Pit-Trap: I do not own these characters, TF2, etc.

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A is for apple.

"Sol," Demoman stared at his fellow BLU. "That's the third apple ye had today."

"Yeah," Soldier took another bite of said apple. "What of it?"

"What ye eatin' so many apples for?"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away," Soldier quoted.

"Ah," Demoman rolled his eye. "It's 'cause-"

"Zat may be so, Soldier," Medic briskly walked into the kitchen, where the other two BLUs sat at the table. "But I am a medic, not a doctor." He walked over to the refrigerator, opening it to search for something.

"Same thing!"

"Maybe," Medic said, pulling out a drink and shutting the fridge door. "But I still expect you in zhe infirmary at three 'o' clock for your examination." The German walked out of the kitchen without another word.

Soldier scowled towards the retreating Medic and then back to his half-eaten apple. Grumbling to himself, he set the apple down, seemingly no longer hungry.

Demoman just chuckled.

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A is for Archimedes.

Pyro gave a grunt of alarm.

Medic looked over to the other to see what was wrong. "Ack, Archimedes!" Medic immediately scolded once he caught sight of what had caused Pyro's grunt of alarm.

Archimedes, one of his doves, was currently nestled in Pyro's gut. Specifically in his large intestines. At the moment, Medic was performing a surgery on Pyro, which is why he was awake with the Medi Gun trained on him. That didn't seem to bother Archimedes. Covered in blood, the bird looked towards Medic and gave a soft chirp.

"Archimedes, get out of zhere! You are going to get a disease! Zat is not a birdbath!" Medic made shooing motions towards the bird.

Archimedes fluttered out of Pyro's gut, sending droplets of blood everywhere.

Medic frowned, taking a moment to clean his glasses. When he finished and turned back towards Pyro, Medic was sure the other BLU was glaring at him from beneath his mask. Small drops of blood had splattered onto the glass covering the mask's eyeholes.

Medic chuckled nervously. "Birds," he shrugged.

"Mmm-hmm…"

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A is for Administrator.

"YOU FAILED."

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A is for argue.

"I don't see what you're so worked up about, doc," Soldier said.

"I am just getting sick and tired of it, Soldier!" Medic fumed. "Every time I do it, you ignore it!"

"Well, you can't just expect me to wait around all day!"

"Vait around?!" Medic looked even more enraged. "You should be vaiting for me! I'm zhe one following you, healing you! I expect you not to rocket jump avay! I can't follow you vhen you do it!"

"I could teach you!"

"Teach me vhat?"

"How to rocket jump! You'll love it, Fritz! It-"

"Zhe problem is not me not knowing how to rocket jump, Soldier!" Medic screeched. "It's you jumping avay from me!" He slapped a hand to his forehead and sighed. "I'm not following you anymore, Soldier. From know on, I vill stick vith Heavy. At least he doesn't rocket jump avay!"

"You don't mean that, doc!" Soldier looked taken aback. "We make a great team!"

Medic just crossed his arms and glared at Soldier.

Soldier frowned. After a moment of thinking, he guessed, "You're just being sore about earlier today when I rocket jumped away from you-"

"And left me to be burned to death by zhe RED Pyro? Ja, a bit," Medic replied in a snarky tone.

"Yeah, but then-"

"And zhe same thing happened vith zhe enemy Heavy, not five minutes later."

"But then I-"

"And zhen you also got me killed by zat sentry."

"That-"

"Zhere vas also zat time vith zhe RED Spy."

"Well it's not my fault you don't have a proper gun to attack with!"

Medic narrowed his eyes. "Because I'm too busy healing you to attack. And vhenever I do try to attack, you just tell me to go back to healing!" He gave a frustrated sigh. "Zhere is just no vinning vith you, Soldier."

Soldier huffed. "And you whine too much."

"I do not vhine!"

"You do too!"

"I do not!"

"Then what's that pathetic squealing that comes out of your mouth whenever you're with me in battle?"

"My cries of pain vhen zhe enemy you failed to kill, kills me!"

As Soldier and Medic continued their argument, Heavy and Sniper watched from a few feet away. "They argue like a married couple," Sniper nodded to the two other BLUs.

Heavy looked confused. "Like married couple?" he inquired, staring at the Australian.

"Ah, it's just an expression, mate," Sniper clarified. "Jus' means they argue a hell of a lot. Of course, that expression also implies that even though they argue, deep down they really care for each other."

"Oh," Heavy looked back to the still arguing Medic and Soldier. "Maybe only half is true then."

Sniper chuckled.

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A is for ass.

"Ugh!" Medic burst out of respawn. "Zat RED Spy is such an ass!"

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A is for Australians.

"Hey, Snipes," Scout nudged Sniper. "Know what I just heard?"

Sniper's eyes slid towards Scout. "Wot?" he asked.

"Australians don't have sex."

Sniper raised an eyebrow.

"Australians mate," Scout said, snickering.

Sniper just rolled his eyes.

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A/N: Medic, how'd you get into so much of my first chapter?

Alright, so this little story is going to go through the alphabet with the BLU team. You all prolly have a good idea of how this story will play out, seeing as how you've just read this first chapter.

I may also tend to write more about some characters more than others (as you can see with this first chapter…). Mostly 'cause I like some characters more than others.

I'll also give a fair warning: There might be some pairing hints. Keyword: might. I dunno yet. Maybe. It's only the first chapter here, peoples. And even if there are, you'll only be able to see them if you put on a pair of Pyrovision Goggles and stand on your head.