Phoebe

Chapter theme song: 'Higher' by: Jhene Aiko ( - - Love this woman!)

I slipped into my black dress, zipping the side zipper up slowly against my slick skin. My shaky hands barely were able to make it all the way up to the brink but I managed with a few shallow breaths. I looked at myself in mirror, carefully examining myself to see if I still looked the same. I looked at my long, raven hair that draped against the edges of my shoulders to land against my tender breasts, my low eyes that were filled with doubt and confusion as my face grew flushed with embarrassment. I was still the same woman, but I was becoming more and more unfamiliar with the days that passed.

The other week, I had woken up inside of Gerald's strong…familiar arms and it did not seem foreign at all. Helga screams woke us up from our slumber, his eyes groggier than mine from his sudden spell of insomnia, and startled us into realizing our position. I quickly scrambled away in order to collect my thoughts while Gerald immediately stood and marched up the stairs past a clearly irate Helga into the kitchen with Arnold. Since then, things have been a little awkward between us. With Kato out the country for the week, my case was put on hold until Kato had landed back into the states and allowed us to reconvene for another attempt at mediation before actually motioning a court case. Gerald had tried to go home the other day but came back in a fury with even more of his things…and a missing wedding band.

I had wanted to ask him was everything alright and what had happened at Chandra's place but it didn't seem like the right time given that he was directly punching a wall with his bare fists. Arnold had to scurry downstairs to calm him before he broke something and had led him out to the backyard for some good guy talk and a few beers. I peeked through the screen of the patio and only caught bits and pieces of the conversation but from what I had heard, Chandra had changed the locks, thrown Gerald out indefinitely, and may have been having an affair with her ex-fiancée. My heart bled for Gerald but I was in no position to speak or cast judgment; just a few years ago me being in the same position where I was the one being the adulterer in the relationship and breaking my marital vows against Kato with Gerald. Now karma was back to bite him in the rear and she had proven herself to be quite the contender.

I pulled my hair into a French bun, securing it with numerous hair pins before I took out my curling wand to readjust a few loose curls and add some last minute touches to my look. I looked at the makeup Helga had bought me from the department store and smiled, reminiscing about our afternoon and how it felt to feel like we were girls again. With Helga and I being grown women with families and careers- some more than others, it was hard for us to spend some bonding time with one another anymore due to our busy schedules or family obligations. With me being an only child and Helga being the black sheep of the family, it was imperative we had made time for one another when we were growing up to ensure we never grew distant or allowed our own lives to weaken the strength of our friendship.

I peppered my lips with a layer of nude gloss to complement the dusky shadow pallet I had chosen to dust my eyes with. I sprinkled on a layer of blush and added my eyeliner as finishing touches before taking a final glance at myself in the mirror. I began to grow a bit nervous; this being the first time I had been out with Gerald officially since he had came to Japan years ago. He had invited me to his firm's annual staff appreciation dinner at some elegant banquet hall and since he and Chandra fell out just days before, he had asked me if I was interested to go in her place since he did not feel up t be bombarded with questions as to being alone. I had asked him if it was such a good idea that I attend the dinner with everyone in his firm knowing full well he was married…with a kid, but he assured me it would be fine and we were just going as friends. I had to keep reminding myself of the last word repeatedly…friends.

Lately, I have been unable to keep those familiar feelings for my ex at bay. Gerald and I have been spending more time than usual with one another and it was starting to take a toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have not seen Gerald since the day he made partner a year ago and before that it had been a few years. With my marital issues with Kato, out divorce, and the custody of our daughter, I was going through a hailstorm of legal issues that I was not prepared to deal with at all. I was more than happy when Helga had asked Arnold to talk to Gerald for me about helping me with my case against Kato for the sole parental rights of our daughter, but I did not take into account how the constant interaction between us would affect me personally. It initially started off as Gerald doing an old friend a favor- a business transaction basically. But the coffee dates, secret meetings in the park without his wife knowing, and dinner meetings soon detoured from being business related to us talking about anything and everything from the past, our families, and even…what could have been with us.

I sometimes would blow off Gerald to let my conscience breathe but even then I would still feel horrible for sneaking around with a married man. Even though we technically weren't doing anything wrong or immoral, the silent words spoken, the tender touches he would give me that yearned with intense longing, the way his eyes would graze over me longingly a little longer than usual all spoke volumes that the feelings he had for me since we were just children have not been forgotten; and how can they with the history he and I share? I knew Gerald still had feelings for me, and I for him, which is why I decided it be best I leave when he and Chandra got into that argument over me staying there a few nights after my house had been unfortunately destroyed through arson. But I could not begin to mask my feelings as well when being around Gerald twenty-four, seven only recreated the memories I had longed to forget. Just being under the same roof…in the same room…touching the cotton towels that draped over the bathroom rack in his cologne made my senses pace with the matched speed of an untamed wild beast.

I was getting too emotionally involved in a situation I knew would only turn toxic too quickly if I decided to continue on with Gerald being my legal representation. Pro bono or not, mixing personal feelings with the events of business was not a smart move on either of our parts and maybe Kato was onto something when he suggested I find other representation. I knew Gerald's marriage was on the rocks because I suddenly reemerged into the picture as the infamous ex-girlfriend that shattered his heart; and I knew that I was not doing myself justice in allowing myself to cling to the memories of the past and dance with the forbidden temptation of lust. I needed to end things with Gerald, starting with this dinner.

I grabbed my clutch and headed out of my room to meet Gerald in the dining room. To my surprise, he was not nursing down a shot of vodka- his signature drink he had taken to whenever he had to be in a room with his bosses- but was in the backyard on a sprawled out lawn chair gazing at the full moon. I smiled; putting on my house slippers nestled near the doorway to join him. It was a little chilly so I grabbed us a small throw from atop of the sofa.

I thought maybe he was dozing off to sleep, but Gerald was clearly relaxed…more relaxed than he had ever been. He had a bottle of water in one hand and a joint in the other, taking a small hit before exhaling a thick cloud of smoke against the majestic mauve limelight of the night sky. It took me a back a bit. I have not seen Gerald smoke anything since high-school, let alone marijuana. Arnold and Gerald did it recreationally back during our freshman year of high-school at a senior's party to look 'cool' and fit in. They did not anticipate that they would enjoy it but decided on only taking part in it right before finals week or before a big term paper was due- basically whenever they were under huge amounts of stress. Helga and I tried it once before with them, Helga taking it like a pro while I choked and got laughed at the entire time; but I did not particularly care for the taste or the smell.

"You alright?"

He nodded, still gazing at the moon and the small stars that twinkled through the thick rain clouds. "You look nice tonight, Phoebe."

I blushed slightly, taking a seat next to him. "Thank you." There was a small pause. "I didn't know you still smoked."

He shrugged, taking another hit. "Only during the most stressful times of my life is when I break out my trusty friend here. I need something to calm me down if I am going to be surrounded by the blood-thirsty vultures I work with all night."

"Wouldn't you be classified as one of them too? You are a lawyer." I smiled, giggling.

He gave me a small smirk. "You're funny."

I scooted my chair a little bit closer to his, reaching over him to take the makeshift cigarette away from him. I decided there was no harm in trying it one last time for the sake of the moment. I inhaled it roughly, coughing the whole time. Gerald let out a hearty laugh before coming to my rescue by patting me gently on the back and giving me a swig of his water. "Still a novice I see."

"Shut up!" I coughed, determined to get this smoking weed thing right. "I can do it too."

"Why do you want to?"

"I want to see what all the fuss is about."

He cracked another small smile, handing it back to me. "For starters, don't inhale it all at once. You will choke and look like a fish out of water."

"Kind of like what I just did?" he nodded, chuckling.

"Inhale slowly, sensually…let it flow naturally."

I did as I was told, closing my eyes as I took in a deep breath of smoke. I felt my head tingle slightly, holding it in for a few seconds before blowing it out briskly. I opened one eye to seek approval and was pleasantly given a thumbs up from my teacher. I beamed with joy, feeling accomplished. "I did it!"

"Congratulations." His tone dripped with husky sarcasm. "You are a professional."

I nudged him in the shoulder, giggling. He smiled. We moved our lawn chairs a bit closer together until they touched, our eyes connecting as our hands slowly glided over each other's skin. I felt myself blush, my eyes turning away to meet the sudden movements of a small rabbit in the far bushes near Helga's rose garden. Gerald placed a small finger underneath my chin, bringing my gaze to meet his. I stared into his dark brown eyes as he looked into my onyx ones, our souls silently screaming out to one another in hushed murmurs. He inched slightly…our lips practically touching before he pulled away much to my disappointment.

Before I could say anything, Gerald had begun another round; taking a long, well-deserved drag before blowing it slowly against the crisp breeze of the night. He passed it to me, this time me wanting to try something different. I inhaled slow and sensual, just like I was told, and let it wrap me up in all its taboo glory. I closed my eyes, exhaling through my nose in small amounts. I opened my mouth and puffed out a small, circular ring. I startled myself but felt damn good. I was getting good.

Gerald seemed impressed, asking me to do it again. I complied, this time asking him to come near me to try something a little different this time around. I positioned myself atop of his lap, allowing the wool blanket I grabbed from the sofa to pool against my waist and settle into a mound of warmth atop of his knees. Gerald's eyes were low; his train of thought now slowing as the animal inside of him began to wander. He placed his hands around my waist, rubbing the bed of his thumbs gently against my smooth skin to warm me from the chilling kiss of the night. I took in my own drag, closing my eyes once more before I leaned over Gerald. I opened my mouth, he opening his as I blew several rings into his kiss. He recited it back to me, leaving me to turn back against the amethyst night to finally release the clouds of smoke into the air.

I gazed at Gerald with low eyes, myself feeling warm and carefree so suddenly. He snaked his hands into hair, unpinning my neat bun to allow my curls to cascade down my back. I undid his stiff tie and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his dress shirt with haste. Leaning up, Gerald propped himself on his elbows to look at me intently. My mind told me to stop this before things got too out of character and to finally end this never-ending game of cat and mouse we have been playing since the dawn of time, but my heart and hormones were telling me otherwise. I came out here to tell him that this was not such a good idea and I was only reconfirming my initial thoughts by erotically seducing my ex-boyfriend. Although we were both clearly out of our minds-literally-it did not excuse our behavior.

He is married, with a child and I am a single-mother with a shaky history with men. The last thing I needed to do was get wrapped up in my past. I took in a deep breath, trying to come to my senses but it was not enough. Gerald palmed the back of my head to bring me into a slow kiss. My first instinct was to pull away, but my soul had desired that I only deepen it further. I snaked my tongue out to meet his, twirling and thrusting it for dominance over his skilled one as my hands roamed his chest through his suit jacket. I felt him slowly hike up my dress, exposing my lace panty to the cool air that only heightened my arousal. I gently bit his bottom lip, pulling away.

"Let's stay in tonight."

"Okay."

A/N: I love Jhene Aiko! She is AMAZING. I suggest you all listen to her stuff on youtube. She is slept on so hard. But anyhoo, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I feel like I have not updated my Gerald and Phoebe story in so long. I can't forget my two lovebirds. Comments and suggestions are always welcomed. I am sorry I am not updating like usual. I did warn that this summer I would not be updating because my internship in Oregon as well as the writing and editing of my own literary works professionally and well…it's happening. Sorry kittens. I love you guys though! I will try and update when I can and will definitely keep you all in tuned with all my progress! Thanks for enjoying my twisted, dark fantasies- SP