ASLEEP

Rated T for violence, imagery and swearing in German/French

Prologue- Midnight

Cold. Colddarkcold.

Augh. Wet, too?

Cold dark wet. Wonderful.

Well. Get up. Open eyes. Breathe-GAH!

No! Don't breathe! Water! Breathing bad right now!

up. Where's up. Go up. Go up go up go up goup-

Splash. I'm up. Eyes open. Breathe.

Shore, Where's the shore, where's the bloody shore?

There. There's the shore. Right. Still dark. Priorities.

Get.

To.

The.

Shore.

Swim, you fool.

Okay. Okay, shore is good. Okay. Augh, dammit, my wallet's going to be ruined. Shite! Laptop!

Shite! 3DS! Dammit, that was the Awakening bundle! I was hoping to log some more street-pass teams to annihilate.

Wait.

Waitwaitwait.

These aren't my clothes. That's not my bag. Damn, is it still even my face? Good, water.

Okay, well, I'm still a guy, that's good to know. Hrm, face is still kinda square, nose is still squint...eyes are still grey...hair is still reddish-brown and a dirty mess..hands are covered in sand...sand? Am I on a beach?

...

There aren't any nice beaches anywhere near my house. Okay. Okay okay. Breathe. Calm down. Shivering. Hypothermia? Deal with other problems later. Get warm. Take order of supplies. What do I have?
Bag. Soaking wet bag. Looks like bedroll, spare clothes and...a smaller bag. With coins.

What.
Flint and steel. Okay. Can build fire. Rope. Okay. Can build shelter.

Okay. Right. What else? Clothes I'm wearing should be fine. What's on my back?

Shield. Huh.

Sword. Huh.

Okay, I have tools at least. Get-get to the forest. Is there a forest? Yes. Over there.

Forest.

Get to forest. Build shelter. Get some sleep. Figure this out later.

Log Entry #1:

Found a book and pencil. Waterproofed for some reason. Don't know why.
I still don't know where I am or how I got this gear. Maybe I got mugged? But why? Why would you mug someone and give them a sword and a fortune in solid gold coins?

Find a town. Get information.

Figure out where I am.

Organize your bloody thoughts, Cameron. Get your act together.

Okay, well, that was embarrassing. Not had a mind-melt like that since I was like, five or something. Yeah. I'm normally better structured than that. I think I saw a town over there. No roads (Well, tarmac anyway), which is troubling. This is starting to sound like a bad fanfic.

...

Speaking of, when the hell was my hand-eye this good? I'm dyspraxic for god's sakes, I shouldn't be able to flip a coin over in my hand without dropping it. I was never this fit, I'm a frigging nerd for crying out loud. There is something inherently wrong here.

Ah, there's the village. Right. Find a pub or something. Follow traditional fantasy tropes. Maybe I'm stuck in some weird-ass dream thanks to D&D withdrawal. Stupid Alex not planning his dungeon crawl fast enough...

"Hail, traveller!"

How to continue. Possibilities, possibilities.

Raise hand in response. Smile.

"Hail, my friend. I apologize, but I seem to have lost my way. Where exactly am I?"

Huh. That's odd. She looks like the generic female villager portrait from Awakening. Interesting-oh. Oh god no.

"You're in Archet, sir!"

...isn't that a village from Lord of the Rings?

"Apologies. What's the nearest major city?"

"That'd be Ylisstol, to the north, sir!"

...

...

...

Oh.

Oh god no.

Crap.

Keep mask up. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic-

"Sir, are you alright? You look a little peaky-"

"I'm fine, thank you. Must have wandered further off course than anticipated. Hmm."

Crap.

CRAP.

"...I don't suppose you could tell me where I could find room and board? I need some time to gather my thoughts."
"It's down that way, sir. Look for the Royal Ring."
"Thank you. Have a nice day."
Smile pleasantly. Get smiled at back. Walk off waving.

...okay. Inside the inn. Swallow nervously. Packed full. Dangerous men. Crap. This isn't good. Inn-keeper. Well-kept man, portly. Brown hair.
"Evening, young master! What'll it be?"

"A room for the night, please. A meal, too, if it is possible."
"Alright, sir. That'll be one gold for the room and meal together."
Oh, wow. Well, the Fire Emblem economy makes more sense now. 480gp for a sword is more logical if a meal and bed is only 1gp.

"Here you are, sir. Thank you."
Wander off. Find table. Sigh. Write another log while waiting.

Log Entry #2:

Okay, my dyspraxia is definitely gone. That's one good thing to come out of this mess. My handwriting's improved tenfold. Not to mention that having a hand-eye co-ordination problem would be the world's most hampering weaksauce weakness in a frigging medieval world.

Damn, Ylisse? I'm in Ylisse? How the hell did that happen?

I remember playing chess with Eugene, the old man across the road, and then I wake up underwater ON THE COAST OF A FICTIONAL CONTINENT?!

Right. Okay.

I am not in Fire Emblem Awakening.

I am in a bad fanfic.

Due to the laws of bad Self-Inserts, I have to beat the game in order to get out. Okay.

Beating the game means meeting up with either Chrom and the shepherds, or as an alternate plan Lucina.

Huh, that'd be interesting actually. See what she was doing for three years before joining your party – no. Bad idea. I don't even know if she's come through ye

Shattering glass. Screams. Smell. Burning.

I can smell burning.

The burly men in the corner grin and stand up, dropping axes to their hands. Well, wonderful. I guess this might be the village that Chrom saves at the opening of the game.

Which would make these buggers bandits.
"Hey, boy! You look like a scrapper. Care to join us? We pay well..."
The one who talked showed teeth. Well.

I think there's only one appropriate response to that question, isn't there?

Smile.

Stand up.

Nod.

FLIP TABLE.
Food and candles scattered everywhere, distracting the three bandits for a few seconds. My hands wrench my shield and sword from my back, and-

wait.

When the hell did I learn to use a shield and sword? Plot convenience?

OH GOD AXE

Think later, avoid dying NOW

Bring up the shield to block the falling axe. Push forward with the shield to knock the axe back and push target off-balance. Use momentum to spin.

Gut opponent with sword.

One bandit fell to the ground, clutching his belly. Straighten up.

"Well, when I make money I prefer there to be places left to spend it." I said cheerfully. The two remaining bandits charged forwards, but they were dispatched in short enough order. Evidently don't know how to fight at all, but neither did I until...not sure when. Still know more than they do.

Right.

Civilians. Deal with this.

"Get to the church." I barked. "You can bar the doors and they can't burn it down. I'll buy some time."

They just stood there dumbfounded.

Good god, I have had a bad day. I have ended up in another world, killed three men, and acquired a bunch of skills that I didn't have earlier.

I do not need shell-shocked civilians making it worse.

"GET A BLOODY MOVE ON!"
Okay, louder than necessary, but it got the point across as they all scattered out the door.

Church is across the street. Exit door.

...

Huh. That's more enemies than there are on normal.

Dear god, please let this not be Lunatic or Lunatic+.

I am begging you here. Cut me one break. ONE. BREAK.

Well, that's a fireball. I'll take that as a no then?

OH GOD

Damn, that hurts. Okay. Get back up. Get up. GETUPGETUPGETUP.

Right. Okay.

Minor burns on sword arm. Right cheek feels scorched. Breathing difficult.

Be. More. Careful.

Oh god, myrmidon.

Block with shield, push away-no. Wait.

Dammit, he just pirouetted and converted his momentum into another slash. Parry. Step back. Raise shield, ready sword for thrusting.

"So, what, you guys get off on killing innocent people? Such big strong men you are."

...on second thoughts, snarky comebacks may not have been the best idea here. The other myrmidon and the leader are coming now too.

Crap.

That means that Chrom, Frederick and hopefully Robin are showing up all the way over there. Just frigging wonderful. Let's hope that-SWORD!
Block. Thrust. Watch myrmidon dodge. Other myrmidon. Dodge the swing, try to hit him while he's off-guard. Myrmidon parries.

Wow, just how low is my Skill score? What do these guys have, like, eight? Not that great...

Oh god, it's their leader. Okay. Catch his blow on the shield-OH GOD!

Shield destroyed. Arm broken. Pain.

Painhotpain.

Agh

Pain.

Keel over, vomit. Jesus wept. Pain. So...much...pain...

"Heh, not so much big talk now, are you?"

Axe coming. Step aside.

He's innacurate. I can do this-OH GOD FAST.

Okay. I can – MYRMIDON!

Other myrmidon!

MAAAAGE!

Dammit. Dammit. Outnumbered. That fireball hit my back, and my legs are nicked. This was a stupid plan. Stupid, stupid plan. I must have caught that last three off guard. What the hell was I thinking?

...

I am about to die. Huh. Strangely zen actually.

Of course, now the powers-that-be decide to intervene in the form of lightning storm to the leader's face. Well, at least that mean's I'm not the replacement Robin. That would make no sense whatsoever, I mean Robin's backstory is fairly important-

Oh god, Myrmidon-impaled. Well. I have blood on my face now. Oooh, pretty lance tip, Frederick. That would mean-Ah, there's Falchion, right on time. That's the second Myrmidon down, and – yes, yes, Chrom gets the mage too. Showoff.

Well, the boss is back up.

"Fools! Who dares defy the mighty Garrick?!"
Oh, that's his name!

Huh, my arm feels all tingly. That's odd-OH GOD THE PAIN.

"Oh, sorry!"

Dammit, Lissa, why don't you break it again-OH HEY it's set. Huh. So the excruciating pain is the bones being put back into place. Awesome.

"Don't...worry about it."

Grit teeth. Pain. Damn. Must not appear weak. One chance to get recruited.

Oh hey, they missed a bandit.

"Move!"
Grab little blonde girl. Throw out of the way. Get hit again ow ow ow. Okay, large cut on soldier. Collarbone broken. Ow.

Heh, this one's slow. Slash. One cut throat. Problem solved. Blood everywhere, again...

"Are you all right?" I asked Lissa, finally feeling more organized again. Adrenaline must do that to you.

"Are you kidding? That was AWESOME!" She gushed. A bit of an overreaction, sure, but nice to have all the same.

"...I don't know if you've noticed, but I am bleeding yet again, so a little haste with the healing would be appreciated...?" I suggested weakly.

Well that's an interesting spectrum of colours for your face to go through, Lissa.

"Right, sorry."
So we both stood there embarrassed for a few seconds while she stitched my shoulder back together. Fun. At least the others seemed to have finished the convos with generic villager people.

"Sir?"

Oh hey barkeep. What do you want.

"Yes?"

"Sir, you were...very brave. Maybe a little stupid, but brave." He admitted. "We don't have much in the ways of reward, but you are always welcome back here."

I spent a few seconds looking pointedly at the blazing houses.

"Are you certain there will still be a 'here' to come back to, good man?"

Oh god, I can't do this middle-age-y dialogue for much longer, but its polite at least.

"We're tough around these parts. We'll manage." He grinned. "Besides, I didn't like the old inn anyway. I mean, Royal Ring? Who calls something that?"

Well, there's a smile now. Bit of laughter, makes my lungs hurt though. "I'll say."

"Yeah, we'll just call it something else now. What's your name, sir?"

I just saw Chrom, Robin and Frederick wander over. "Name it after them, not me. I'd just be an unpleasant stain on the floor if they hadn't shown up."

And just like that, the hero worship was gone. Sighing, I wandered over to the nearby canal and rubbed the soot off of my face. A hand clenched around my shoulder, tightening in... a slightly painful way. Hello, Frederick the Wary.

"I appreciate you helping the villagers."

Oh god, that voice is deeper than it was in the game. Although that might be intimidation working for him.

"Peace, Frederick. That innkeeper said he saved their lives."

"At great physical pain, I assure you." I grinned, turning to meet them. Good impressions Cam, good impressions. "I'm Cameron, a wandering...adventurer, I guess."

Go go go D&D obsession!

"...adventurer?" The man whom I assume is Robin asked. Well, what do we have here. Yup, default male avatar. Looks like he didn't even bother to draw his sword, not surprised. Magic is OP in this game.

"Yeah, you know. Wander the world, taking on odd jobs, seeing the sights, fighting off the forces of evil...okay, that last one only got added to the list today." I smirked. "Still, money's been a bit tight recently. If you lot are the shepherds, maybe you could afford to take on an extra hand?"

There was a pause as Frederick puffed himself up.

"We do not take any common soldier off the street-"

"He risked his life for civilians, Frederick. That's enough for me to trust him." Chrom said, cutting Frederick off again. "Besides, we are running low on men. There's only you, me, Lissa, Vaike, Miriel, Sully, Stahl, Mariabel and...uh..."

"Kellam, Captain."

Oh, Kellam. I'm so sorry for you.

"Right, Kellam. Another able sword wouldn't be amiss, would it?"

Frederick gave up, grumbling to himself. HYES! I AM IN!

New goal unlocked: Don't die.

"Excellent! Erm, who are you?"

Frederick sighed. Chrom and Robin smirked, and Lissa giggled. Oh god, that giggle is going to drive me insane isn't it?

"I'm Chrom, commander of the shephards." Chrom said. "This is Sir Frederick, second-in-command, my sister Lissa, and our other new recruit, Robin."
Robin gave a cheery wave. Oh god, let's gogogo LucinaxRobin OTP.

Focus. Focus. No shipping. Bad Cameron. Let love happen. Don't min-max skills IRL, that would be bad. Seriously.

...okay.

"Well then." I grinned. "Guess we've got a long walk to go, huh?"

Lissa looked at me hopefully. "Unless you're still hurt and need to rest enjoying good hospitality...?"
"Nope, you did a pretty good job stitching me back together. I'll just grab my things and then we can leave."

Lissa grumbled to herself about how she should have messed up my collarbone earlier as I walked back to the tavern to pick up my bag. Huh, empty. I wonder why-

"You're in this world for two days and you already break something?"
...Eugene?

I turned quickly, and saw an old man standing stooped in front of me. Long beard, robes – damn.

"...Old Hubba." I muttered, frowning. Well, at least I think he's Old Hubba. "This is your fault then?"

"Of course it is!" He scoffed. "Catch"

Well, that's a nice shield. All metal and blue and pretty.
"Let's see you break that. Useless."

"...so...no explanations then?"

"Not yet." He grinned.

"Of course not, that would be a logical and helpful thing to happen to me." I groaned. "Nothing like that seems to happen anymore."

Old Hubba smirked and slowly faded away. "Just remember Cameron...you can't afford to be reckless here..."

...

the hell? That's something Eugene used to say to me before he...died...a year a...go...

...

I played Old Hubba at chess? How the hell did that happen?

What the hell is going on?

**
A/N: No-one ever reads these things, but whatever. This fic is designed for two things: A foray into Self-Insert fics for fun, and also to experiment with a more 'realistic' portrayal of the first-person view by actually getting into their head. People may recognise its similarity to the 'Riverspeak' segments of the Firefly fanfic Forward, but I don't intend (Nor have the skill) to rip off something that amazing. Anyway, if it turns out to not work I'll drop it, but at least let me know what you think about that aspect first. Any problems you have will be added to the following list of things I will try to fix over the fic's run.

WEAKNESSES I AM AWARE OF: I am a Scriptwriting student, and I have an over-reliance on dialogue. I will need to improve on this over the course of the fic.

Thanks for giving it a shot~!

-G2G

EDIT 25/03/2013: I just realized I never described myself. D'oh. Fixed that.

EDIT 14/05/2013: Nothing major, switched some words around and stuff like that.