Joe was talking up a storm at supper for the first time in weeks. It was Sunday night, and Adam had taken the day off to go to church with his brothers as usual. However, today he had announced that they were going to have a picnic and go fishing for their supper meal.

Hoss and Joe were ecstatic, and barely managed to sit quietly through church.

Their father had been gone for almost three weeks now, and Adam was tired of all the work and stress. He needed to get out, and so did his brothers.

Hop Sing readily made them a lunch to take, and even encouraged Joe to catch the biggest fish for supper. Joe had promised.

Now, Joe was busily telling Hoss and Adam how he went about catching this fish, as if they hadn't been sitting on either side of him the entire time. In Joe's story, however, he had baited his own hook and even cast the line.

Adam and Hoss exchanged humored glances.

Suddenly, the front door opened, and a man walked into the room. Joe stopped midsentence, and it took a few seconds for any of the boys to recognize their father.

"Pa," Adam said, standing up, "you're home."

Joe leapt from his chair, nearly knocking it over if Hoss hadn't caught it. "Pa!"

He threw himself at his father's legs and clung to them.

Ben Cartwright merely patted his youngest on the head, then pulled away. He didn't say anything to any of them, but went upstairs with his saddlebag.

Joe stood there, his shoulder's sagging with disappointment. Even though he knew his father wouldn't hear him, he added in a small voice, "I missed you."

"Come finish your story, Joe," Adam said, "What happened after you threw out your line?"

"Nothin'," Joe said, coming back to the table and pulling himself up into his chair. He stared at his half-eaten fish for a few long moments, then he looked up. "May I be excused?"

"Let's have some of that cake Hop Sing made us first," Adam said, trying to stir a little happiness in his brothers.

Both just stared at him.

"I'm gonna go talk to Pa," Adam said, "You two stay here and eat some cake."

He hoped to maybe rouse his father to pay them any mind.

His father's bedroom door was open when he came up the stairs. Adam was shocked to see that his father was not unpacking, put putting things into his saddlebag.

"Pa," Adam said, "may I come in?"

Been looked up from his bags. "Do you need something, son?"

"We missed you, Pa," Adam said slowly, "You wanna come down for some cake? We caught some fish today, and Hop Sing cooked them up real good."

"No, thank you, Adam," Ben said, "I'm going to be leaving again early tomorrow and I need to rest up."

"You're leaving again?" Adam asked, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

Ben nodded. "Yes, now please let me finish packing and get some sleep."

Adam turned and fled from the room. He couldn't decide where to go. Downstairs or to his room. He knew if he didn't go downstairs, his brothers would wander up eventually. Reluctantly, he went downstairs.

"Is Pa coming down?" Hoss asked.

"He's really tired," Adam said.

"That's okay," Joe said, brightening a little, "we'll see him tomorrow."

"Actually, Joe," Adam said, wincing, "Pa has another business trip. He'll be leaving really early tomorrow."

"But he just got home!" Hoss almost shouted, "he can't leave again!"

"I know it seems that way, Hoss, but Pa knows what he's doing," Adam said.

Or does he?

Joe and Hoss were slowly becoming accustomed to their father's constant absence. Adam, however, as he tried to juggle the ranch, his brothers, and chores, couldn't begin to cope. Every couple of weeks, their father would show up to replenish his supplies. It was only recently that he'd actually greet his sons when he did come home.

Adam tried to tell himself he didn't care if his father was gone all the time, but he knew he cared a great deal and was becoming more and more bitter towards him.

The sheriff came out a couple times over the four months that Ben was coming and going, asking if everything was alright. Adam would readily put on a brave front and act as if he had everything under control.

One night, Adam woke up in tears. He'd had a dream that his father never came home, and he was left to take care of his brothers and the ranch all on his own.

He knew this dream could not be completely true, because their father had been home the past three days, though they had hardly seen him as he spent most of his time either reading in his room or down by Marie's grave.

Softly, Adam got out of bed and went downstairs. He was still dressed because he'd gone to bed late after working on some contracts.

The fireplace was still smoldering from the evening's fire. Adam added a few logs to it, stirred it up, and then went and sat on the settee.

Unable to control himself any longer, Adam leaned forward on his elbows, buried his face in his hands, and cried.

Joe crept quietly down the staircase. He could hear the thunderous snoring of his older brother Hoss, which would probably cover any sound he made, but he didn't want to dare take the risk.

He'd had another nightmare of his mother dying. However, in this dream, his entire family had perished, in a way that can only happen in nightmares, by the startled horse that killed his mother.

After this dream, the only thing that could cure him was knowing that his family was alright. So, pulling his blanket tightly around his shoulders, and letting the excess of the quilt drag silently behind him, he set about the task of locating his family members.

He found Hoss easily. At least, he heard him almost as soon as he'd woken from his nightmare. That may have been the only thing that had kept him from screaming. He giggled when he thought about that horrible noise his father and other brother, Adam, constantly mumbled about, eased his worry.

He went next to his father's room. He saw his father sitting up, a book propped in his lap, but his chin down to his chest where he'd fallen asleep. The lamp was still burning, so Joe crept in and turned it down until the flame died. He knew his father didn't like it when his brother's fell asleep with the lamp on.

When Joe came to Adam's room, he nearly cried out to find that the bed was empty. He did not seem to notice that the blankets were rumpled as though they'd been slept in. All he saw was that his brother wasn't there.

Maybe it was a small notice downstairs that eased his concern. It was barely audible over Hoss's snoring, but it was there nonetheless. Adam was awake, downstairs, he told himself firmly, and began his journey to the huge living room.

It was dark, but a faint flickering light told him that someone had stirred the coals in the fireplace, maybe put even more wood on.

He finally came to the last step, and tripped on his long blanket, landing both knees with a thud on the floor. It was not a loud thud, for he had adjusted his weight carefully to avoid much noise. However, his brother had heard it, and raised his face from his hands where it had been buried.

Joe saw immediately that he had been crying, and it startled him. After all, Adam was nearly eighteen, quite old enough to take care of everything as it came, never to be scared of anything.

But then, that's what he had thought of his father too, before Mama died.

"Joe?" Adam whispered, sniffing and wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. "What are you doing down here?"

"I was checking on you," Joe answered with complete honesty.

"Checking on me?" Adam asked, sitting up.

Even though it came from a six-year-old, it was the first time since Marie died that anyone had checked on him, and it touched him deeply. He almost started crying again.

Joe realized that Adam had misunderstood his motives. He had come to check on him to make sure he wasn't dead, not to make sure he wasn't upset. Everyone was upset lately, and to check on that was unnecessary. However, he decided to take Adam's lead.

"Are you okay?" Joe asked, coming up to the settee where Adam sat.

Adam nodded. "Yeah, it's nothing."

"Are you sad about Mama?" Joe asked, pushing himself onto the settee beside his big brother.

To his surprise, Adam shook his head. "I know this will sound selfish, but I'm sad for me."

He's right, Joe thought a little bitterly, that is selfish.

"I know Pa doesn't mean to have left me to do everything," Adam went on, drawing his little brother close, "but I feel abandoned, like he doesn't care."

Joe nodded. He had felt the same way lately in the last few months after the death of his mama. Pa just didn't talk to them anymore. It was almost as if he didn't know he still had sons.

"I'm not ready for this," Adam continued, talking more to himself than Joe, "I can't take care of my brothers and the ranch. What if I mess up?"

"You won't mess up," Joe said confidently. He couldn't imagine his brother possibly doing anything wrong, except perhaps being a little bossy sometimes.

Adam laughed to cover up the despair he felt. "I wish that were true."

"Hoss and me," Joe said, resting his head on Adam's arm, "we have to take care of you, too. We'll take care of each other until Pa isn't so sad anymore, then, he'll take care of us again."

"That's right, Joe," Adam agreed, putting one arm around his brother's shoulders, "we'll take care of eachother."

"We haven't been doing too well, huh?" asked Joe, looking up at Adam's forlorn face. "Hoss and I haven't been taking care of you too well. That's why you're sad, huh?"

Adam shook his head. "You've been taking care of me fine, Joe."

"We'll do better, Adam," Joe said, yawning, "I promise we'll do better. If you have any bad dreams, you just tell me, okay?"

"Did you have a nightmare, Joe? Is that why you woke up?" Adam asked.

Hesitantly, Joe nodded. "But I feel better now."

"Good."

There was a soft step on the stairs. Both boys startled and turned to see their father there, staring down at them. Joe felt his heart quicken, a little scared his father would be angry at them.

"Mind if I join you boys," Ben asked, coming down the stairs more heavily.

Adam silently shook his head, wondering how much his father had heard.

Ben sat down in his chair and noticed the fearful glances in his sons' eyes. They just stared at him, as if they didn't know what to say. Almost as if they were scared of him.

"I noticed my lamp was out," Ben said.

"Th-that was me, Pa," Joe stammered, "I- I know how you don't like it when Hoss and Adam leave 'em on when they fall asleep, so I- I put it out."

"Thank you, Joseph," Ben said with a smile, "that was responsible of you."

Joe offered a small grin.

"I hope we didn't wake you, Pa," Adam said now, "We were just about to go back to bed. Joe had a nightmare, and—"

"I heard what you two were talking about," Ben said.

"Pa, I didn't mean nothing against you," Adam said quickly and apologetically.

Ben shook his head. "What you said about me was perfectly true, son, and I should be apologizing to you."

"No, Pa, don't," Adam pleaded, "I'm old enough to take care of the ranch and Joe and Hoss. I was just being petty."

"You were not, son, you were right. You will be old enough, someday, to take over the ranch; but you will never be ready to take my place as father of this home. I have been petty."

Adam blinked back tears. "Oh, Pa."

Ben got up from his chair and went to his sons, gathering them both up in his arms. Joe was a little confused as to what his brother and father meant, but he did realize that his father was back. He threw his arms around his pa, wearing a broad smile.

Adam pulled back at first, but at last gave in to his father's embrace.

"Will you forgive me, sons?" Ben asked.

"I will, Pa!" Joe said eagerly.

"Of course, Pa," Adam whispered.

His father was home.

Five months later...

Adam stood in the barn, stroking Sport's soft muzzle. "I'll miss you, boy."

"You ready to go, Adam?" Ben asked, coming up behind him.

"Sure, Pa," Adam said, turning.

Ben smiled. "Something's troubling you, I can tell."

"Are you sure I should go, Pa?" Adam blurted out. He'd been holding the question in for a couple weeks now, ever since his application to college had been accepted.

"I thought you wanted to go to college," Ben said, tilting his head.

Adam nodded. "I do. More than anything, I do. It's just..." Adam paused, "I don't want to leave. Hoss and Joe, they need me. And, you need my help here. I don't want to-" Adam hesitated again, turning away from his father. "I don't want to abandon my family."

"No, son, no," Ben said softly, pulling his son into an embrace. "This isn't abandoning us. We know you'll come back."

"What if I don't?" Adam asked, "What if I decide to stay east?"

"We'd miss you," Ben admitted, "but you are not tied to this ranch. You are tied to this family. And those ties, they can never be broken. No matter what. We'll always love you, just as we know you will always love us."

Adam pulled away, "I want to come back, Pa, right now. But what about in four years?"

"You can't know about four years from now, son," Ben said. "Neither can I. But I'll pray. I'll pray that you make the best the decision when the time comes. I'll pray that you'll use wisdom and heart."

"Thanks, Pa, I'll pray too."

Adam smiled, looking relieved.

Ben tousled his oldest son's hair. He was sure it would be the last time he'd get away with it. His son was eighteen now. He was on the brink of manhood. In four years, he'd be twenty-two, independent and his own authority.

"Come on, son, we don't want you to miss the stage."

"Right, Pa."

Yes, his son was going to be a different person when he came back. If he came back.

Ben had a strong feeling he would.

A/N: While "Grazed" is my first fanfic posted on this site, "The Prodigal Father" is my true first Bonanza fanfic. I was sixteen at the time I wrote it, and loved developing younger versions of the characters. I saved the story on my computer, never thinking I could do anything with it. That is, until I found ! I was so excited to be able to put my stories out there and see what people thought of them. It is so much fun!

I appreciate all of your reviews and comments! They mean so much to me :)

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