Surprising it was Declan who answered him.

'I know.'

Ste wiped his eyes, now back into the present and stood still staring at the Deli. He turned around and looked at the club, feeling a pang of shame of how he had behaved the last time he was there. After he'd returned from Dublin it had finally sunk in that Brendan was gone and was never coming back. He'd broken into the empty club and sat in the office for a while lost in his thoughts. Half of him still expected Brendan to walk through the door with his eyebrow raised in a suggestive way.

After an hour he had started to smash things, in a hope that he could shut out the memories he had of this room. Half way through his destructive rampage he yanked one of the desk draws open and tipped the contents on the floor. A flash of red paper stopped him in his tracks. He bent down and realised the draw had a false bottom, the pure force of being thrown to the floor had caused it to smash. He picked up the red envelope, his hands began to shake as he saw the name 'Stephen' neatly written on the front. He slid to the floor and clutched the envelope to his chest. He instantly knew what it was: a Valentines day card from that awful day when they'd had that argument. It was an hour before he managed to stop shaking and opened it. He let out a dry laugh as he noticed the humorous joke on the front, he held his breath as he read the inside.

'Dear Stephen.' he whispered, reading it out loud. 'I'm sorry for everything that has gone on in the last few days. I just want you to know that next year will be better and that I love you. Brendan.'

He stared down at the writing, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Why hadn't Brendan given it to him that day when they'd had that row? Things could have gone so differently. He angrily brushed a few stray tears away with his clenched fist.

'Liar!' Ste said angrily. 'You're just a liar! I'm not going to mourn you any more!' He dropped the card onto the ground and left the club, not looking back once. Two weeks later he had met Broody.

He didn't really look back at his time with Broody with that many fond memories. The man had been boring, but stable. Perhaps the only interesting thing he'd ever done was cheated on Ste. Their engagement had come from Ste's need to be with someone who wasn't at all like Brendan. Broody was a bank manager and didn't wear his suits like a man should. He was always fiddling with his glasses and religiously checking what time it was on his gold watch. Ste fooled himself that he could have a future with this man, a stable one with no complications.

When he'd gotten that mysterious phone call and found Broody in bed with another man, a part of him had been relieved. He had ignored this signs that this man wasn't right for him. He'd even ignored it when Leah had refused to be his bridesmaid. She had angrily stamped her foot on the floor and had insisted Daddy Brendan would be back to marry him one day, he had promised her when she'd last seen him. Ste didn't allow himself to feel unnerved that both himself and his daughter were haunted by Brendan. He wondered if Cheryl was the same. He hadn't heard from her in years, every time he tried to call her Nate would make some poor excuse on why she couldn't come to the phone. In the beginning Ste had thought maybe it was too difficult for Cheryl to talk to someone that reminded her of Brendan. In his heart though, a part of him knew she saw him as a living reminder of the night she'd killed her own father. Ste had never told anyone that he had remembered more of that night than he'd ever revealed. Brendan had gone to the grave protecting Cheryl's secret and Ste had decided long ago that he would too.

A loud noise caused startled Ste, his eyes immediately glanced up to Brendan's platform and yet again it was empty.

'I know you're here!' said Ste angrily. 'I know you've been watching me for the last few years. If you want to kill me Walker, it's too late. You already killed me that night you murdered Brendan. Come out you coward!'

The night was silent and Ste glanced around quickly for any sign of movement. He let out a long sigh and finally decided it was time to walk home. Ste glanced up once more at the empty platform before walking slowly away towards the direction of his flat. If he'd just taken a minute more to wait or even glanced back one last time, he would have seen a tall figure in the darkness watching him from the steps of Chez Chez.