just a little two-shot, I think. Now completely checked for spelling and grammar errors. But still no beta reader.

Also, I got some inquiries for an update of this Story and in the light of infinity war, I'll make sure to update it soon!

Ps.: I just saw that I screwed up the time line but honestly it kinda works for me. I hope it's not too distracting? Let's just say that the avengers slowly formed before Loki invaded.

Even if tony isn't a super soldier, a god or a trained assassin, he is strong. The others seem to think that he is nothing without his suit, but they tend to forget his mind.

His mind is very, very strong. And so is his will of being capable of defending himself. With snarky comments, with sarcasm, with his money and, of course, with his suit.

But there is more than that in him. Tony knows that if he would be attacked without having his suit on he would be powerless - weak.

And weak is the one thing Tony doesn't want to be. So after Afghanistan and and the palladium poisoning he starts training. At first its just some fitness exercises, like jogging (in his own little fitness room of course), weights, fitness drinks and so on. It was back then that he discovered that he really needed to do more. Yes he still drinks his daily ration of Whiskey once a day and when his mind kicks in to invent something incredible he still goes without sleep, not enough water or food and entirely too much coffee but beside all the normal self destroying stuff, he was building himself up.

It was painful, the heavy ball of metal in his chest clearly not helping, but it made him feel good, feel in control.

He starts with simple gymnastic exercises first and once he can do those with ease he turns to martial arts. The exercises, postures and punches/span are easy for him in theory, even if his body disagrees. But he grinds his teeth, ignores his screaming muscles and gets to work. After all, he's tony fuckin' stark and damn stubborn. He's never been weak exactly, having to lift heavy metals in his workshop on a daily basis but also not so strong that he could do it with ease. Now, lifting heavy machines in his lab gets easier every day and he really needs to find something other to do for dummy, because his little robot gets bored and the mechanic fears for another fire extinguisher accident. Tony updates his system and dummy is happy again, helping him with more skill on tiny details and learning how to make several other fitness shakes, that were actually edible.

Months go by and Tony is still training. He's proficient enough in several martial arts now, that he starts to invent new moves, better technics tailored to his needs and body type. After all, he wouldn't be Tony stark if he would just sit down and accept the existing rules now, would he? It becomes a fixed routine in his chaotic live, something that gives him control and a way to concentrate his chaotic mind.

His muscles are getting stronger and his body is changing. He hides his new built under well cut suits, not wanting everyone know about his new-found strength.

"Let them underestimate me" he thinks and trains in secret. It's better like that, so nobody can catch him unaware, letting others only see what they want to. After all, even if his body gets strong, if he has his suit on, if he plays untouchable - his emotions are dark, scared and broken. Afghanistan still clings to him and so does his father. But he's getting better at fighting them off. Training helps and he finds that if he absolutely exerts himself, none of his dark memories will find him in his sleep. He get's more rest, get's healthier and builds Stark Tower.

Then there are the avengers. There is Bruce, his science-bro, and Thor who is fun to drink with. Barton is as snarky as he is and even if the archer sometimes hits to close to home for Tony to absolutely feel comfortable around him, they get along quite well. Natasha is another matter and while Tony is trying he can't help but mistrust her. After all, Tony stark does not forgive easily.

And then there's Captain America, that's when everything gets fucked up. Tony can't stand him. He is the picture of strength, the reason why his father wouldn't look at him. For years he had loathed Steve for being so good, so fair, so great, so strong. Everything that Tony would never be. When he sees him, his anger roars it's ugly head, memories of drunken slurs and bottles thrown making his blood curse hotly through his veins. But he smiles and snarks and clenches his fists but never, never, raises them. In a fight with his suit on Tony is sure that he could beat the soldier, but without it? More difficult, he thinks, but not impossible. He saw cap fighting and knows he works with true and brutal strength, not with the fluency and balance Natasha shows. It's a good thing Tony hasn't just learned one sport. He can easily switch from brutal strength to fluent motions, mixing his disciplines like a cocktail.

Still, he shoves those thoughts deep down and squares his shoulders. He can endure this.

One particular day, Steve's going on about Tony messing something up again, Tony has enough. Enough of that disappointed glare and the angry frown. He would never be good enough for Steve Rogers just like he was never good enough for Howard Stark. It hits him like a revelation that this is not him. He has come too accustomed to being the fuck up and scape goat that he doesn't even really fights back anymore. Sure he snarks and glares but the old Tony Stark would never let someone berate him like this, especially not national treasure Steve Rogers. So Tony reevaluates his current position and chooses a new goal - defeating Captain America.

He goes to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s gym to watch them fight and train and he sees everything. He watches every single one of them, how they are reacting, their speed, their skills, their week points and their strengths. Natasha has clearly the style that resembles his own the most. She's fluent, strong, fast and deadly. But even she, the black widow, has weak points. As does Clint and Thor. Well, Tony isn't that sure if he could beat Thor, that guy's a god after all, but he's sure he could give him some lasting memories. The same applies to Natasha. For her he is still too weak, may never be strong enough thanks to his home built pacemaker, but even if tony hates that ugly feeling of being inferior, he takes that emotion to fire himself up, to train more. The training sessions grow in quantity and duration and his alcohol intake lowers drastically. Everything goes surprisingly good and Tony tries to embrace his new healthy life style, but of course that is when everything goes to hell in a hand basket.

There is Loki after all, God of chaos, and a fucking alien invasion. A god with a haunted look in his eyes that remind Tony far too much of his own. The inventor takes one look at the holographic pictures Jarvis conjures up for him and gets to work. Fighting in his suit again feels unimaginable good and the adrenalin rushes through his body, leaving his mind crystal clear and running on lightning speed. But of course the fun can't last forever and then there is this damn missile which is threatening to destroy his city, his territory. He knows if he does what is necessary his chances to come out of that portal alive, if at all, are practically zero. That means no more training sessions, no more hours in his lab, drinking with Thor, fighting with Pepper, inventing with Bruce, witty comments with hawkeye and watching movies with Natasha. And of course no chance of beating Rogers. But that's okay; because if he doesn't do this, doesn't take this, literally, in his own hands then they wouldn't have anything like that ever again anyway.

So he takes all his bravery and leads the missile through the portal and into space. His last sight before he looses consciousness is the beauty of a whole alien mother ship fleet exploding in awe inspiring red and golden colors. He feels the black creep into his vision and closes his eyes, the after picture of fire and stars seared into his retinas. His suit powers down, repulsers failing and he's falling, falling, he wakes disoriented to a world too bright and too loud. It takes a moment 'till he can makes sense of the scene in front of him, until his mind can process the colors are actually people and oh god he's alive. He made it. He saved the damn city and survived a fall from space. He checks his body and isn't that shocked when he notes what a mess he is. Yes the big guy had saved him, but his suit was nothing more then pieces and it felt like so where some of his bones. They went to get Shawarma anyway, because Tony is nothing if not stubborn, and having a death experience had somehow made him hungry enough to keep some of the food down while he was having a mild internal crisis. To his irritation he couldn't keep Fury from sticking him onto a stretcher afterwards anyway.

Hospital was really a pain in the ass. Tony hated doctors and their egos, posturing like they where gods in ugly white coats. He fought a god and no, they really weren't on the same level. He's so tired though, so he just lays back and let them do their work. Closes his eyes for a bit, maybe falls back unconscious. When the doctors are finished he instantly notices that something is wrong. His arm is in a cast and his ribs are twinging under the white bandages around his torso. Shit, definitely broken then. That means no more late night workouts, no more flying with his suit, no more adventures and no more training for months. At least he hadn't broken a leg as well. He could work with that, even if Pepper would probably make sure that Tony couldn't do anything exciting.

At first Tony is actually, to the surprise of everyone, docile and rests. He lasts a total of two weeks before he breaks and migrates to his workshop though, to escape the bedroom walls closing in around him. He works on a lot of new suits, the feeling of falling and the picture of flames between stars a good enough incentive to keep him going for days and nights on end. He tries to exercise however little he can without antagonizing his healing bones too much. In the end, once the cast and the bandages are off and his suits are finished, he finally feels like he can do this.

The idea of defeating Cap slips into the background of his mind, but his training doesn't. It's a routine by now and helps him sort out his chaotic and overloaded mind. New things are being invented, SI is prospering and some of the other avengers are moving into stark tower. It isn't what Stark had planned, but it's great to have someone around when Pepper's not there and the nights are a bit too dark and silent for Tony. Even if its just Bruce and Clint at first, everything goes fine and Tony feels himself relax a bit.

Until, one day, an email from Fury comes in and an old goal surfaces. It's the date of a mandatory fitness test with every member of the Avengers. Tony grins and steps up his game, trains for hours and makes sure to be in his best condition, while he does what everybody expects him to and whines about it. Clint makes fun of him about it of course and Fury rolls his eyes and snaps at him to quit fucking around. Tony hides his smile and goes to hide in his workshop. Better let them believe what they want to believe, they would find out soon enough.

So I hope the updated version is at least marginally better than the original one. Seriously, I was cringing the whole time while rewriting this. Please if you notice any errors, feel free to point them out!