Disclaimer: I do not own or make money from the anime Death Note

-Pretend-

He threw the top layer of clothing into the duffel bag hastily. His time was running out to leave, each second closing in on him. He needed to get free before-

"Matt, what are you doing?"

Matt froze and looked up at Mello, expression blank. He swallowed carefully, silently, and wondered why he was back so early. His gaze must have shifted to the clock for Mello spoke softly.

"I got off work early, if you are curious why I'm home so soon."

Matt looked away guiltily. He had never meant for a confrontation...No, instead he had planned to leave without a word, without any of the yelling and screaming that would certainly ensue.

"Why?" Matt felt the bed dip as Mello seated himself. He was staring straight ahead, posture rigid and expressionless; it was unlike him. Matt reached out, but pulled back at the last second. It was a little late for that, wasn't it?

"I'm tired of being so goddamn naive. Aren't you, Mihael?"

The blond laughed, "Naive? The hell do you mean, what bullshit have you got lodged in your mind that you would-" Mello closed his eyes and took a settling breath, reigning in his anger, "-that would make you leave?"

So Mello was not even going to pretend...then neither was he.

"The lies." Matt whispered. "The pretending that everything is alright, that we can do this, that if we struggle enough it will work out when only one of us really wants this!"

"That only...one of us wants this?" Mello repeated, head slowly turning to view him.

"I know, Mihael, I know." Matt felt weight slowly lifting the more he spilled. So many things, thoughts, feelings, that he had bottled up, that ate away at him for so long.

"Know what, might I ask? What the fuck do you know about me?" Mello stood, knocking the duffel to the floor; clothing spilled out on the floor like memories. The red and black striped shirt Mello got him last birthday-the one he never could find in stores; the hoodie with the Elric's symbol on the back, even though the blond never really liked that anime.

Matt pulled Mello onto his lap and stared into his eyes, hand going over Mello's, where it had automatically rested at his chest.

"I know that you touch your rosary every time we get close," Matt smiled ruefully, "and that you pray after every kiss." Mello had the grace to look ashamed, "Lord knows what you did after the time we had sex, right?"

Mello opened his mouth to protest, to lie, say something-and Matt did not let him.

"I love you, so much, but I can't pretend it doesn't bother me anymore." He held Mello close, savoring the touch. His chest ached...

"I can't be what you need, and I know you will try so hard to make it work, but it won't. Because I am not what you want. And that's ok." Matt smiled, thankful for his goggles. Mello was tense in his grasp, but what had he expected?

"I never...this isn't what I wanted." Mello whispered. "Mail, I love you-"

"I know." He kissed Mello on the cheek, and slowly unwound his arms from the blond, setting him back on the bed, alone.

"But I can't pretend anymore." Matt choked on his words, turned and walked away from him.

-ENd-

AN: just something music dictated me to write...