"And I think you deserve to have someone by your side. I know you've built this wall up around you because you don't want to get hurt, you're used to being alone and I get that. But I'm asking you to let me help you, let me be there for you. We'll get through all this… crap together. If you just let me."

For a moment, Maura just stared straight into Jane's watery eyes, feeling her own eyes burn with unshed tears, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." Maura smiled.

"Okay," Maura breathed again. "Okay." Tears unwillingly fell from her eyes.

"Maur?"

Jane reached out again to hold her, but was stopped with a raised hand. Maura was shaking her head.

"No, please," she struggled to get out, "Please, just give me a minute." She requested without looking at Jane.

Jane slowly rose to her feet, pausing briefly before turning back towards the bedroom.

"Okay. I'll just be out here when you're ready. Take your time." she said as she shut the door behind her.

Jane Rizzoli could handle a lot. But this? Seeing her best friend, no, her person hit rock bottom? It was frighting and overwhelming and heartbreaking.

"How can I make it better?" she asked herself as she pulled back the covers on Maura's bed before sliding back underneath their warmth. Staring blankly up at the ceiling, she recounts the events of the past 24 hours.

Hoyt. Maura's relapse. Kissing her best friend. Almost fucking her best friend in a bathtub. Seeing pain, hurt and confusion flash across Maura's face a dozen times over.

And it was only Tuesday.

She closed her eyes, feeling the impending stress of the days to follow.

It was going to be a long week.

Maura allowed herself exactly five minutes of self-pity as she rested against the bathroom cabinets. Silently crying with a force that sent coursing pain through her system with each breath.

She was so mad. So angry. So disappointed.

Maura prided herself on having the answers; drawing conclusions; making educated decisions based on facts, numbers, and science. But she couldn't explain any of this. There was no scientific evidence. There was no equation for her to punch in the missing variables to lead her to a conclusion.

No. Her scientific and mathematical brain could not explain why she drank herself to the brink of blackout, night after night after night. She could not explain why this became her coping mechanism. She did not have an answer for what she was trying to cope with.

She could not explain why Jane's lips on her neck, hands on her ass, mouth on her breast felt like an awakening. Like a fire. One that warmed her on cold nights, but burned if she got to close.

Was she ready to play with fire?

It drove her mad; not having an explanation to things or to understand what was happening, especially when it came to her own body, own emotions. Ah, yes. That's what always seemed to give her trouble.

Wiping her eyes and nose, Maura lifted herself off of the floor and faced her reflection in the mirror. She didn't recognize the woman staring back.

Brushing her teeth, she rinsed the taste of bile from her mouth and began to remove her undergarments. She stepped into the shower, hoping the scalding water would wash away her faults, answer her questions, and erase her doubts. The hard spray numbed her back.

She felt nothing.

Twenty minutes later, Maura exited the bathroom, feeling only an ounce more like herself. Pulling her robe tighter and drawing the covers back, she slid in next to the sleeping detective. She allowed herself a moment to admire her Jane's features before reaching out to trace her jaw, her cheek, her nose.

Startled, Jane awoke to the press of Maura's hand on her cheek.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Should I call us in sick to work" Jane asked, as she turned to face Maura.

"No, I'll be alright."

"You sure?" Jane asked with a questioning look.

"I've done it before. Really, I'll be fine." Maura tried to smile.

Moments passed as the two continued to do nothing but stare at one another. Maura's hand now resting on Jane's heart, Jane's fingers tracing the freckles on Maura's neck.

Jane broke the silence.

"You're beautiful."

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I just-I'm sorry that you had to see me like that. I thought I was getting better these past few weeks; only having a glass of wine every now and then. I just-I don't know."

"Hey," Jane began as she tucked Maura's damp hair behind her ear, "You're right, it was getting better, but I think we both know that there's something deeper going on-there's something, or lots of things, that set you off, make you want to drink." Jane was met with silence, but decided to continue, "You've put in a lot of effort to get through this on your own, but maybe if you had more support it would be easier. I know a lot of guys at the station who have gone through this too - seeing all the shit we see everyday. We all develop up our own way of coping. Healthy of not. Maybe we could sign you up for one of the AA groups? Do you think that would help?"

"I- It might. You're right, I can't keep doing this on my own and I certainly don't want you do bear the burden either, but I'm not sure AA is the best option for me. I just can't have this getting out Jane. I know it's anonymous and all, but with all of those people you never know who might let it slip that the chief medical examiner is an alcoholic. It could ruin my career."

"I guess I didn't think of it like that."

Maura sighed as she turned to lay on her back, pressing her fingers to her temples. "I hate this, Jane." she said, her voice filled with frustration. "I really, really hate this."

Jane shifted closer, a plea for Maura to continue.

"I don't know who I am anymore. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I see a woman who has lost control. That's not me; I have control over every other aspect of my life. I can tell you the square root of every number, the name of every species. I can tell you any useless fact you want to know. I can control a scalpel with precision and I can speak for the dead. I have an M.D. and yet I can't control this stupid fucking addiction."

Jane took ahold of one of Maura's hands and kissed it.

"I hate not having answers, Jane. I hate this. I hate what it's doing to me." A tear rolled down her cheek.

Jane leaned in to kiss away the tear.

"I think you should try therapy."

Maura turned her head sharply, confusion clearly etched on her face. "What?"

"I know, I know, how ironic that I'm the one giving you that advice, but seriously, I think it will help. Maybe all you need is to talk it out, figure out where the problem is coming from. It might give you the answers you're looking for."

Silence.

Jane sat up, resting her back against the headboard, "Look, I'm sorry, it was just an idea. If you want to just keep doing what you're doing, that's fine, bu-" Maura cut her off before she could continue, moving to sit next to Jane.

"No. No, you're right. It's the only way I can try to get any answers... try to get better." Maura said before kissing Jane's cheek and snuggling in close for a hug. "Thank you, Jane."

Jane hugged her tighter, enjoying the embrace just a moment longer before having to face the challenges of another workday.