The Home Invasion Proposition Chapter 01: Penny Goes Nebraska, a big bang theory fanfic

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 01: Penny Goes Cornhusker

Sheldon stood at the apartment mailbox sorting through his and Leonard's mail. "Leonard, Leonard, me, Leonard, me, Penny: In what universe does Penny get her mail at our box?"

A few moments later, Sheldon was standing outside Penny's door.

Knock, knock, knock "Penny!"

"Mmmmph!"

"Penny?"

"Mmmmph!"

"Penny, I have your mail. It's beyond me why that mail carrier keeps mixing up our mail. I have a good mind to write a letter to the postmaster."

"Mmmmph!"

"Penny, I'm getting the sense that something is not right."

"Mmmmph!" followed by the sound of something thumping on the floor.

"Penny, do I need to come in?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Penny, would you open the door, please?"

"Mmmmmmph!"

"Penny, are you able to open the door?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Have you fallen again?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Penny, I'm coming. Let me get your key from our bowl."

Sheldon opened the door to his and Leonard's apartment, grabbed Penny's key from the bowl, and returned to her door.

Knock, knock, knock "Penny!"

"Mmmmmmph!"

"Penny: You said you would go all Nebraska on my ass if I ever used the key again unless it was an emergency. Is this an emergency?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Is that a yes?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Is it all right for me to open your door?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

Sheldon opened the door. As he walked in, he looked around and said, "Penny, you have no organizational system at all. This apartment looks like the bottom of a bird cage."

"Mmmmph!"

Sheldon looked around and saw Penny. "Penny, why are you tied to a chair with your mouth taped shut and blood all over the front of your Cheesecake Factory uniform?"

"Mmmmph!"

"Do you want me to untie you?"

"Mmm, mmm!" said Penny, shaking her head yes.

As Sheldon came up to Penny, he started to remove the tape from over her mouth, but she began to shake her head no and mumbling, "Ump ump."

"Does that hurt too much?"

"Um hum!"

"All right, let me work on getting you untied. Just quit growling at me. Penny, who tied your hands behind your back with nylon ties?"

"Ummmmmmm!"Penny said with a low growl.

"Penny, it makes me nervous when you growl at me! I'll get some scissors."

Sheldon found some scissors in what Penny called her junk drawer and managed to cut the tape around her arms and the chair. "Penny, the tie around your wrists is so tight I can't get the scissors in there to cut it without injuring you."

"Mmmmmmm," Penny growled.

"Penny, why are you wiggling your knees back and forth? Here, let me cut the tape off your ankles." Sheldon cut the tape fastening Penny's ankles to the chair legs.

"Mmmmmmmm."

"Penny, why are you growling at me and keep putting your knees together? And why do you keep pointing to the bathroom with your head? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Um, hum," Penny said through the tape, nodding yes. She struggled to stand, nearly fell, and ran to the bathroom door and began kicking the door. "Ummmmmmm!" she shrieked.

Sheldon dialed his phone. "Leonard, Penny was tied to a chair with tape over her mouth that she won't let me remove and is trying to tell me something. Now she's kicking the bathroom door. Here, you talk to her."

With that, Sheldon thrust the cell phone at Penny and held it in front of her face as she said, "Mmmmph!"

Sheldon heard Leonard say, "Sheldon, what happened? I'm coming up the stairs now."

Sheldon patted Penny on the head and said, "There, there: It's all right. Leonard's coming up the stairs now. He'll know what to do."

"Ummmmmm!" Penny said as she danced up and down and kicked the bathroom door.

Leonard burst into the room throwing his messenger bag and his groceries in the floor. "Penny, oh my God!" he said, and started trying to remove the tape from her mouth.

Penny shook her head no and growled, "Unh uh!" through the gag. She started bobbing her knees together and kicked the bathroom door. She danced up and down and pointed with her head at the door.

"You have to go to the bathroom?" Leonard asked.

Penny frantically nodded yes and mumbled "Um hum!" through the gag.

Leonard opened the door to the bathroom. Penny charged into the bathroom and stood there next to the commode. She slowly turned back around and said, "Mmmmmmm?"

Leonard said, "Here, let me untie you."

"Unh huh!" Penny said, shaking her head no. She motioned as if she was trying to sit on the commode, looked down, and then back up at Leonard and said, "Ummmmm!"

"Oh, you need me to help you be able to go to the bathroom and your clothes are in the way!" Leonard said. He shut the door, leaving Sheldon standing outside.

Knock, knock, knock "Leonard and Penny!"

"Leonard," Sheldon said, "I know I have a No Talking Through the Bathroom Door Rule, but you need to know something. Whoever tied up Penny used a nylon tie. It's so tight I couldn't get scissors under the strap to cut it without cutting her. I don't know what to do. You didn't tie her up and gag her and leave her tied to the chair did you?"

"No, I didn't tie her up. We'll figure out what to do, Sheldon. Let me help Penny. In the mean time, please call 911."

Outside the toilet, Sheldon was about to make his call, when he heard a noise and returned to just outside the closed bathroom door.

Knock, knock, knock "Leonard and Penny!"

"What, Sheldon?" Leonard asked. "I'm kinda busy."

"I know I have a No Talking Through the Bathroom Door Policy, but is Penny all right? She's making sounds that make me think you are having coitus. You aren't having coitus with Penny tied up and gagged, are you?"

"Sheldon, I'll explain later. Penny's just relieved. She ought to be. How much did you have to drink? Sheldon, please call 911."

Sheldon walked away and said, "All right. But Penny is making coitus sounds. It sounds freaky to me."

A few moments later: "911? This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper, tenured Theoretical Physicist at the California Institute of Technology. I have an emergency at 2311 North Robles Avenue, Pasadena, California. [Pause] What sort of emergency? We have a blonde waitress tied to a chair with her mouth taped. [Pause] Well, no, she's not still tied to the chair. She had to go to the bathroom, and Leonard has taken her. [Pause] No, she can't tell us what happened because someone put athletic tape over her mouth. [Pause] Because she growls at us every time we try to remove the tape, that's why. [Pause] No, her hands are still tied behind her because whoever tied them used a nylon strap and pulled it so tight that we can't get anything in there to cut it. [Pause.] All right." He turned to see Leonard and Penny coming out of the bathroom. "Leonard, Penny, the police are already in the building. Apparently, someone robbed two apartments in the building while our neighbors were at work. They're on the way up the stairs now."

Three large officers in uniform arrived at Penny's door with their pistols drawn. "What's going on here?" one of them asked. "Which one of you is Dr. Carter?"

"That's Dr. Cooper. May I see some identification?"

The three officers stood there looking at each other before each pulled out their identification and showed them to Sheldon.

"You, sir," he told one of the officers, "Are either an impostor or have gained an unhealthy amount of weight since this picture was taken."

"For God's sake, Sheldon," Leonard said, "Let them in."

The three officers came into the apartment and looked around. "Goodness," one of them said, "It looks as if they trashed the place."

"No," Sheldon said, "It always looks like this. Penny has no organizational system."

"Officers," Leonard said, "Somehow, my roommate discovered Penny here tied to a chair. We can't remove the nylon tie because it's so tight we can't get scissors or a knife blade in to cut it, and the tape they used to gag her hurts and tears at her skin when we try to remove it."

"Charlie," one of the officers said, "Go down to the 2nd floor apartment where the crime scene unit is, tell them we have another scene here, and bring up some WD-40 and some clippers." He turned to Penny and said, "Don't worry, ma'am. We'll have you free in no time."

Penny growled at him through the gag.

"Is she all right?" he asked Leonard.

"Mmmmph!" Penny growled at him. He took a step back.

Charlie arrived back in the doorway and said, "The crime scene guys are on their way up. Please, nobody touch anything." He walked over to Penny, put on rubber gloves, and said, "Here, ma'am, I'm going to be very gentle. Let me try to cut the fastener on this strip, because it's pulled so tight I don't think I can cut the strip itself without cutting you. I'll have to cut the place where the strip goes through and locks." With that, after about three tries, he cut the strip fastener loose, and the strip fell to the floor. He picked the strip up from the floor, put into in a sealable plastic bag, and wrote something on it. "We have to keep it for evidence: Maybe it will give us a clue to help us catch the bad guys."

Penny rubbed her wrists, which were red and swollen, shaking them as if to get feeling back in them.

"Ma'am," Charlie said, "If you will come with me out into the hall so we don't disturb any evidence, I'll try to get that tape off you. Hey," he said to Leonard, "Does she have a hair dryer?"

"She has one in the bathroom," Leonard said, "I'll go get it."

The officer walked Penny to just outside the door and began examining the tape. "Lord," he said, "They didn't care if they tore meat, did they? This is the kind of tape we used when I played high school football. The only way you can get it off without too much damage is heat and WD-40—or soak it in a hot tub."

Leonard walked out into the hallway and handed the officer the hair dryer. He plugged the dryer into the outlet just inside the door. The officer got Penny to sit on a stool he had brought from her kitchenette while he began to blow hot air onto the tape.

"Tell me if the hot air gets uncomfortable," he said.

Gradually, he began to pull up some of the tape, alternating between heating the tape with the hair dryer and spraying the WD-40 between Penny's skin and the tape. Penny pushed his hand away, grasped the tape, and began to pull. Eventually, she pulled away the last of the tape. She opened her mouth and revealed that someone had stuffed several of her socks there, which she removed. Charlie held open another plastic bag for her and closed it and wrote on it.

"Oh, God," Penny said. "Somebody please get me a Diet Dr. Pepper."

"We don't have Diet Dr. Pepper," Sheldon said. "We have Yoohoo and Sprite."

"Then please get me a Sprite before I kick you in the nuts!"

Sheldon put his hand over his groin and asked, "Don't you have a Diet Dr. Pepper in your refrigerator?"

"No, Sheldon, I was supposed to go to the grocery store today, but I didn't have the money."

"See what I have to endure?" Sheldon asked looking at the officers. "She has money to get her hair done and to buy makeup, but she can't buy groceries."

Sheldon disappeared into his apartment. A few moments later, he returned and handed a can to Penny.

"Miss," one of the officers said, "I know you have to be upset. What happened?"

Penny went over and sat on the top of the stairs. Leonard sat next to her, and she leaned into him. He put his arm around her shoulder.

"Oh, Leonard," she said, "I'm so sorry. I've smeared that spray stuff all over your shirt."

"That's not a problem," Leonard said. "Let's get you taken care of. I'll take care of the shirt."

"Oh, that's good," she said taking a long sip of the Sprite. "They stuffed the socks down my throat so far it was all I could do to swallow. It feels as if I've had the UCLA marching band marching through my mouth. OK," she said to the officers, "I'm sorry. I came home from work, and it seemed odd that, when I stuck my key in the lock, my door opened without my turning the key. When I walked in, there were four men, one who was waiting behind the door and shoved me down."

"What did you do?"

"I rolled to the bar, grabbed my aluminum bat, and cold-cocked the son of a bitch."

"You hurt him?"

"Yeah, it sounded like I hit a brick with the bat. He grabbed his head and went down on his knees and started saying bad words. One of them grabbed me from behind, and another one of them began to try to take the bat."

"What did you do?"

"I kicked the one trying to take the bat as hard as I could in the nuts, and he went down on his knees crying. [All five men, even Sheldon, grabbed themselves and groaned.] The guy holding me from behind didn't hold one of my arms, so it was free. He was so strong I couldn't get the other arm free, but, when the fourth guy came up and tried to grab my hands, I managed to stick my finger in his nose and began trying to pull it off. He bled all over my carpet. He tried to grab my legs, and I kicked him in the mouth with my knee. I know I broke off at least one tooth. It's on the floor there next to the bar."

The officers by this time were watching Penny with their mouths open.

"Then what?"

"It took all four of them, but they managed to hold me down on the floor after one of them punched me in the ribs. It knocked the breath out of me, and they tackled me when I couldn't breathe. Two of them held my hands behind my back, a third one held my legs down, and the fourth one tied my wrists behind me with the nylon tie. After my hands were tied, they rolled me over, and nut sack forced some rolled up cloth into my mouth and taped my mouth shut. Then they jerked me up to my feet and forced me down on the chair. They taped my arms to the chair and used the tape to fasten my ankles to the legs. They left me in that chair. The one I had kicked in the nuts came over and punched me in the face, but I think the others stopped him before he could hit me again. He hit me so hard I think I blacked out, but I had this vague sense that somebody stepped between him and me and told him to use his brain. When I could see straight again, three of them were carrying my pocketbook, my laptop, and my flat screen TV out the door as the one I had hit with the bat sat on the sofa with his head between his knees. As they left, the one I had kicked in the nuts came back over and slapped me across the face and called me a bitch. He leaned over nose-to-nose with me and said he was going to show me what a real man does to a woman, and I head-butted him. I know I broke his nose. It's his blood all over my uniform. The others grabbed him and said to come on, they needed to get out of here. He started back toward me, but the big one got between us and told him they needed to get out. They just left me there tied up and gagged. I sat there over three hours before Sheldon found me. That's why I had to pee when Leonard came in."

"Which chair?"

Penny stood, went to the doorway, and pointed, saying, "That one, the one behind the sofa, next to the bedroom door."

"Charlie," one of the officers said, "Why don't you get on the radio and see if dispatch can contact all the emergency rooms in the area and see if anyone suspicious has come in with one guy with a head injury, another with a groin injury and broken nose, and another with broken teeth."

"And an eye injury," Penny said.

"An eye injury?"

"Yeah: When they were trying to hold me down, I scratched one across the eyes with my nails. Darn! I broke my nail."

"OK, Charlie, what's the body count now, a head injury—probably a concussion—one with broken teeth, a nose injury, a groin injury, a broken nose, and an eye injury."

"Miss," one of the officers said, "These guys coming up the stairs are our crime scene investigators. We've called paramedics. We need to take you to the ER to have you checked out. Do we have someone who could stay here with the officers while they go through your apartment for evidence? James here found one whole tooth and parts of two others, and there's a lot of blood on the carpet. We also have the nylon tie, the athletic tape, and the socks they stuffed into your mouth. Is there any other evidence you know about other than your uniform?"

"The ball bat is somewhere. When they took it from me, they threw it behind the sofa."

"Before we take you to the ER, do you know what all was taken?"

"I know they took my pocketbook, my flat screen TV, and my pink Dell laptop computer. If they took anything else before I got home, I just don't know. Oh, no, my billfold with all my credit cards was in my pocketbook, and my iPhone. And I had gotten all the way to Happy Birthday in Angry Birds!"

The paramedics arrived and tried to get Penny to allow them to put her on a gurney.

"No, I can walk," she said. "And Leonard's coming with me."

One of the paramedics tried to put his hand on Penny's arm and said, "Miss, it's all right. It's procedure. If you will let me put on the gurney, we'll take good care of you."

"You can take your hands off me. I'm walking."

Leonard held Penny's hand and said, "Come on, guys. I don't think all of us put together could make her ride the gurney if she doesn't want to."

Penny and Leonard walked down the stairs behind the paramedics and climbed into the waiting ambulance.