*Enter a prison, where Rossi and Hotch sit in one cell with Reid in a cell to their right, and Morgan across from them*

Hotch: I always had a feeling it would come to this...
Rossi: Oh come on, this could be the best experience ever! I mean, we have perfect movie material right here.
Hotch: Are you kidding? This is going to be MISERABLE. None of us can survive prison.
*there's a bang from the other cell*
Morgan: NO YOU LISTEN UP PUNK I GET THE TOP BED AND NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL ME OTHERWISE
*quiet sobbing*
Hotch: ...Okay, maybe Morgan. But DEFINITELY not Reid.
Reid: Hey!
Rossi: Look, just because Reid's a kitten doesn't mean we can't make this a fun experience.
Hotch: Rossi, we're in PRISON.
Rossi: No shit, Sherlock.
Reid: DON'T EVEN MENTION THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE
Rossi: ...?
Hotch: BBC.
Rossi: Ah.
Hotch: Anyway, what about HIS cellmate?
Rossi: *shrugs* Maybe he'll just get a drug dealer or something.
*two guards walk over, leading along a huge guy covered in tattoos*
Rossi: ...Maybe he's going into the cell on our other side...?
Hotch: *glares at him*
Guard: Here you go, pal. *shoves him into Reid's cell*
Hotch: You were saying?
Reid: ...Is this even allowed?
Guard: *shrugs and locks the door*
Rossi: Don't worry Reid, I bet he's a teddy bear!
Reid: ...Hey...
Inmate: *glares* Talk to me and I will tie your spine in a knot!
Reid: *whimpers* Morgan!
Morgan: HEY IF YOU EVEN LAY A FINGER ON HIM I WILL SENT YOUR RATCHET ASS STRAIGHT TO HELL
Inmate: ...Ratchet?
Hotch: Ratchet?
Rossi: *snickers*
Hotch: *rolls his eyes* Us aside, what about the girls?
Rossi: Oh, they'll have even more fun!

*A women's prison just across the way*

JJ: I WANT A LAWYER! AND A PHONE CALL!
Guard: Shut up!
JJ: SHOVE THAT "SHUT UP" UP YOUR ASS I AM EXERCISING MY GOD-GIVEN RIGHTS
Blake: Calm down-
JJ: I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!
Blake: e.e
JJ: I AM IN A FUCKING PRISON DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT SOME OF THESE OTHER BITCHES DID I BET THEY'RE THUGS AND RAPISTS AND MURDERS AND DRUG DEALERS AND THE OCCASIONAL SINGLE MOTHER WHO SKIPPED OUT ON HER TAXES ONE TOO MANY TIMES
Blake: Isn't that what most people in prison are?
JJ: QUIT TRYING TO BRING LOGIC INTO THIS ALEX, THERE IS NO LOGIC IN WAR
Blake: *sighs*
Guard: For God's sake, could you get her to shut up?!
JJ: YOU SHUT UP
*down the hall*
Garcia: *rocking back and forth on the bed* There's no place like home there's no place like home there's no place like home...
Cellmate: *grabs her arm* Dude, you've only been here like 5 minutes, calm your tits.
Garcia: Bu-bu-bu-bu-
Cellmate: *slaps her*
Garcia: ...Thanks. BUT I'M LOCKED IN A PRISON WITH A BUNCH OF BAD PEOPLE... no offense.
Cellmate: None taken. And it's no big deal, you get used to it. And if you're lucky, someone will come bail you out.
Garcia: Do you think my boyfriend will send me a cake with digging tools in it?!
Cellmate: ...That's not what I meant.
Garcia: Oh. Well, still, I'm not built for prison! I'm in the FBI for Christ's sake!
Cellmate: *shakes her head* Just chill.
Garcia: ...I can't help but think you're in here on some marijuana related charge.
Cellmate: You've got it. *extends a hand* I'm Christina, but you can call me Chris.
Garcia: *shakes it* Penelope.
Chris: Nice to meet ya. Anyway, I've got your back. I mean places like this? Pff, you can establish your dominance within the week.
Garcia: ...You mean I have to...?
Chris: No... NO! God no! Just, ya know, show those other chucklefucks who's boss. Push some ladies around, pick a few fights, and soon you'll be King- er, Queen -of cellblock E, and soon the whole prison!
Garcia: You are a wise and noble stoner.
Chris: *smirks*

*The men's prison the next morning*

Rossi: This food is delicious!
Hotch: This food is DISGUSTING.
Rossi: Meh, so is that guy's B.O, but it's here so I'll take it.
Guy next to him: *glares*
Hotch: *smiles apologetically* Heh, sorry. *hisses to Rossi* Are you out of your fucking mind?!
Rossi: What? Prison is the perfect place to unleash your sarcasm without fear of getting the shit beaten out of you.
Hotch: There are always places where they can gang up on you and stab you in the neck with a sharpened toothbrush.
Rossi: It would be SOOO worth it though!
Hotch: *sighs* Why do I even bother...
Reid: *walks over* Hello.
Hotch: Hi.
Reid: *sits down*
Rossi: You look like you didn't sleep.
Reid: That's because I did not.
Hotch: Neither did I.
Reid: Nerves?
Hotch: Not that so much as THIS ASSHOLE KEPT TALKING ALL NIGHT
Rossi: *looks up with a mouthful of food* ...What?
Morgan: *walks over, looking at his food carefully*
Rossi: And now The Freakshow Four is complete!
Reid: Pardon?
Rossi: OH, that's are new gang name.
Morgan: ...Why don't you just let me deal with all the gang shit, okay?
Rossi: *snorts* Nah, I'm the leader. Just like I was the pimp and the guy who drives the clown car.
Hotch: *rolls his eyes*
Reid: We're gonna die.
Morgan: Not if I can help it.
Rossi: *gives Morgan a look and pretends his hand is a cellphone* Hello, 911? Yes, I'd like to report a murder, this guy's killing my vibe.
Morgan: *gets up and walks away*
Rossi: ...*points to Morgan's food* You think he still wants it?

*in the woman's prison, in the exercise yard*

Blake: This is actually kind of pleasant. I just wish I had a book...
JJ: *curls around her* ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEY ALL WANT TO KILL US *whispers intensely* All of them...
Blake: You CANNOT handle stress. At all.
Garcia: Wassup! *runs over to them*
JJ: *narrows her eyes* Did Garcia catch Rossi's crazy?
Blake: ...
Garcia: *runs up wearing a bandanna and several tattoos*
Blake: ...Yes.
Garcia: Hey there, hoes!
Blake: What in the hell are you doing?
Garcia: Asserting my dominance!
Blake: ...What?
Garcia: It's really the only way to survive prison.
JJ: ...Are those tattoos?
Garcia: Yeah! *holds out her arm* Pretty badass, huh?
JJ: ...*licks her thumb and rubs one of them*
*it comes right off*
Garcia: OW, MY ROSE!
Chris: *walks over and gives Garcia a weird look* ...What's with the lesbian and the schizo?
Blake: What?!
JJ: WHAT
Garcia: They're my friends.
Chris: No, not in prison. You know what we call girls like that?
Garcia: No, what?
Chris: Dog meat. They're gonna be left for the dogs. No c'mon. *pulls Garcia away*
Garcia: BYE GUYS SEE YOU AT DINNER
Blake: *sighs and stares at the clock*
JJ: What do we do now? THEY'VE TAKEN GARCIA, BLAKE! THEY HAVE TAKEN OUR BABY
Blake: I don't know about you, but I'm just going to count down the minutes until Strauss GETS US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
Inmate: SHUT UP, HO!
Blake: YOU SHUT UP
JJ: *pats her arm* Good girl.

-One week later-

*at the men's prison*

Strauss: I can't believe you kept them with the heavy duty felons, I should sue you!
Guard: *snorts* Last I checked David Rossi was a pretty heavy duty felon.
Strauss: -.- He's never raped, murdered, nor delt drugs.
Guard: ...The first two I understand, but the last one? Is that true?
Strauss: Yes!
Guard: ..Huh.
*a slumped over Hotch is lead over*
Strauss: How are you, Aaron?
Hotch: Tired.
Strauss: That's understandable.
Hotch: No, not tired tired, tired of HIM.
*Rossi is lead over*
Rossi: So anyway, then the guy is like "That's not a hat, it was a pine nut the whole time!" *bursts into laughter*
Strauss: ...I see.
Rossi: What's up, KETCHUP?
Strauss: Don't make me leave you here.
*Morgan is lead over calmly*
Morgan: Hey.
Strauss: Hi. You're pretty calm.
Morgan: *shrugs* Prison is nothing I can't handle.
*Reid is lead over*
Reid: Excuse me, could you stop pushing so hard...?
Guard: *grunts*
Morgan: *whirls around* YOU'D BETTER LOOSEN YOUR GODDAMNED GRIP RIGHT NOW BEFORE I SKIN YOU AND WEAR YOU LIKE A COAT
Guard: *promptly lets Reid go*
Reid: Thank you. :3
Morgan: *nods*
Strauss: ...I'm not surprised.

*at the women's prison*

*Blake is lead over*
Strauss: How are you?
Blake: It's about damn time you got here! I've never felt so humiliated in all my life! Why, just the other day I was in the cafeteria and...
Strauss: *sighs and tunes her out*
*JJ is lead over*
JJ: OH THANK THE BABY JESUS *breaks free of the guard and kisses Strauss's shoes*
Strauss: *steps back* Agent Jareau, PLEASE.
JJ: NO SERIOUSLY I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU I WILL CLEAN YOUR HOUSE WASH YOUR CAR MOW YOUR LAWN I WILL EVEN GIVE YOU A SPONGE BATH JUST ASK
Strauss: e.e
*Garcia is lead over, wearing the bandanna, a fohawk, several more tattoos, and a fake beauty mark*
Garcia: GUCCI GUCCI LOUIS LOUIS FENDI FENDI PRADA, BASIC BITCHES WEAR THAT SHIT SO I DON'T EVEN BOTHA!
Strauss: What the...?
Blake: Yeah, she'll get over it.
Garcia: So where are we going?
Strauss: Home...?
Garcia: *pouts* But I like it here!
JJ: ARE YOU SERIOUS
Garcia: Sha! None of my hoes want G-woman to leave! RIGHT, LADIES!
*a huge cheer erupts from the cells*
Strauss: ...Come on, Penelope. *pulls her along*
Garcia: NOOOO! CHRRIIISSSS!
Chris: *reaches out her cell* PENELOPE, NOOOOOOO!
Garcia: *sobs*
Chris: *sobs with her*
Blake: I hate everyone.

*later on, at the FBI headquarters*

Strauss: *walks into Hotch's office* Have you changed your mind?
Hotch: Hmm?
Strauss: About sending Rossi to the asylum?
Hotch: *snorts* What makes you think I've changed my mind?
Strauss: It's just... I know he's your friend.
Hotch: ...He is. But I understand that he needs to be put away before he causes anymore trouble. Besides, he needs help. It would be selfish to keep him here.
Strauss: *nods* When are you taking him?
Hotch: Tomorrow.
Strauss: ...Good luck.
Hotch: *waves her away*
Strauss: *walks out with a sigh*

A/N: Sorry for being so slow again, I promise not to be that way with the next chapter.
P.S: Gucci Gucci by Kreayshawn would totally be prison Garcia's theme song.