A/N: WARNING: Those of you who do not possess a juvenile sense of humor or who would hate to see our beloved characters sullied in hands like mine need to back away now. This Crack!Fic is silly 3rd-grade-ish, and altogether unsophisticated. Consider yourselves warned!—Maumauka

If You Ever Want to See another Twinkie

"Pleeeaase? Pretty please let me have a bite of your ding-dong."

"Forget it, greedy! I've been waiting all day for this!"

"Can I lick it?"

"No."

"Can I just sniff it?"

"NO. And get your fingers out of there!"

"No fair, Faceman! I'm the one that introduced you to ding-dongs in the first place!"

"Too bad. Mmmm! Creamy!"

"You're just plain mean, you know that? You're a sadist."

In the front seat, Hannibal watched with amusement as B.A. teetered on the edge of a stroke. The big man was gripping the steering wheel so hard it was actually vibrating a little.

"You know, you were right, Murdock. It's heaven. The sweetness, the stickiness, the way it gushes into your mouth when you bite it..."

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT!" B.A. reached down and grabbed the remaining snacks out of the cooler and threw them out the window. The gooey chocolate treats were immediately smashed by an 18-wheeler. Murdock gasped and moaned tragically, but the sergeant was having none of it. "Both of you fools can just shut up! I'm tired of y'all actin' like a pair of perverts back there!"

"They're not acting like perverts, B.A." Hannibal said soothingly. "They're acting like five-year-olds. Ever since Murdock got Face hooked on Hostess Ding-Dongs, they've been having this argument at least once a week."

"I don't care. Murdock, you ever wanna see another Twinkie, SHUT UP! And Face, you got no excuse. Everybody knows Murdock's crazy, but there ain't no excuse for you!"

"Funny." Face licked the last bits of chocolate from his fingers. "My last three girlfriends all said that."

"Don't worry, B.A." Murdock patted the big man's shoulder. "Next place we stop, I'll get you something. My treat, okay? How about some barbecue chips?"

B.A. was silent for a moment. "And milk?"

"Anything you want, muchacho."

"Okay. But no more Ding-Dongs, you hear me?"

Later, when they had finished re-fueling, Murdock climbed into the van with a large paper grocery sack. When B.A. saw the blue and white "Hostess" wrapping sticking out of the top, he growled "Murdock, doggone it! That had better not be-"

"Relax, B.A.!" the pilot grinned his loopy grin as he handed B.A. his chips. "This time I got Ho-hos!"