AN: Because I've never been a fan of Edward (or Twilight for that matter).

There were several things in Hadrian Black's life that he was not particularly pleased with. Things such as the deplorable immaturity of his best friend, the death of his latest pet and the quality – or rather lack thereof – of his latest snack to mention some.

The thing that irked him most, however, was that he had died so young.

To be accurate; he had died on his thirteenth birthday.

Ok, so he wasn't dead as in 'lying-six-feet-under-in-a-casket' but more dead as in 'un-dead-going-about-sticking-his-sharp-teeth-in-the-walking-blood-banks-normally-called-humans'.

Vampire, in other words.

He quite liked being a vampire, so the problem didn't lay there. It was the simple fact that you when you die – both as in die-dead and die-turn-suck-blood – you stop aging.

Permanently.

Which gives you immortal-vampire-kid.

It had some boons, certainly, who would suspect a defenceless child for murdering an entire village, after all? He had gotten away with a lot of things no one else would have even among his vampire associates, just because of the fact that he was such an adorable adolescence.

But just because he looked the image of a kid, didn't mean he hadn't aged on the inside.

He had.

And with being approximately-five-hundred-and-counting, came a certain need for companionship.

He, like every other vampire out there, desired a mate. Someone to share eternity with, someone who was his and no one else's.

Someone to also have a sexlife with.

And since he was gay, was only attracted to men and not 'kids-his-age', was short as hell and certainly didn't look any older than his death-age – for him to be able to have a fully functioning sexlife meant one thing. His mate had to be a paedophile.

Because vampires didn't have someone who just 'clicked' for them, they had to fall in love all on their own.

Leaving paedophile.

His life, honestly.

-x-x-x-

The first time Hadrian met Edward Cullen, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

He just knew that next time, next time he met that god-awful-fucking-bastard-who-likes-to-bite-children named Tom 'I am so cool I'll call myself Voldemort' Riddle, there would be hell to pay.