AN: This fic is very different to my usual stuff. It's quite angsty and has a lot of sex in it. I wrote this for Lamb after we discussed how entertaining OOC 'Jerk Spock' can be. It's basically a smutty angst fest.

Warnings: lots of smut, dub con, mild sub/dom themes, very OOC Spock, kinky vulcan stuff.

Spock

The first time S'chn T'gai Spock touched Nyota Uhura was quite unremarkable. She was handing him a stack of PADDs she had collected from his second year Advanced Phonology students and her left index finger and thumb touched his wrist briefly. She made a facial expression which indicated apology and quickly pulled her hand away.

Spock kept his mental shields up out of habit after living years amidst humans and was therefore not particularly disturbed by the contact. He gestured with a hand to indicate as much and neither of them mentioned the small faux paux again.

It was an incident he did not think on until 8.3 months later when he encountered Cadet Uhura by chance one evening. It was a Friday in the Terran calendar and the last day prior to the first mid-year break. Unpleasantly loud music was therefore being played competitively from different parts of the student residential blocks and cheering and yelling drifted out from dorm windows. Spock was returning to his apartment with a meal purchased from the more appetising of the nearby restaurants when he encountered her passing the quad between the library and the O and N residential blocks.

She was walking arm in arm with the Orion female he had observed her socialising with on several previous occasions. That in itself was unsurprising. What was unusual was their mode of dress. Both cadets were wearing very little clothing. What little material they did have covering themselves was exceedingly tight, iridescent and in places, transparent. Although Spock had been aware that Cadet Uhura was attractive, he had not realised to what degree. She maintained a professional demeanour in her interactions with him and he in turn endeavoured to treat her with the same courtesy. Seeing her clothed in such a revealing and suggestive manner did not fit at all with what he had observed of her personality over the 18.2 months she had been his aide. He wondered if their were extenuating circumstances or if he'd merely been unaware of this aspect of her personality.

Not that her social interactions were relevant to his own association with her. She was a capable assistant and quite talented and intelligent for a human. As long as it did not interfere with her work, if she chose to wander the campus semi-nude with Orions of an evening, that was entirely her own concern. He would not pry, intriguing as it was.

As she and her companion drew level with him on the path, he nodded and offered her a polite greeting on par with their standard interactions.

'Cadet Uhura.'

Instead of returning the nod with 'Commander', 'Commander Spock', or even 'Sir', she smiled at him and let her eyes skip down along his body and back to his face. She then bit her bottom lip and finally replied with 'Commander.' But the tone of voice in which it was offered was quite dissimilar to that she usually utilised in their conversations.

Spock resisted the urge to pause and look back at her in confusion.

He heard tittering behind him and a rapid exchange in what he thought was Yrevish, but he was not fluent in the Orion dialect and could not be sure.

He found himself distracted for the rest of his walk across campus to his apartment. The Cadet had appeared to display indicators of sexual interest in him. She was not the first human female to do so, however she was a student and his teaching aide. Not only was it inappropriate, it was also unusual behaviour for her. Cadet Uhura had never displayed any of the signs he had come to recognise as indicators of sexual interest during their interactions.

She never touched him. She did not laugh or smile unnecessarily when they conversed, she did not bring him gifts or offer to share meals with him and it was very rare for her to make any sort of inquiry with regards to his personal life. As such Spock had ignored the fact that she was attractive and female. It was hardly a difficult thing for him as Vulcan. For her to suddenly become attracted to him was highly inconvenient. It could prove distracting. He deduced her forwardness was most likely a result of intoxication however and unlikely to be repeated.

He was proven correct when classes resumed. Cadet Uhura behaved civilly and politely without any indication that she was even aware that they were of opposing genders.

Spock was pleased by this, however he was forced to admit that she was very physically appealing. It was unfortunate that she was a student. Had she not been he might have considered pursuing her. Human females could be intriguing. During his time on earth he had engaged in brief sexual liaisons with several of them. He found himself wondering what sexual intercourse with the Cadet would be like. She was very reserved. Would the same hold true in more intimate moments? If he took her hand in his and shared his attraction for her without words, would she be pleased? He dismissed such thoughts almost as quickly as they occurred to him of course, it was inappropriate, but a part of him did wonder, thought back on the fleeting warm press of her index and thumb against the soft skin of his wrist and was... curious.

As his aide it was only natural that she accompanied him to the Federation Symposium upon Interspecies Education. A tedious event which he was encouraged to attend purely so Admiral Komack could say that Starfleet Academy was 'ahead of the curve' or some other equally illogical idiom when it came to Interspecies diplomacy and understanding.

Even the Cadet seemed to find the experience tedious. She had appeared excited when he informed her she would be accompanying him to Kolari for the event but mid-way through the second day he noted she began shifting a great deal in her seat and sighing. Clear indicators of boredom in a human. Spock was certain he was displaying the Vulcan equivalent - a blank stare.

The only thing he found of any interest in the large conference room was the Cadet herself. Spock made a study of her in his peripheral vision. When she sat down her uniform rode up upon her thighs. He estimated there was only 12 centimetres between the hem of skirt and the crotch of her underwear. Assuming she was wearing any. When she shifted in her seat the skirt moved between 2-4cms higher. In between her sighs she would pull her bottom lip into her mouth and then pout slightly. During the last speaker's address, given by a particularly inept Andorian, Spock found himself picturing her in the indecent dress she'd worn the evening he'd encountered her with her Orion companion and sighing for reasons other than boredom.

The current activity they were engaged in, the 'Industry Dinner Mixer', was proving to be only slightly less tedious than the keynote speeches had been that afternoon. He and the Cadet discussed the more valid points the speakers of the day had made in pleasant enough conversation. The other guests at their table however seemed to have been coerced into attending by their employers in a similar manner to himself and had little interest in proceedings. There was no discussion upon the speakers of the day. They instead appeared to be focused upon ether achieving complete inebriation or insulting one another as much as possible.

The evening did not improve as it continued. After the dessert course an orchestra and dancers appeared to provide entertainment. Within minutes the most inebriated of the guests were dancing themselves, encouraged enthusiastically by their Orion hosts.

The Kolari dancers were skilful and graceful, if overly crude and sexualised in their movements. The assortment of humanoids who joined them were not. Cadet Uhura covered her mouth and laughed when a Tellarite performed an exuberant kicking movement and overbalanced. Spock swiftly found the proceedings tedious. They remained in their seats for a period of 12.8 minutes regarding the dancing. Spock estimated that perhaps 70% of the dinner guests were now swaying with varying levels of success upon the dance floor.

An Orion male approached the Cadet. 'Would you dance lovely human?' he inquired in heavily accented standard.

The Cadet turned to him for apparent approval. 'You may do as you desire.' he informed her in Vuhlkansu.

She tilted her head, evidently deciding, before nodding and offering the Orion her hand. She smiled and said 'Thank you. I'd love to dance.'

Spock watched her walk away from the table, her hips swaying more so than usual owing to her formal heeled shoes, with… disapproval. He did not like that she chose to dance. He wanted to return to his room but would now have to remain.

He observed her dancing with the Orion for a period of 7.3 minutes. She would periodically glance in his direction, presumably to ensure he had not departed. She was under his supervision however, he could not leave her. She then danced with an Andorian for 4.8 minutes followed by two human men for 3.9 and 8.1 minutes respectively. Spock grew weary of bearing witness to the Cadet's flirtations. He recalled the manner she had been dressed and how she had spoken to him on that evening he'd encountered her and her Orion friend. Perhaps she wished to take one of these men back to her room. The thought irritated Spock.

He stood and approached her. He caught her eye over the shoulder of her current partner, a human with dark hair, and she nodded and said something to the man clearly excusing herself. However the human laughed and pulled her inappropriately close to himself eliciting a squeaking noise and a shocked facial expression from the Cadet. She frowned and spoke more forcefully, loud enough that Spock could hear her.

'I'm sorry, but I have to go now.' she told the man with more politeness than he warranted.

'No you don't beautiful. Stay a while.' the man responded.

'Sir. Let go of me.' the Cadet insisted.

Spock observed that the human had his hand wrapped around the Cadet's slender wrist. He found himself greatly annoyed by the man's rudeness. He stepped to the side so that he was clearly visible to them both.

'Cadet.' he demanded simply, extending a hand.

It was sufficient for the man. He sighed and released the Cadet who quickly stepped away from him and placed her cool human hand in his. His mental shields were up but he felt a twinge of pain from her. The man had strained her wrist slightly. Without really thinking over his actions Spock wrapped his hand around her wrist. The heat of his skin soothed the discomfort. She looked up at him and blinked. Spock observed that she had eyes of a pleasing shape and colour. She was looking at him a manner he was 87% sure implied attraction to him.

He could not be certain however. He wanted to be.

He lowered his shields slightly so he might feel her thoughts. It was a hazy connection. No clear thoughts came to him and nor did he attempt to hear them, but her vague desire was obvious. She did find him attractive. The fact pleased him. Immensely.

'Thank you sir.' she offered in his native tongue. He suddenly wished to hear her speak further in it.

'Your thanks are unnecessary. Come. We will retire.' he replied.

He meant of course, that they would retire to their separate rooms, but through the grip he had of her arm he felt her sudden nervous thrill. He carefully schooled his features into neutrality and turned and led her from the hall. He was aware that he should release her arm, and yet he did not. The journey to their accomodations took only minutes.

She turned to face him at the open door to her room and the confusing mix of anxiety and desire he felt from her stuck like a lump in his throat. He loosened his grip on her wrist and she exhaled softly. Instead of releasing her however, he ran his fingers down along her arm and across the back of her hand. She was looking up at him, her face stricken. Spock brushed his fingers against her. He should not be touching her in such a manner. He twisted his fingers around hers, lifted her hand, encouraging her to return the gesture. She did so haltingly, nervously.

He slid his fingers against hers in slow definite movements. Hazy telepathic connections formed and snapped with his movements, bringing tantalising snippets of her feelings to him. Excitement, anxiety and great waves of lust. He should not be sharing such a thing with her. There was no one to observe them, they were at the end of a corridor and quite secluded, but that did not absolve him. She was a student. It was inappropriate.

Her voice was soft. 'This-one… This-one can feel you.'

She still spoke in his native tongue.

'Yes.'he confirmed needlessly, his fingers moving slowly and deliberately against hers.

He was uncertain how long they stood in the doorway touching in such a manner, but when she next spoke his face had lowered towards her, his forehead nearly touching her own.

'You want this-one?' she inquired in a very quiet voice.

'Yes.' he replied simply. He should not want her but he did.

She swallowed and he felt a great surge of confusing, thrilling, human emotions through his fingertips.

'You may have this-one.'

Her words touched something deep inside him. Yes. He wanted her. He would have her. He lifted her and stepped inside her room. She made a noise and wrapped an arm around his neck. Her room was small. Three steps and he had her beneath him on the bed. He wanted to feel her skin, so he pulled the dress from her body. She gasped and twisted and he felt her mix of nervous shock and delight. Like all humans of his acquaintance she seemed to experience a myriad of complicated emotions all at once. He ran a hand up her calf and along her thigh. Her skin was smooth and cool. Her leg raised and bent in response to his touch and he pressed himself into the cradle of her thighs.

She moaned.

He had not kissed her. He wished to kiss her. He did so.

She tasted like the cake she'd eaten for dessert. Its flavour was much improved when sampled from her mouth. Her kisses were deep and sure, she twisted her tongue against him and caught at his lips with her teeth. She undid his jacket and he pulled himself from her briefly to remove it and his undershirt. She sat up and pressed her lips to his skin, kissing along the line of his collarbone. The sensation was enjoyable.

He pulled her hair from its fastenings. It fell down her back in a perfumed cascade. He had never seen it down - she always wore it up. The flowery scent of it made his breath catch in his throat. He carded his fingers through the long strands and then pressed his face into the cool tumble of it, inhaling deeply. She shivered against him, a cool hand curling around his neck, drawing him closer. He pulled back and regarded her face. Her eyes were wide, her lips parted and her breath coming in soft pants. He could feel her heart-beat, much faster than usual, high against his chest. She was very beautiful.

Tilting his head he gripped the length of her hair and twisted his hand so that it wrapped around his fist. A slight tug and her head tilted back. She gasped and her eyes widened, the hand at his neck digging into his skin a little. He pressed his mouth to her face, down the length of her neck, tasting her with his tongue and scraping his teeth against her skin. The scent of her was alluring. Pleasing Terran perfume and beneath it the exotic human smell of her body itself. She tasted of salt. He resisted the urge to mark her, but let his teeth dig softly into her flesh.

She made a noise that was part moan part gasp and her legs wrapped around his hips, pushing the heat of her against him in invitation, even as her body shook and shivered as if she was afraid. She was an incredibly arousing contradiction. He mouthed his way down her body until he encountered her bra. He fumbled for a fastening for a moment before simply pulling it from her. The action made her back curl and Spock took the opportunity to latch onto her breast and draw a nipple into his mouth. She moaned, her hips grinding against him and long fingers twisting in his hair.

He fumbled one handed with his trousers, kicking them down his legs and freeing himself. He pressed his mouth to her other breast and ripped away her underwear.

'Spock!' she whined. She had never called him by his name before. She seemed to be attempting to communicate several contradictory things with just that one utterance.

Spock shifted, let his lok press against her so that her folds parted around him, greeting him in a warm wet kiss. She made a fascinating noise in the back of her throat and her back arched off the bed pressing her hips against his in an exceedingly pleasing manner. Her body was shaking beneath him. He pulled himself up to her face and stared at her as their bodies slid against one another in wet heat. Her eyes were wide. Her brow furrowed slightly and her mouth moved as her breath caught in time with his movements against her. Her expressiveness aroused him.

She caught his eyes and spoke. 'Spock, this-one... this-one has not...'

The trembling heat she imbued his native tongue with was nearly obscene and he felt himself growl slightly in response, suddenly impatient to have her. He pulled at her hair and her head tilted back, her words trailing off as the long line of her throat was displayed beneath him. He rubbed his face against it, leaving his scent on her skin. He wrapped a hand around her hip, pushed at her, and then their bodies were aligned. The head of his lok sunk into the tight heat of her. He grunted at the sensation. He had not engaged in sexual intercourse for over a standard year. It appeared he had forgotten the appeal the activity held.

The Cadet was shaking beneath him, her eyes almost fearful despite the lust he could feel from her, smell coming off her skin in waves. He shifted his hips slightly and her mouth fell open in an 'o'and a whimpering noise escaped her. The sound sent a bolt of lust through him and he buried himself inside her in a short sharp movement. She froze beneath him, around him. Perfection. Incredibly tight molten wet heat surrounding him he -

- He felt her pain.

He stared down at her in shock. She was blinking back tears, her breathing tumultuous. He could smell the iron scent of her blood from where his body was buried inside her. She was impossibly tight around him, bands of muscles flexing and stretching around him. The cause of her discomfort was obvious. No one. No one had ever had her.

He was the first.

He was only one who'd done this with her. Held himself inside her, felt her thighs wrapped around his hips… He ground himself against her. She moaned and flexed around him. His body burnt. He wanted to take her roughly, harshly, make her scream his name and promise to never let another have her. Yes. No other. There was a dull roaring noise in his ears.

He was the first, but that wasn't enough. He wanted to be the only.

He wanted sink his teeth into her and mark her as his, press his fingers to her face and join their minds as he joined their bodies -

He did not of course.

Melding with a human was too great a risk. But he did purposefully twist his fingers against hers. His impression of her discomfort sharpened. He stared at her as he pulled himself from her body. She frowned and her breath was drawn out of her with him. She did not ask him to stop or wait despite the pain he felt clearly through his fingers. Instead Spock got the impression she had every intention of simply enduring his attentions. He did not understand why she would do such a thing, but did not give it much thought since she would not have to. Instead he reached through his fingers towards her, sharing what he felt, pushing the pleasure of her body hot and tight around him back at her.

She gasped, her eyes widening, her thighs tightening around him. He slid forward in a long smooth stroke. Pain and pleasure smouldered between them. He repeated the movement. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and he felt her relax as she stared up at him in wonderment. He was careful for a few minutes, taking her with a gentleness greatly at odds with his desire. But when she arched her back and begged him for more, he did not give her opportunity to reconsider. He fucked her. She clutched at him, thrashing about in a bewildering mess of pain and blinding pleasure. She moaned and screamed, and just before he found his release Spock found himself growling 'T'nash-veh t'nash-veh t'nash-veh (mine mine mine)'against her skin.

't'du! t'du! (yours yours)' she wailed in agreement and her words brought him almost as much pleasure as her body.

Spock exploded deep inside her, the telepathic connection of his fingers dragging her forcibly along with him so that her body clenched with almost painful tightness around him. He groaned and let himself fall into her, his face pillowed on her hair. He allowed himself a few seconds of respite. He blinked slowly and enjoyed the pleasing scent of her floral Terran shampoo as his heart-rate and respiration returned to normal.

Their hands were still tightly entwined.

He felt... awe from her. He had not encountered such a reaction before. Then again he had not used his touch telepathy to such an extent during intercourse before. Nor had he ever had a virgin. He supposed given the situation her reaction was not unexpected.

She turned to look at him but did not speak. Exceedingly timidly considering his lok was still inside her, she pressed her fingers to his face. He allowed her touch. The sensation of her cool human fingers sliding up his cheek, tracing his left eyebrow and then running down the length of his nose before pressing into his lips was not unpleasant. Nor was what he felt from her through his fingers. She did not think him merely attractive and her interest was not the idle curiosity in the alien which he had suspected, no, she thought him... there was not a Vulcan word for it. Magnificent? Maut-ugel was as close as he could translate. She ran her fingers over his face not because she thought it would please him, but because she thought him beautiful. Because she felt being permitted to touch him thus was a great honour. Adoration. This human adored him.

Spock pulled her to him and kissed her. Her delight tingled through his fingers. It was intoxicating.

They did not attend any of the talks the next day.

Spock found her body endlessly appealing. He told himself that it was the novelty that he had been her first. That she had chosen him. It was something of an honour he supposed. She was beautiful and intelligent. A highly desirable female. He had simply touched her hand and she'd given to him what others must have begged for. This pleased him. She pleased him.