A/N: Difficult to call this one a 'cross-over' since it happened in an episode of South Park, but it's probably the best fit given the references and characters involved.

This is basically a 'deleted scene' from the episode 'Cartoon Wars', so I've tried to avoid any 'future' references for both shows unless I could make it work.

While it worked in the episode to pass it off as a 'gay little speech', I kinda wanted to see what it was that Kyle said to turn Bart from enemy to friend, so it seems the last resort is making it up as best you can. Plenty of potential for this idea, so I'm genuinely surprised no-one else tried it before, in fact I've only ever seen one story that even mentions this part of the episode. Enjoy.

Friday 14th April 2006, 12:00

A boy in a green hat slowly opened his eyes in a daze, and after a few seconds realised that he was trapped in a net hanging from the ceiling of a small shack, then in the corner of his eye noticed another boy, who was grinning menacingly as he supported himself on a skateboard. "Let me out of here, kid! Why are you doing this?"

The blond-haired boy didn't have time to reply, with the next voice that Kyle heard being a familiar one that somehow sounded even more annoying than usual with a know-it-all tone: "Well well well!"

"Cartman!"

The fat boy continued calm but teasingly: "Hello, Kahl. Looks like you've run into a little snag in your plan as well."

"You fat son-of-a-bitch!"

Cartman continued his taunts: "You came so close to stopping me, didn't you, Kahl. There was just one thing you didn't count on: that more people besides me hate Guy's Family."

The third boy in the room spoke for the first time since Kyle had woken up: "Yeah."

"Well, a lot of people like Guy's Family too! Who are you to decide it shouldn't be on the air?!"

To Kyle's surprise the yellow-skinned kid stormed up to him and yelled: "Shut up! You shut your fucking face, man!" before turning to Cartman: "Did it work? Did you scare the network into pulling the episode?"

"Not yet! But I've come up with a new plan. I've learned how to make the Guy's Family writing staff stop working! As soon as everyone goes on their lunch break, I can sneak back in."

"Cool man!"

The thinner of the South Park residents got angry again, gripping the rope net with his green gloves and shouting: "Cartman, let me out of this stupid net!"

His rival walked up to him with a sinister encouraging smile: "Good, Kahl! That's good anger you're showing there! See that?! That's emotional character development based on what's happening in the storyline! Not at all like Guy's Family. Now, if you'll excuse me, Kahl, I've got some idea balls to remove from a manatee tank," he concluded calmly while heading for the door.

"WHAT?!"

After his fat 'friend' left, the trapped boy took a minute to think about what Cartman had said, but it still didn't make sense, and he repeated himself on the off-chance that it would: "WHAT?!"

"Beats me man," The boy watching over him in the shadowy corner replied.

"Pfft, right, so you're in tight enough with fatass to knock me out cold, but he won't tell you what he's trying to do?" Kyle asked angrily and sarcastically.

"Hey, shut your damn mouth before I do it for you!"

"Oh, sorry, I sure wouldn't want to be pissed off at a time like this!" the green-hatted boy continued in a more exaggerated tone than before.

"I'm warning you man, maybe I need to use this skateboard again if you don't shut the hell up."

"If you're not gonna let me out then maybe you should, dick! At least then I won't have to hear Cartman gloating when he beats me!"

"What the hell do you have against him anyway? He's the most hardcore kid I've ever met, and you'd have to be pretty stupid to get on the wrong side of someone who grinds a kid's parents up into chilli. Is Guy's Family really worth it?"

Kyle sighed after noticing the kid ending with a more sympathetic tone, and replied: "It's... more than Guy's Family, dude. It's the principle as well, what kind of message does pulling a Muhammad episode have for free speech? But worst of all is the person who's making it happen. You're not from our town so you wouldn't know, but that fat bastard has been nothing but a pain in the ass to me since the day we met. He's always trying to pull shit that'll bring me down, he rips on me just for being Jewish, and his retarded ideas usually end up getting me and my other friends in trouble as well. So when he has one of his wierd schemes... I just... I have to do whatever I can to put a stop to it, I can't let a load of other people get affected by something that fat piece of shit tries to do."

"Hang on... Cal, right? Here's something I don't get. Why do you even hang out with him in the first place if he's such an asshole? If someone tried to do all that to me, I'd just stay the hell away from them, I'm cool with most of the kids in my school except the bullies, and I just try to avoid them so I don't get my ass kicked. I mean, geez, get some common sense, man."

"The common sense thing to do is to stop him! Alright, if you can't do anything to fix a problem then you should stay away from it, but when you can and you know that it's the right thing to do... look, I'm just saying you shouldn't trust Cartman too easily, he's an evil manipulative asshole and he's just using you to get what he wants."

"But I want the same thing. Not sure if you were listening to what he said, but I hate Guy's Family as well, that's why I agreed to help him. No-one can manipulate me."

"Trust me dude, he can and probably did, he almost got to me - I came here with him because he scared me into taking his side before I found out the truth, when I told him I was gonna stop him he almost rammed me down a fucking cliff! Look, you might not like Guy's Family and that's fine, but it's a show that lots of people do like, who are you to say it should go off the air?"

"Ha, like I'm gonna listen to a guy wearing coat and gloves in the middle of Los Angeles."

"It's freezing cold where I'm from, douchebag!"

"Oh, and where's that, the North Pole? Pfft, come on, it's the middle of April man."

"Yeah, but believe it or not there are some places in America that can be cold all year. Like my town, South Park, Colorado, but I bet you've never even seen snow before coming from LA."

"Who said I lived here? I'm from Colorado too man, a town called Springfield. We've had to move it a few times before when it got destroyed, but I think we're finally settled in one place now."

Kyle looked on a little guiltily at his captor: "Sorry, I just assumed... since no one's allowed in or out of their towns right now... I mean, me and Cartman just got lucky when we set out, no-one was around to stop us."

"Same here, my stupid dad was trying to bury his head in my baby sister's sandpit, like I was gonna be a part of that."

"Doesn't surprise me too much, looks like everyone's doing it. Don't worry about him though dude, it's not like he's the first dad to do something ridiculous. I mean, just a couple of weeks ago, mine moved our whole family to San Francisco, just 'cause no-one else in South Park owned a fucking hybrid car! He started acting like an arrogant douche smelling his own farts, can't remember what happened after that, though."

"Hmm, that's pretty rough, but it's nothing compared to how often my dad embarrasses me, I'd be here all week if I told you everything." A friendly smile emerged on his face: "Y'know, maybe we aren't that different, man."

Kyle rolled his eyes: "Hmph, I doubt it if you're on his side. Go ahead though, try me, it's not like I have anywhere important to be right now."

The other boy either missed or ignored the sarcasm and carried on: "Fine, you ask the questions, then, like you said... you're not going anywhere."

The trapped boy sighed, and decided to humour the kid with some generic questions: "Alright, what's your name?"

"Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?"

"You got it wrong earlier by the way, it's Kyle, Kyle Broflovski. Fatass can't even say my name right. What grade are you in?"

"4th, I'm 10 years old. You?"

"4th, I'm 9. There, that's a difference right off the bat."

"Come on man, it's not that big a deal. Got any brothers or sisters?"

"One little brother, his name's Ike. You?"

"Two little sisters, Lisa and Maggie. Man, you're kinda lucky, I wish I had a brother sometimes."

"It's okay, but he's only 3 so it's not like I can do much cool stuff with him. Still much rather Ike than having a sister, though."

"Yeah, girls suck, but I guess Lisa's okay to hang out with... sometimes, and Maggie's still just a baby so she hasn't done anything annoying yet. Err... I know, what colour's your hair man?"

Kyle mentally looked upwards and bitterly replied: "It's red. And you'll just have to take my word for it 'cause I'm not taking this hat off."

"Seriously? I mean, my hair's naturally red as well, its just the sun that makes it blonde all the time. I don't know too many other people with red hair, except... err, never mind. You like sports dude?"

Kyle loosened up a little after hearing one of his favourite words, answering: "Course, who doesn't? I like a lot of them: basketball, soccer, street hockey, football..."

"Me too, I think baseball's my favourite though. What about pranks?"

"Sure, I guess, as long as I don't get caught, but I do them with my friends sometimes."

"Yeah, I end up getting caught a lot, but I just love 'em anyway. Favourite type of music?"

"I don't really care that much so I've never really thought about it, but I guess like... rap, maybe?"

"Sweet, we've got more in common than you thought then. Hmmm... let's see how far we can take this, lemme think... here's one that I asked my dad once, he kinda gave a gross answer on it. Boxers or briefs?"

"Briefs, I think it's impossible to buy anything else in our town anyway."

"Same here. Err... you like Itchy & Scratchy?"

"Yeah, I've seen it before and they're pretty cool, not as good as Terrence & Phillip, though."

"That Canadian one where they fart all the time? That's a funny show, not as good as Itchy though, I'm really stoked for the Grand Theft Scratchy game that's coming out soon. What about video games, then, you like Halo and GTA and stuff?"

"Yeah dude, all the guys play them, I'm just glad my mom doesn't look into it too much, she'd totally freak and go all activist if she found out what was in those games."

"So would mine. Actually... I bet I can catch you out with this one, most of my other questions have just been normal guy stuff. What's your mom's hair look like? My mom's is blue, bushy, and really tall."

"Never met anyone with blue hair before, that's a first, but my mom's got like a ginger beehive, so I guess it's actually kinda similar."

Bart raised an eyebrow: "Really? Hmm... how about this then... you have any pets?"

"Not now, not that much of an 'animal' person, the only pet I ever had was, well, this is gonna sound crazy, but I used to have an elephant."

"Woah. No... freaking... way. So did I! Mine was called Stampy, what'd you call yours?"

"Err... you being serious dude?" Bart nodded enthusiastically. "I never owned mine long enough to think up a name, I was just so excited that I always called him 'elephant'. I can't believe someone else actually had one too."

"I know, that's pretty awesome that we both did. Not an animal person, though, huh? Maybe not quite as similar as we were a minute ago."

"Yeah, it's not like I hate 'em or anything, it's awful when animals get tortured or mistreated and stuff... I just don't love animals, y'know? If I was gonna have another pet, it would be something that doesn't depend on you all the time, like a cat or a fish. If you like animals a lot though, that probably makes you more like my best friend rather than me."

"Who's your best friend? Is he cool?"

"Stan Marsh. Really cool, best friend a guy could ask for, we do everything together and we always look out for each other. What best friends are for right?"

Bart looked a little shaken by the last few words: "Err... yeah, right."

Kyle's natural sense of empathy kicked in: "What's wrong dude, you don't have a best friend?"

The standing boy regained his composure a little: "No, I do, his name's Milhouse, he's just... he can be cool a lot of the time, that's why I hang out with him, just other times...he hardly ever helps when the chips are down. If we're both in trouble he'll usually sell me out to get himself a better deal, he'll rat on me for no reason sometimes, and I'm fine with him liking lame stuff like Happy Little Elves and Teletubbies, but for the love of god don't go crying when I poke fun at you for it, and don't expect me to have your back if you tell other kids and they make fun of you, some things are supposed to be kept secr-oh."

After getting a 'don't worry' shrug from the kid in the net, Bart continued: "But the worst thing is that he never sticks up for himself, or me when I need it. I'm not a perfect friend, but most of the time I'll at least try to stand up for someone I like if they need help, and Milhouse would be a total lameoid if it weren't for me, I want him to at least repay the favour a few times, but the only times he ever gets tough seem to make me lose a girlfriend or get me screwed out of something cool. But even then, I just want him to stand up for himself with me more sometimes, I can make him do any wierd thing I ask which sounds cool but he's like a freakin' lapdog, never disagrees with my ideas, and I can't even joke around with him 'cause he gets all girly and emotional when I do, he needs to be a bit ballsier in order to have fun, y'know? This might not make sense, but I think sometimes I just want a friend rather than a sidekick."

"Trust me, that makes perfect sense, if I was a pushover whenever Stan suggests something the stuff we do wouldn't be half as fun for either of us. Plus I already know what you're talking about with this 'Milhouse', we have a kid in our class called Butters, total wuss, and Cartman uses him any chance he gets, but it sounds a little like what you're doing with Milhouse."

"What the hell kinda name is 'Butters'? And I just told you - I only do that stuff to Milhouse because he lets me get away with it."

Kyle rolled his eyes: "Yeah, that's probably what fatass would say after he manipulates someone."

"But I make up for it, I do lots of cool stuff with Milhouse as well. He sucks at sports but I try to include him when it comes to playing video games or pulling pranks or something."

"Look, I was just pointing out that what I've heard you say about yourself makes you sound similar to me, but what I've seen you actually do to me so far... you're really acting like a thinner version of Cartman."

"Hey, what the hell man? I'm nothing like that fat kid, I'd never do anything like the crap you say he's pulled."

"Yeah, I believe you dude, you seem way more human than Cartman, but pulling loads of pranks, wanting to get Guy's Family off the air, manipulating wimpy kids... if you're not careful, I think you're on a slippery slope to becoming a monster like he is."

"A m-monster? Seriously? I can be a pretty bad kid sometimes but-"

"-But you can easily not be an asshole," Kyle interrupted more positively.

Bart raised an eyebrow: "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you sound like you could be a pretty cool person to hang out with, but everyone in my school hates Cartman because he's a total douchebag, and you could end up the same way if you follow what he does with evil plans and manipulation and shit. I don't care what you think about it, but a lot of people like Guy's Family, it's wrong to try and take that away from millions of people, just don't watch it if you don't like it, I'd only pull something like Cartman's trying if I knew it was for the greater good."

"Alright, so how do I not become a monster then?"

"It's not hard dude, when there's a chance for you to be a douchebag, don't take it, maybe by being a little smarter when it comes to pranks, you sound like you do all this 'in your face' stuff which Cartman tries and its really stupid, then working on some of the other things I said. But you can start by getting me out of this net dude, my legs have gotten really numb," Kyle hinted, and after a few seconds of hesitation, Bart walked over and reached upwards for the knot.

After a minute of work, Kyle and the net collapsed onto the floor, and after the green-hatted boy took a while to untangle himself, Bart helped his new friend up and supported him as he regained feeling in his legs.

"Ow, my ass hurts as well... does this mean you're on my side now though Bart?" Kyle asked while trying to stand up straight.

"Sure, I guess, you're not so bad man, and Bart Simpson takes care of his friends. I mean, I still don't like the show... but you're right about what you said. Sorry about knocking you out and trapping you in a net and all, I got caught up with Cartman's plan and everything. You seemed pretty pissed off earlier, you're not gonna whale on me for this are you?" Bart finished worriedly while keeping his arm around the younger boy's shoulders.

"No way man, you did the right thing in the end. Besides, I need to save this anger for someone else."

"Riiight. Anything you need me to do then?"

Kyle bit his lip as he brushed off his human crutch: "Hmmm... not really, I'm guessing you won't be the best person to speak to the network seeing as you hate the show, but if you see Cartman before I do then kick his ass for me."

Bart looked a little frightened at the prospect: "But... what if he-"

"Trust me, he's not gonna turn your parents into chilli, it would have happened to mine a long time ago, you have to really specifically and repeatedly piss him off to get that treatment. Seriously though, he is dangerous, but mostly all talk, he threatens to 'kick me in the nuts' every day and hardly ever does it."

"Cool," Bart stuck out a hand which was shook by a green glove: "Will I ever see you again?"

"I hope so. You seem pretty cool, but right now I've got bigger stuff to think about."

"Go for it dude. See you around."

"Yeah, you t-" Kyle stopped and questioned his new friend one last time: "Before I go, though, and don't take this the wrong way or anything, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me earlier, but what's with your skin dude?"

Bart looked down at his yellow arms: "Oh this? Yeah, Springfield has a really badly-run nuclear plant, it's made the whole town have non-lethal radiation. It spread to some of the other towns in our county as well - Shelbyville, Capitol City, Brockdale, North Haverbrook..."

"Err... It's not contagious is it?"

"Naa, you're fine, but if you ever visit Springfield you need to take some special pills that stop people from getting 'the skin', if you stay for more than a day without them then 'it' starts to happen."

"Okayy... maybe I'm not as keen on going to Springfield any time soon, but we'll see what happens. Oh, and remember the first thing I said to you today? You can give me the right answer now, which way is the network president's office?"

Bart laughed a little: "Sure thing Kyle, past the gate and straight ahead, basically the opposite of what I told you earlier."

"Thanks, looks like the fate of Guy's Family is in my hands now dude, no time to lose," Kyle noted before he rushed out the door, raising a hand to wave 'that kid' goodbye.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this, a nice change for me to write something 'into' an existing story. Most of the stuff mentioned in the conversation comes from various episodes of South Park and The Simpsons that I remember (let me know if I missed out any painfully obvious similarities), a little bit from creative freedom, try and guess which is which :). As South Park fans will be able to see, the opening part was a blatant copy-and-paste (and edit) job.

There may still be another chapter in this (Bart's thoughts between leaving the shack and helping Kyle later in the episode) if I can put it all together, so let me know in the reviews if you want to see it. But for now... first completed story I have.