He remembers the first time he saw Dan cry.
"Mum.. Dad.. I'm going to be honest with you. Phil didn't just come to stay over.. We kind of had alterior motives." Dan laughed harshly, his nerves showing. He rubbed the back of his neck, an anxious habit of his. Phil stepped closer to him and linked Dan's free hand with his own. "I'm going to say it as simply as I can. I'm gay. And Phil is my boyfriend. We've been together for 7 months now. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I wanted to be sure. I am sure. I love him.." Dan trailed off and looked at Phil, who held his hand and smiled, but was unable to hide the terrified look in his eye. Phil had come out to his own parents a few years ago, who had fully accepted him. They knew about Dan, and the two had planned to visit them over Christmas.
Silence hung in the air, and tension crackled between the two couples. Dan's father stared at the two boys link hands, his eyes wide. "I want you both to get out of my house. And I don't want to see either of you again." He said calmly, his voice shaking with anger. Dan's face fell, as he looked desperately towards his mother. "...Mum?" He half-whispered, child-like fear creeping into his voice. His mother didn't acknowledge him, but simply stared to the floor. Phil felt an uncontrollable, unnatural anger rise in him.
"How the fuck can you do this? He is your son! What difference does it make to you that he is gay? I love Dan, I would give up my own life for him! Why can't you just accept him, and us, and be happy?" Phil shouted, surprising himself with how assertive he sounded.
Dan's father jumped up from his chair, his face turning bright red with anger. He turned to Dan and grabbed the collar of his shirt, slamming the terrified boy against the nearest kitchen work surface.
"IF YOU AND YOUR FAGGOT 'BOYFRIEND' DONT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IMMEDIATELY, I SWEAR TO GOD I WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. YOU AREN'T ANY FUCKING SON OF MINE." He let Dan go and stared pointedly at Phil, who remained too shocked to move. Dan's expression quickly changed to hard, a hard, blank, emotionless stare.
"Come on Phil." He said quietly, leading him out of the kitchen.
The pair walked upstairs wordlessly, and Phil gathered his things. Dan took an overnight bag and threw in what it could fit – essential clothing, toiletries, his journal, and a few pieces he wanted to keep. He threw his guitar in its case and walked briskly out of the door and out of the house without another word, knowing Phil would follow.
He couldn't speak. He knew he couldn't do it.
The pair walked wordlessly to Phil's apartment. Phil kept a slight distance from Dan, unsure as to whether the boy wanted comforting or not. Honestly, he felt lost. They took the lift to Phil's floor, and he awkwardly fumbled with the key, desperately wanting to be somewhere private, somewhere familiar. The two boys walked inside, and left their bags by the door. Dan stood, staring straight ahead into space.
"Dan?" Phil asked cautiously, unsure of how the younger boy would react. He saw a tear roll down his cheek, his face still expressionless. He felt a surge of protectiveness towards Dan and pulled him close, holding him as Dan began to sob, everything he felt taking hold entirely.
"Phil I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't-" He repeated himself until a fresh wave of pain hit him and he realised exactly what had just happened. "If you want to end it with me, I completely understand. I mean, they are your parents Dan.." "No!" Dan said hurredly, looking up at Phil. "They chose to reject me. They don't want me. I want to be with you Phil, please don't say that." Phil pulled Dan closer to him, gently rocking the younger boy back and forth. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to." He whispered into Dan's hair, resting his cheek on the boys head.
"But.. What am I going to do? Where am I going to live?" Dan sighed defeatedly, burying his head in Phil's chest.
"You must be joking! Dan, you know you always have a home here. Dont worry about rent, Me and PJ handle it with the two of us, I can definitely manage for you too."
"Phil, I can't let you do that! Its expensive! And PJ.."
"Yes you can, don't be silly. PJ spends most of his time with Chris these days anyway, and he likes you! He won't mind. You are staying here with me and that is final."
Dan looked up at Phil with utter adoration in his eyes.
"I don't even know what to say to you Phil.. You're perfect. Thank you."