Sorry about that guys!

Ch 8

"We stay together," I tell Julie, and the memory is so clear that I can feel her stare. "Promise." I say.

"Promise." She whispers.

My eyes open and I am blinded by the morning sun. I'm groggy for a moment, trying to remember where I am, and why there's a rock in my back. Julie's head is where it always is on my chest, and everything comes flooding back in a cloud. We're in the south at the corpse camp, and as I wake up, my ear begin to hear other sounds. The shuffling and groaning of the Dead. The hum of the tanks engines. That's right. We're seperating today. I guess my subconscious wanted to remind me that I myself said that we shouldn't back when I was dead, which seems so long ago now. I lean up and reach under me to peel the rock from flesh and throw it over my head without looking. There's a thud and a dull "oww." I don't look, but footsteps come in my direction.

Nora is standing over me, hands on her hips. "Thanks," She says.

"Sorry," I mumble.

Julie stirs and sits up, placing her hand over her eyes to block out the sun. She cracks her back and rolls her neck. "Forgot what it was like sleeping outside." She says.

My hands automatically go to her shoulders. She groans and melts into me.

Nora rolls her eyes. "Oh come on."

My hands do their magic, working out the knots in her back.

"When are you leaving?" Nora asks.

Julie sighs, "As soon as everyone's ready, I guess. I'd like R to get to Atlanta before noon."

"Well, Rosy thinks it's best if I delay a day. The medical tank will stay here until tomorrow and then we'll catch up with you on the road. There's promise here, and... I want to be there when...when it happens. I can use my useless medical knowledge."

"It's not useless." Julie snaps.

Kevin, who had been promoted to Rosso's second in command walks over to us. "Good morning ladies, and R." He says and turns to me, "Rosso wants a word."

I stretch and get to my feet, and give Julie a kiss before following him.

Nora rolls her eyes, and sits beside Julie. "You guys are seriously always like this?"

"Like what?" Julie asks, watching R and Kevin walk away.

"The Let me kiss you every time I walk five feet away thing."

"Jealous," Julie says with a laugh.

"Immensely." Nora replies.

"That can all change today." Julie says. She looks down at the ground, and starts drawing in the dirt with her finger, not meeting Nora's eyes.

Nora gives her a look, "What are you talking about?"

"R will be in Atlanta. That's where Beth is."

"Julie," Nora says, "Look at me."

Julie looks up and then glances away, continuing to swirl mundane shapes in the sand.

"Look at me."

Julie sighs and meets her friend's eyes. "She's so pretty, Nora. She's got the fair skin and red hair and green eyes and..."

"And he loves you." Nora says. "So what if this hootchie is pretty?"

"She's not a hootchie, she's his old fiance."

"Okay, she's an old hootchie. Let me rephrase my question. So what if this old hootchie is pretty? I told you before, Grigio, R would rather die than leave you."

"But Nora, this is, is whole life he used to have. Maybe he'll want it back."

"You have to believe that it'll work out, Julie. The world is slowly reviving, and faith and hope and love is reviving with it. Just don't give up, okay? You two have been through too much."

…...

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," Julie says, staring down at the ground. She kicks at a stray pebble and watches it wobble down the road. We stand beside the roadside convoy. Two tanks will travel with Julie and Rosso back to the stadium. One will stay with me, and the medical tank will be traveling with Nora.

I grab her and wrap my arms around her. "This will work. I can almost... I can almost feel them coming."

"Well that comforts me."
I cup her face and stare directly into her eyes, "I love you," I say, before placing my forehead against hers and whispering, "It's you and me, remember?"

"I love you too." She says. "Promise you'll be safe."

I wipe the tears off of her cheeks with my thumb. "I'll be fine, Jule." I say, "And I'll be back to you before you can miss me."

She smiles, kisses me one last time and then climbs up and onto the tank with the help of Kevin. She waves and ducks inside.

Rosso comes over to me, extends his hand, and then pulls me into a hug. "I promised her father long ago what I will promise you now." He says. "I will look after her until my dying breath. She's as much a daughter to me as you are a son."

I stare into Rosso's eyes as his words sink in. Home. Family. This is what Rosso is considering me as. I feel a large lump forming in my throat. I clap him tightly on the back. "Thank you," I say.

He nods to me, and climbs up into the second tank. Kevin waves and disapears inside as well. Nora steps up beside me as the tanks roll down the road.

"Hey, R." She says, and punches me on the shoulder.

I shake my head with a smile, "Hey, Nora."

"She'll be okay," She says. "And so will you. And no matter what you find in Atlanta..."

Atlanta. Beth. My mother. Julie hadn't talked much at all about that, but I know it was on her mind, just as much as the Boneys are.

"No matter what I find in Atlanta, Julie will always come first."

Nora smiles. "I know." She leans over and gives me a hug. "Be careful, okay?"

"You too." I tell her.

….

Atlanta is hot. God awfully hot. It's like the sun fixes itself directly over you, no matter where you go. The shade is minimal, and many of the residents of this camp have fixated themselves indoors. There are cabins built underground and out of the sun's blistering heat. They are connected through various long tunnels lit by candlelight. I find myself in a small one bedroom flat. There is electricity and running water, but no refrigerator or stove. All meals are served above ground in a cafeteria. There's a few telephones in there. None of the cabins have them because, well, unfortunately, everyone who knows everyone are in the same camps these days. I have a table, chair and small desk lamp. A salvaged couch is against a far wall, pointed at an old fashioned tv. They get the same channels here that all over the country does. The same addresses by the president. The same re-runs of sitcoms. I wonder vaguely how they get signals down here. There are three large windows high on the far wall, almost in the ceiling. I can see the mess hall and various parts of the town. The medical tent. The crops they have growing. The stadium trades regularly with Atlanta. One hundred pounds of coffee beans for one hundred pounds of vegetables, that sort of thing. A small hallway in the cabin leads off to a bedroom with a single bed, end table and an oil lamp. An empty dresser and mirror occupy one whole wall. The bathroom is right across from that with a claw-foot tub, toilet and a drain in the floor. This will be home for awhile.

I sit on the sofa and sigh. A small piece of paper is clamped tightly in my hand, with the words 5C scribbled on it. This is the cabin of my mother. I'm not sure why the words tumbled out of my mouth when I arrived here, but I'm glad they did.

My mother. My real mother is alive, and I can see her. Not just in my dreams, but in person. In the flesh. I could return to her the changed man that I am, not the son she lost. But who knows what I was like before. Maybe she will like what I've become. That I have a job, a lovely girl in my life, and a bright future.

Maybe she'll be upset that girl isn't Beth. Maybe she'll want me to move here. Maybe she won't like me at all.

Stop.

My palms have become sweaty and I dry them on my jeans before hoisting myself to my feet. This could be a good thing. I pull open my cabin door, 1D and walk into the dimly lit tunnel. I turn right. I pass a set of stairs separated by a landing and find myself on the third floor. I make another right and go up another set of stairs. Here, I am. Fifth floor. Okay, I can do this. I pass doors blindly. 5A, 5B, 5C, and here I am. I stare at the door that reads 5D. It is much lighter in this hallway, and I find that we are almost ground level with the street.

I take a deep breath, raise my fist, and knock on the door.

I hear a voice inside that I can't make out, and my nerves are getting the best of me. This is too much in one day. I'm about to run for it when the door is pulled open, and a lovely middle aged woman is standing there, starring up at me.

I know this woman. She is the one from my dreams. She has shoulder length dark hair and bright blue eyes like me. We have the same nose and same face.

Tears instantly fill her eyes, and she reaches up to hug me. "Riley!" She sobs. I hold her as she cries into my shoulder, and over her head, I can see Beth sitting on a couch in the cabin, watching an old I Love Lucy episode. She too, has tears in her eyes, and looks away.

"Hi...mom," I choke out. It sounds so foreign saying that word.

My mother lets me go, grabs my hound and ushers me inside. "Oh my God, I thought I'd never see you again! I..." She starts sobbing again, and I put my hand on her shoulder. I look around the cabin, and it's about the same size as mine, but the walls are decorated with pictures of me when I was a child, me and my mother, me and Beth as kids, Beth and I at something that looks like a high school dance. A large lump forms in my throat.

"Of course, you know Beth." My mother says, gesturing to the girl on the couch.

Beth gets up, and hugs me too. "It's so good to see you." She says. "I was just visiting your mother, Sandra."

Sandra. My mother's name is Sandra. I was hoping that'd stir something in me, but it doesn't.

"Oh, yes, Beth's been very good to me." My mom says. "We both prayed for your return every day."

I sigh, and sit down at the table.

My mother eyes me, and sits down next to me.

"The thing is," I say, and I try to get this out as gently as possible. But how do you tell your own mother that you barely remember her? "I got infected. And when I that happened, I lost a lot of my memories."

My mom puts a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide.

"But he's here, and that's what matters, Sandra. He's healthy now." Beth chimes in.

"You were... infected?" My mother asks me, and she says it like it's a dirty word. "You ate people?"

I can feel a wave of rejection washing over me. This is not going well. If my own mother can't accept the fact...

"My baby," She whispers suddenly, and wraps her arms around me. "Oh my God. My poor Riley."

"I go by R now." I say softly.

My mother pulls away and stares at me. "R?"

"It's all I could remember of my name." I say, "And I don't really feel like a Riley anymore."

"Do you remember this?" Beth asks, and she is pointing to a picture.

I get up and walk over to it. It's the one of her and I at the dance.

"Our senior prom. This is the last photo of you and I together. That summer, you took the intern position at my dad's law firm. You were going to go to law school in the fall... and that's when the infection spread."

I stare at the photo, and try to remember at least one thing of what she has told me. I was going to be a lawyer. I worked for her father. Nothing is ringing a bell. "No, I'm sorry." I say. "I don't remember any of that."

"Do you remember this?" My mother asks, and places a diamond ring in my hand.

I am down on one knee in front of Beth, presenting this to her. My mother is very excited when I tell her that Beth accepted it. Beth and I are walking hand n hand in a building. The fire alarm is pulled. People are panicking. There are gun shots on the lower floors. There are rapid footsteps. People screaming. I grab Beth and stuff her into a nearby closet, promising her I'd be right back.

I swallow the large lump in my throat. "I gave this to you." I whisper.

"It was mine." My mother says.

"It's still yours," I say, handing it back to her.

"No." She says, and closes my hand around it. "This is all I have to pass onto you."

"I gave it back to your mother when you went missing." Beth says quietly. "I guess I was always hoping that one day you'd give it back to me."

This is horrible. I feel like the worst person alive. I am going to devastate this woman, perhaps permanently this time.

"You really weren't the same after you started working for my dad." Beth says. "You were always so busy. I hardly ever saw you, except when I'd stop by the office. I... guess I've missed you longer than I realized."

"I'm sorry." I say. And the words don't make up for it. "I'm just very sorry."

"Well, are you going to give that ring back to her?" My mother asks. "Let's lighten the mood."

"I can't." I say, and lower my gaze. "I can't. There's someone else. And..." I stare down at the ring. It would look beautiful upon Julie's finger. "I think I want to give it to someone else."

Beth breaks down completely, and my mother runs over to comfort her.

My back is to them, and I turn slowly. "She deserves someone who will love her." I say. "Beth, you need to make new memories with someone who will love you."

Beth gives a small nod, as if trying to comprehend what I'm saying.

"I'm sorry I'm not the person you both remember." I say. "If you don't want me to, I won't come back."

"Not come back?" My mother asks. "Riley... R... you're my son. You'll always be my son. Of course I want you to come back." She gets up, walks to me, and buries her face in my chest. "I'll always love you. Always."

And it's these words that make me thankful for all that I have. A mother. Julie. A home. It may not be much to others, but it's all I need.