Problems

Fandom: Teen Titans

Pairing: BB/Rob

By: Shadako

Ninth Problem: Nothing serious and everything but.

I sit on Robin's bed, still holding my breath even after he pulls away. My eyes are closed, heart beating three times as fast as normal. After a moment of silence my brain begins to work again. Somewhat. So, he kissed me. Just like that. I'm not sure what I had expected it to be like, but sure not like this. More like in these chick flicks, you know. Nose dive through time and space and what not, magical fireworks and all that crap. But it sure as hell wasn't like that. At all. More like, super awkward and weird. Looks like all this romance crap just makes a lot of empty promises, huh? I mean, I didn't dislike it, not at all. It's just a totally foreign concept to have your team leader suddenly kiss you after years or just friendship. Yeah, go figure.

Finally starting to breathe again I open my eyes, unsure of what to do now. My fingers still clutch his bed sheets, a strange knot forming in the pit of my stomach. He's looking at me, waiting for my reaction. But to be honest, I'm not reacting all that much. I just sit here like a statue, feeling a bit light headed. And my lips are tingling weirdly. Did that really just happen? He really kissed me. Robin kissed me. Like, for real.

After a few minutes of me doing nothing at all, he decides to talk again. How he manages that after what just happened is beyond me. "You're still alive, BB?"

Blinking my eyes a couple of times I bite my lower lip, looking away from him. Guess it would be smart to say something. Or move. Anything, really. But my brain isn't exactly known for working well in situations like these. All I manage is a shaky intake of air and a nod. "Think so." Why is my voice always failing me in the important moments? Usually I can talk for hours on end, and now I'm barely able to think, let alone speak. Good thing Robin isn't as incapable of being social as me. "Well, how did it feel?"

My fingers grasp the blanket even tighter, a shudder running down my spine. Blunt much, Robin? How can he even say that without freaking out like I do? I barely manage to say anything. It feels like my throat is completely drying up at his words. When I finally open my mouth to answer, my voice is all shaky again. "I'm not sure. Weird." Yeah, it did. Not the bad kind of weird, but really, how should I explain that? I have no idea what I'm feeling right now. Thankfully he doesn't seem to be offended by my answer. With a sigh he's leaning back, eyes still on me. "Well, then you're obviously not in love with me."

Did I say that? I don't know. I mean, no. Maybe. Yes? This is all kinds of complicated. My brain is overheating from too much use I think. Robin's idea isn't working out the way he said it would. If anything, I'm more confused than I was before. We kissed. And it was not like the greatest thing ever happening, but I didn't dislike it either. How should I know what that means now? Are you really in love with someone when kissing them doesn't feel like fireworks and sparkles? Does kissing ever feel like that at all? Or is that just Disney giving me unrealistic expectations of love? It's not like I have a whole lot of experience with this stuff. I think I need a guide or something to figure out my feelings. Is there a guide for that? Someone, help.

"I… I don't know. I guess I'm even more unsure than I was before." He's raising an eyebrow, still watching me. Not the answer he wanted it seems. Well, sorry for being so messed up, I just can't help it. Taking another shaky, frustrated breath, I finally look up to meet his gaze.

"Oh, come on. How was I supposed to figure out anything like this? That idea was stupid to begin with." I don't want to be the only one eating the blame here. It was his retarded idea after all, not mine! He said it might help me to figure out my feelings, and it didn't. At all. Ugh, why are feelings so damn complicated in the first place? I'm close to getting a really bad headache by now. But apparently I'm the only one who seems to be so bothered by the situation. Robin is actually smirking again, looks like me being all flustered amuses him greatly. Very nice, thank you, you ass. I bury my face in my hands, willing the awkward blush on my cheeks to go away. Why am I always blushing around him? Ugh.

"Give me a break here, it was just one stupid kiss, okay?! How do you expect me to figure out all my feelings over that?" Gah, someone, let me just disappear. Why is everything so embarrassing? Damn it. Embarrassing and frustrating. Awful combination, really. His weight on the mattress is shifting when he starts talking again. "I guess that's asking a bit much, but still. If you disliked it-"

"I didn't. I mean, I didn't say that! I just said weird, not bad." I'm nervously drawing patterns on his bed sheets with one hand, while the other uselessly gestures in the air between us. I am so not good at explaining these things. Or understanding them, for that matter. "There's a difference?" Robin's still calmly sitting next to me, watching me with this playful expression. How can he not be completely flustered? He just kissed a guy, for crying out loud! And a member of his team and a very close friend. Wasn't he just as embarrassed before? When did that change? I don't see how it's less awkward now than before the kiss.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I guess there is... It wasn't bad, okay? Just, different from what I thought it would be." Taking a closer look at him I notice that his fingers are idly tracing the sheets as well. So I guess he's not as confident as he appears to be either. "Well, what were you expecting?" I'm not telling him that, oh god. I bite my lip and shrug, trying to come up with something. But the only thing that does come to mind is the truth. Really, brain? Not helping here.

"I don't know. Something that's more like in those chick flicks, you know?" It's my turn to smirk wryly at my own words. Didn't I just decide not to tell him? Mouth is faster than brain again, it seems. Or brain is still in overload. Could be both. I'm not sure what to do or say next, so I just wait for him to take action. I can hear him shift on the bed again, apparently not as indecisive as me. The next thing I feel are his hands on my shoulders, pushing me backwards, and I easily fall onto the soft mattress. He's not using much strength or anything, but I don't really have the mind to put up any kind of resistance. I blink slowly a few times. It's still dark around us, but my eyes are adjusting to the moonlit bedroom somewhat. His gloved fingers find a hold on both sides of the bed next to my head.

Just what is he doing? I manage to find my voice when his body leans over mine. "Robin...?" It's nothing more than a whisper, and it sounds more like a plea even to my own ears. A plea for what, I'm not sure. Apparently he understands though, because that playful smirk is back in place. He's leaning in even more, his raven hair falling forward like a curtain. Some of the soft strands brush against my cheek and neck and a shudder races down my spine. He's way too close, isn't he? "What are you doing..." I can feel my own heart beating heavy in my chest. A strange mixture of anticipation and worry flutters around in my stomach.

"Trying something more similar to those chick flicks, I guess." His voice sounds deeper than usual, doesn't it? And a bit breathless as well, matching mine. I part my lips as if to say something more, but I remain silent. He takes that as his cue to continue what he started and closes the distance between us. It's still nothing like those kisses on the big screen in cinemas. It's really just a brushing of lips, all innocent and coy. But it feels different all the same. I can't keep my eyes from closing, body completely relaxed beneath his.

Some part of my brain wonders if I should push him off, but I don't move. Actually, I don't want to move. Not really, and it's a bit of a scary realisation. I don't want him to stop. I wouldn't try to stop him, no matter what he does after this point. I want this. Somehow, I really want this. I can't even say what this is, but I want it. I want him. I want Robin, close like this. There are no fireworks or sparks going off, but I can feel my heartbeat so strongly in my own chest, it's insane. This isn't just some stupid crush, is it? I doubt it would feel like this if it was. I really do.

When he pulls away this time I open my eyes slowly, looking up at him. My face is flushed, I can tell, but somehow, I can't bring myself to mind. He kissed me. And I did like it. I'm sure I did. And he can tell, from my expression, can't he? I take a shaky breath and bite my lower lip softly. Somehow, this is scaring me way more than it did before. Because this isn't just some stupid crush. This wont just go away if I ignore it for a few more weeks. Not after that kiss, I'm sure. I've really fallen for him. For Robin. Our leader and one of my best friends and a fellow hero and the guy I really can't stand sometimes. And I've fallen hard, it seems. Because he can render me completely speechless with just a simple brush of lips. He can make me feel so many different things in such a short amount of time. And it scares me. Badly.

"Robin, I-" we are still so close, with him leaning above me like this. His body isn't touching mine at all, aside from the kiss just now. But still, there is something so intimate about our position. Something that shouldn't be happening between just friends. And that's what we are, right? Even if I probably want more. Robin doesn't. And that scares me so fucking much.

A loud beeping sound breaks the moment and Robin sits up again, reaching for his communicator. Ah, perfect timing, isn't it. I release the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and hide my eyes with one of my wrists. The action stops him in his movements next to me. One finger already on the button to answer the person calling. Then instead he slides his thumb over the one that shuts the device up. He's making whoever is trying to reach him at this ungodly hour of night wait. Because of me. And I can't even bring myself to look in his general direction right now.

"I won't try to avoid you again or run after this, promise." His voice still sounds a bit breathless when he speaks, but he's honest. I offer a weak smile at his words, eyes still hidden from view. My heartbeat just won't calm down again. With a dry chuckle I answer him. "I might, tho."

"I figured as much." He doesn't sound disappointed or angry, still watching me for a moment longer. With a sigh he finally gets up, pressing the redial on his communicator and heading for the door. Guess he'll be taking the emergency call or whatever it is alone. Leaving me to myself and my feelings. Something I'd rather not be left to, right now.

Once the door slides shut behind Robin, I slowly sit up. My fingers trace the soft sheets once again, eyes staring at the opposite wall. Blinking slowly a couple of times I try to slow down my own thoughts. It's not working too well. My mind is a real mess right now. Still, I get up and head for the door as well. If this is an emergency I need to drag my thoughts out of the gutter. Can't have me fucking up during a mission because of my stupid feelings. Our leader is not to be seen once I leave his room, and I'm actually thankful for that. Without any interruptions I make it to my room, sliding down to the floor behind my door once it closes. Somehow, I feel incredibly tired and worn. Is figuring out that you're in love supposed to do that to you? Tch, way too many nasty side effects with this whole romance stuff.

With one hand I reach up and trace my bottom lip slowly, eyes closing again and heat seeping into my cheeks. So this is how it's supposed to feel when you kiss someone you really like? Or maybe I'm just overreacting here. Maybe I'm not in love. It's probably just me making it all much more complicated than it has to be. Whatever it is, I don't want it to fuck up our friendship. With a tired groan I let my head rest on my knees, just wanting everything to be nice and simple again. No more blushing around Robin, no stupid dreams and weird thoughts, no more annoying and complicated feelings. "Just give me a damn break here..."

With little enthusiasm I shove popcorn into my mouth, trying to focus on the screen and what's playing. I couldn't really sleep all that well, so I ended up in the living room way too early in the morning, watching this crappy show about cooking sandwiches. Like, can you even cook those? It's just a freaking sandwich, what's there to cook? And why make a damn show about it? This is stupid. Still, better than sitting in my room staring at walls. I really needed a distraction from my own thoughts, so this will do. Even if I can literally feel my braincells dying from just looking at it. Can't expect too much from morning TV, I guess. And it's still way too early for the others to be up. Well, expect Robin maybe, but he'd head straight for the training hall if he was already up. So I have time to kill while I wait for everyone to rise and shine. Or some villain attack to keep me busy. Not that avoiding to think about all my problems would help make them go away. But I'd be able to focus on something else for a while, and that would be nice.

"BB? What are you sulking around here this early?" I look over my shoulder at the familiar voice, a little surprised to see Raven up as well. She walks over to where I lounge around on the big couch and takes a seat near me. Looks like she's feeling really social today. Miracles do happen. "Eh, nothing much, couldn't sleep, is all." She looks at the cooking show briefly before raising a brow, but doesn't say anything. Wow, she must be in a really good mood this morning. Instead of commenting on my awful choice of entertainment, the girl gives me a quick once – over. Her eyes travel up to mine and she's smirking in a way I really don't like. Oh boy, now what?

"You seem to have trouble sleeping quite often lately." I nod, eyeing her warily. Okay, what is she grinning about? I'm actually a little scared now. When I don't respond right away she goes on, still with that creepy smirk on her face. "Well, those dreams about big, hard swords must be really unsettling for you to lose sleep over." I choke on the popcorn I was just eating. A probably not too elegant looking coughing fit follows and I'm sure I'm going to die. If not from the food then from sheer humiliation. With one hand I wipe the tears from my eyes once I can breath again, pushing the rest of the popcorn away from me. Somehow I really lost my appetite just now.

"It's not like that, I-... just-... You weren't supposed to hear that!" A low chuckle is my answer and the witch girl's intense gaze finally leaves me. Instead she's looking at the screen in front of us again. "I won't tell anyone, don't worry."

"Thanks, I guess..." I'd prefer it if she never heard anything in the first place, really. But at least she'll keep it from Cy and the others. He would never let me live that one down, and Star would probably murder me. "...and sorry, for waking you up and stuff." I still avoid looking in Raven's direction, pretty damn embarrassed by the whole conversation. She offers a half hearted shrug in response.

"I'm used to it. Being able to sense others' emotions isn't always a fun ability, you know." By now she's back to her normal stoic self, thankfully. I don't think I could deal with a Raven that constantly likes to tease me. "Yours are quite conflicted right now, by the way." I wince slightly at the remark. Yeah, go figure. Again I only nod, still looking away from her. She's not really the person I feel comfortable talking about this kind of stuff with. Not that I'm ever all that comfortable while talking about my messed up feelings. "Tell me about it..."

"I'd try to clear things up a little if I were you. So much stressing yourself isn't really healthy, you know." She's not trying to mock me but actually serious about this, I can tell by the tone of her voice. So even she's worried about me by now? With a sigh I lean back against the couch, now staring at the retarded show as well. "And how do I do that?" It's a honest question, I really have no idea.

"Usually confronting your problem helps. So, try to talk to him?" I give a short, humorless laugh and shake my head weakly. "Believe me, I tried. And now I'm even more confused..." The witch looks over at me again, genuinely interested by now. I guess she can tell by my flushing cheeks that something happened during that talk.

"How come?" I can feel some of my earlier frustration well up again when she asks me that. Recalling Robin's stupid idea to just kiss me, because I'd so be able to figure everything out after. Because that's the perfect way to not make things more complicated and awkward between us, not at all.

"Because he's stupid..." Her intense eyes are still looking at me, waiting for me to explain. There's really no use in lying now, is there? She's not one to gossip anyways, so why not ask her about it? She knows a freaking lot about peoples emotions, so maybe she's got some advice. Or she will kill me for bringing it up. Works as well.

"He... he said I'd be able to tell if it's anything, you know, like... serious after a kiss." Well, she's not freaking out or complaining about too much information, so I guess I'm good. She isn't moving from her calm position on the couch at all, silently waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath. "Yeah, well, I'm not. I mean, that's a completely stupid idea anyway... How is that supposed to solve anything? It's not like I'd know what it would feel like if it really was something serious."

Raven is still watching me, listening attentively to my embarrassing little story. She doesn't seem to mind the fact that her teammates kind of made out with each other. Huh, I'd figured the others wouldn't react too kindly to my weird obsession with Robin. Guess I was wrong, at least when it comes to the witch girl.

"The idea itself isn't that bad, I think. You just need something to compare." I blink stupidly at her words, trying to understand what she means. Compare? What is she talking about now. Somehow, I don't think I follow. She must realize I'm a bit lost from my expression, because she turns around to fully face me.

"The kiss, I mean. If you kiss somebody else and it feels different, you'll know that he's special to you, right?" Would that actually work? It sounds almost as dumb as Robin's idea, to be honest. Like it would make things worse instead of better.

"Ah, maybe...? I'm not too sure about this." She seems to contemplate something for a moment before she gives a slow nod. To what, I have no idea. Somehow I'm beginning to think that asking Raven for love life advice wasn't such a good idea.

"You need to figure out your feelings in order to solve your problems, so this is a step in the right direction. It might help with your troubled sleep. And with mine, if your distressing dreams stop." I still don't get what's going on in her head right now, so I just sit next to her and listen to her little speech.

"Well, no better way to find out but try, I guess." She sure sounds determined. And I'm still feeling like I'm missing something here. Try what? That question gets answered faster than I would have liked, though. My eyes go wide and I think something inside my brain just broke, because this can't be real. I'm imagining things. Or this is another one of those really weird dreams. Any moment now and the creepy tentacle – pasta monster will show up. Maybe this time the creature will be the one wearing the dress, one can never know with my messed up mind.

A moment passes and nothing happens. Well, nothing aside from Raven's hands holding me in place and her cool lips pressing against mine. There is no monster and no weird knights riding horses and no one wears a dress, so I'm not dreaming. I really, actually am being kissed by Raven. And I'm really, really scared that she will kill me after this. That, and things will indeed become much, much worse as well. I know they will, because this is me we're talking about.

As if on cue the door slides open, revealing another one of our team mates. See, this is what I mean. I can never be in a compromising situation without anybody just randomly walking in on it. Wouldn't be fun otherwise, now would it. Like I suspected before, some higher powers are conspiring against me, trying their hardest to make my life as filled with drama and complications as possible. I'd say they are doing a damn fine job, too.

~~~tbc.

Well look at that, a new chapter! Yeah, I'm not dead or vanished from the face of earth, I just lost the energy and motivation to write for quite a time. But since unfinished fanfictions suck hard, I vowed to finish mine up one day. Whenever that day may be, lol!

lymaria: thank you for the kind words! I actually edited this FF at least 3 times by now, always fixing mistakes and adding bits and pieces, so there isn't much left like it was in the original 2013 version. Thankfully I managed to improve my writing skills some, haha.^^ To answer your question, I'm a very easily discouraged person who's very insecure about their works, be it art or fanfiction. I need the occasional motivation of someone telling me they want me to continue. It's really hard for me to get going otherwise, so if I get a review or something on a piece, that reminds me that there are still people out there waiting for the story to go on. ^/^

~Shad.