Author's Note: Hey guys I'm so sorry that this story hasn't been updated since September last year. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I hope to post more soon.

Warnings: triggers, talk of self-harm, some disturbing imagery, some fluff, Kyoya may be lightly ooc (I hope not but ya'll can decide for yourself)

"Kyoya" I called walking into the third music room located in Ouran academy; Winter break was finally over everyone was back at school. I was informed earlier today that the physical exams were going to take place the day after tomorrow and was explained how they were pretty public, something I couldn't have.

"Yes Harou?" The dark haired boy turned to look at me with his charcoal colored eyes

"I have a request for the physical exams"

"And what would that be?" Kyoya quirked an eyebrow in curiosity

"I'd like a private room." I decided to make my request blunt and get it over with. My hands were already getting clammy and I could feel my heart beating erratically in my tight chest.

"What?"

"I'd like a private room" I repeated quickly

"Why would you want a private room?" Kyoya tilted his head to the side in confusion, "I can't fulfil your request unless I have a reason, even with my control over the doctors I can't make commands simply as I please."

'No' my mouth began to go dry with horror, "I- I can't tell you why. I just need the room…"

"Harou, I told you, I need a reason to get you the room." Taking a step back, tremors attacked my body and I couldn't keep my vision straight, "Harou?" Kyoya asked in concern, "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"I… I can't tell you" my voice was barely over a whisper as I continued to back away from the older teen. I couldn't bear the thought of the inevitable rejection I would receive if my secret was out. "Please… Please don't ask" I could practically feel the worry radiating off of Kyoya and he took a quick step forwards to grab my pale hand before I could retreat farther away, "Let go!" I cried in surprise as I felt the warm flesh touch my own, "Let me go!"

Trying to break Kyoya's grip was near impossible as his grip practically crushed my hand from the forceful hold, "Tell me what's wrong" Kyoya demanded, "Harou, tell me. You're having a break down over the subject; you need to tell me so I can help"

"You can't know!" I still tried to free myself from the shadow king, and still it remained futile, "You'll reject me like everyone else! You won't be different! Everyone's the same! No one can help me!"

"Why?!" The teen shouted back, matching my volume, but not the high shaky pitch that my voice has taken.

"Because I've already lost damn it!" taking in quick breaths I tried to calm my escalating heart beat, "I've lost and there's nothing anyone can do…" pain filled whimpers escaped from my throat as I glanced down at the bare inch of wrist that was shown from under my blue Ouran blazer. The pale exposed skin was sliced red from razors and knifes while old scars were reopened to renew the pain and suffering.

Kyoya who still held my hand captive followed my gaze and the dots seemed to all connect when his eyes fell upon red and white slashes. He remained silent as he let go of my hand. Brief understanding of the situation landed and he quietly asked, "Is there more?"

Without saying a word I nodded. Yes, there were more scars. More than I could properly count. My whole pathetic body was littered and no one ever noticed. Welds and gashes covered by long sleeves and jeans, the only skin accessible to the eyes was my face, and even that was an ugly mess. I was atrocious, I was horrendous, and I didn't deserve them. I didn't deserve anyone really. A waste of space and oxygen, I ruined people's friendly moods with my self-pity. I don't think I deserve to be loved. I messed things up in the end anyways so why even try in the first place?

*Kyoya's P.O.V*

The realization sunk in and I felt repulsed. This young man that stood before me harmed himself on purpose and felt as if he was completely alone despite having been in the host club since the first day of school. 'Why' I wanted to ask, I needed to know why this poor human thought that he didn't deserve to be loved and thought that he needed to feel pain to get better. Staring down with pity filled eyes I had to fight the urge to see the rest. Where did he hurt himself the most? Where did he do it so no one could easily see? Then my thought drifted back to my original question- why? When did it all start? How old was he when he first ran a razor across his wrist and simply watched the blood flow?

All those thoughts and unanswered questions swam through my head as if they were fish in the ocean. "Why?" I finally found the courage to ask

"Why not?" A sick smile forms on his weary face, "When everyone either hates you or doesn't know you exist, you feel like you got nothing to lose. Besides, I think this I better than dealing with depression by using non-doctor prescribed drugs or stealing my dad's alcohol. Who knows Kyoya; I could have ended as a druggy and have been thrown in jail!" as he continues speaking the smile can't hold its form and a deep frown etched into Harou's face, "And if I wasn't a complete self-loathing prick I might be happy right now… If only I found something I liked about myself, but unfortunately I only see my marred flesh and obvious flaws"

My frown deepened and I couldn't help but think back to this song I had heard on the radio. It was an English song but it held a deep meaning at practically suited Harou to a T. Taking a deep breath I push my wire framed glasses up with my middle finger and pull out my phone to inform the nurses of the arrangement for the physical exam. Truthfully I could have just given Harou the separate room but I'm nosey and need information on everything. But now that I know why, I can't help but feel like I did something cruel… The Way Harou reacted to being touched; it was like he was a wild animal trying to break free from a net in the wild.

The brunette stood silently in front of me. A frown etched into his face, "So when would you like me to leave the host club?" He asked quietly

"What are you talking about?" I was confussed by what Harou was talking about. Why would I want him to leave?

"When should I leave the Host club? I can find another way to pay off the debt."

"Harou-"

"I'll talk to Mr. Suoh and see if I can get a job."

"Harou!" I shouted catching his attention, "You aren't leaving!"

"Why?" Harou looked severely confused, "You know that I'm Ugly and disgusting yet you want me to stay? Just 'cause I'm not in the host club doesn't mean that I won't pay back my debt."

"That's not it…" Shaking my head I take a step forwards. Harou's tremors had mostly come to a halt and he completely froze as I gently wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I will admit that I'm not much of a physical comforter, but I think this is what Harou needs. Reassurance that just because I know his secret doesn't mean I won't be able to stand his touch or presence. "You are part of this family now, whether you like it or not. If you left now all the others would hunt you down and make you come back. Harou you might not realize this yet, but we aren't ones to judge based on outwards appearance. Many girls come, all having different shapes, sizes and ethnic group. You having scars will do little to deter the host clubs love for you. If it makes you feel any better I won't tell anyone and you can share this when you feel ready to do so… And Harou?"

"Yes?"

"You are not your skin, and you are beautiful."

Puppet: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I've had this idea pluged in my head and I'm so happy I finally got it out. I guess this was kind of like a filler (more like character development chapter) and I'm sorry if Kyoya is ooc. I personally feel like how he reacted was… I just appropriate for the situation. And so/as you know Harou has many scars, they are littered across his body and the wrist is the most common place for him to self-harm.

Please leave a comment to tell me what you think. I seriously will try to post more frequestly and not wait around 8 months to post the next chapter.

And I know some of you have asked when the host club will know about the scars, well TADA one down and the rest to go! Not exactly sure how I'll do it but I might knock them off in stages. And see how that goes.

Another thing I'll be adding this story to the ohshcwattyawards when it comes around this summer. Last year I got second place in the Tamaki category and I can't help but feel extremely special that so many people voted for MY shittily written story. So thank you all who read and support me. I may not know you but I love every single one of you and you all have helped me gain so much confidence in my writing. If I went back to myself three years ago and said that I was going to nearly have 300 followers on wattpad and have two of my stories get second place in a contest I would have thought I was pulling a sick joke.

Another thing (I'm such a motor mouth today…) the song Kyoya was referring to was "Skin"- by Sixx am. And I was kinda Harou show his self-conscious side and how he didn't feel as if he belonged. The song says, "They don't even know you all they see is scars" well I was twisting that and having Harou only see the scars and not what was underneath the marred flesh.

Now I'll leave you be.

Love ya all and please tell me what you thought!